Returned again: After You (new song)

I feel slightly silly always coming back here to just post my songs... but I need to share them with some people! :P haha i hope its not too much to put up with me. Anyway, this one I wrote for a girl. I know it sounds coldplayish, but none of its copied. Also, I'm just getting over a cold, and as you'll notice because of that had a little trouble with the high notes, but it's not bad. You'll for sure get a good sense of the tune from it.

Song.

Lyrics:

[list]

which way through your eyes
would you notice if I tried to get inside
well everything's a sign, and it's alright
cuz in every passive glance I'd find a smile

which way to the sky
am I low or are you just that high
you would feel it if you'd lie with me tonight
so i'll wait down here a while before i fly

your skin reflects
my indirect
attempts
lets cut from now to then
im wonderin, just when
how can i waste my time
just drawing lines
for you
i hope you find this true
cuz i'm coming after you

which way will you find
that there's longing behind these eyes I hide
when everything's just right I'll make a sign
just don't let that time slip by cuz I can hide

your skin reflects
my indirect
attempts
lets cut from now to then
im wonderin, just when
i'll find the peace of mind
to try and get this right
how can i waste our time
just drawing lines
right through

your eyes grew
dont hide up in blue

i hope you see my view
i'm tired of placing clues
and i hope you find this true
cuz i'm coming after you[list]

Thanks for listening... don't be shy to say something, positive or negative. I do, of course, expect SOME feedback. :)

Dylan

Excellente! You have an amazing voice, as does your guitar. I like the song a lot as it is, but I think that if some backing instruments were included then it has the potential to be a very powerful piece. Hmm...what I would do is: leave intro and first verse as is- soft drums and bass come in second verse- strings come in at chorus-heavier drums come in after chorus- full band until the end-From 'your eyes grew' to the end would be the climax, and a very gentle guitar solo would come in and follow your words. Mmm...i like to fantasize, but nevertheless, you write a good tune.

Wow, you're great at at guitar and singing. I wish I played guitar...

That's a pretty good piece there Dylan. I would give you advice on it, but it has already been stated, by Evolo. Sounds like a young-and-growing Coldplay kinda thing. Pretty good though.

Impressive! I'm a big fan of acoustic music. Artists like Nick Drake, Elliott Smith, Iron and Wine, etc. I'm much for picking apart why I like music, but I like it. Nice work.

Great song.

another winner Dylan

I love the vocal part at

"your skin reflects
my indirect
attempts"

you're always so great at using a wide vocal range

you have this kinda classic rock feel, your voice reminds me of a young eric clapton, and there's a drop or 2 of coldplay here and there

me = big fan :goodjob2: