Copypasts Archive Favorites

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03-08-2010, 01:05 AM
WakataDreamer

Copypasts Archive Favorites

http://copypasta.biz/index.php

Every tiem you click the button, it produces a random entry from among the overflowing database it contains.

Post ones that interested you when you read them.

The first one I got was about this man who killed a bird and then masturbated with it, bleh weird.

The second one was good:

Quote:

Originally Posted by M&M Duel

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them breaks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

:)

Hope you guys find some interesting stories and get some entertainment out of this!
03-08-2010, 01:18 AM
WakataDreamer

Oh and

Quote:

Originally Posted by GOD

God is just some guy who bought Sim City and was bored. Some guy sitting at a giant computer is controlling you right now. When you have several decisions going through your head and you don't know which one to pick, God does. "Flirt? Tickle? Entertain?" He decides. You have no say in The Sims. You're just some computer graphic.

That is God.

Religion aside, this made me laugh because for all we know that could be true hehehehehe ;)
03-08-2010, 01:42 AM
Jesus of Suburbia

Once upon a time, when the general rules of human physiology and logic were too drunk to do their jobs, a girl named Mandy woke up in her bed. Mandy was a beautiful girl who had beautiful hair and beautiful eyes and a beautiful smile that was very beautiful. She was also very small for her age, which people thought was cute even though her small size was probably caused by some horrific, incurable disease. She was also a girl, which meant she had BIG HONKING BOOBS and a VAGINA!!!!1 Every day when she woke up she would put on a top hat and dance and dance and dance, because she was named Mandy and that's what Mandies do. Today was different, though because she realized that sometime during the night before, SHE'D WET THE BED!

"OH NO! I HAVE WET THE BED!" Screamed Mandy. Suddenly, the door exploded and Mandy's mommy walked in with a rocket launcher.

"AH HA! My parental radar was correct! You've been a bad, naughty, SEXY little girl, Mandy! Now, bend over so I can SPANK YOU!" She said. She then took Mandy by the wrist and spanked her hard on the ass.

"If you decide to act like a baby, you'll BE A BABY! You're going to wear DIAPERS little Ms. PeePee McPeePee!"

"OH NO!" Mandy exclaimed. She cried because diapers were embarrassing and bad for the environment. Mandy's Mommy then put her into her diapers and rubbed babypowder into her VAGINA, a process described in plodding, unreasonably precise detail.

"Now that you are wearing diapers, it's time for your BA BA!" Mandy's mommy then took a bottle and aimed the nipple for her daughter's mouth, but somehow missed and shoved it up her ass.

"Why are you doing this?" Mandy cried, tears welling in her eyes. "Because I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!" Screamed Mandy's Mommy maniacally. A knock then echoed from the door, and LO! There was Cindy, one of Mandy's classmates who was also a girl with BIG HONKING BOOBS (Vagina status unknown)!!!1

"Oh, what a surprise! It is Cindy! Mandy's babysitter!" Mandy then gasped, because this was a shocking plot development. "But how could you have hired a baby sitter if you'd only started babying me just this morning?" Mandy queried.

"Oh, that's simple! I just AAAAAAAAAAUGH!" That was the last thing Mandy's Mommy said, becuase she was thereafter carried out through the window by millions of baby Pterodactyls.

"Hello Mandy, I'm your babysitter!" Cindy said. "Hi, I'm Mandy." There was an awkward silence, and then a loud "BOOM" as Mandy's diaper exploded with shit.

"Looks like someone needs a diaper change!" Cindy, giggled. Mandy giggled too, and then they both had sex. While they were there on the Kitchen table, naked, nude, and otherwise unclothed, Mandy said "You know what? I think I like diapers and being a baby. From now on, I think I'll wear them forever and ever and ev- WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

And then the world exploded. The End.
03-08-2010, 03:14 AM
Grod

sage

Copypasta is called "copypasta" because it is endlessly copied and pasted over and over and over again.

NO
03-08-2010, 06:03 AM
WakataDreamer

Normally I would agree, but some of them I've never seen before and they really are entertaining to read.

There are gems in there.

Unlike Jesus of Suburbia's, sorry but it was funny for a minute but then I was just like "This is stupid" :|
03-08-2010, 02:53 PM
Jesus of Suburbia

Quote:

Originally Posted by WakataDreamer

Normally I would agree, but some of them I've never seen before and they really are entertaining to read.

There are gems in there.

