I usually know what my dreams tell me

I drank excessively the night of the dream. About half a fifth of cheap whisky. Been drinking a lot lately.

I would keep a dream journal, but I don't need to. Usually when I wake up I go over my dreams. I feel they play an important role in understanding myself. More so in the world of today where one doesn't usually experience life or death situations in which one would come to a more perfect understanding. So I often analyze my dreams. I may be at a loss with this one. Putting it out there will help me figure it out.

In September 2015, my wife was feeling sick so she took a bath. It always made her feel better. She had epilepsy so I was with her watching her and making sure she didn't have a seizure. The doorbell rang so I went to answer it. spent maybe 5 minutes talking then went back. I assume she had a seizure as she was under the water. So I pulled her out and tried cpr. I called 911 and put some clothes on her. She ended up in a situation where she couldn't survive without life support. So her family and I decided we should pull the plug and donate her organs. The let me hold her hand as she "officially died". It took somewhere between 30 minutes and an hour. I'm not sure. Anyway. Sometimes I find myself going through her things. Old recipe books, yearbooks, driarys or whatever later into the night.

She had two children prior to our marriage. A boy and a girl. I will continue to take care of them and have the total support of their family. I used to be a truck driver, but i had to quit my job to take care of the kids. I was gone 6 days out of the week. No financial trouble. Found a job where i'm home daily.

It wasn't until it was all over that I felt real sadness for the first time in my life. I found that I rather enjoy the emotion. Because I feel something that way. Since I've been in touch with sadness lately I have also felt my happiness more so than ever. I am a very accepting person. I know that life goes on. I accept my sadness.

So here is the dream.

It seems to be a different universe. Technology is very different. Somewhat organic and mechanical at the same time. I am running from a group or a corporation that is trying to get me. I am hiding behind a destroyed building. I don't have guns but whatever it is that i have, it's better and I escape. They never find me.

The dream flashes forward. The two children are 6. Both girls (instead of a boy and a girl) Life is good. It keeps flashing forward through good points in the lives of myself and family until the children are 16.

They find me. Something happens. I'm not sure what. I just know they found me and something weird happens to my daughters. (though remember in real life I only take care of a son and daughter). Reality in and around them changes. Both they and I can see their bodies stretch and shape themselves into something like the blob. Only their insides are visible and I could see shiny metallic bits in their bones and exposed muscles, and my daughters horrified faces. I could tell they were not human. And It was at this point that I "remembered" (in the dream) That I created them.

Flash forward some time. I walk around the house we currently live in. It's empty. The children left me after a fight we had over the fact that they weren't "real" beings and just created ones.

There are two daughters like I said earlier. But the focus seems to be on one daughter, and the other plays an almost negligible role. To the point where all that matters is that there were two daughters. I know the other was there but I don't even know what she looked liked. I seem to picture her with my wife's build, but no face.

Anyway. I go into my daughters room and look around. I decide to look in her computer. Maybe I can find out where she went. I look through her files. She has very few. Assorted normal documents, a very clear porn stash which I laugh at, and a file that says "To (My Name)". It doesn't say to Dad, or to Father, it just says To, (My Name). I look inside it and read it. To the left of the text are pictures of my real life children's biological family. To the right is text that says the following.

"I know I said I hated you 6 times. But I don't. I love you and I always will. But I'm not real" And I cried. I balled. Let it all out I did. There was a lot more text but I can't remember it. There were some pictures of some boy and her looking happy together. And I was happy she found her way. I woke up. I feel weird even now. I want to have the dream again.

I'll put in the closest thing I can think of here.
Before my wife died we have very few conversations about what would happen with the kids if she died or whatever. In fact we had just one.
She said she wanted me to take care of them instead of the real father. I told her I would. And I will.

FEAR And ACCEPTANCE
Your life now seems to be a different universe. The way it works or to make it work is very different.
Somewhat alive but also mechanical. The sadness puts you in connection with your emotions.
Maybe you don't want the powerful thing controlling you that hasn't got your interests at heart.
You are hiding behind what was destroyed. Maybe you don't have anger or defense and whatever it is that you have is better - like acceptance - which keeps you from harm, or I think more maybe your values in bringing up your kids.

6 - 16
You think how good life will be til your kids are 6.
Both being girls might mean the female influence is now out of their lives, and you would have to compensate.
Then you think ahead to all the good times up to 16, nearing adulthood.

REAL Or NOT
Now your fear finds you.
Are you horrified at the thought of telling them you are not their real (as in biological) father? Hence they are not real.
Or if they know, maybe you fear not being it.
Or is it bringing them up alone?
Your wife is the real or biological mother (the daughter whose face you cannot see) whose role is negligible.
Perhaps that corporation was the powers that be, the truth, or more than one (A corporation is a company or group of people authorized to act as a single entity (legally a person) and recognized as such in law). And hiding behind what was destroyed you had built up maybe was you thinking you had the right or knowing it was right.
With the biological mother gone, there is just you who is not blood related. Maybe there were two daughters in the one: Her mother's, and her father's.
You fought yourself over whatever this is, perhaps fearing your children will reject you. Maybe in particular the daughter, being opposite sex to you.
That's why she didn't refer to you as dad. But you laughed at the thought her close connection or union with you would not mean anything (the porn stash).

YOUR CHILDREN LOVE YOU
This next bit is even more clever of the dream, after wanting her to be normal, and wondering what she thinks:
Your fear she will hate you being said 6 times seems to refer to if you were not there 6 days a week which would be a loveless father. Maybe it also refers to up to age 6 they will only love you and accept you as their father, and your fear said the opposite.
Just as you realised she will love you as a father, even if you are not the real father.
Then you let it all out, in huge relief.
The lot more text probably didn't matter, except that it may have referred to she will keep on talking to you and accept you.
Then you were free to project farther into her future, where she'd meet a boy and be happy and find her way.
You want to see that.
So you will have that dream again. When it really happens.