No identity

I have been hesitant to post this experience because it was so short. But thinking on how much it effected my thoughts that day I wanted to post it.

I record odd events in another journal opposite that of my DJ.
A few years back I had been experiencing some very odd SP and voids. Just total blackness. Brown actually -but empty.

SO last week as I was going to bed I decided to take a topic ANY topic and dissect it, think of it in some other fashion that I had not before.
So I found this to be vary cool in itself. I will explain the amnesia first.

My subconscious has allowed me to experience so many things. Times when I think things are about what they are, my brain throws me for another one.

I think most all of us have woken up and not known where we were for moments. I think it is a cool feeling.
This time I woke up and I did not know anything. Nothing. It seems interesting in movies, lost identities and such. I was scared. Very much actually. What a horrible feeling. All I was was scared, an emotion and nothing else. No memories no recollection of my wife next to me and no recollection of myself. I still can't put my head around any time frame other than it could not have been long. But in that state of mind, time is obscure.

I wonder if these feeling are come and go with older people and their failing memories? People with alzheimers. I don't want to be there.
I hope too, that this experience is not something physical/mental in my own personal manner.

I return on occasion
To the one I once knew... the one I still know, really
Who no longer knows me
She lives in a world now
Filled with fond dreams
And memories
While surrendering me
To the silence that remains.

--Excerpt from The Silence That Remains, by P.J. Celano and Waldon Reed Jr.

I forgot.
Dissecting anything! You can take anything and just think and ponder over it in any light. Abstract or from a anothers reference, female, black white ect.
I chose a simple sentence and how it could have been taken in so many ways. So many factors. The emphasise on any given word changes the entire meaning of the same sentence. Then you have actual body gestures tones, frame of mind, who it's from, race, gender, facial expressions. crazy.

Shit, with regards to the above post. It all (my mind :P ) came back to me in the same manner as when you simply forget where you are at. Instead of just coming to that realization, I sat there rather perplexed and disturbed for a bit.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pj

I return on occasion
To the one I once knew... the one I still know, really
Who no longer knows me
She lives in a world now
Filled with fond dreams
And memories
While surrendering me
To the silence that remains.

--Excerpt from The Silence That Remains, by P.J. Celano and Waldon Reed Jr.

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Sorry pj. I was writing as you posted.
Intersting. Personal growth?
Phaedrus perhaps. ;)

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Originally Posted by Howie

I chose a simple sentence and how it could have been taken in so many ways. So many factors. The emphasise on any given word changes the entire meaning of the same sentence. Then you have actual body gestures tones, frame of mind, who it's from, race, gender, facial expressions. crazy.

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This is the daunting challenge of writing legal briefs. One of the interesting things we are facing right now is not being able to rely on being permitted to present an oral argument. We nearly got burned on this point last time.

And so everything goes in writing into the brief this time. But how will the Court (the judge, in fact,) read it? What "face" does she put on us as the words are read? Did she have a good morning? Did she just face a real asshole a little while ago who sounded a bit too reminiscent of me?

And that's all above and beyond the basics of just trying to be clear, concise and make no presumptions about how The Court will interpret things.

I think this principle is the real basis of profundity. Great art, music, writing, etc., are usually considered great because of the different levels they can be interpreted and experienced through. It could almost be said that in order to create great art one needs to leave enough open to interpretation to permit the perception of profundity - to coin a cute alliteration.

You are recognizing the profundity of life itself, Howie... quite a gift, if I may say so.

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Originally Posted by Howie

Sorry pj. I was writing as you posted.
Intersting. Personal growth?
Phaedrus perhaps. ;)

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Perhaps.

It was specifically about a family member with Alzheimer's, who is now gone. Your opening post just brought it to mind rather powerfully, for some reason.

I am sorry. I have read it again. From outside of ones "self" and I see this much differently.

pj. I can wish you the best in your legal battles but let us hope that the judge, a judge does precisely what they should and how they should.

Thank you, Howie.

I really thought the following bit might have been something that would have gotten your attention though - I think you are really onto something here:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pj

I think this principle is the real basis of profundity. Great art, music, writing, etc., are usually considered great because of the different levels they can be interpreted and experienced through. It could almost be said that in order to create great art one needs to leave enough open to interpretation to permit the perception of profundity - to coin a cute alliteration.

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Quote:

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Originally Posted by pj

Thank you, Howie.

I really thought the following bit might have been something that would have gotten your attention though - I think you are really onto something here:

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Quote:

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I think this principle is the real basis of profundity. Great art, music, writing, etc., are usually considered great because of the different levels they can be interpreted and experienced through. It could almost be said that in order to create great art one needs to leave enough open to interpretation to permit the perception of profundity - to coin a cute alliteration.

You are recognizing the profundity of life itself, Howie... quite a gift, if I may say so.

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I'm all over the place with some of these thoughts and events that have led me up to how I am thinking. I have been for a few days now. Stewing over it.

In reference to life then art, impart both really. Perception is so grand a scale that it in itself cannot be perceived entirely. I don't think. If not yourself, certainly not others. So I think that everything' is up for interpretation. A great life, great art and music are all open for our individual perspective and judgment. So it is already allowed as it can be no other way. BUT it is the awareness process. Like you had said therecognition of anything that can make something profound if you perceive it as profundity.

This from my own vantage point
This recognition in life pj is not all sweat and glorious. Not for me. It has been the spark of awareness that leads me to see what I perceive to be the good and the bad. It is no ephinay where you awake and everything is clear.
Yet while the process is moving forward, progressing, I would have iit know other way.
I just need to learn to decipher what is.. just is. Good or bad.

It all sounds so metaphysical. It is like so many things for me, a feeling as I lack to describe it through text. Or any other medium for that matter. :P

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Originally Posted by Howie

I just need to learn to decipher what is.. just is. Good or bad.

It all sounds so metaphysical. It is like so many things for me, a feeling as I lack to describe it through text. Or any other medium for that matter. :P

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Does it really need deciphering, or are you just conditioned to believe so?

What's wrong with just experiencing it without the analysis or attempt to extract meaning in terms of our socialization and learned thinking processes?

The profound does not presuppose meaning. It does speak to multiple (and, likely, infinite) ways to experience and perceive. It is my own stubborn mind that keeps insisting on translating experience and perception into lingual terms.

I don't believe it is necessary. In fact, I believe it is stifling.

Wow looks like you got a nice case of ego death/destruction :boogie:

To loose all sense of self and to simply exist in no time or place?

Words do no justice.

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I still can't put my head around any time frame other than it could not have been long. But in that state of mind, time is obscure.

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Out of all that you experienced, I think this is what stuck out the most for me. It's interesting because I recently subscribed to a new publication that's out called Super Consciousness (I think I might have mentioned it to you before). Anyway, this issue deals entirely with time; what it is scientifically, how we perceive it as humans, how it differs from culture to culture, etc. There are some very interesting theories and discoveries regarding time and, from what I've gathered so far, it could be that you were literally experiencing being "in the moment".

Some believe that time is a human construct to place order in events. As if everything that has happened and will happen is already on this long thread - we are simply shifting our focus along this thread and experience only portions our consciousness is focused on. Like using a flashlight. Not saying that our lives are already planned out. All possibilities exist simultaneously, we are either guided or chose our path.

It's pretty whacked stuff, but I'll let you have a read next time we get together.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pj

Does it really need deciphering, or are you just conditioned to believe so?

What's wrong with just experiencing it without the analysis or attempt to extract meaning in terms of our socialization and learned thinking processes?

The profound does not presuppose meaning. It does speak to multiple (and, likely, infinite) ways to experience and perceive. It is my own stubborn mind that keeps insisting on translating experience and perception into lingual terms.

I don't believe it is necessary. In fact, I believe it is stifling.

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No, I guess it doesn't need to be deciphered. What it seems like is that every day if I choose to look, that I am conditioned to believe most things.

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Originally Posted by TJoe

Out of all that you experienced, I think this is what stuck out the most for me. It's interesting because I recently subscribed to a new publication that's out called Super Consciousness (I think I might have mentioned it to you before). Anyway, this issue deals entirely with time; what it is scientifically, how we perceive it as humans, how it differs from culture to culture, etc. There are some very interesting theories and discoveries regarding time and, from what I've gathered so far, it could be that you were literally experiencing being "in the moment".

Some believe that time is a human construct to place order in events. As if everything that has happened and will happen is already on this long thread - we are simply shifting our focus along this thread and experience only portions our consciousness is focused on. Like using a flashlight. Not saying that our lives are already planned out. All possibilities exist simultaneously, we are either guided or chose our path.

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I think you did mention it. It just was a little deep to discuss when not in person.
So everything considered, as I woke for a brief period I experienced consciousness absent of ego, time, bias or conditioning.
What do you think guys?
If that was the taste it was shameful that I was afraid. Because I had never known this before. Similar to SP for the first time but more profound.

Stifling. Yes. I agree. It is my own maddening search for answers that keeps me from finding it. So I try to convey a profound experience in words. I guess to try to extract a meaning. To label it? categorize "it"
it not needing "presupposed meaning". I truly can conceive this entire idea. I have been reading and thinking about it for a good time now. Maybe I will have to drop it to get it? :|

Intersting stuff that it is. :)

Ego Death is discussed quite a lot.

Words can not describe it, for it happens in a level where words do not exist. IMO

One of the ways I try to explain it to people, is how it starts to dissolve. One time : Every aspect of my life, i was sorting it. And another 'entity', maybe myself i dont know. He would just bring up one aspect of my life, show it too me and say, "fuck it". Then move on. Until nothing was there. *Vision of schooling* "Fuck it. *Vision of my car* "Fuck it." ect ect.

Wow, the same thing happened to me awhile ago. I woke up, and I didn't know who I was, where I was or anything. I just existed. The only difference between our experiances was that I wasn't scared at all. I was just sort of drifting through this white void. Like my conciousness was the only thing that exsisted. Eventually a name drifted into my head. I thought "Is that me"? Slowly everything came back to normal, which was kind of dissapointing. I wanted to go back to that state of mind.

Wow, that's never happened to me, sounds really strange, or maybe it's Jack Black on LSD...

Jack, Jack... is that my name?
IS JACK MY NAME!?
My essence has no label, why must you label me?
MY ESSENCE HAS NO LABEL!
I don't feel so good...
<trips out>

Sorry, but I jus love that Tenacious D scene.

I would certainly like to go through that though. When I have experiences like that I'm usually void of emotion so it wouldn't be too scary for me I don't think.