Free Psychic Consultations

**Original Poster** · 07-10-2012 12:28 AM

Many of you may not know this but I am actually a professional psychic. I've been hired by the police on several occasions to track down missing people and solve murders and stuff. Though none of these people were ever found and all the murders went unsolved, my reputation is actually quite legendary. A&E has propositioned me to start a reality series, and in fact if I were to tell you my real name you may have even heard of me.

I am extending a very generous offer to DV to lend out a few psychic readings. These consultation will happen one at a time because it takes time to establish a connection with each individual. I will not comb through this thread and answer any random questions, and I'd appreciate it if you'd keep the thread clean to allow me to do my work without interruption. Giving psychic readings is a very serious business and I do not take it lightly. The fact is psychic readings can save lives, and though I've probably caused more deaths than prevented, please be aware that psychic abilities are a real tool. Yes, I do know what you're going to say next, and yes I do know exactly what you're thinking, but I choose not to reveal this information because it would that would be an abuse of my godlike powers.

**Man of Shred** · 07-10-2012 12:31 AM

ooh ooh. do me! I want a love life reading. I am 27 and single! Will i meet my soul mate? Or my Twin flame? Will I marry and asian transvestite?

. but seriously do a love life reading.

**Original Poster** · 07-10-2012 01:37 PM

Originally Posted by Man of Shred

ooh ooh. do me! I want a love life reading. I am 27 and single! Will i meet my soul mate? Or my Twin flame? Will I marry and asian transvestite?

. but seriously do a love life reading.

Hold on, I'm getting an interdimensional phone call. It appears an otherworldly being has some advice for you. Allow me to transcribe.

This is the Archangel Alphonse. I am channeling through Omnis Dei right now to speak with Man of Shred about his desire you have a loving relationship. I have seen how strongly this desire burns within you, but it appears to be having trouble expressing itself. You still haven't worked through all your issues, and they are what's blocking you from the relationship you desire. Allow your heart to break open, friend. Allow it to break open and stay open. You are a vibrant being beneath all the stone walls you use to protect yourself.

This does not have to happen instantly, in fact it is a process and it will happen one step at a time. Know that the next opportunity you have to get close to someone is truly an opportunity to open yourself up and shine, disguised as an opportunity to get laid. I would like to thank the transcriber for allowing me to send you this message. Please remember, you are not alone. You have a family up here cheering you on every step of the way. She's out there, and she will appear the moment you are ready.

Well that was interesting. Probably a load of crap, I don't trust channelers myself. Nothing but charlatans. My advice is to get a mail order bride, it's probably your best hope.