• Lucid Dreaming - Dream Views




    Results 1 to 9 of 9
    1. #1
      Member irishcream's Avatar
      Join Date
      Feb 2005
      Location
      Where angels fear to tread...
      Posts
      2,735
      Likes
      1

      Billy Connolly's 13 things he hates about people...

      Found this on another board, i thought it was great...and yes, i will get off my butt to find the remote, drives me buggy if i can't find it...

      Billy Connolly's 13 things I hate about people:

      1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
      where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours?†Do I point at my crotch
      when I ask where the toilet is?

      2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
      room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
      the channel manually.

      3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too ".
      F*cking right!†What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

      4. When people say "it's always the last place you look ". Of course it
      is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
      do this?†Who and where are they?

      5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that? ".†No
      tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking
      floor.

      6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" .†Didn't really give me a
      choice there, did you sunshine?

      7. When something is 'new and improved! '.†Which is it?†If it's new,
      then there has never been anything before it.†If it's an improvement,
      then there must have been something before it.

      8. When people say "life is short ".†What the f*ck??†Life is the longest
      damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!!†What can you do that's longer?

      9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
      yet?.†If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

      10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be' . So
      what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

      11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice? '†No
      it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

      12. People who announce they are going to the toilet . Thanks that's an
      image I really didn't need.

      13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
      insert the 'Mc ' before the item you are ordering.....†It has to be a
      McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
      a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking
      'all of the moments that already passed/
      try to go back and make them last.'

    2. #2
      Old Seahag Alex D's Avatar
      Join Date
      Dec 2004
      Gender
      Posts
      2,374
      Likes
      7
      That man is a Genius.

    3. #3
      Member
      Join Date
      Dec 2004
      Location
      Australia
      Posts
      650
      Likes
      0
      Nobody can swear like that man... I love it haha.

    4. #4
      Member Kaniaz's Avatar
      Join Date
      Jan 2004
      Gender
      Location
      England
      Posts
      5,441
      Likes
      9
      What can you do that's longer? [/b]
      be dead.

    5. #5
      Member Je33ica's Avatar
      Join Date
      Nov 2003
      Location
      always in my head
      Posts
      1,225
      Likes
      9
      HAHA, those are hilarious!


      adopted: roadrash_140

    6. #6
      Member nina's Avatar
      Join Date
      Aug 2004
      Gender
      Posts
      10,788
      Likes
      2592
      DJ Entries
      17
      1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
      where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours?†Do I point at my crotch
      when I ask where the toilet is? [/b]
      hahahaha that one killed me...i fucking hate that too

      The funny thing though I used to go to Wendy's and order Chicken McNuggets b/c that's what I thought they were called and I didn't understand when the people would look at me oddly.

    7. #7
      Member Mystical_Journey's Avatar
      Join Date
      Nov 2004
      Location
      Swimming with Ducks in the Bath
      Posts
      1,067
      Likes
      1
      Originally posted by Aquasia Sunset
      That man is a Genius
      I totally totally agree

      I'm never lost for an idea when it comes to my dads birthday; i just buy him Billy Connolly DVD's.

      Comedy is somthing of an art and i think he has mastered the art of comedy along side people like Bill Hicks, Richard Pryor and Lenny Bruce.

      Thanks for the post Irishcream, havent laughed like that in ages....think i need to re-visit some of his stand up comedy again.

      I love the fact even old women like his jokes.
      "I was looking back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you".



      Be Here Now

    8. #8
      bleak... nerve's Avatar
      Join Date
      Sep 2003
      LD Count
      a lot
      Gender
      Location
      inside you
      Posts
      5,228
      Likes
      102
      Originally posted by Kaniaz
      What can you do that's longer?
      be dead.[/b]
      exactly!


      Ignorant bliss is an oxymoron; but so is miserable truth.

    9. #9
      Member
      Join Date
      May 2005
      Posts
      119
      Likes
      0

      Re: Billy Connolly's 13 things he hates about people...

      Originally posted by irishcream
      3. When people say \"Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too \". *
      F*cking right!†What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
      Um, you can throw it at random passerby or sell it on eBay
      Look, a distraction!
      LDs since joining: I lost count =P
      Raised by Rakkantekimusouka

    Bookmarks

    Posting Permissions

    • You may not post new threads
    • You may not post replies
    • You may not post attachments
    • You may not edit your posts
    •