Funniest Moments in Walmart

Tell me about the funniest thing that has happened to you in the god of supermarkets, Walmart.

My funniest just happened a couple days ago. I was looking for bacon, when this old lady rolling around a cart rounds the corner and asks if I would like a sample of their product. I noticed, however, that it wasn't food or drink- It was one of those mini plastic bags full of tissues. And a plan formed in my head:

I smiled and said, "I'd be delighted!", then reached down, grabbed one, and stuffed the whole thing in my mouth and began chewing. "Mmm! Oh, Jesus, how do you make these things! Where can I find this!" She looked on in horror! "Um... Sir, do you wanna-" I was really making a show of chewing, smacking my lips and acting like I enjoyed the disgusting scented tissues. I swallowed it with tremendous difficulty and let off a burp.

I had to puke, but it was worth it.

Once it was around 3a.m. and my friends went inside Wal-Mart and we took a football in there and was passing to each other in an aisle, then we took some plastic swords and fought each other with them, and we pretty much trashed the toy section.

Another time me and a friend went into the part where they have the stereo systems and we turned them up as loud as they could go and ran off. When we were leaving we heard someone go over the walk-talkie to a person saying something like "SOME KIDS TURNED THE RADIOS ON LOUD." We laughed hard!

Probably when I went into a Wal-Mart in Newnan and overheard the guy behind the sporting goods counter telling somebody that they had to keep the little propane bottles for the Coleman lanterns behind the counter now, since some idiots in Auburn, Alabama blew one up in the aisle...

When I was like 12 I found a list of things to do at Wal-Mart when you're bored... over the past 7 years I've done pretty much every one of them except any that are overtly illegal.

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As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow, magic!"

Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax.

Go to the food court, buy a drink, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while and then yell loudly "There's no toilet paper in here!"

Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

Hold indoor shopping cart races.

In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples)

Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

Play with the automatic doors.

Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

"Re-alphabetize" the CD's.

Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bed department.

Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join.

Take bets on the battle from above.

Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say, "Hm... I thought the customer was always right!"

Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

Test the brushes and combs in cosmetics.

Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

TP as much of the store as possible before they stop you.

Try to hold up customers with the toy guns. See how much you can make.

Tune all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in Housewares and see what happens.

Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along.

When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!"

When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?

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Reading that list reminds me, one night me and my friends got drunk and decided to start prank calling stores, we called the Wal-Mart in Nashville, TN and asked for the electronics department, it was some chick that answered from there, this was at like 3am in the morning. We put it on speakerphone and was using a gay-like-voice with a lisp and shit, and I swear we carried on like a 20 minute conversation with her about dildos. She was the coolest Wal-Mart person EVER. She told us to call back because she was going on break, but we never did.

That also reminds me, we used to go in there me and my friends and I'm make them follow me to like the little kids part, I'd pick up little dresses and shit and put them in front of me and be like "what's this look like on me, is it good?" Me and my friends would all do that, and everyone would be staring. Good times in stores, good times. :D

Hahaha Elis, I think I was about 12 when I saw that list, too. The Mission Impossible thing is my favorite. I try to apply it to all locations in life.

a fun one i like to do is when people turn away from their cart take whatever they just put in and put it into your cart and watch their reaction when they notice its not there.be sure not to be seen because its best if you do it more than once with the same item. it was hilarious one time my friend and i kept taking this one ladies tampons. :laugh: i really want to do the dressing room one but haven't got the chance.(had to bump it)

Well, the only one that comes to mind was actually in Target, and not Wal-Mart, so maybe it doesn't count. (Nazis!)

We were tossing a football around in the sporting goods section. For some strange reason, I got the marvelous idea to try to punt it down the isle. I could actually punt pretty well, but I can say, before then, I'd never tried it indoors. Haha. I ended up kicking the football up through the ceiling tile, which shattered and came crashing down to the floor.

...My bad. :chuckle:

lulz
i love these ideas.
I have to do teh one about the voices and teh fetal position.

i've done that one its hilarious when you finally look up and everyone is either staring at you or walking away.

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Originally Posted by Oneironaut

Well, the only one that comes to mind was actually in Target, and not Wal-Mart, so maybe it doesn't count. (Nazis!)

We were tossing a football around in the sporting goods section. For some strange reason, I got the marvelous idea to try to punt it down the isle. I could actually punt pretty well, but I can say, before then, I'd never tried it indoors. Haha. I ended up kicking the football up through the ceiling tile, which shattered and came crashing down to the floor.

...My bad. :chuckle:

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What happened next? :shock:

they ran like hell of course

I got kicked out of wal-mart once. The lady came up to me and said "Sir, if you do not leave now, we're going to call the cops". When I walked outside a "Securitas" vehicle followed me to make sure I did leave the premises. Talk about super embaressing :oops:

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Originally Posted by Jeff777

I got kicked out of wal-mart once. The lady came up to me and said "Sir, if you do not leave now, we're going to call the cops". When I walked outside a "Securitas" vehicle followed me to make sure I did leave the premises. Talk about super embaressing :oops:

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And? Why?

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Originally Posted by poog

What happened next? :shock:

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Originally Posted by ray

they ran like hell of course

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Haha. Actually, we just kinda stood there and looked at each other for a moment, then started playing with more of the sporting goods. It wasn't long before a pair of "security guards" came and kicked us out. Lol.

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Originally Posted by Black_Eagle

And? Why?

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I shall take that to the grave with me. It wasn't theft-related or anything like that though. The act itself wasn't necessary to mention since it wasn't embaressing but getting the boot from the #1 mom and pop store killer was. :P

It's fun to go to the hunting section and put on the camo jacket/pants/mask and hide behind the rest and then scare your friends as they walk by.

Another fond memory I have (though it's not related to Wal-Mart) was the time a friend of mine and I were waiting for a flight in Denver and so we sat down at the end of one of the moving walkways and played an entire lightning-fast game of rummy before we hit the end. It was late so there was hardly anyone walking by to disrupt us. Ah, good times!

Someone went on the intercom claiming 9/11 to be an inside job. "Attention walmart shoppers, 9/11 was and inside job, I repeat, 9/11 was an inside job." "Could Dick Cheney please come to the front of the store, you are wanted for the crimes of 9/11" LOL