Thread: The Gospel of John, Chapter 2, verses 1-16

And on the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee.

And it came to pass that all of the wine was drunk. And the mother of Jesus said unto the Lord “They have no more wine”

And Jesus said unto the servants “Fill six water pots with water” and they did so. And when the steward of the feast did taste of the water from the pots it had become wine and he knew not from whence it had come.

But the stewards did know. And they applauded loudly in the kitchen.

And they said unto the Lord… “How the Hell did you do that?” and inquired of him “Do you do children’s parties?” and lo the Lord said “No.”

But the servants did press him, saying “Go on, give us another one!”

And so he brought forth a carrot, and said “Behold this, for it is a carrot” and all about him knew that it was so, for it was orange with a green top.

And he did place a large red cloth over the carrot and then removed it.

And lo he held in his hand a white rabbit and all were amazed and said “This guy is really good! He should turn professional!”

And there came unto him a woman called Mary, who had seen the lord and believed and Jesus said unto her, “Put on this tutu and lie down in this box” and then took he forth a saw, and cleft her in twain.

And there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth and Jesus said “Oh ye of little faith” and he threw open the box and lo Mary was whole.

And the crowd went absolutely bananas.

And Jesus and Mary took a big bow and he said unto her,”From now on you will be known as Sharon, for that is a good name for an assistant.”

And the people said unto him, “We’ve never seen anything like this, this is great! You shouldn’t be wasting your time on a small one camel town like Cana. You should be playing the big arena in Jerusalem”

And Jesus did hearken unto their words and he did go to Jerusalem. And he did his full act before the scribes and the Pharisees and the Romans, but alas it did not please them in their hearts.

And in fact they absolutely crucified him.