From the archive: 28 July 2007
Cage fighter at school
I was back at school but much older than school age. A bald ugly chap, seemingly a cage fighter, asked if anyone wanted to "take him on". My friend "K" said he'd do this. I notice he had grey hair - at school he was blond. They started play-fighting. The fighter was just larking about and he started chasing random people about the playground, making loud teasing noises. I remember thinking that if he picked on me, I'd ignore him.
Actually I was really frightened. By ignoring him I'd be pretending he's not there. But who is "he"? I often dream of fat, attention-grabbing people. I don't like them. Not irl either. Maybe this is my "shadow" which Jung says is the first archetype we come across. I prefer to ignore my "loud fat" self although it sounds like it's wanting to get out!
From the archive: 29 July 2007
My guitar is bigger than yours
Back to schooldays again. I was comparing my guitar with a friend, A's, home-made bass guitar. I started playing his, remembering it was fretless. I commented how far down the neck the first fret was (!) trying to sound knowledgeable. He nodded but I noticed the guitar neck was not much longer than my own guitar and the fret position can't have been much different from mine. I realised he was just humouring me.
This scene could have been for real. A was a talented musician and he really did make a fretless bass. Anyway, here I was wanting to be like him and show I knew the things he knew. (Just like last night's dream about posh hotels). My conscious self projects something from within onto others that has me believing they'll only accept me if I'm a bright as that are.