I have OCD... or a varient there of.

I've made a post or two before about this 'condition' I have... but they've gone nowhere. Recently, however, I've made a sort of breakthrough in my 'diagnosis'. Since I was very young I've been addicted to or... obsessed with gore. Almost everyday of my life since I was young I've been watching videos of extremely graphic things. I've never been able to explain, even to myself, why I always watch these videos. I can't tell if I enjoy them, or and fascinated. All I know is I feel like I have to watch them. Well, apparently I'm a perfect example of obsessive compulsive disorder. I am obsessed with both gore, and the idea of inflicting pain on myself and others. I have intrusive thoughts where I'll look at someone, on a bus or on the street, and think how easy it would be for me to break there arm, or strangle them, or push them infront of a bus etc etc. Now of course I would never EVER do it... but the fact that the thoughts are there worries me.

Just today I contacted the Psychology department of a local university and I'm hoping they can offer help. The purpose of this thread however is to hear from YOU to see if anyone else 'suffers' from similar disorders or if you have any friends/family that do or if you simply want to ask me something.

This isn't OCD... and I don't think ED is the forum for this.

I'm not sure why you're talking to a university instead of talking to medical professionals or why you're talking to psychologists and not psychiatrists.

Go see a shrink.

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Originally Posted by Xei

This isn't OCD... and I don't think ED is the forum for this.

I'm not sure why you're talking to a university instead of talking to medical professionals or why you're talking to psychologists and not psychiatrists.

Go see a shrink.

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I think it may be, because OCD involves having involuntary thoughts regarding a specific subject. Unfortunately I can't say much more here because I don't have it.

This does not sound like obsessive compulsive disorder. Obsessive compulsive disorder deals with strange and irrational actions meant to relieve anxiety, not just strange thoughts that enter your head. That sounds like an entirely different kind of psychological illness, possibly a dangerous one. OCD people have to do certain rituals a certain amount of times and in a certain way or they feel anxious. If you had OCD you would develop certain rituals, so if you don't do that then this is probably something different.

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Originally Posted by Puffin

I think it may be, because OCD involves having involuntary thoughts regarding a specific subject. Unfortunately I can't say much more here because I don't have it.

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The thoughts are about some perceived disorder which the person has an irritable desire to rectify, such as tables in a classroom being wonky, or some dirt in a hidden place.

Not wanting to kill people to see their blood.

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Originally Posted by Xei

The thoughts are about some perceived disorder which the person has an irritable desire to rectify, such as tables in a classroom being wonky, or some dirt in a hidden place.

Not wanting to kill people to see their blood.

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Ah, thanks for clearing that up.

Are you aroused by gore or take pleasure in watching it? People with OCD don't get any pleasure from their compulsions, they just relieve anxiety as Caprisun mentioned.

It IS a form of OCD
Intrusive thoughts - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Be VERY strict with yourself. When you start obsessing,, tell yourself "Shut up brain." or something similar. It's what I had to do. I was shocked when I realized I had to redirect my thoughts every couple minutes!
A shrink could help though.

As Zhaylin said, intrusive thoughts are a characteristic feature of obsessive-compulsive disorder. The reason the condition is named obsessive-compulsive disorder is because it consists of two components: perhaps unsurprisingly, obsessions (i.e., intrusive thoughts) and compulsions (i.e., the "rituals" that others mentioned). It is in fact intrusive thoughts, and not the presence of compulsions/rituals, which is considered to be the defining feature of OCD. Although it sounds a bit like you're getting nontrivial compulsions as well (you mentioned inflicting pain on yourself) which you simply aren't indulging, thankfully.

The most common treatment for OCD is anti-anxiety medication. I think sometimes anti-depression medication is used instead. In any case, a doctor can prescribe this for you. Psychologists typically can't (although I've heard of exceptions--which I think are mistakes, but that's another story). I don't really know what the behavioral/therapy-based treatments look like, although I do think that some exist (which may or may not be effective).

You asked for personal experience so I should tell you that my Dad was diagnosed with OCD 5-10 years ago and is still prescribed Alprazolam (Xanax) for it, which he never takes. His obsessions are mainly of the classic neatness & cleanliness variety. He was, at times, hard to grow up with, but overall the disorder hasn't disturbed his life too much. His case is relatively mild, all things considered.

That is true, there are actually two parts of it. I have OCD though its a very mild case, in which doesn't have any serious impact on my life. The little things I feel compelled to do, are normally very minor, in which I just do them and continue on with no disruption to my life. For the most part I just ignore that I have it, and I am fine.

Thoughts of harming yourself or others, is a classic sign of OCD. The key is that it has to be something you would never do, and that you know you would never do it. The thing is, even though you know you would never do it, a small part of brain says, "Yea but what if you did?" So even though there is no chance of you doing it, and you know it, you can't help but worry any way.

For the little rituals people do, its normally stuff you know is illogical, and stupid. The point is that even though you know nothing is going to happen if you don't do the ritual, a small part of you worries anyway. And that worry and stress just builds up, and that causes the problems.

The thoughts of wanting to hurt people are classic OCD, however the first part of watching gore may not be OCD. It could be but I am not sure(I am not a doctor). If it is OCD chances are you probably tried to quit watching it, but was unable to. You should also be thinking things like, you don't want to watch it but be unable to stop. If you like watching it, or even neutral and you never tried quitting, it might be something different.

Thanks to the few of you that actually know that this is OCD. To the others... look it up. I'm currently speaking to the Local University, and they said I'd be better of talking to their Neuroscience Prof so I'm waiting for a reply from him. I'll update the situation whenever anything of significance happens. I frankly have no idea how they'll go about this... but I guess I'll find out soon enough.

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Are you aroused by gore or take pleasure in watching it?

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No

@DuB and Alric
Thanks for taking the time to explain and learn that, since some of the people on this forum clearly haven't.

I have intrusive thought regarding gore, pain, death etc. And I have compulsions both to watch/experience pain/death/gore as well as inflict it on others. Obviously being that I've "suffered" from this for so long without having had actually acted on my compulsions shows that I both have a high tolerance for anxiety, as well as a ability to control myself and keep myself 'distracted'. Daily I watch suicides, murders, autopsies, executions etc... but I never have, and never will act on my compulsions to hurt others. Though I have admittedly acted on compulsions to harm myself. Never badly... but usually through cuts, burns, whips etc. Again, I find no pleasure in any of this other than relieving whatever stress or anxiety was caused by the initial compulsion.

edit: And when I get back from the University I'll highlight and post any things said by the Prof/MD that I think may be interesting to you folks.