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I went lucid last night for a short time. In the dream, I wanted to fly but I thought I was awake. I went ahead and tried any how and when I got in the air, I realized I was dreaming. I told myself to go with it for awhile and enjoy it. I thought of an animal I could conjure and a rabbit appeared. I then wanted to have sex with Sayid Jarrah from "Lost" (because he is one SEXY man), but the person changed and I wasn't interested.
I took off flying again and found myself in the sky facing some sort of floating mirrored box. I told myself not to go inside it because I didn't create it. But I went inside anyhow. I was in an area devoid of light and sound. It was like hell to me and scared me. I told myself I was lucid and I could just leave it at any time, but I was so distressed, I ended up waking up.
Earlier in the evening, I dreamed it was the aftermath of the "end of the world". I was crounging through a building and found some goods. I left a few dollars on a table but as I was leaving, a huge black man blocked my path, calling me a thief. I told him I thought the place had been abandoned but I left some money just in case. I said I knew it wasn't nearly enough to make up for what I took, but I would be happy to trade for the rest.
He looked at the table and there was no money on it. He became even angrier.
Then I saw a pudgy little boy. I was kneeling at that point, my hair in the mans hands. I asked the kid in my sweetest, calmest voice if he took the money. I told him I wouldn't be mad at him if he did and he wouldn't get in trouble. But the man yelled at the kid, saying if he took it he would be beaten (not helping matters) and the kid denied taking it.
I knew I was about to be raped, but I suddenly didn't care. The man was attractive and strong and powerful. He pulled my hair and my head went toward him willingly, in anticipation.
But the dream ended before anything happened.
In another dream, I was at my grandmothers house looking through old pictures. I wanted some of them. It was more involved than that, but I've forgotten it.
I dreamed something about an airport and food again. I don't know what's up with that recurring theme. I was *supposed* to take a trip in January, but I didn't. I only fly once or twice a year and the next time isn't until October or so. Flying dreams always indicate anxiety.... ??? And why food is always available but unobtainable is also curious.
That's all I recall.
I took an Ambien last night and I was asleep by 10PM. I woke on my own by 8AM
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I have had a LOT of truely epic dreams these past two days.
Whenever my kids refuse to do their chore rooms, I tend to stay in my "room" and sleep.
The kids have been at war, so I've been retreating to dreams.
I completed the lucid task of the month (I'm not going to repeat it here. Frankly, it sucked compared to my other dreams.)
I've forgotten the awesomeness of most of them, but I'll do my best.
In one dream... let's see... it was very disjointed to begin with, so where exactly did it start?
Grrr... I'll just start writing and rearrange it later.
I was in a building, running from monsters. These creatures were huge and... aha, now I recall where it started:
I was James Sawyer (From "Lost") and in some little store. I was strong arming a guy into selling me some rare gun as well as rare Penthouse magazines lol. The place had changed ownership and the new guy didn't want to help. I jumped behind the counter and told him the "Jews" were taking over, that they were hoarded up in some house down the road... only they were really monsters. Only I could see them to kill them and if he didn't give me what I wanted, I'd bash his brains in before he could even think of sounding the alarm. He (err, I) said I was a regaular, weekly customer so I wanted respect and service!
Then "I" walked into the store as myself and I no longer had control of James. I tried to pacify him. I grabbed his magazines then wiped off a notebook above it that had been touched by both of us. I grabbed the rare gun and James ran outside ahead of me.
I calmly walked outside as a couple policemen ran inside. I held the door open for them. James ran across the street, but was hit by a car.
I knew what he was talking about, as far as the monsters went, but his own racist paranoia made them Jews. I went into a hotel/casino and took the elevator to my floor. But I ran into some trouble (?)
I was then in a large office building. I passed door after door and I came to realize I was on a Cruise Ship. It was supposed to be passenger free, but a little girl walked in front of me. A bunch of monsters were behind me, so I grabbed her arm and told her to run with me if she wanted to live.
I came upon a large restroom and I started to look for a secret hole in the floor that would lead to safety (a recurring theme) and I realized I was dreaming.
I told myself "you don't dare!" because going lucid means I'll soon wake up and I didn't want to lose the dream.
The girl told me not to worry, then she went to her room.
I opened another door and found myself in a stairway. A lot of people were with me as we shot up monsters.
The stairway decended into a cavern. Across a chasm was a monster, but I took shots at him anyhow. I didn't realize it, but there was a man attached on my side of the chasm to the monster. Every time I shot the monster, the man was pulled closer to the edge. Finally, the monster was pushed back so far, the man fell and the chain snapped.
My vision zoomed in on the man. He hit a ledge and all of us yelled at him to be still. But in his daze, he moved just enough to make the weak ledge crumble.
Seconds before he hit the lava, he was pulled into some gear mechanism, ground up then deposited into the lava quite dead.
My group and I ran along the stairs some more and I was in the lead but out of amo. A huge beast, almost like a "Big Daddy" (from "BioShock") but more crude, was coming my way. I asked if anyone had a weapon or amo... ANYTHING at all?! Someone tossed me a bottle of beer lol. I wondered what I was supposed to do with that, then I realized I could shake it up and shoot the beast. My hopes plummeted again as I realized most bottles needed bottle openers, but as I looked at it, I saw the words "twist to open".
Of course, the "explosion" did no damage, but it was enough of a destraction for me to run away.
And that's all I recall of that dream.
In another dream, I had an affair with some guy and then I made love to my hubby (only he was about 80 years old-?). We got to our home which is where my grams used to live. He found out about the affair and asked me why. I told him I wanted a baby. He asked "boy or girl", I said "girl, but it doesn't really matter." We held hands as we spoke but I knew he was really upset.
Then the dream turned into something else and he was beyond angry.
We lived at the Farm, but there was a slender building on the edge of the property. I discovered it and went exploring and there were many rooms and a long story I've since forgotten.
When I came out of the building, hubby called me a criminal. He yelled about all the burnt trash all over the yard, and "what were you thinking burning it so close to the house!?"
The dream ended with us discussing divorce.
I woke myself up several times during me sleeps by talking. I woke up sitting up a couple times.
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I just remembered part of another dream.
I was walking through a marshy area that opened to a waterway (ocean, lake??). I was looking for something. I was afraid of swimming through the water, but I had to in order to get to a bit of land. There were aligators and something else, far more ancient beneath the waters surface, but I wasn't afraid any more.
I then found myself with other people. A boat was sinking in the distance and we wanted to help. Most of the people stayed behind- too afraid of what was in the water. Then someone identified the "things" as sea monsters.
I told them not to worry, that I had crossed and they didn't bother me.
Another person said to stay above their body because if they came up and you were in the wrong place, they would snap you in two.
I went into the water. The beast had fins but was smooth instead of scaley.
I grabbed onto one of the fins as it turned under the water. I came up safely and exhilerated.
But then I looked across the water and one of the beasts had a man between his teeth. I pet my monster and spoke soothingly to it as it took me where I wanted to go (?).
When I got to the other side, one of the sea monsters was beached. People were leering and taking pot shots at it and I ran to its defence.
I tried to tell the people the monsters were scared. They didn't know if we were food or preditors and ther were more of us than they had ever encountered at one time.
I soothed the creature but it's wounds were too severe.
It looked a lot like a GIANT snake with smooth skin, several rows of fins down its side and (??) spiked fins (?) around its head like certain lizards. They were brown mottled with reds and greens.
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I REALLY hate dial-up and I dislike this Averatec laptop but the blizzard struck so I'm stuck at the Farm until it melts a great deal And now my "period" isn't working/ We have about 3 feet of snow which isn't as bad as it COULD be/
GRRRR!
I've had a ton of great dreams though- but I recall only fragments now/
In one dream-[comma] I was at school and I lost my backpack/ I went over to a table (lunch) and rummaged through the bag of a big black guy who was extremely offended/ I told him "I sincerely apologize" but his bag was identical to mine/ I ended up finding it but my iPod Touch was missing/ I was frantic- angry- depressed/ Then I found a blanket which had been in my bag- with a pile of abandoned clothes etc in a heap of lost and found/
Then I was trying to catch a bus and the second floor of a highrise across the street exploded in bursts of light and noise/
Then my dream went into rewind mode about three different times/ At the last burst I became extremely depressed over the loss of life and my own inability to do anything/
I met 2 guys and we spoke at great length about the explosions and what we could do about it/ We concluded the explosions were taking place in a janitor closet- but they were kept locked- so an employee was detonating the bombs/
I don't recall how the dream ended/
In another one- I was shopping/ I was pushing a baby in a carriage that was filled with snow/ I was worried about the baby freezing someone gave me some "nectar of the gods" which I fed to the baby through a straw/ I worried about giving him too much but the person helping me said he'd be okay/ And sure enough- the snow started to melt- but I realized my baby was bigger/ The person told me my child would only live for a week- but he'd live out his entire life during that week/
The childs grandmother pushed the stroller- well- it was actually a carrier on top of the grocery cart/
I filled the cart with groceries and the grnadmother put back some pants she wanted/
I separated from her and found a carton of Marlboro Menthol Full Flavor 100's which is my brand; but these were flavored cinnamon and sugar/ I HAD to get a pack to try/ A guy working there said I could buy them for cheaper at Sams Club/
When I went to check out- the grandmother bought the groceries and the clerk made me feel guilty- saying the grandmother had put back something she wanted to get us these things and here I was buying Smokes/
When my order went through- some nose rings and necklaces etc came through as well/ I told her I didn't buy those (and they hadn't shown up on my bill) so I set about trying to separate things/
Don't recall how it ended/
In another dream- I was a male cop/ Don't recall what it was about/
I also dreamed of a little girl/ Her dad was a total pushover and I asked her what she preferred- a dad who ignored her completely (then I lowered my voice) or a dad who took charge and took care of his family/ She started crying lol and I felt guilty about scaring her/ So using different vocal inflections- I asked her how old she was etc and she started laughing/
In another dream- I was driving but I was being tailed by a cop for some reason/ He flashed his lights a couple times- but didn't use the siren so I pretended not to see him and I eventually lost him in a residential neighborhood/ I pulled into an alley way between houses and noticed I was behind the house of a JW friend/ I drove away so she wouldn't be uncomfortable/
Don't recall how it ended/
In two dreams yesterday:
I comforted a little girl who was run over by a car/ The driver drove forward by a fraction because the girl was somehow BEHIND the front wheels- but I screamed at the driver not to move at all/
I don't recall anything more/
In the other dream; I created a man/ He was very life like and whenever my hand moved over his body (not touching his body though) - designs formed: Roman sandals on his feet; a very intricate blue beaded belt around his waist; tribal tattoos on his face and arms/
It was AWESOME!
At some point I dreamed something forgotten about y hubby and something also of my grams house and my uncles/
I also dreamed my nose piercing fell out and my lip ring was in my mouth- having been sucked in during my sleep [which I once did but not this time lol]
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Let's see how much I remember/
In one dream- I was on an airplane that was crashing/ I had to jump out of the plane to help it and knew the drag would pull me back 4 feet/
When I jumped out- I focused on the plane and willed it to stay adrift/ I controlled the wind and it was a very cool dream/ It was more complex- but this is all I recall/
In another dream- I had a girlfriend/ I was myself and hubby was uncertain about the arrangement/ At some point- I was with the girl in the RV- driving Only my dad (I think) was driving- and he kept missing his turn/ I decided to take over and after missing the turn once I backed up into the gas station perfectly/ I told the girl I didn't know how long we'd be together/ We were in College and were moving apart after the year/
She still admitted to my folks that we were an item which impressed me/
The dream changed again and I was with some scary guy who lived in a Marshland/ There was a long- complicated water way I had to travel to get where he was even though he wanted me to stay far away/
My girlfriend was then raped by all the males/ I watched as a VERY old man mounted her and my anger was supreme/
I yelled at the woman behind everything- that she was nothing but a coward (and a few "choice" words) who couldn't do anything for herself/
The old man had finished and said- in defense of the woman-in-charge; that she could grow the best weed around and some other shady compliments I've forgotten
I don't recall how it finally ended/
*** I dreamed I had a girlfriend because my oldest daughter was talking on the phone to a friend earlier in the day/ When she hung up I asked who it was and it was one of her female friends/ I then asked if she LIKED that female friend/ She blushed and screamed "MOTHER!" lol but then I went on to explain to her how inflections of her voice lead me to believe she has a crush on her girl friend/ She rolled her eyes and wouldn't admit to anything/
*** I have no idea where the rest came from/
In two separate dreams- I dreamed of rabbits/ In both cases- they were in cages and starving to death from neglect/ In one dream- my cats shared some cages and outside space with the rabbits and I was terrified the rabbits would be eaten/
*** I had that dream because my youngest son was in my room the other day looking at one of my nick-knacks/ He can be rather stubborn and when he asked what it was I said: "A stuffed rabbit" To which he replied: "This is not a stuffed animal" Then I said "It's a painting of a stuffed rabbit" To which he replied: "A *painting*?" I rolled my eyes and told him: "It's a sculpture of a rabbit that's been painted to look like a stuffed animal/"
But the whole conversation brought back bad memories of a time I tried raising rabbits- thus the nightmares/
I had other watery/snowy dreams which I've forgotten/ I also dreamed of having multiple piercings and tattoos- but I no longer recall the story behind it/
HOPEFULLY there is school today!!! The snow comes up to my waist in areas/ Walking up the hill to the car (10 minutes easily) is a MAJOR chore/
But boy do I love the snow!!!
