If you're unfamiliar, you can read the whole fanfiction here:

My Immortal: The Original Crap Chapter 1, a harry potter fanfic - FanFiction.Net

(Thanks to TheUnknown for showing me this amazing video)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UA_VSQqn32M

Personal favorites:

  • "Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?”
  • "“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!” It was……………………………………………………Dumbledore!"
  • "I cried sexily"
  • "I cried suicidally."
  • "Anyway, I started crying tears of blood and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Linkin Park song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. I was so fucking depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Loopin was masticating to it! They were sitting on their broomsticks."
  • "Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was...DUMBLYDORE!"
  • "I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT….” Hargirid paused angrily. “BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!”"
  • "I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility to Draco and then I started to bust into tears."


And, if you prefer to just be read to (but really, read along too!) Here you go: