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08-20-2007 08:11 PM #1Saddle Up
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A Question For English DV Members
We have a problem that needs expert opinion from the British. There is this dragon that has been terrorizing my castle for weeks now. We tried everything from catapults to magic tipped arrows, but nothing works! We hired a squad of warlocks to engage in battle with the dragon, but they were easily consumed by its firey breath, which was the biggest waste of 20 shillings I'v ever seen. The damn thing kills everything, which is good in some cases (the mountain trolls were becoming quite a concern).
The castle's defences are growing extremely streached out becuase our knight batallion was demolished in the first epic battle of Helmslock Shire. The commonfolk are loosing their will to live, and won't even pick up their broadswords. We desperately need help.
I know you lads are familiar with problems such as these, and I understand you are educated in the fine art of deamon slaying. So I ask, is there some special spell we can use to ward off the dragon? Is there a root that is poisionous to the dragon? Perhaps you could send a letter by messenger boy to the nearest elder with my question? Maybe you could send us one of your battle harderned slayers.
We can't last long. We expect a response within 1 month.Last edited by Half/Dreaming; 08-21-2007 at 06:04 PM.
Still can't WILD........
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08-20-2007 08:30 PM #2Senior Pendejo
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08-20-2007 08:33 PM #3Back by Unpopular Demand
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What's a shilling?
Umm why don't you Americans send the calvary in to shoot it?NeAvO's Nightly JourneysAdopted: Hazel AngelGirl ShadowsandTerrorhawker
Courtesy of GoldneyShoot for the moon, even if you miss it you will land among the stars.
Originally Posted by Vex Kitten
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08-20-2007 08:34 PM #4Member
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Are you being sarcastic or ignorant? Originally Posted by NeAvO
What's a shilling?
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08-20-2007 08:36 PM #5Saddle Up
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Haven't you ever seen a dragon movie? Conventional weapons never work. Originally Posted by NeAvO
What's a shilling?
Umm why don't you Americans send the calvary in to shoot it?Still can't WILD........
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08-20-2007 08:38 PM #6Back by Unpopular Demand
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Heard of it, don't know how much it is though. Originally Posted by Identity X
Last edited by NeAvO; 08-20-2007 at 08:40 PM.
NeAvO's Nightly JourneysAdopted: Hazel AngelGirl ShadowsandTerrorhawkerCourtesy of GoldneyShoot for the moon, even if you miss it you will land among the stars. Originally Posted by Vex Kitten
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08-20-2007 08:58 PM #7Saddle Up
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As I said earlier, catapults don't work. Originally Posted by Tornado Joe
This is Harry:
He's not British, but he has experience for dealing with oversized pests.
However, for larger pests, I recommend the following piece developed by an undisclosed government secret weapons development team:
(Also available in Prarie Green and English Coast Camoflauge)Still can't WILD........
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08-20-2007 09:35 PM #8Veteran of the DV Wars
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Want me to take care of it for you, or are you dead set on getting some Brits killed in the process?
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08-20-2007 09:42 PM #9Eprac Diem
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Threaten to set Wendylove loose on it.
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08-20-2007 09:47 PM #10Senior Pendejo
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It's not a catapult, jackass - it's a trap!! *sigh*...As I said earlier, catapults don't work.
Let the dragon feast, I say 
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08-20-2007 11:38 PM #11Saddle Up
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Fine, but you're being the bait. Everyone knows dragons have a taste for Englishmen. They can smell the tea and crumpet crumbs. Originally Posted by Tornado Joe
It's not a catapult, jackass - it's a trap!! *sigh*... Let the dragon feast, I say
No, its not that. I just know dragons run rampant in England, and that they have coped with it for aaages. By now there has to be a spell or cursed brimstone of some sort that would work. Originally Posted by Man of Steel
Last edited by Half/Dreaming; 08-20-2007 at 11:43 PM.
Still can't WILD........
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08-20-2007 11:50 PM #12FBI agent
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We feed them Irishmen
tends to keep the dragons at bay(\_ _/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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08-21-2007 12:11 AM #13Saddle Up
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How many shillings do Irishmen cost? We need about a one year supply. Originally Posted by Ynot
Send a messengerboy with the shipping information.Still can't WILD........
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08-21-2007 12:20 AM #14FBI agent
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Well, a pint of guinness costs 3 shillings 'n 6-pence.
as long as you can outrun the little beggars without spilling any, they'll follow you till the bitter end
The trick is to run (English running, mind you - knees up) from the local Irish pub, carrying 2 pints.
You then load the pints into your catapult, and hurl them at the dragon.
Oh those Irish'll just keep on pounding.
all the way into the dragons den, they will
trouble is, the more thirsty they are, the faster they run. So you may have to flog them first, to slow them down(\_ _/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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08-21-2007 12:55 AM #15Saddle Up
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This still doesn't solve our problem. The dragon's bound to eat all the Irishmen and the Guiness inside, resulting in beer munchies. He'll just come back to the castle or the village below.
We need a permanent solution.Still can't WILD........
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08-21-2007 01:04 AM #16Old Seahag
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Just give him a fair maiden.
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08-21-2007 01:05 AM #17FBI agent
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This is england Originally Posted by Alex D
have you seen the price of importing fair maidens these days....(\_ _/)
(='.'=)
(")_(")
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08-21-2007 01:30 AM #18Senior Pendejo
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I think he was volunteering.
How about you offer other feeding ground... Cuba?
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08-21-2007 01:40 AM #19Saddle Up
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Theres not enough Cubans to quench the dragon's thirst. Canada would work. Plenty of mountains to hide in. Plenty of Canadians with layers of Canadian blubber to shield them from the cold... Originally Posted by Tornado Joe
I think he was volunteering.
How about you offer other feeding ground... Cuba?
Plus, Canadians are easy pickings. Their igloos are easily melted with firebreath, so they have few places to hide.Still can't WILD........
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08-21-2007 03:57 AM #20Eprac Diem
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Cause an asteroid to hit the earth. Thus causing it inhabitable by all forms of life. Including dragons.
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08-21-2007 04:54 AM #21Veteran of the DV Wars
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Or I could just come kick it's scaly ass into next year...
I work cheap, too.
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08-21-2007 05:23 AM #22with a "gh"
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May I suggest one of the following products from our new summer catalog? We offer 30 days same as cash!
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08-21-2007 05:30 AM #23Veteran of the DV Wars
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Originally Posted by Oneironaught
That's a ripoff, their interest is insane. Trust me, I had a womp-rat infestation awhile back that they "helped" me with. The payments'll kill your bank account.
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08-21-2007 05:34 AM #24with a "gh"
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You get what you pay for. Do you want rid of the dragons or not? After all, can you honestly tell me you've seen one womp-rat since using our product?
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08-21-2007 05:40 AM #25Wanderer
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Obviously, no one here has ever dealt with dragons before.
Only a hero can defeat the force of a mighty dragon and that hero is...the Dragonchaser!
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