If there's school though I'm going into town ad watching Hulu :D
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Just read a few of your dreams before bed on my iPod. Very interesting! It's been a while since I've had as many and as long dreams as that.
May you continue to have them! G'night. :)
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Thanks Keitorin :) I'll be sure to check out your DJ soon (probably on Wednesday when I go into town)
I had some messed up dreams during a nap today/
In one dream- I dreamed Panther came home (we think our dogs either killed the cat by playing too rough or he ran away)/ Except- the cat only had 3 paws and there was a large frost-bitten patch on his chin/ Other than being too skinny- there was something else wrong with him that I've forgotten/
I cried as I held the young cat/ I wanted to put him out of his misery but part of me thought he could be saved/
At some point in the dream- my old cat- Rogue- came briefly out of hiding/ In life- he's been missing for a few years now/ He was perfectly healthy but skittish/
I don't recall how the dream ended/
***We had been talking about the cat before I fell asleep which triggered the dream/ I'm also reading a book "Black Lightning" by John Saul in which the madman has killed a couple cats (not to mention people)
In another dream both of my sons were in some sort of Institution for trouble makers and disturbed kids/
My oldest son was discharged and I had a visitation with my younger boy- but the staff couldn't find him anywhere/ I started getting emotional and loud/ How could they have transferred him to another facility without telling me and THEN losing him?!
A doctor pulled me aside and quietly told me to calm down/ I was giving the officials exactly what they wanted and I'd receive no answers and no official help while playing into their hands/
He then gave me sheets of paper for my kids to fill out/
They said stuff along the lines of:
"NOT TRUE AT ALL/Not true/Neutral/Agree/AGREE COMPLETELY"
Followed by:
"I want to be home"
"There's enough food"
"There's enough money"
"We get along" etc
The doctor told me to give them to my kids and I would receive answers soon after/
When I went outside the dream changed/ A nun stood beside me and a huge red brick building housed countless kids/
I was looking for my son but he was hiding/
Across the street was a snow bank and I noticed there were the faces of children in the snow peering out at me/
I went into the building and children were dressed as officers; nurses; doctors; trying to confuse me/
When I went back outside I scanned the windows of the building where huge bands of children had gathered/
I was FURIOUS about my son being kept from me; so I screamed up at one of the windows "F* YOU!" and made the whole gesture with my arms and middle finger/ One of the kids fainted and I ran inside/ I NEVER say that word or behave that way/ My actions shocked my son into revealing himself lol
I don't recall how that dream ended either/
***The only reason I can think of for having that dream is that my oldest son insists the his brother would be better back at the Facility he was at (through no wrong doing of his own)
Having my kids removed from my care for almost an entire year was extremely traumatic so warped events keep coming back to haunt me from time to time/
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You have the most disturbing DJ I have ever read. I hope recording your dreams will help to heal you.
You've been through so much extreme trauma. :hug:
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lol, but thanks Nomad :hug: My kids tell me the same thing and I don't even tell them ALL my dreams :D
Like last night, for some bizarre reason or another, I dreamed I was helping my youngest daughter decide which pubic hairs she should pluck :wtf:
Actually, I know why I had that dream... I took a bath before bed and thought I needed a... trim. And then my oldest daughter asked why there were hairs on the back of the toilet and I said they were just loose hairs from heads and clothes and that if they were pubs they'd be curly lol
But WHY in the world my youngest daughter appeared in the dream is beyond me.
As for that brief and somewhat disturbing dream, I had some truly awesome dreams these last couple days.
Night before last, I had a dream that spanned 3 generations but when I woke up, most of it had been forgotten. All I really recalled was driving down a road. Joey Costopolis (sp- from "Full House") was driving and he was my Uncle lol. Off to the left we saw a huge Bull Elk or Moose with a yoke and chains attached to it. It was being used to pull a fallen tree out of a river.
2 cougars appeared in front of it though and they attacked and I saw the Work Animal fall down.
Joey grabbed a shot gun to kill the cougars, only there were two trucks in front of the work animal instead of cougars.
Joey open fired on the vehicles. I told myself he was trying to get to the cougars on the other side of the vehicle and I wondered why the truck drivers weren't helping.
Joey got into a lot of trouble. He ended up killing the drivers.
I went back in time and asked him questions:
"Do you think a persons life is more valuable than an animals?" to which he replied people are more valuable.
Then I asked him if animals should be used to help people with jobs they can't do alone and he said yes, so long as the animal is treated humanely.
I then told him there would come a time in his life that he would have to remember that. No matter how poorly he felt an animal was being treated, it wouldn't be right to kill the owners.
Then I went forward in time, past the event. I was some other woman and Joey was going away somewhere. I cried at him that he had promised we would be a family again but he said the world wasn't safe with him in it.
I went back to my apartment and found a barrel there. I knew I was supposed to empty the barrel onto a mat and did so. Out poured a liquid a strange shade of blue and in the liquid was a human skeleton.. and another skeleton, and another and so forth.
At first I was horrified, but as I watched, the skeletons became people... members of the womans family she thought she had lost forever.
