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Masturbating. I feel like it's getting a little out of hand. I've tried to stop before, and it's extremely difficult. It feels almost like an addiction, to be honest. I'm really tired of having it (or other things sexual in nature) on my mind all the time. Anybody have any advice pertaining to the topic?
watch gay porn when you get the urge. dudes if you're straight, chicks if you're gay. I get pretty turned off watching lesbians go at it. sometimes ill.
if you're bi, I cannot help you.
Cold turkey man. Just stop masturbating and don't give in to your urges.Quote:
Originally Posted by Plorp
Oh, don't give in to your "I'll just watch but not tug" urges either. One thing leads to another pretty easily.
GL :)
I've never tried that before. Might be worth a shot lol :PQuote:
Originally Posted by nerve
I've tried cold turkey before, and haven't gotten too far. Then again, I didn't have the determination I do now, so heck, maybe it'll work. Thanks for the advice guys :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Beeyahoi
Quote:
Originally Posted by nerve
Simple, watch multi-specie sex. That'll turn someone off :panic:
i don't have this problem, but i have wondered a bit about control of your sexual nature. repression makes it worse, but reinforcing it doesn't work either. i can feel in control of myself for a while, then i find myself walking behind a girl, staring at her ass and getting lost.
so i guess the overarching question is how to deal with basic biological urges when you don't have a girlfriend.
what i do is have sex with girls in dreams (which can get out of hand, too) but obviously that takes more dedication. when i can do that well enough i feel better about the current dry spell in waking life.
But that's the thing; if possible, I'd like to get to a point where I don't really care to do anything sexual unless the situation were to present itself.Quote:
Originally Posted by cygnus
In other words, I don't want to want to use my dreams (or anything, really) for relieving sexual tension, if you know what I mean. And maybe simply being a teenage boy makes that impossible.
sure, but sexual tension can build up, right? the question is how to manage it. hopefully more people will post because i think this is kind of an interesting subject.
Go every other day for a week, every three days for a week, then stop.
well, they may find themselves strangely turned on, and then have a whole nother problem...Quote:
Originally Posted by Jorge
How many times a day do you masturbate?
If cold turkey doesn't work, I'll try this.Quote:
Originally Posted by hellohihello
I lol'dQuote:
Originally Posted by nerve
Generally twiceQuote:
Originally Posted by Black_Eagle
Once you pass 5 days you should be good. In my case at least
Masturbating twice a day is not so frequent.
See the urges for what they are, you don't need to indulge in them, nor ignore them. Whatever you do is entirely your choice, don't consider these urges to have any power over you.
Don't just stop masturbating with the idea that you have to fight against the urges, be aware when the feelings come and take a step back to decide what you want to do.
I recently had this problem. I cut down to masturbating only three times a week, and then I just quit altogether, and I have been going strong for about 10 days, and honestly, I feel amazing. I feel so refreshed, and I just generally am in a better mood. I highly suggest you go for it.
Well here is the important question you need to ask yourself. Are you masturbating because you need to, or because you are bored? This works for people who are overweight too. You eat because you feel the need, or because you are bored?
People do things like eat and masturbate a lot when they are bored and have nothing else to do. You can probably distract yourself from it, you just need to find something else that is fun to do.
I can only second that. Or else get a gf. I personally think watching gay porn, googleing genital diseases or thinking of your grandma won't get you anywhere since you can simply chose not to. If it's porn that is leading to anything download the free version of this: http://www1.k9webprotection.com/ and type in a password with your eyes closed. That way if the urge ever gets too strong, you won't be able to even if you wanted.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
If it's just masturbating in general, doing lots of sports is the key. And I mean a lot. Give yourself no time to masturbate. Think about your mom or your sister or gay porn the instant you get an urge to. And don't eat foods that will boost your testosterone levels. Then cut down gradually until you stop completely to know that you're free of it.
Looking up gay porn and bad stuff is probably a bad idea. Since you are going to relate being aroused to that sort of stuff. Which either means you are going to start enjoying it, or you will no longer be able to get aroused at all.
Yeah I was thinking about that. Like Pavlov's dog associates hearing a bell ring with food. I guess you simply have to be confident of your sexuality then. I for one know that it will never happen to me. Or else just find something that is guaranteed to turn you off like puppies dying or something.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
I'm glad you're doing so well, and hearing about it's definitely motivation for me :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Saturos
I honestly don't know, I think a bit of both. It definitely does feel like it's become a very 'important' part of my day though; I'm often looking forward to it without realizing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
I don't THINK it's porn, because I've gone for long periods of time without it and not had any problems. And the prospect of giving it up doesn't really phase me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Paraknight
The sports thing is an interesting idea, I had never thought about it before. I enjoy soccer, but have slacked on playing for a while now. Maybe I'll start playing a ton like I used to.
Also, what foods boost your testosterone levels?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
And I see your guys' point, but, for one, I don't believe you can really 'train' yourself to be attracted to the same sex (not to start a heated debate on the topic or anything).Quote:
Originally Posted by Paraknight
If done enough, I suppose you could train your mind to associate arousal with with images of homosexual sex (and consequently become unaroused, depending on the person). But I would think that would take months of doing it to really engrave it into your subconscious (I may be way off on this, I really don't have much knowledge of the topic).
Personally, I think if you watch enough straight porn the same thing happens. Since there are men and woman in straight porn and you are exposed to both. However there is a big difference to having a preference and then subtly reinforcing it by doing the stuff you like. And doing something you out right hate, and reinforcing that with pleasure.
I'm not sure I understand completely. Are you saying that, theoretically, if you watch enough straight porn you could become attracted to males, since you associate porn with sexual arousal and males are often involved?Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
Yes, I think its possible. Though there are women too, so you would still be attracted to women. It would probably be such a gradual thing you would never even notice though.
I'm guessing you don't have a girlfriend? They can help with this kind of stuff...
I guess it comes down to what you believe causes or can cause a sexual attraction to the same sex. I personally believe that homosexuality (or bisexuality) is hereditary and is not caused by environmental reasons, which I suppose this would fall under. There are studies pointing to both environmental and hereditary though, so I don't really know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
I think that watching a lot of porn (gay or straight) could cause something of a 'desensitization' towards male sexuality. In other words you could get used to seeing it and not have it seem startling or unpleasant to watch (which seems to be the reaction many straight males and females have towards it).
Actually being attracted to the same sex seems like a whole different thing entirely, though. That's my take on it anyway.
I'm only 16 and do not have much interest in pursuing a sexual relationship with anybody, which works out because not many girls my age in my town want to either.Quote:
Originally Posted by Spartiate
First you get over the gross factor, then you related it with pleasure, and then it becomes attractive.
There is no hereditary reason why some people would find gay porn gross. Thats like saying people don't like broccoli because of hereditary reasons. Obviously its mostly environmental, not because your dna says broccoli is bad. Which is why people grow to like it once they get a chance and taste it.
In fact, I am pretty sure most people would enjoy gay sex if they gave it a chance and did it often enough. There really is no reason a person wouldn't enjoy, except for social and environmental reasons.
I missed the part where this is a problem? When I was 16 I masturbated like 50 times a day. (Give or take... :wink:) If you think not masturbating is going to keep you from having sex on your mind all the time... WOW are you wrong.
I honestly hadn't really thought about it like that before. If that is the case though, wouldn't that mean that gays and lesbians could easily become 'straight' simply by giving straight sex a chance? Not to say I know this for sure, but it seems like there are a lot of gays and lesbians that wish they could be straight, but simply can't, because that's the way they are.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
Haha, you could be right about that. Even so, I really hate not having complete control over my body in all aspects. The fact that this is so hard for me to stop doing is almost why I'm trying to stop it, if that makes sense.Quote:
Originally Posted by DuB
Well, one of the reasons, anyway.
I'm not really sure, I've been eating a lot of liver lately too raise my testosterone, but for muscle growth. Disadvantage are things like acne, though I have that under control. All in all I think it's better to keep it low.Quote:
Originally Posted by Plorp
A quick google gave me this: http://www.libido-increasing-food.com/
Just do the opposite of what they say (except the fast food stuff). Might want to search around more though.
By the way, apparently it is possible to train yourself to like the opposite sex but it's very hard and doesn't last long. I found this article a while back, (http://www.damninteresting.com/techn...of-happiness):
I guess you might as well take oestrogen injections though if you wanna change your orientation big-time. :cheeky:Quote:
Along with electrodes, Heath’s team would sometimes implant a tube called a canula which could deliver precise doses of chemicals directly into the brain. When researchers injected the neurotransmitter acetylcholine into a patient’s septal area, “vigorous activity” showed up on the EEG, and the patient usually described intense pleasure, including multiple orgasms lasting as long as thirty minutes.
