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Facial Expressions
I remember that I wanted to get rid of a CD in November or October 2007 , a CD with pictures of me with a lot of different facial expressions, I also called the CD Facial Expressions.
This is a funny story, I wanted to get rid of the CD, because I was not comfortable with the pictures on it. I was in a psychosis and couldn't throw it away in the garbadge because I thought that people would try to find this CD from the garbadge.....well, one day I wanted to bring my psychiatrist a CD from Lokanath Swami which contained a cool kirtan, recorded May 24rd 2007.
But the computer acted funny when I burned this CD and that was for me a warning that something bad was about to happen.
Still I continued and took the CD with me, I had it in my hand on the subway station Zuidplein.
Normally I would have put the CD in my pocket but for some strange reason I kept it in my hand.
I entered the metro and sat down.
Then, on Station Wilhelminahaven, an aged muslim came to sit next to me, he was around 55 years old and I immediatly thought :
"That's the guy"
I didn't know why but I kept on looking to the CD I had in my hand and thought :
"They subway station camera's filmed me with a CD in my hand and now this muslim will falsely accuse me of giving him the CD"
I thought :
"Now they will make it appear that I gave them the CD Facial Expressions"
So I had a bad day and as thinking of how to get rid of the CD Facial Expressions.
I broke it into a hundred pieces or so with a tool (nijptang) and put it away in my room.
Then one day, I was watching a footbal match, soccer, and Holland was playing, I don't remember against who, but it was a qualification match for the European Championships in 2008.
At a particular time I felt that Holland was about to score a goal, I just felt it and they did !!!
Suddenly I remembered something that happened in Dehar Dun, India, December 2002.
I was one day not comfortable with a few Christmas cards I wrote to several people, which I already wrote down (I was so paranoid), so I decided to tear them apart and flush them through the toilet next to my room there.
So I did.
The next day I went for toilet and saw to my surprise that the papers were still there, floating in the water.
Now, back to 2007, the idea that I suddenly got was to flush the left overs of the CD Facial Expressions through the toilet, so in that way I the CD would be gone and nobody would find it.
It was also because I had the strong thought :
"Holland scores a goal !!"
And I identified myself with Holland so I would also score a goal if I flushed Facial Expressions through the toilet !!
I went to the toilet with the one hundred pieces of the CD and flushed it, after some thinking, through the touilet.
Then I came back, happy, to watch the rest of the game and Holland lost the game, I think, but they qualified for the European Championships.
The played miserable that match.
After the match I went upstairs to my room and my computer was still on, I took a look at the computer and saw on the screen the following message :
"Automatically updated"
Then my world collapsed, I thought that wicked people who were against me had the CD Facial Expressions in their possession now, because they were smart enough to give me the idea and impulse, making use of the upcoming goal of Holland, to make me flushing the CD through the toilet so that they could catch the CD a floor lower or at the cellar.
And the sudden memory of Dehra Dun warned me for this fact. The CD was not gone !!
It was now in the hands of the wicked people and now that they had the CD and they would make it a whole CD again, the false accusation was there.
It was pretty smart played out by them.
Then somewhat later I was walking to the subway station, it must have been December 2007, and I saw that a young muslim was asking a woman something, but then the woman suddenly said, in a triumphantical smile, that he better ask me the question and walked further, she didn't stood still.
Then the muslim guy asked me directions to a street or so and I said I didn't know. I walked on and for one or other strange reason I turned my head to look again to the muslim guy and saw that he was running away !!! Very strange.
When I came back from the city centre I was walking on that same spot back home and suddenly I got this impulse and desire and idea to create a group on Facebook with some pictures of me, laughing and having an very angry expression on my face.
So I did !!!
Later I found out that this was again very smart and cleverly played by the wicked people, it was if I would sent a message to muslims to f.ck off and leave me alone.
Because why would I suddenly get this desire to do so on that very spot I saw the muslim running away ?
Besides that, after I uploaded the pictures some message appeared on the screen of my computer and it said :
"No threats found"
It was part of a program the computer was running, so I thought back to the happenings that day.
Pretty weird stuff, ain't it ?
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And the pictures of the CD Facial Expressions........well, one day I came home and I got a sudden urge to make some pictures of myself, I made all kinds of faces in the camera, all kinds of expressions, including anger, paranoia, joy, I had my hand directed towards the sky in a mood of losing something valuable and so on, can't remember all of the expressions, but when I took a look later and saw the sequence of the pictures, maybe 50 pictures, I saw that they were telling me a story, found it interesting, burned the pictures on CD and later I got paranoid cause I was not comfortable with it anymore and didn't know how to get rid of the CD.
So there were no ghosts on the pictures or so, but it was clear to me that higher powers MADE ME DO ALL OF THIS !!!
And I didn't know if it were bad or good spirits that wanted me to give me this message in this way.
Oh, I remember now the last sequence of the pictures, I looked into the camera as if I wanted to kill the demons, my finger pointed towards the floor, like I wanted to kill them and throw them back to hell, then I got a warning sign on my head that told me to change my ways, as if this was no good wishing so I took my camera to a picture on the wall of Radha, the wife of Krishna and took her picture, then I took a picture of me, like I was communicating with the spirits who gave me the bad feeling on my head and I changed my expression into something like :"Thumbs up, this is the way".
That was the message coming from them, not to be angry, but to develop love of God in my heart.
That was a good thing in that particular time.
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It may not be immediately obvious to you, but what you just described was a classic psychosis episode (I'm not sure you used the word psychosis in the same manner as I am using it to mean, I am applying it to the whole scenario you described). I would caution you against interpreting some divine will or intention, whether benevolent or malevolent.
That type of thinking reminds me of how I am when I am high sometimes, where I interpret things that are mundane as something profound or something human like (personification). For instance I once was high walking down a street when I heard a rusty engine leaving a corner store, to me the Car was laughing, however my friend walking with me assured me it was not.
It sounds like you are having psychosis, I hope it is treated man.
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SummerOfTheAnon,
thank you for your diagnosis, it was a freaking psychosis man, the things that went on in those two months, October and November 2007, were amazing, I even saw little transparant men running and walking on my carpet, and much more of this stuff, if I have time I guess I will post these experiences in this thread, in a few moments there will be Holland - Danmark playing for the World Championship Football (soccer).
I have to say that here in the West they say it's a psychosis, so seeing and hearing and witnessing things that are socalled not there, but in the East, particularly in India, they will bring you to the Guru, they will call you spiritually advanced, here in the West they will give you medication, there in India they will recommend some meditation or chanting.
You heard the cars laughing ? Hahahaha, you must have been stoned as a magick mushroom.....:cheeky:, being stoned, it's been a while......
I'm okay now, I didn't take my pills for over a year in that time :shock:......
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Yeah man, post them, I'd be interested to read them if you are up to it. If the hullicinations however mild are not bothering you, and do not impede you from living a normal life, than I don't see why taking a more traditional approach would hurt. I just heard about Witch Doctors treating Schizophrenia in people, and that for a variety of reasons, they are more culturally appropriate over conventional western psychiatry. Interesting enough the doctors cautioned against absolutes, saying having a balance of both treatments is best.
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Okay man,
when more of this stuff pops up in my mind, I will post it here, sure....
:lol::lol:
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