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    Thread: A story. By me.

    1. #1
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      A story. By me.

      I woke up one day, wondering why my car wasn't made of chocolate, and why it couldn't run on Kool-Aid.

      So the Snork I was curled up next to whispered quietly in my ear...

      "Honey, I think you drank way too much paint thinner last night. Go back to sleep."

      The end.














      or is it?
      An idea is something you haven't fully considered.
      A belief is merely a repetitive thought.
      A conclusion is simply where you stopped thinking.

    2. #2
      Member kid robot's Avatar
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      tippy!
      i'll eat your heart, because it is bitter, and because it is your heart.

    3. #3
      Member theroguechemist's Avatar
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      lol... I like the ending.

      kid robot your avatar rox. did you mean to say 'trippy!'? I read it that way but just noticed it now..

    4. #4
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      Story by Me. Part II.


      The dog had relieved himself on my couch, on my bed, and in my coffee maker. I would have rubbed his nose in it, but it would have been futile, for my dog does not have a nose, nor a snout, nor a jaw for that matter.

      Mon chien, c'est dommage... he was born without a cranium as well.

      Poor dog, you may say. I say, poor me, for I have found myself in an apartment littered with evidence of enuresis, and I have only a headless stuffed dog to blame and no one else.

      Then I remember the packet of powdered gravy I had found in the parking lot, and the whole saga came back to me in a tempestuous rush.

      The end.








      Until next time. (evil laugh)








      (evil cough)









      (evil request for a glass of water)







      (more evil coughing)










      (evil gratitude to the young man who brought the glass of water)











      (evil water drinking)








      (evil "aaaaahhhh, that's better thank you")











      (evil laugh)
      An idea is something you haven't fully considered.
      A belief is merely a repetitive thought.
      A conclusion is simply where you stopped thinking.

    5. #5
      Member Kaniaz's Avatar
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      (evil laugh)
      [...]
      (evil cough)
      [...]
      (evil request for a glass of water)
      [...]
      (more evil coughing)
      [...]
      (evil gratitude to the young man who brought the glass of water)
      [...]
      (evil water drinking)
      [...]
      (evil \"aaaaahhhh, that's better thank you\")
      [/b]
      Old joke. Seen it used about 30 times by various people now. So old and overused I don't even find it funny anymore. [i be big mean party pooper ].

    6. #6
      Member theroguechemist's Avatar
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      ^^^ ha.

    7. #7
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      Old joke. Seen it used about 30 times by various people now. So old and overused I don't even find it funny anymore. [i be big mean party pooper ].[/b]
      I will find you and beat you to death with a coffee mug.
      An idea is something you haven't fully considered.
      A belief is merely a repetitive thought.
      A conclusion is simply where you stopped thinking.

    8. #8
      Member theroguechemist's Avatar
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      Originally posted by loose id
      Old joke. Seen it used about 30 times by various people now. So old and overused I don't even find it funny anymore. [i be big mean party pooper ].
      I will find you and beat you to death with a coffee mug.[/b]
      I'm calling the cops. Intent to commit a crime.

    9. #9
      Member WerBurN's Avatar
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      thatll be real believable...i can see it now:

      roguechemist: hello? is this the police station?

      police: ya, this is the metro police station, how can we help you?

      roguechemist: some guy on a forum i post on named looseid...well i geuss thats not his real name...thats what he calls himself on the forum...anyway, this guy on this forum i post on...he threatened to beat another guy on the forum, kaniaz...well, again, thats not his real name i geuss, but what he calls himself...anyway, he threatened him, that he was going to beat him to death with a coffe mug...and...well, i think he was being serious...

      police: *click*

      roguechemist: hello? you still there? ...hello?

      police: ......

      - 3 hours later -

      roguechemist: ...i think they hung up on me......i really need a life...or a girlfriend

    10. #10
      Member theroguechemist's Avatar
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      i got 0wn3d..


    11. #11
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      Story by Me. Part III.

      After drinking far too much cologne, I decided a drive through the lava field would be a nice way to clear my head. I had locked my keys in the car so I went into my neighbors garage, borrowed a brick, and smashed the driver side window of the '86 Toyota Tercel. Realizing that I drive an '84 Buick Skylark, I knew that I was still in my neighbors driveway. So, with haste, I performed the same duty on my car, got in and drove away.

      The car glided as any car would with a pyroclastic flow as a tailwind. Ken Kesey, who was sleeping in the backseat awoke to pass me a joint. I took the standard two hits, passed it back to him, and watched the lava slowly turn a nice shade of royal before it carried me into the stars and back to it's native Mercury. It was as we were leaving the lithosphere that I had the sudden realization that I didn't need to break my window, I could have simply asked Ken, who was now speaking to himself in fluent Russian, to open the door for me.

      Ah, hindsight often makes fools of sages.


      The end.

      Until part IV.
      An idea is something you haven't fully considered.
      A belief is merely a repetitive thought.
      A conclusion is simply where you stopped thinking.

    12. #12
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      I don't know why, but somehow your style there reminds me of Hunter S. Thompson. Ever read Fear and Loathing in Los Vegas? Kick ass mother fucker of a book.

      Love your stories so far, hahaha, keep 'em coming!

    13. #13
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      The opaque liquid is held aloft by an invisible, yet tangible carafe. It is sustained both by a hand twitching ever so slightly under its weight, and by my indecision over the temperature of the opaque liquid. Strands of ghastly moisture radiate from the negroid pool causing a moment's hesitation. The hand falls, and with it the carafe, until the latter rests upon the padded lace tablecloth and the former scratches my brow at the news I have just been given. The beverage is forgotten, and now both hands depress the edge of the table to propell me out of my ill-leveled chair and towards my chambers.
      It is imperative that I hear her voice. But as I step upon the shadow of the bannister and ascend to the second floor of this victorian-era cage, something bites at my innards. The void which ignites my torso forces me to lift the reciever and dial another number. She will have to wait.
      My voice hardly trembles, "Yeah, I'd like to get your medium pizza and breadsticks special... yeah, how many toppings do I get with that?"

      The end.
      An idea is something you haven't fully considered.
      A belief is merely a repetitive thought.
      A conclusion is simply where you stopped thinking.

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