In another controversial experiment in 1972, Dr. Heath wired up a homosexual man’s pleasure centers in order to help him “cure” his homosexuality. During the initial three-hour session, subject “B-19″ stimulated himself some 1,500 times. Dr. Heath wrote of the experiment, “During these sessions, B-19 stimulated himself to a point that he was experiencing an almost overwhelming euphoria and elation, and had to be disconnected, despite his vigorous protests.” Since unnatural methods can bring about unnatural results, energizing the man’s electrodes as he looked at erotic pictures of women temporarily “cured” him of his homosexuality, but once the electrodes were removed, he went back to normal.
I don't think there's a big danger of going gay though or vice-versa.
It does actually have a very strong genetic weighting. I would say that sexual attraction is for the most part hormonal, and your natural hormones levels are defined by your genes. That's not saying that something could change throughout your life. I know quite a few gay people actually and they mostly (not all) have relatively higher voices, for instance. It's all linked.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
Holy crap man. :lol: I agree with you though; masturbation normally takes away sexual tension. I think it levels off though depending on your habits.Quote:
Originally Posted by DuB
So pretty much eat a ton of crappy food and I'll be good? lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Paraknight
And that article is really interesting (damn interesting, even :P). I wasn't aware such technology existed. Crazy to think what would happen if it was turned into consumer technology (or at least if it became accessible to the general public).
Well that site is aimed at increasing your levels so I guess it makes the opposite seem bad.:cheeky: I guess chicken and beef are the big ones. And eggs, broccoli, cabbage and garlic follow. If you don't eat like a body builder would then I guess you could still keep your testosterone down without damaging your body majorly if you stay within that narrow margin.Quote:
Originally Posted by Plorp
That looks like the problem to me~Quote:
Haha, you could be right about that. Even so, I really hate not having complete control over my body in all aspects. The fact that this is so hard for me to stop doing is almost why I'm trying to stop it, if that makes sense.
Now I'm no expert, but that could be described as a power trip taken out on yourself.
As DuB said, where's the problem?
I suppose I'm addicted too, or am I? Honestly I don't know, I haven't thought about it that way.
The only problem I see is that when the family is home, it's pretty uncomfortable to get aroused because there's nothing to do about it (without being super stealthy and silent) ._ .
PROTIP: Lock the door.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
If no lock, tell everyone you're masturbating, they will not come in.
It's taboo.
Both options make it obvious what's happening, which is not supposed to happen. It's an unstated law that everyone shall at all times pretend that nobody ever, ever masturbates, unless caught in the act, in which case he has commited an abomination, and shall surely be put to death.
No, seriously, it is. And even if I had a lock, the walls are pretty listenthroughable
But that's not really a problem is it? I just know that if I lived alone, I'd be masturbating at least 50 times a day :V
Sure a gay person could become attracted to the opposite sex, if they tried straight sex often enough.
Really I think that gay being genetic is kind of a silly idea. Since a family line couldn't survive long periods of time with the gay gene, since most of the family would be gay and they would have less children than normal.
Really I think it is pretty simple. Sex just feels good. If you give something a chance, its going to start feeling good. Not to be vulgar but if a guy gives you a blowjob, it feels the same as a woman giving you a blowjob, except a man probably is better at it, because he knows what feels good. There is no genetic switch that suddenly makes you dislike blowjobs because a man is doing it. Genetically, its impossible to tell the different.
Going on the assumption that you will probably going enjoy sex with either gender as long as you give it a chance, it is easy to see that the main factor is mental and social not genetic.
Getting somewhat off-topic, but considering that most angles have been taken in regards to the OP...
@Alric
I was discussing the turning points of sexuality with Sandform a couple of days ago, there seems to be definite key elements in the circumstances of both of our lives and our perspectives when we were younger, that I think certainly point to a mental shift in interest and attraction.
As for the whole 'watching x porn makes you attracted to x porn', I would assume there's a possibility (with certain factors involved), though it seems as if in this thread it has been taken to the point of being a reason to dissuade against doing so. I do think it's far-fetched to try and resolve the urge to masturbate by viewing porn that may turn you off because of social stigmas, but I also think that it's quite politically incorrect to be casually con-notating any reasonable sexual activities or deviancies and furthering those stigmas.
SUM.: Some of what has been said has been quite matter-of-fact when it is more subjective, and it seems to have touched on homophobia too much.
eg. "Danger of going gay".