>>> I don't know what brought on that dream in its entirety. The part about the value of animals came from the killing of my neighbors dog and a conversation I had with my kids and then my shrink about it (my kids wanted to kill the man who is suspected of having killed the dog and I told them such action wasn't balanced. The man should pay a fine and/or go to jail. My shrink said he shouldn't go to jail but pay a fine instead.)
>>>The barrel came from Animal Crossing and perhaps even the skeletons (I dug up a fossil in the game of a Peking Man).
As for last nights dreams.... they were true doozies but it's hard for me to keep them in order.
In one dream, thanks to reading a thread at DV about flying, when I flew I lost control and shot towards space. I told myself I was dreaming and to just go with it, but I was too freaked out, became dizzy and woke up with SP.
In the next series of dreams though... wow... I bounced around from DC to DC, to god-mode, to viewer only. It was very confusing, but here's the story.
At first I was myself. I was marrying the son of some Chinese Diplomat. I was in China and knew nothing about the Culture, but I bowed to the father and my husband to be said I did it perfectly. Ours was to be an arranged marriage.
Then I forget a bunch of stuff.
Next thing I know, I'm a Chinese woman. I had had an affair with the son and I was killed for my actions. I was pregnant though, about 9 months along and as I drew my final breath I became a Viewer and I could hear the baby wailing from within the mother. I screamed that the killer should at least save the child. He should cut open her belly and put the little one up for adoption if nothing else.
Then I became the woman again. She hadn't died but she lost her baby. The Diplomat was hlping her escape to a place called Allisium [a play on words from the Percy Jackson series and Ellysum- a place in the Underworld which I can never properly remember]
Allisium was a place for exiles and crimals.
She was taking a boat to the area and I could see witches flying overhead on broomsticks and other sorts of grusome spirits.
Then I became Viewer again and watced as she jumped/flipped onto a platform on the island she had to reach.
There was the spirit of an evil King waiting for her. She had to kill him as a final obstacle, which she did.
When she arrived at the gate of the city, she had to pay to get in. She said she had no money and they agreed she could work it off.
The city itself was in horrid condition. People were starving, weak, dirty.
Then the dream changed again and I was the Diplomats son. The Diplomat was trying to kill the baby he had from the arranged marriage.
He thew a fake baby at his father, then telekinetically pulled his son to his chest and into his arms. He said: "I will NOT let you harm my son!" Then he fled.
I then became the exile again. I was standing before a Counsel and I let down my hair. It shimmered in waves and I floated off the ground. They realized I was a person of power not to be triffled with. I then told them I could tell them anything they wanted to know about the people in power (namely, the Diplomat and others like him).
Then I woke up.
I fell back to sleep and dreamed I was at one of my kids' schools. Hope G. from the Kingdom Hall worked there and I tried to hide my piercings from her lol. I also noticed another woman in a very short dress who was extremely pregnant. I asked her when she was due and she said "a month ago".
I woke up again.
>>> My bath inspired the pregnancy aspects of the dreams. My breasts were sore like when I've had to breast feed in the past. No, I'm not pregnant lol, I get fibroids or somesuch that irritate me when I've had too much caffeine. But it was enough to trigger the dreams.
Allisium HAD to have come from the Persy Jackson books.
I was thinking about my step-daugher yesterday and she's part Chinese which might have caused that part of my dreams.
As for the rest... ??
Well, the piercings is obvious. Such is frowned upon (but not forbidden) in my religion.
I was MOST impressed that my telekinetic powers are improving in the dream world. I'm definitely going to have to play around with those some more!
**EDIT**
Just remembered another dream I had some time last night.
My kids and I were on the run and we duck into someone's house to hide. I try to leave everything the way it is, but my kids (being my kids), trashed everything they came across.
I was running around trying to clean and fix everything when I realized only my daughters and three of their friends with me. And we weren't in an entire house, but in my great grandma's bedroom of the "Big House" my Uncles lived it.
My Uncle Eddy is very upset with me and tells me if it isn't clean, I'll have to answer to the Kernal (how the heck is that spelled lol), which is someone my Uncle rented the room to.
I yell at the girls who still ignore me.
Then I forget the rest... I found something (?) and at some point I was in the yard and saw my Uncle Hank. I told myself "I thought he was dead", but then I saw my Uncle Jimmy too so I concluded I had only dreamed they had died :roll:
I think it was then that I started flying and lost control and woke with SP.
>>>I dreamed part of that because one of my daughters friends is staying the night tonight, which means I have to be extra vigilant in making sure they behave and don't break something.
***EDIT***
Just recalled another dream thanks to a scene from Burn Notice.
It's not much... it may have been from the Chinese Diplomat dream...
I was talking to a woman about NEVER owning a house on the beach. She actually got tears in her eyes and became very angry with me. I told her my philosophy: Why own something where you keep your most prized and cherished possessions, only to have a hurricane or tidal wave come along and take it all away.
I told her I'd much rather live on higher ground where there wouldn't be constantly anxiety.
But the more I talked, the angrier and more upset she seemed to become. So I tried to find some common ground and did a little back-pedaling.
I told her I understood the appear of living on the beach. I said, for some people, perhaps the beauty and peace of living there were worth anything a person could own.
She seemed to calm down some, so I went on to say living in the mountains probably had its own dangers; so- to each their own.
That's all I recall and I KNOW where that dream came from: the tsunami warning for Hawaii.
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Bah... I slept terribly last night. I took an Ambien at around 9PM and the girls were still awake, cutting up until 1AM.
I had spent about 4 hours working on a choker necklace I'm trying to make and it didn't turn out quite as well as I had hoped... So I went to sleep annoyed at the girls, sore from stringing beads for so long, and frustrated.
I barely recall my dreams. They all centered around my religion and Congregation but other than that, I have no clue.
I woke up groggy and very slowly. I'd sit up but fall right back to sleep in a seated position lol.
In other news... I stabbed my finger with one of the wires I was working with and it seemed to bleed for hours (just weepy) and now I have a long mark, like a splinter, inside my finger :roll:
BUT!- I am happy to report that I found a ring for my nose. It's a little bigger than I'd like but it fits perfectly (so long as I don't look up while talking to someone, then it would appear as if I had a shiny booger :D) I think the ring is for an eyebrow, but instead of it being a loop it's shaped like ")" instead. There's a "jewel" on both sides.
