a ten year saga - please help if u can

I am married (11yrs) age 36 female.

For about 10 yrs I have been dreaming about my ex boyfriend. The dreams have continuously progressed throughout the years and it is that, that concerns me.

For the first few years the dreams were in sunny daylight and we were spending the day together as a couple (happy) but there was always a niggle in the back of my mind that I'd forgotten something. At some point I would then remember that I was married. I would be devastated, tell my ex and that would be it. The dreams then progressed to where I would remember I was married, feel the same devastation but decide to not tell him straight away, just have one more day with him and then I would tell him.

These dreams continued for a few years but then progressed to where I would be with him as before but now I was actually going to marry him (sometimes we would even have a house picked out!) but when I got to the end of the aisle it would be my husband waiting for me and I would be relieved because now I had nothing to feel guilty about as being with my husband would be the right thing to do..

I then dreamt that my ex died in a crash (just a one off dream) at which point the dreams progressed to;
where I'm actually married to my ex and we have two children. At this point the dreams are always in the dark. We live in this little house by a harbour and swim in the dark water. I am close to his parents in the dreams and although our house is run down I feel very happy and content and feel like this is where I belong, my husband did not feature in these dreams at all.

Now the dreams have reached a stage where my husband and I decide to get divorced. I am so relieved, finally it is over and my ex and I can be together. The break up seems amicable and my husband moves out into the flat my own father (in real life) moved into when he left my mother when I was a child. My husband throws a party and I go and my ex is there and my husband because a little possessive about me (which I'm annoyed about in case he blows my chances with my ex) and I begin to think that there is a possibility that I was never really married to my husband all this time. My ex looks especially beautiful in this latest dream and like the previous one it is all in the dark. The other odd thing is that over the ten years my ex has actually aged in my dreams too!

In real life:
My husband and I are happily married with two children. The intensity of the dreams and the way they keep progressing is beginning to bother me, I have not seen my ex in years but because of the dreams I feel like it is only yesterday.
Can anyone PLEASE shed some light on this 10 year saga before I go potty!! Even maybe explain how a dream can be like a saga progressing all the time. Thanks

Maybe there is some aspect in your ex-husband that you miss in your current husband/relationship.

Maybe because you long for this aspect unconsciously it probably makes it stronger/reoccurring to try to make it known to you consciously.

In the dark may mean that it is not allowed to see the light of day, for you suppress the "insecurity" about what you miss or long for in your husband or admired in your ex.

You clearly have not really let go or accepted to have lost in the new relationship compared to some aspect you liked about your ex unconsciously.

What do you feel when you see your ex in your dream???

Hi thanks for the reply. I always feel very happy when I see my ex and there is always a sense that I belong there, with him and even his family. In real life I never feel like I belong to anyone or anything, always feel a bit of an outsider so that is interesting, hadn't thought about that. I also feel love for him in my dream and am happy to be with him.

Could it be that the "not belonging" feeling comes from the fact that maybe the current relationship is a very rational one more based on understanding (or has grown to be that way) intead of being a more emotional based relationship?

The unconscious mind is very "emotional"/feeling based so a lack of that will cause emotional dreams to create balance between the emotional and the rational.

just an idea I had..

It is like you are walking through a mirror - the reverse image.

What would happen if you could smash the mirror in the dream?

I find this fascinating. I also have dreams that have prevented me from getting over an ex partner but fortunately this has only been going on for a couple of years. If it becomes 10 i think i probably will go completely insane so i admire you for hanging in there!

I have thought for a long time about what these dreams may mean. I always had very deep feelings for him and felt i had a stronger connection to him than anyone else and thought maybe this was connecting us together in our dreams. I don't know and i don't think anyone can really tell you but it deserves your exploration. Maybe if you became lucid you could ask him in your dream? I would like to do that myself but he's never there when i'm lucid.

Keep this post updated on any progress you make and i'll do the same. Maybe we can make some kind of revelation about this.

No, No. I meant you need to see that your dream life might be a reflection but the opposite to your r/l. You ex could be your partner in r/l and your partner could be your ex - it is just the reverse image.

I am sorry to disappoint you as I rarely have dreams of my ex's. If I do have dreams of them they are usually going to turn up in my r/l in a few days.

Like I said I wonder what would happen if you smashed the mirror.

Thanks everyone for your replies.

someweirdsin - When you say lucid does that mean controlling your dreams whilst asleep as it where?

Garnet - smash the mirror?

Try the lucid dreaming to get through it.

This is the right place to learn it.

Another is you could visit a homeopath who has remedies for re-occurring long-term dreams to help the conscious unglue from the confusion.

Best of luck.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Siofra

someweirdsin - When you say lucid does that mean controlling your dreams whilst asleep as it where?

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To be lucid means that you are dreaming and are aware that you are dreaming. Control in lucid dreams takes a while to develop but if you became aware that you were dreaming you might be able to explore this more by talking to people in your dreams.

Read up on the lucid information here and see if its for you. You could probably even use this guy as a dream sign. A dream sign being something that indicates to you in your dream that you are dreaming and its not waking life.

Have a read and keep us updated, i'm really interested to hear about your adventures with this one :)

Ok, will do and I'll let you know how I get on