Unlike Jesus of Suburbia's, sorry but it was funny for a minute but then I was just like "This is stupid" :|

Yeah, mine was pretty.... Well, less than normal. But I didn't post it because it was funny, I posted it because it was.... Interesting.
03-08-2010, 10:30 PM
WakataDreamer

This one made me laugh

Quote:

Originally Posted by Babysitting a Loli

Dear /b/, I have to tell this to someone, I just can't take it anymore. well, okay. here goes. this is not copypasta, it's for real. Well, there's this really, REALLY beautiful loli in my school. I'm 17 and she is in 5th grade, so she's 11. Her name is Stella. Well, I've dreamed about having sex with her numerous times, but one evening changed it all.. Our moms know each other so I was supposed to babysit her cause her mom had to work late one night. So I go over to her house and we start watching TV. Well, its 9.30 pm already and I tell her to go to sleep. She answers 'I don't want to, I wanna stay and watch cartoons with you.' I thought about it and I said 'okay, but only until 10pm and don't tell your mom' she was happy and said okay. We watched cartoons a little and she asked if she could rest her head in my lap. I was like uhhh, okay. Well she puts her head in my lap, rubs her head around accidentally cause she was looking for a comfortable position and I feel to get this raging boner. I couldn't hold it back so I quickly suggested that maybe she'd want a pillow under her head and that my legs are starting to hurt. She said 'okay' and I put the pillow under her head. I was so relieved. Well, the clock hits 10pm and I order her to sleep, she stands up and takes the pillow from my legs and she sees my boner, I tried to hide it as quick as I could, but I was wearing trainers so it stood out pretty clearly. She asked 'whats that?' and I didn't know what to say.. after about 5 seconds of quick thinking I for some reason said 'It's a boner', I instantly regretted it. She now asked me if she could see it. I was so freaking nervous, finally i decided to use the chance and had my pants off faster than you could say Candlejack. Stella asked if she cou

Hahaha I can picture some basement-dweller's eyes bugging out

"NOOOO DON'T LEAVE ME HANGING LIKE THISSS"

Oh and also this next one made me shit bricks trying to think about it:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diamonds

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.
03-09-2010, 12:15 AM
no-Name

Quote:

Hearing the difference now isn't the reason to encode to FLAC. FLAC uses lossless compression, while MP3 is 'lossy'. What this means is that for each year the MP3 sits on your hard drive, it will lose roughly 12kbps, assuming you have SATA - it's about 15kbps on IDE, but only 7kbps on SCSI, due to rotational velocidensity. You don't want to know how much worse it is on CD-ROM or other optical media.

I started collecting MP3s in about 2001, and if I try to play any of the tracks I downloaded back then, even the stuff I grabbed at 320kbps, they just sound like crap. The bass is terrible, the midrange...well don't get me started. Some of those albums have degraded down to 32 or even 16kbps. FLAC rips from the same period still sound great, even if they weren't stored correctly, in a cool, dry place. Seriously, stick to FLAC, you may not be able to hear the difference now, but in a year or two, you'll be glad you did.

hehehe
03-09-2010, 02:42 AM
WakataDreamer

Haha I like that one, I can just see some guy somewhere going "OMG!" and rushing his old iPod off to the freezer for storage.

Oh, and, Fresh Prince fans, this one's definately for you.

Quote:

I am presenting you with an autobiographical account of the chain of events that incited a chaotic, topsy-turvy time in my life. I beg of you to remain within a close proximity for but a scant few moments as I recount how I metamorphosed into the heir apparent of the municipality referred to as Bel-Air, California.

Amidst the occident of Philadelphia I had been sprung to life and had been nourished. A lion's share of my youth and adolescence was consumed by the outdoor entertainment facilities at the park. Carousing with my pals, merrymaking to my maximum ability, and unwinding, I often partook in a friendly match of basketball at the schoolhouse's arena.

It was during one of these excursions that a pair of rabble-rousing fellows instigated malevolence. I took part in nothing but a single skirmish, yet my mother became immersed in fear, at which point she commanded me to transfer my residence from her dwelling to that of my aunt and uncle in Bel-Air, California.

I proceeded to hail a taxi and, upon its arrival, I made out an inscription on the license plate that read "FRESH" and was intrigued by a pair of dice draped over the rearview mirror. If nothing else, a claim could be made that this particular taxi was atypical; however, I came to the conclusion that recollecting this occasion in the future would be a fruitless venture, so in lieu of attempting to implant this incident within my memory, I implored the chauffeur to transport me to my destination of Bel-Air, California.At approximately the seventh or eighth hour, I disembarked and proceeded to inform the driver that I would inevitably become acquainted with his odor at a later point in time.

At this juncture, I beheld my new abode and came to grips with the fact that my mission to become the heir apparent in Bel-Air, California, had been consummated.

:D