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    1. #1
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      what is the best religion in the world?

      imagine that the alien's have landed and they ask you this like clueless tourists; please make it funny

    2. #2
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      None.

    3. #3
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      **Thread moved to Senseless Banter**

    4. #4
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      Scientology. The one true religion.

      Everything works out in the end, sometimes even badly.


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      Definitely Satanism.

      THEORY/PRACTICE

      The Nine Satanic Sins:

      1. Stupidity—The top of the list for Satanic Sins. The Cardinal Sin of Satanism. It’s too bad that stupidity isn’t painful. Ignorance is one thing, but our society thrives increasingly on stupidity. It depends on people going along with whatever they are told. The media promotes a cultivated stupidity as a posture that is not only acceptable but laudable. Satanists must learn to see through the tricks and cannot afford to be stupid.

      2. Pretentiousness—Empty posturing can be most irritating and isn’t applying the cardinal rules of Lesser Magic. On equal footing with stupidity for what keeps the money in circulation these days. Everyone’s made to feel like a big shot, whether they can come up with the goods or not.
      ....
      The Nine Satanic Statements:

      1. Satan represents indulgence instead of abstinence!

      2. Satan represents vital existence instead of spiritual pipe dreams!

      3. Satan represents undefiled wisdom instead of hypocritical self-deceit!
      ....

    6. #6
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      This question defies a single answer.

    7. #7
      Consciousness in the Void Universal Mind's Avatar
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      All religions are true except for Scientology. It is the one false religion.
      Quote Originally Posted by really View Post
      God cannot destroy himself because He is Omnipotent.


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      Quote Originally Posted by Dianeva View Post
      Definitely Satanism.

      THEORY/PRACTICE
      It pisses me off extremely the misconceptions that people have about Satanism and Wicca, Paganism, and various magickal practices. I.E, they think they're all the same and that they're all connected to ridiculous things like animal sacrifice. And when you try to inform their ignorance they're just flippantly dismissive. Like oh, everything that consists of reverence for anything but God hallelujah hallelujah is pure evil Satanism that only wants to be evil and do bad things. For one, actual Satanists have nothing to do with the standard Christian view of Satan; second, how the fuck can Wiccans and Paganists be Satan-worshippers when they don't even acknowledge Satan as an extant being and follow traditions that predate Christianity in the regions in which they originated?

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      the same thing i told the last person who asked me this question: "that's something you have to figure out for yourself."

    10. #10
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      Quote Originally Posted by StreamEnterer View Post
      please make it funny

      Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
      It pisses me off extremely the misconceptions that people have about Satanism and Wicca, Paganism, and various magickal practices. I.E, they think they're all the same and that they're all connected to ridiculous things like animal sacrifice. And when you try to inform their ignorance they're just flippantly dismissive. Like oh, everything that consists of reverence for anything but God hallelujah hallelujah is pure evil Satanism that only wants to be evil and do bad things. For one, actual Satanists have nothing to do with the standard Christian view of Satan; second, how the fuck can Wiccans and Paganists be Satan-worshippers when they don't even acknowledge Satan as an extant being and follow traditions that predate Christianity in the regions in which they originated?
      LOL! Too funny.
      ---o--- my DCs say I'm dreamy.

    11. #11
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      Christian demonology
      If all Christians believed in the "lesser key of Solomon" I might actually consider believing in it just because the descriptions of demons are so fucking awesome.
      I mean take this demon for example.
      Prince Stolas
      Stolas is a Great Prince of Hell, commands twenty-six legions of demons, and teaches astronomy and the knowledge of poisonous plants, herbs and precious stones.

      If there is one thing I want aliens to think they know about me is that I believe in great owl princes of hell teaching people beneficial knowledge on how to live.

    12. #12
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      As earthlings we worship Chef boyardee, and eat his flesh and blood in our holy canisters of beefaroni

    13. #13
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      Quote Originally Posted by Supernova View Post
      It pisses me off extremely the misconceptions that people have about Satanism and Wicca, Paganism, and various magickal practices. I.E, they think they're all the same and that they're all connected to ridiculous things like animal sacrifice. And when you try to inform their ignorance they're just flippantly dismissive. Like oh, everything that consists of reverence for anything but God hallelujah hallelujah is pure evil Satanism that only wants to be evil and do bad things. For one, actual Satanists have nothing to do with the standard Christian view of Satan; second, how the fuck can Wiccans and Paganists be Satan-worshippers when they don't even acknowledge Satan as an extant being and follow traditions that predate Christianity in the regions in which they originated?
      But isn't that the intention in using the 'Satanist' label? It seems that LaVeyan Satanists, at least, are really just atheists that advocate secular humanism, the use of reason, etc. They don't actually believe in or worship Satan, as you've said. They only use the label to mock extreme Christians who really believe in Satan and who think atheists worship the devil. It's like they're taking the name for their own to show how ridiculous they think it is and to show they aren't insulted by it. Christians are supposed to think that they really worship Satan, because the fact that they think that, and don't realize they're being mocked, is funny. That's the impression I've gotten, anyway.