It's a 16 gauge and the jewel screws on which I hate. I might try to talk hubby into taking me to the Mall this weekend. I'd like to find a 16 gauge internally thread ")" nose ring and a 14 gauge internally thread lip ring (the 16 g I'm wearing is a bit too small and I'm always pulling it into my mouth :? )
I'm sleepy today (having finally woke completely by 6:30AM) but I'm in fair spirits.
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I had another horrible night of sleep.
I went to my Congregation meeting, and as I always do, I mentally named everything there and missing. When I got to 3 people I have great affection for, I couldn't remember their names. I finally named one of them and almost named the other (I kept thinking "Edna" but it "Edrie"), but I couldn't for the life of me remember the name of one of the brothers who's like a father to me.
I started crying, which is fine because I always sit in the back room (preference). I was melancholy for the rest of the meeting (though I had a good many laughs too) and I ended up leaving about 30 minutes early.
I expected the worse when I got home, so I picked up a bottle of Boone's Blue Hawaiian (big bottle of wine cooler lol).
When I got home, I smelled fresh cigarette smoke. My daughters ran to their room to put out their cigarettes, yelling and asking why I was home early.
*GRRRRR*
Time to do another search and siezure in their room.
I drank maybe 1/3 of the bottle and tried to sleep. Before I did I spoke with my kids and ended up shedding my anger, so that wasn't a factor of my insomnia.
I want my hubby to buy a bookstore for me. It's going out of business and I'd love to have my own income. I kept obsessing about the pitch and then on my qualifications to run a business. I have none. It's a horrible idea.
Then I thought of other ways to earn money. I'm an idiot with no marketable skills.
And thus I tossed and turned for 2 hours at least before I finally fell asleep after midnight.
I recall only bits and pieces of dreams: My mom coming over to help us clean and me seeing the broom and wondering who brought it down from the car.
I dreamed something of driving, of water and a marsh, of food... the typical things I tend to dream about now-a-days lol.
My oldest daughter missed her bus and I told her to let me sleep another 30 minutes. She let me sleep for 40 and I recall most of that dream.
In the dream, we were staying in a "no-tell" Motel (a seedy establishment). I was trying to clean up and opened the windows for fresh air. The windows were huge- more like a sliding glass door than windows but had screens.
We sat in front of the window for awhile, people watching. I thought, briefly, that we were in New Orleans, but the thought disappeared and I wondered why so many people were walking by when we live in such a small town.
A girl walked by and my oldest daughter said she was "jiggly". The girl heard and to turn the situation around, I told my daughter she was pretty "well-endowed" as well (breasts). (I was trying to turn "jiggly" into a compliment lol).
When I looked at my daughter though, she had three breasts under her shirt.
She looked annoyed then pushed on the center one. It disappeared and the other two became bigger :D
Then the girls started talking and laughing and asking each other if they knew certain others.
>>> I dreamed of my daughter because she missed her bus. Why the city and rush of people- I don't know. Why the thing with the breasts- I have no clue lol other than I'm always trying to make daughter tone down her clothing. She always says "I have a *terrific* rack" and indeed she does. My other daughter and I might as well be flat chested compared to her lol, but my oldest daughter is only 14 so she doesn't need to show off her rack quite so much. I must tell her every day to "pull up your shirt", so I guess it was lodged in my brain.
I'm slightly melancholy today...
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I've made up my sleep this weekend.
I don't remember my dreams from last night, but the night before I had a bunch. I'll have to record them later because my kids are here and we're watching Hulu.
I've been taking 3mg Melatonin since Friday and it seems to be working pretty well.
I've also been taking Korean Ginsing (which seems to put me to sleep instead of energizing me) and I've been taking Green Tea with Hoodia which I'm unsure about.
BBL.
"03/06/10
I had some very disconnected and disturbing dreams last night and this morning.
In one, I remember driving w/ my kids. I was in a hurry but the road was icy. My car spun at least 5 times when I turned too sharply, but I kept us on the road and was very proud of the way I handled it.
In another dream, I was in space but there was a cloud covering. I knew the floor had ended, but I stepped off the edge of the platform and free fell through space. I wondered why I wasn't scared and a feeling of trust was w/ me.
In another dream, I was neighbors with an elderly couple. We found some old books filled w/ prophecy and cursed dates. I was interested in one from 1881 but the woman was (?) keeping me from the book.
I left and some time later I saw a truck, out of control, drive into their home. THe couple blamed me, but not harshly.
>>>That dream was inspired by watching "the Knowing" before bed.
In another dream, I was traveling via RV and stopped at a gas station/convenience store. A kid tried to steal my purse. I grabbed him by his shirt to take him to his father, then the dream oddly changed.
I was in the backseat of a vehicle, looked for a missing friend.
I think Jerry, my parents, and Edrie S. were w/ me. They told me to stop worrying but I said I *knew* something was wrong and I was crying......."
Going to the movies. I'll finish some time later.
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Bah... I don't want to finish recording the rest of those old dreams.
I've been sleeping like a log these last few days. My dreams have been abundant and vivid, but I forget them almost as soon as I wake :(
I remember the themes (which never seem to really change much lol). I've been dreaming about a baby every night (a boy); about driving the RV and having to swing it in a narrow spot for refueling; of my grandmother and parents; of my hubby and kids; of flying; of terraforming a world; of food and eating lol; of my Congregation.
I've also been dreaming about water/ice/snow/floods a LOT lately. I normally dream of those when my life is out of control... but everything's been pretty mellow lately.
I have been having an EXTREMELY hard time waking up though, even though I've been going to sleep before midnight.
I had to sign some paperwork for my youngest son the other day before he went to school. I kept falling asleep as I wrote and I couldn't figure out why nothing was showing up on the paper. I didn't "click" the pen out. When I finally got it to work, I fell asleep 3 times while writing our address, phone number and signing it. It looked like major chicken scratch.
When I wake up, I sit up, but I'm so exhausted, I sort of rock back and forth on my couch with my head rolling ceilingward. Sometimes it takes me almost 30 minutes of doing that before I can either lay back down and fall back to sleep or get up and move around :wft:
I helped hubby move a pallet and a half from his pick-up truck into the house and then some of it to the basement. He ordered an obscene amount of emergency food/provisions for when the economy completely crashes. It's about a 2 year supply for one person. There were 8 buckets that easily weighed 50 pounds each and countless boxes. Three days after moving everything, I'm still pleasantly sore. Perhaps all that exercise is the reason I'm so out of it.
