In the world of Programming...
Moderator: Greetings, and welcome to the First-And-Possibly-Last-Ever Pan-Computer-Programming-Language Conference (FAPLEPCPLC). I am joined on stage tonight by many distinguished, high-profile computer programming languages. Each is highly regarded by its devotees, and I for one look forward to hearing what each has to say.
Ruby (grabbing the microphone): Um so yeah I'd just like to kick this bad boy off by saying that THE REST OF YOU SUCK A**!!! Yeah, I said it! The A-word! A**! Oh yeah! Boom, baby! Woo! Ruby FTW!
Java (rolling its eyes): Oh, real mature. I, on the other hand, would like to state that I have important work to get done in the Enterprise, so let's not waste everyone's time. I suggest we proceed using the Computer Programming Languages Discussion Pattern as implemented in JSR-6942, the Java™ Absolutely Void-of-Acronyms Talking About Languages at Konferences (JAVATALK™ which by the way is not an acronym for anything) specification.
Ruby: Dude! I just wrote a full working clone of Google while you were giving your riveting little speech there!
Moderator: Oh, bravo, Ruby! I'd like to see that. Where is it deployed?
Ruby: Umm....
Lisp: In the beginning, there was the Lambda. And John McCarthy saw the Lambda. And John McCarthy saw that the Lambda was very good.
Ruby (rolling its eyes): Here we go...
Lisp: And John McCarthy spake, and lo! the tongue he spake was sexp...
Ruby: He said sex! Heeheeheeheehee!
Erlang: If I may, I've been running some ideas by the other panelists, all at the same time of course, not that that's any big deal...
Ruby (rolling its eyes): And here we go with the concurrency...
Java: Gosh darn it, Ruby! There's no need to pooh-pooh everything someone else says, eh?
Ruby: He said poo-poo! Heeheeheeheehee!
Java: Ruby, I swear, one of these days...
Ruby: Hey, don't give me any of your static! Heeheeheeheehee! See what I did there?! "Static"?! 'Cause I'm so dynamic?! GET IT?!!! DAMN, where's my BAWLS Guarana...?
Ruby (seconds later): I said balls! Heeheeheeheehee!
C#: Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!
Erlang: ...I'd share my results with you, but it's going to take a while to retrieve them from the filesystem...
COBOL: keels over, only to be frantically revived by about three banks.
Basic: Actually, I have a question for Ruby...
Haskell: Me too...
ML: Hey, Ruby, what's your answer to...
Ruby: Hey, hey, hey now! Not too many at a [segfault]
Java: smiles
bash: kill -9 self
The Lambda Calculus: Actually, if we could all just take a moment to reflect on the implications of the Church-Turing thesis...
Everyone Else: Oh, SHUT UP!!!!!!
Scala: says nothing, but sits quietly observing, taking notes, and learning a lot.
Moderator: Well, I think it's about time to bring some closure to this, um, lively...discussion...
Java (sharply): Hey! We're working on it!
Lisp: ))))))))))))))))))))))