    14. #14
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      Quote Originally Posted by Dianeva View Post
      But isn't that the intention in using the 'Satanist' label? It seems that LaVeyan Satanists, at least, are really just atheists that advocate secular humanism, the use of reason, etc. They don't actually believe in or worship Satan, as you've said. They only use the label to mock extreme Christians who really believe in Satan and who think atheists worship the devil. It's like they're taking the name for their own to show how ridiculous they think it is and to show they aren't insulted by it. Christians are supposed to think that they really worship Satan, because the fact that they think that, and don't realize they're being mocked, is funny. That's the impression I've gotten, anyway.
      That explains a lot because I have always found Satanism very confusing. They are Satanists, but they don't believe in Satan? They have a religion named after a character they think represents cool stuff. That makes them kind of like Pastafarians.
      Quote Originally Posted by really View Post
      God cannot destroy himself because He is Omnipotent.


    15. #15
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      voodoo

    16. #16
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      Hermeticism.

      Come in and enjoy the lavish blood rituals as we worship Hermes/Thoth/WTFisthat.

      Quote Originally Posted by Universal Mind View Post
      Pastafarians
      Last edited by Jabre; 03-30-2013 at 05:59 AM.

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      vodou is a great ATR (african traditional religion)

    18. #18
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      One writer said, "When the aliens finally make a public appearance, the Thai people will be their de facto ambassadors."

      Then he goes on into the various reasons why,....

      At any rate, he'd probably vote for "Theravada Buddhism."

      My vote might be Taoism or even Jainism...

    19. #19
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      Muay Thai. if you don't know how to defend yourself against other religions then your religion is weak.

    20. #20
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      splodism. But only if they're sexy.

    21. #21
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      Quote Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze View Post
      Muay Thai. if you don't know how to defend yourself against other religions then your religion is weak.
      Loooool
      Although shaolin monks could probably destroy a Muay Thai boxer
      Also I think the have at least the most peaceful and open minded religion, no holy wars have ever been fought for Buddhism (which I think is their religion)

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      that's because ain't nobody want to fuck around with a bunch of shaolin monks.

    23. #23
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      Ya'll motherfuckers need Xenu.

      Everything works out in the end, sometimes even badly.


    24. #24
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      Quote Originally Posted by StreamEnterer View Post
      what is the best religion in the world?
      imagine that the alien's have landed and they ask you this like clueless tourists; please make it funny
      Weell - first we got to agree on what "best" is supposed to mean here.
      The least harmful for it's followers? The least harmful for the rest of the world?
      The least idiotic - something having at least a hue of rationality?
      Hm. Difficult.

      I would guess, concerning harmfulness - a Deism completely free of Christianity would be quite agreeable.
      That means believing in a prime mover, having set up the big bang and universe and done nothing besides that.
      If you abstain from believing, that it will do something in the future - like let you live on after death - it should be non-noxious.
      While it doesn't exactly make sense to pose, that while everything needs a cause, and everything can't come from nothing - there has to be a creator.
      They are trapped with the question, where god came from. And it makes more sense that something came from something simple, and not from something as complex as a god - an entity. We don't know anything more complex than entities - entities are rather the latest and most complex state of the universe as far as we know about it yet.


      Me, being an atheist, but at the same time an agnostic - I could imagine something like this:

      Quote Originally Posted by StephL
      There is even a god scenario completely within the frame of current scientific understanding, if you stretch semantics a bit:
      Nothing speaks against a reality, where we/our subjective consciousnesses are just a simulation, running on some advanced beings' computational arrangements. The ones having set up the simulation could rightfully be denominated as "gods". I guess.
      Something like the movie Matrix - but the minds having been created in the simulation, not put in simulation to use the pre-existing bodies, though.
      But it's not "bloody likely" in my view - just a basic thought-experiment.
      Acknowledging that possibility doesn't hold any consequences for me - except maybe being less surprised than others, if it happens to be true and we get to know it. But if somebody would be completely dedicated to believing it - I'm sure she'd be able to do harm in some way because of that.


      I would tell our theologically inclined alien, that while she has heard all the weird and wondrous stories of that strange phenomenon humans call religion, and while she finds it fascinating - it's all bullshit anyway. Period.


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