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My dream recall has been majorly sucking. Last night made up for it though.
I recall, first, driving through a major city. The city was on fire, buildings were empty and collapsing, making a terrible sight.
Then I "woke up" (FA). I was telling the dream to someone (?).
THen I "woke up" (FA) again lol and I found myself at a huge gathering. There was a race going on and a handicapped little girl ALMOST won, but some guy beat her and I was sad. Then some other guy kept trying to get me to go to the other side of the building with him, but I got bad vibes from him and declined the offer. I told him I was there with my husband. He asked my husband's name and I couldn't remember it. I kept thinking his name was Charlie, but I knew it to be incorrect. I remembered seeing a man by that name doing some capentry and thought I had confused things. (It was a false dream memory lol).
I was then leaving a store with some Witnesses. I ran up to Jessi S. and asked her my husband's name. Before she could answer, though, I loudly said the name of my ex-husband lol.
I went on to tell someone (?) about the firey dream and my false awakenings lol, and then "woke up" (FA) yet again.
A little boy had strange scratches on his upper left leg. It almost looked like a child's drawing of a small house. It was carved into his leg, but it was yellowed and infected in the center where another design was.
He was my son and I asked who gave him the tattoo, afraid it had been me. He said a friend gave it to him. He pointed to my own bare legs. On my right leg was a beautifully done self-portrait and a tat that looked a lot like the little boys. He asked me if I liked his because we matched now.
I "woke up" again (FA). I was living at the trailer again. I remembered with horror that I had a bunch of rabbits in cages which hadn't been fed or watered in nearly a weeks time. I hated myself for neglecting them and became very sad. I rushed out the door to check on them and there were two dogs in the yard.
I forget the rest of that dream but at some point I saw a huge Moose and heard a couple bought it for $19.99 :D
Then I dreamed I got into a fight with my hubby. I've forgotten the specifics.
I don't know what inspired those dreams or numerous false awakenings.
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I only got about 2 1/2 hours of sleep early this morning.
My oldest son didn't take the bus home and I wasn't $20. in gas looking for him, so once I found him, we stayed in town in the RV.
I had to be up early to wake him and call home to wake up my other kids so they'd go to school...
I couldn't get comfortable. It's the first time I've left my kids overnight since I've gotten them back and I obsess even though I KNOW everything is fine (I spoke to them several times and we have a really nice neighbor).
I don't recall much about my dreams. In one of them, I stood before a woman (alien?). To look at certain parts of her was to succumb to death or insanity, so I averted my eyes. The conversation wasn't going well. One of us commented on how looking in her maw of a mouth would end me.
Another dream was like an episode of Psych. Shaun and Gus were calling dibs on a cool new word lol (forgot what it was).
I also dreamed about cats.
I woke up to gurgly ears, a slightly sore throat and MAJOR nasal congestion and post nasal drip. Allergies, for the most part, from sleeping on this dusty couch with no sheets.
Blah....
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I've slept horribly these last couple of days. I remember very little about the dreams I did have.
In one, I was running away from something (?) and I ran into a woman who was heading where I had been. I told myself to fly because I would make better time and the woman said she would love to be able to fly but never could.
I told her we were dreaming and could do anything. She told me her name was Amanda and I showed her how to fly, which she did.
Then I lost lucidity and I was talking to someone about how much I hated the roads in Pensacola. There were double one way streets that made turning almost impossible- espcially on Barancas and Jackson [those streets are real- well, Jackson is- but they're normal roads].
Then my son Myles and I were running down the street toward a brilliant light. We were going to pass into another dimension.
In another dream, I was driving my car off road. There were holes in the ground and trees ahead of me. My car wouldn't slow and was hard to control, so I stuck a foot out the door, lol, and tried slowing down Flinstone style.
I eventually got the car turned around and under control.
Then I heard the voice of a woman (?) telling me the holes were the graves of her murdered family.
Then I was walking toward a dog. The yard turned into that of my grandmothers right side neighbor.
I was somehow communicating with the dog but it was excited and kept trying to jump on me. I stepped back so the chain stopped the animal and I told it I wanted to help but only if she would settle down.
A man came outside then and asked what was going on. He noticed my daughters dog Rocky and I said no funny business was going on between them. He said it's been going on for sometime now and his daughters dog was pregnant. She squatted before the dog and asked her what they were going to do about the pups. I feared for the dogs safety so I told him I would take the puppies once they were born.
Still talking to the dog, he asked how they should give the pups to me- in two pieces or several more.
I told him his dog was in pain and I needed to help her. He said he just wanted his daughter, Candice's, dog back.
I was started to get annoyed, thinking the dog hadn't gone anywhere, she was just prenant.
Those are the only dreams I remembered and I don't really know what inspired them.
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I don't recall much about my dreams from these last couple of days.
In one, night before last, I found myself in an alternate universe. The deaf lady off of Heroes asked me why I had a branded infinity symbol on my ankle. I told her it was decoration. I then went to show her my tattos, but they weren't there. I had an extremely faint blue rose where my rose used to be. It was so faint, most people couldn't even see it.
I went on to tell her I also had my eyebrow, nose and lip pierced. Where I came from, it was quite common. But, like my tats, my piercings were gone [my eyebrow isn't pierced in real life though]. I was very strange, because I could FEEL the ring in my lip, but it was a "phantom sensation".
I went into a store to buy a Coke and some cigarettes. Soda's cost $20. and cigarettes (for one pack) was $14..
That's all I recall.
Last night brought some disturbing dreams.
In one, there was a car accident. Some horses were trapped and I was flying, so (telekinetically), I made the horses fly from the wreckage. Someone told me to put them out to pasture so I did.
In another dream, I was being attacked by a dog. He latched on to my arm and wouldn't let go, so I grabbed a kitchen knife and sawed off the top of his muzzle (sp). I had it teeth, nose and a lot of blood in my hand and I threw it from me, disgusted and sad. The dog wondered off to die.
Outside was the body of another person it had attacked.
At some point, I became aware that the dog wasn't naturally vicious. SOmeone made it that way through noise.'
I was beside myself with grief and anger. I kept feeling as the dog must have- once happy-go-lucky, next blood thirsty, then confused, depressed and dying.
