a real story...

a Metbar story... About the staf in a little cocktail bar in Cairns, australia... It's all true! (expept for the lies)

*In the corner of a unknown bar, Raz is sitting talking to mostly him self and a little to his pet Imp:

-All this is way to good like. Me hanging around a place like this could ruin my evil image. What was my master plan again? oh yes! Do evil stuff in a evil kind of manner evrey evil sort of way. What was our next objective in my evil plan Imp?

-To do something realy evil master?

-That sounds corect... But, I cant think with all this goodnes around me, I must have a evil lair from where I can plot my evil plans.

-How about England master? You could get a old castle over there?

-No Imp. there are way to meny turists in England, and not to mention Nat the no good, good maker and Riche who's a dusty old chap, but beats Ed the talking horse at the bagpipe any day. Those two has been fauling my plans for the last time...

-How about Sweden master? You could have a place as black as a black mans cape!

-Sweden!? I already tried that Imp. I get to distrakted from the woman to do my evil plans. No, we need a place far more wicked and evil like.

-They say australia is 'the land down under' master. They also have plenty of snakes and spiders and other scary stuff!

-The land down under you say? That sounds very evil like if you ask me! Lets have a evil drink to celebrate! Bartender *waves*! a MK. Yes, this one on the Imps tab as well!

*Raz arives to Metbar*
-Security! We have a live one! *Raz points at Ben who is writing "Canada RULEZ and Sweden SUCKS" over an over again with crayons on the furniture*

-What kind of a nut house is this Nat!? Are we really working here?

-I don't know Riche... Swede and Canadian acting silly. I have some mace in my purse if things get out of hand...

-IF they get out of hand!? Raz is running around the place without a shirt going nuts on the dance floor. Salina is playing who can drink more Absinth', with who ever has a drink in their hand. Brad is on the table doing the nasty with some chick who is all over him. Mike and Anthony is having a soda water fight with the soft drink guns. How are things not out of hand!?

-We should learn from the experience Riche. No point in regretting anything...

-Nat, what could we possibly learn from all of this!?

*Nat starts thinking*

-Don't play ball in doors.

*Riche slaps hand to forehead*

*Meanwhile, the evil Raz from hell that has very nasty and evil like intensions for all except the guy serving the drinks, settles down, putts on a shirt and continues to ponder on his plan to make the world a more nasty place to live in*

-So Imp.... I figured we need to do something evil that will effect the most part of all living...

-yes master! But that sounds very hard master! I mean... that's allot of people to do evil upon master...

-You are right Imp... But I have a devious plan! a plan so cunning that my head would explode if I even began to comprehend what I was thinking about!

-Really master!? That dose sound like a good plan! What is it master!
Tell me this incredible plan master!

-ok Imp, come closer... it's *whisper, whisper, whisper*...

-eh... is that it master?

-yes... what do you think Imp?

-But all you said was 'whisper, whisper, whisper' in my ear... That's no real plan...

-Do you think I should ad a whisper or take away one?

-Saying whisper wont do anything master! You need a proper plan like, putting gum under every ones shoes or making them get a itch they cant reach!

-Hmmm... I think I liked my whisper plan more... I think we need some more drinks on this one! Bartender! Same again please!

----------------------------------------------------

*DJ brings out a microphone*
-Well listen up my Ladies & Sir's! I got a riddle for you to solve. If you answer right I'll give you a free drink or two.

"A kindergarten is on fire, what would you do?"

-master! I know the answer master! I know what to do when a kindergarten is on fire!!!

-Silence Imp! This is way to advanced for you... A kindergarten on fire you say? Sounds deliciously evil if you ask me... What should I do? Dance around the fire singing hallelujah? Bring out the BBQ sauce?

-But Master I know the answer! We can get free drinks!!!

-I said Silence! *smacks Imp across face*
Hmmm... I need to think outside the box on this one...
Tricky, tricky... I need to use all my cunning to figure this out...

-Master! Please! I have the answer!!!

-SILANCE!!! *smacks Imp across the room*

-*Imp is drowsy* Thank you master for showing me so much attention... I'm just going to go and pee some blood...

-Quite alright Imp... Now... Where was I... Oh yes! The answer within the box, outside the kindergarten... I answer with a quest, a riddle if you will:
I am hard yet soft I am coloured yet clear I am jelly what am I?

-What the hell is that Swede talking about Salina?

-I have no idea Christos... He lost me a long time ago... I know one thing for sure tho... I need more Absinth if I'm going to continue to listen to this guy...

-Right you are Salina! Bartender! Jug of Absinth on the Imps tab!
------------------------------------------
-Master, master! That Chris dude is putting his drinks on my tab!

-Don't worry Imp. It is after all his credit card we are using...
Take one of you special brownies and chill...

-Ah... Then all is well in the land of the sprites... Can we go home and watch the magic picture box master? I want to se that guy who with a budget of only 1000 au dollars, he goes in to a room and makes it transformed! He is truly a master of the black arts!

-But the magic picture box is broken Imp... Remember? we tried luring out the magic pictures but the repairman said we have a faulty connection...

-Then master, we must do what all people do when the magic box picture is broken...

-What's that Imp?

-Go and make babies!

-You truly have a sick mind Imp... Guess that's why I keep you around...
--------------------------

*Brad is on a mission*

-Don't look back Imp, but I think that Brad guy is following us again.

-He just dose not know when to give up master! He's a good tracker I have to give him that.

- But we have a spy of our own to counter him Imp.

-Really master!? Who!? Who is this master of deception and James Bond look a like!?

-Why... Clare of course... And Erika and Dan is hired as diversions but they ended up sidetracking in to a strip joint... Obviously a part of Brads devious plan to ruin my rein of terror.

-You aren't being a little paranoid now master?

-What do you mean? me paranoid? What's that your holding there Imp?

-This? Oh, its just a pack of chewing gum Chelsy gave to me.

-Chewing gum my a$$! That's a bomb! *Takes pack of gum and throws as far as he can*

*nothing happens*

-Ok... So it was gum... This time...

-you seem a bit edgy to day master...

-We are at terror alert orange.

-What dose that mean master?

-That, some thing, some where, some how, might happen.

*takes a nervous swig of his beer*

-That Raz sure is paranoid Christos. You now wad I'm sayin?

-Right you are...And I sure need to go to the toilet Ant.

-So go.

-It's on my list of things to do. It comes right after building a submarine.

-What happened to taking over the world?

-That's after inventing gum that never looses its taste.

-You sure need to reprioritise the order of things you do Bro.

-What makes you think that?

*raises a eyebrow*

-Just my female intuition I guess...

----------------

I would like to finish by saying: meh smo dalop anymoytokus.

That means I'm not crazy anymore in my made up space language...

And I might as well answer your next 2 question:

No I was not on drugs when I wrote this...

Yes I have way to much time on my hands...

/Your friendly Swede, Raz