erm.. coffin for one please.

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Originally Posted by Sandform

I've considered death. To be honest the reason is that nothing makes me happy. I find things funny...but it isn't the same as being happy. I've developed this ability to lie half the time and be completely honest about my sadness the other half.


When there is no favorite anything out there. When there is no "special someone" out there that could ever make you happy. When nothing makes you happy all you are left with are things that make you sad. Ironically when things happen that should make you happy (like when I'm accepted into a top notch school or when I get an A on a test that most of the rest of the class got an F on) and they don't make you happy it makes you unhappy. I could easily see a person having a life that other people would say is great and committing suicide because there is a disconnect there for them.

I can't speak of those who are "disappointed with specific things" who think of suicide. Like people who commit suicide because I dunno...they got an F on a paper or they were fired from a job. I can only speak of people who got an A or acquired a new job that should have made them happy but didn't. When your world is full of disappointment and even the rare occasion of a happy thing doesn't lighten your spirits why bother living? My lack of satisfaction however is coupled with how much I care about what other people think of me. I wouldn't want to be remembered as that guy who killed himself. So here I am, alive, but not satisfied or even alright with anything anywhere in my life. I'm always going to feel the way I do. Why wouldn't I consider suicide?

It is so funny, statements like "life has just begun, there is still so much ahead, still so many happy experiences out there," actually depress people who are depressed because no, there are no happy experiences out there. There are a series of events that suck, with a few events which should make you happy but don't.

Meanwhile people say things like "why isn't such and such enough for you?" Or "you have everything to live for." Or, "Get over it." How the hell are you supposed to get over not having things make you happy?

Rather than be around other people and depress them (and myself) I have started secluding myself from the world. People used to describe me as a black hole of depression because when they were around me they would get depressed. Sometimes I think suicide would probably be a service to the planet, get rid of one more depressing thing in the world. But I keep those opinions to myself, and rarely ever complain, because apparently people don't like to hear about my problems.


I have no plans of killing myself, but sometimes I do want to. And, to be clear, I don't spend my life talking about how I want to kill myself. Most of the time I make plans as if I'm not going to kill myself. But I could see myself, some day, getting to a point where nothing has made me happy in such a long time, and nothing is going to make me happy, that for a few hours I think "yeah, suicide is a good idea."

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I really appreciated this post, it was what i consider to be a worthwhile one.
I dont know how old you are, but im assuming your under 21 cause of your school references.Im not going to sit here and say your wrong because only you know how it is.
But do you really feel like there is absolutley nothing that can make you happy? have you experianced enough in your life to be able to honestly say that? maybe you feel you have and in that case please ignore my response to your post. I just feel this world is so diverse these days that there has to be something that even the darkest of hearts could leap at even if it means you going to thailand and becoming a ladyboy or marrying a 98 yr old man.I thank you for your honest and insightful post either way.

The only reason i'd ever commit suicide is because it would be lulzy.

Apart from that, I have no idea who you're referring to.

I don't see suicidal members on this forum:/

happiness begins and ends in your own mind. it's not about your life. it's about your... soul? something like that.
when it just isn't there and you can't find it, you begin to ask questions, when you find there are no answers, it tends to fuck with you.

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Originally Posted by Sandform

So here I am, alive, but not satisfied or even alright with anything anywhere in my life. I'm always going to feel the way I do. Why wouldn't I consider suicide?

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You wrote this on my birthday. Way to ruin my birthday >:( I keed :D

I can't know your specific situation, but the sentence I bolded tells me you don't know as much about depression as you think you do. You sound a lot like me going into the summer before my senior year in high school. I didn't want to die and had no intention of killing myself, but I was convinced that nothing in my situation could change and that if nothing else killed me, I would do myself in by the end of the summer. I didn't want to do it and wasn't planning on it, but it seemed inevitable.

Instead, something else happened. Having quite literally given myself up for dead, I began enjoying things. I was in near total isolation: miles out of town with no car and no phone (and no running water, for that matter), and none of my friends knowing exactly where I lived because I didn't want them to see how I lived, I was on my own most of the time while my mom and her boyfriend were out working or drinking. I would sunbathe naked behind the house, grill out on the firepit, and go prowl the woods. I would also listen to Rush Limbaugh (alas), watch Oprah, and blast NIN as loud as I wanted.

It wasn't my last serious depression, but it was the worst. My situation reversed: instead of not being able to enjoy what should have made me happy, hardship thereafter just rolled off my back (except for some girls making me crazy a bit :paranoid: ).

I understand you're in Hell right now and can't see the way out, but that doesn't mean you'll always be there, and walking out of Hell makes you very resilient.

Mindless Self Indulgence put it quite clearly.

"Boo fucking hoo you're not the only one whose life's a piece of shit,
and yet miraclously somehow we all seem to deal with it,
did anybody think that you would really seriously slit your wrists?
In fact, I think that everybody seriously thinks you're full of shit."

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Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

Boo fucking hoo

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Ya, locking yourself away in the Fortress of Snarkitude is a much better adaptation :P

But who cares about mindless self indulgence?

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Originally Posted by Sandform

But who cares about mindless self indulgence?

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They are quite right about it, though.

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Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

They are quite right about it, though.

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Right about what? The specific case they are referring to? Sure.

But news check AmazeO, many depressed people who actually do accomplish suicide and die aren't anything like the case you're talking about.

Further more not everyone who commits suicide wants to commit suicide or talks about suicide 24/7. In many cases it comes as a surprise to everyone involved.

People have psychological disorders, and many disorders put you at a higher risk to be suicidal even if you otherwise wouldn't be. Many people who are bipolar slip in and out of depression throughout the day and might quite literally on a whim kill themselves.

It isn't like depressed people go around telling everyone, HEY GUYS I"M GONNA KILL MYSELF! However, people who are depressed that don't ultimately end up killing themselves usually seek out help. Did you know that when people have problems they are supposed to share them with the people they love and are friends with? I know big shock right? People who care about you are supposed to want to help you when you are feeling sad? What kind of topsy turvy world have we been transported into? People are supposed to seek help when they have problems? Jesus Christ. Heaven forbid that when someone has no one to talk to they go to the internet. Although anywhere on the internet where people seem to be influenced directly by the "chan" mentality, which I do believe you have, it probably isn't a good idea for anyone to seek help there. They will just tell you to kill yourself.

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Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

Mindless Self Indulgence put it quite clearly.

"Boo fucking hoo you're not the only one whose life's a piece of shit,
and yet miraclously somehow we all seem to deal with it,

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Since when do humans experience the world the same way? It's not a matter of miracles that makes the difference. The guy who thinks that obviously doesn't have the mental capacity to consider it. Unless he wasn't trying to say anything smart, just spout hate etc.