I caught a Wolf Spider and put it into a bug catcher some time yesterday. It was on my bed- a smaller version of the one that had been crawling across my shoulder last week.
In my dream, one of my kids kept opening and closing the pen and I worried it would get out.
I had many other dreams, but they're too terribly fragmented for me to even try to record. But I had more bad dreams than good ones
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I didn't go to sleep night before last. Last night, I couldn't fall asleep as fast as I thought I would. The thought of spiders in my "bed" made me anxious, so I pushed my blankets to one end of the couch, then promptly fell asleep on them lol.
Throughout the night, I ended up covered. I woke to an itch once, but was too sleepy to care. Another time, I felt myself "stung", but again, I was too sleepy to care.
I had mostly disturbing dreams I remember very little of. It was all death and dismemberment. I woke near tears at one point. At another point, I chomped down on my lip ring and woke briefly in pain.
There was one good dream though. I was playing Spore in god-mode. I was some galatic entity that was terraforming planets and creating stars and galaxies.
I woke with the name of an alien god "Woocy" in my mind.
It was very hard to wake this morning, but I grudgingly got going by 8:30.
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I had epic dreams these last two nights. Unfortunately, I've forgotten most of them.
In the one, night before last, I was flying. Someone wanted to see Florida, so I held the person (?) then flew above the clouds. I told the person we couldn't actually SEE Florida, but we could look in the direction of Florida.
I saw the sun, then looked to the East.
But then Angels appeared and tried killing us. They were fallen angels.
I took the person back to their apartment.
I had a small child. Someone I knew was a Diplomat and I tried telling the man the angels were very unhappy about something the government was doing and they needed to stop or there would be war.
My advice wasn't heeded, however, so war it was. I watched as my family was butchered; helpless to do anything.
At some point, I dreamed hubby and I were moving the RV's and we were across the street. There was a huge male black and white tabby with pale colors. Hubby patted his back and the cat jumped onto his shoulder. It made me think about my old cat Rogue.
In last nights dreams... ??? ... grrrrr. It was something about an alternate universe. I was flying again. The cat I dreamed about the night before made a brief appearance. But darn it if I can't remember anything more.
The kids and I are at the RV. We moved it, so it's no longer hooked up to the propane, which means we froze last night. We're staying the night again tonight, but we're bringing out more electric heaters.
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I wish I could star this entry, so bold type with have to suffice.
I don't recall much about my dreams from the last few days. But one of them was life changing.
In one dream, we had 30 cats or so but they were in someone else's yard. The person was taking them to the pound and I was okay with it.
Another dream was lucid and sex related. I was very much in the mood, but achieved no satisfaction *GRRR* lol
In another dream, I was with an older man, cheating on my hubby and going through a divorce.
In yet another dream, I ate Spaghetti at a fancy restaurant.
The life altering dream started out random. I was fighting monsters and running through a large building that was partially a hospital and airport lol.
I was smoking and some guy told me it wasn't allowed, so I stepped outside.
I was then walking somewhere and a cousin (not in real life) walked beside me. There were Jehovah's Witnesses nearby and I had spoken to them and I was trying to tell them I was disfellowshipped, but I never could.
I became very depressed and my cousin said she understood what I was going through. I asked "You do?" she replied, "Sure. You've been partaking of the emblems though you've not had God's blessing to do so."
I stopped walking and took both her hands in mine. I told her "That's not why I'm depressed. I DO have God's blessing. I AM of the Anointed and it's not the place of anyone to question that or doubt it. It's between me and God. I'm depressed because I'm still smoking. As long as I smoke, I don't have God's blessing. As long as I smoke, I'm disfellowshipped."
I wasn't angry as I spoke. I was filled with complete peace and certainty.
When I woke up, I decided to stop smoking. And I stuck to it. Tonight was the Memorial of Christ's death. I'm the only one in the Congregation who partakes of the wine and bread. All 50+ members of the Congregation have the Earthly Hope (which means they look forward to everlasting life on a perfected Earth). I am one of the 144,000 worldwide who have the Heavely Hope (I won't be resurrected to life on Earth, but in Heaven).
Officially, I shouldn't partake of the emblems for as long as I'm disfellowshipped. But with the dream came the knowledge that so long as I'm not smoking I AM approved of by God. It will take awhile for the Congregation Elders to confirm that themselves, so I'm still disfellowshipped. But their lack of confirmation doesn't change the facts.
I am once again approved and I couldn't be happier.
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I took a valium and fell asleep by 8PM last night. I woke at 6:30 and drove my oldest son to school. I was so sleepy, I kept almost nodding off behind the wheel.
I got to the RV at around 8:30. I was so sleepy and I knew the RV would be freezing, so I laid down my seat in the car and slept soundly until 10:30.
I dreamed of water and whales and sea monsters. That's all I recall.
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Only thing I remember about my dreams is spinning. I was going very quickly and it was exhilerating.
**EDIT**
I remembered some strange tidbits a little while ago.
One dream played out like a movie, but I don't recall the plot. What I do recall doesn't make sense. There was a gun fight and some people were killed. I needed their clothes, so I stripped them, but then they were manaquins and not people at all.
The shoes were enormous.
There was something else about strange candies... ???
I forgot the rest I remembered lol
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Ugh... slept terribly. I didn't wake up in time for my Congregation meeting :(
I had a lot of strange dreams, but frequent wakings is causing me to forget them quickly.
There were cats in one of the dreams. It was very small with oddly textured fur. I was in a Curiosities Shop asking if they bought this and that. My oldest son wanted to sell the family Bible but I told him no. I was writing the Bible out but because it was incomplete, I couldn't sell it. My other Bible wasn't worth much.
I asked if she bought cats and she said yes, but they didn't stay at her store.
In another dream I was racing down a mountain. A man was after me. ???
I was in a world where everyone was dying. Some man kidnapped a baby. I ran into him later and he said the baby had died so he kidnapped another.
The man was obsessed with me and I loved him but I wasn't in love with him, I was a lesbian.
I tried explaining to him that he was from a different era. He was full of radiation and it was causing him to go crazy and to kill those around him. I laid in his arms and cried, but reason was beyond him.
In another dream, I was in a cave, fighting monsters. They dropped odd items, from broken armor to pictures. I was gathering all the items I could to decorate my house. I had daughters whose names both started with "T" and they rhymed oddly. My house was strange and made of cardboard in parts. I would lift certain areas to store things and one place and an electrical warning.
That's all I recall for now.
**EDIT**
Oh yeah... I also dreamed I was trying to teach some little kid how to blow. His food was really hot. He was far enough that I couldn't blow on him to really show him what I meant. At first he drizzle/spat into his food lol. Then I asked him to "huff and puff and blow the hot away", and he then got the picture and did it correctly.
I have NO idea what ispired that dream lol
The others were mostly inspired by Runescape and Fringe.
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Strange dreams... I've forgotten most of them.
I dreamed of our old Presiding Overseer, Dan R. He was back in our congregation and I asked if he was there to stay and he said no. I was very sad. I then asked about Ron and Melvia H. and asked if they'd be returning and he said he didn't know. They were trying to sell their house.
I spent a great deal of time with him then slowly realized he looked like my hubby. I thought it strange but nothing more.
Then I dreamed that hubby wanted to shoot up all our animals with Coke so they'd O.D and die. I was adamant and stood my ground. I would find them all homes, but they would NOT be killed.
He apologized.
There's more dreams I've forgotten...
Then I dreamed I was with a primitive tribe. My skin was slightly darker. There was a pool at the bottom of a mountain and whoever was entering adulthood had to climb down the mountain to be bathed in the pool.
I was the oldest one because of how my birthdate fell. I was born during a strange equinox (?) that occured again 3 years after I reached puberty.
Dan was in the dream again preforming the ceremony.
Then I became a boy a the top of the mountain. He had been afraid, but decided to go through with it after all. He and a small group ran down the mountain. There were skeletons on the path.
I was in the water, swimming and full of joy. I was trying to do a stroke that wouldn't be "invented" for centuries. There were too many people in the water.
Someone said they peed in the water which made another person enraged, but I chuckled.
I got out of the water and was working with dividing the food. The late group showed up and a girl jumped right in clothes and all. Dan kept trying to tell her she had to wait. He'd pull her out of the water and she'd jump back in. This happened 3 times before I reached her side. I laughed and told her I understood her zeal, but the pool meant nothing unless she was purified first.
I then took her to dry off.
Then the late boys started making fun of me. They said I had a funny looking vagina and if they were me they'd ALWAYS wear clothes. I told them they didn't look exactly normal themselves, getting all hard and bouncy. One boy took offence at that and said he would never get hard in his own clan- that's incest.
Eventually, the ceremony was over and I helped pack away the food. We had some Arby's and Burger King lol
I was looking for my cigarettes but I couldn't find them and was getting angry. I didn't want to smoke them, just smell them. I also wanted to ask Dan if I looked normal to him. What the boys said had bothered me a little.
Dan said I was completely normal, that I just looked a little different because I was older than everyone else.
As we climbed up the mountain to get into our cars and head back home, I noticed the mountains were oozing tar and lava. I asked if they had always been in West Virginia. I had never even heard of them and they were beautiful.
That's all I really remember. There were other tidbits about a store and being paid change back with gold. There was some other bit about my clothes getting lost.
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I had some weird, freaky dreams last night.
In the last one, I dreamed I was a teenager. We moved out in the middleo f nowhere. One day, we went out wrangling bear cubs.
I caught one and named him Old Yeller lol
The house was messy. There was old spaghetti on the stove and trashbagswith coke cans etc in them.
My boyfriend came over and we had a quickie while I stood at a window. It was my first time and I freaked out when I noticed my parents coming back. I asked what she was doing here and he said ever since we started dating, she's been followingme around. I made himstop what he was doing and shoved him in the bathroom.
My mom came down the hall looking for us and I said the silly boy came over to see me then ran to the restroom.
I then almost said "He reminds me of my little brother." But in the dream, I didn't have a brother.
I couldn't findmybear, so I stopped two neighborsandasked them if they'd seen him. They said no but they'd take me to the Pickins shelter- thatmaybe someonebrought him there.
We talked about the area as we walked. Some houses were in shambles, some were just being built. One of the girls said it was a farming community but alot of people only lived there when the crops were in season. She went on to say that others were different and stayedyear round. I told her we were year rounders.
I go and along the way one of the girls points out a Christmas sticker their mom had stuck to the side of the building. It was of a skull with words I no longerremember.
The girl says we have to stop at her house first. Her dad worked at the shelter and kept videos at the house.
We watched a lot of different animals.
My chewing gum got stuck to the roof of my mouth and it was driving me crazy. I kepot trying to look away so I could puill it out. Someone asked me about it and I laughed and said the darn stuff was like cement.
None of the animals were of a bear and I felt I wasted a lot of time.
I told them I had found him when he was about 4 months old and that he'd been missing for 3 months. They wrote him off as dead.
I went home feeling extremely depressed and confused. I felt as though I had JUST found my bear. I felt the stream of time was out of whack.
I told everyone I could prove it when I heard a TV show. It was an older show, but new to us.
I started saying, word for word, what the actors were about to say. My little sister and parents were amazedand spooked.
I woke myself up when I said: "Here she says: 'We went to a party but he tried to force himself on me so I came home."
I wasn't myself in the dream and none of the people arepeople I know in real life. Except the cats. When the guy was showing videos of animals, cats kept appearing which look like ones I have in real life. It confused me because I thought of them as "my cats" but in the dream I didn't have any, which further destabalized the dream.
The dream before it was trulyawesome, but I recall very little about it. I was fighting monsters and a wizard would come along behind me and put tight metal necklaces on them which made the monsters powerless.
I lusted after one of them. even though he was about 10 feet tall (the monsters were humanoid) and I kept trying to go away with him.
Then I realized I was actually sleeping in the RV with my daughter so that wouldn't work and the dream changedlol
IN another dream, I was a young woman in a relationship with an overly emotional man. He was going to create a maze with cards to represent him love for me and I joked that I'd leave them in a straight line or something. He took offence at my lack of effort.
There was a LOT more story to that dream but I've forgotten it.
My oldest daughter was awake all night and on the computer, so perhaps she watched some shows which inspired the dreams. Other than the slaying monsters bit (which could've come from Runescape... ahhh and so did the bear because my son commented on how they had changed their appearance since he last played) I'm clueless as to the rest.
Well, the wizard could have come from playing Where's Waldo earlier in the evening.
The rest is a mystery to me.