Basically, I think sexualityis nothing different fromcan be likened to favouring certain foods...and I've been argued against on that extensively in the past at DV. :P
I personally think both genes and environment have significant influence, but let's not go into that too much. I know people who are perfectly masculine but are still gay. And my high-school biology teacher (who is coincidentally gay) made a point in explaining the nature of homosexuality. I must admit it was an awkward conversation at times.Quote:
Originally Posted by Alric
And, ClouD, sorry if I said anything. I deliberately added "or vice-versa" at the end of it earlier since it really does seem like people do not want to change orientation. Maybe it's the social implications maybe otherwise, I don't know. I personally have nothing against homo-, bi-, trans-, whatever and I think that people should be able to pursue whatever kinds of relationship they want so no sweat! :wink:
I'll continue the off topic-ness for giggles.
But that's still quite the same too. You might come to like a certain food that you didn't like before by "training" yourself to like it.Quote:
Originally Posted by ClouD
I don't believe you can do that. I mean yes, you can probably do that. But it's also possibly to train yourself to completely ignore pain, and then proceed to burn yourself to death without moving a muscle. Both very useful skills.
And pretty hard to optain, without religious dedication.
That reminds me of the kick-boxers down at the local taekwondo dojo. The thought they were so awesome for getting those injections that kills all feeling in their legs for a few months or something, when one guy screws up his legs completely while sparring and was freaked out because he didn't notice. :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
Ok now I'm waaay :offtopic:.
God damnit you quoted my wording-fuckup!
Then, if I may ask, what's the word you actually use, when saying that?
"without even ____"
But yeah. I think if you do mess with stuff like that, which foods you favor or your sexuality, some shits going to be problematic. I dunno what, but something.
And again there's the whole deal with those homosexuals. All those who tried to cure themselves, to turn normal and all that.
It didn't really work did it...
Piorp I had the same problem. I swear my shit got desensitized. Then I stopped for like a week and some days. Then I would just watch girls on porn sites without masturbating at all. Just watching. It's pretty interesting when you do this. It's like teasing yourself, then when you go to masturbate or have sex again, the climax or whatever is much powerful.
Subtle.
Same thing with everything else, just be subtle. Too much of anything and it loses it's specialness.
Maybe "without even flinchng"? I'm not sure. Changed it anyway. :)
I think there's no point in trying to change orientation. If you just accept it and move on you'll have less of a hard time.
Maybe that's the key? Just jerk off so often that it loses significance?Quote:
Originally Posted by Majestic
Oh yes, flinching. Thanks a lot :D Or "wince" perhaps?
And I agree fully.
easy for a straight person to say? :/Quote:
Originally Posted by Paraknight
It's just easier to accept it than walk around fighting all the time.
That's not saying that accepting it is actually easy.
^Exactly that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
And if you don't go living in Iran or something, I guess you can still live a perfectly good life. It's unfortunate though that some people make such a big deal of orientation.
Agreed again, even though I think "some people" is a bit of an underestimation. And it's not just orientation, but everything concerning sex.
It's sad :|
And incredibly off topic :]
lol, it's all good. Especially considering I agree with you :PQuote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
On a more on topic note, 3rd day without masturbating and I'm going good so far. :banana:
Whatever you do, don't think about how especially awesome masturbating is going to feel after a 3 day break.
hahahahahQuote:
Originally Posted by DuB
@Alric: I've been watching straight porn ever since I've been able to yank the old salami, so to speak, and I can safely say that your supposition that watching even straight porn can turn a person gay simply doesn't hold up, as I'm still not the least bit attracted - sexually, anyway - to the male sex. After all, who does a straight man, when watching straight porn, focus on? The female partner. Duh. Don't see how your theory works out, there, buddy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ClouD
Didn't want to get terribly deep into this discussion, but I have to say that I think that's a rather ridiculous stance on sexuality. There's countless different foods with even more countless different spices and distinct flavors, so of course you'll grow to like things you didn't think you'd like. But there are only two sexes. Doesn't exactly make a great analogy when you compare something with a large index to something with a tiny index. Does not compute.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
In fact, if that philosophy were true, do you know whose favor that would work in? Overzealous Catholics who think they can send their gay children to "straight camps" to get straight. That could actually work, if what you're saying is true. Going back to the food analogy...me, I personally hate seafood. The other day, I decided I'd "man-up" and see if my taste buds have "grown into it", so to speak, so I went to a seafood restaurant for lunch. Needless to say, I still find seafood as sickening as ever. So what could possibly make you think that a person will necessarily change their sexual preference if they just "try something new"? Is there ever any such a thing as "knowing what you like and what you don't like, and that's that"? Why's there gotta be that "well, there's always a chance" mentality?
With that out of the way, I'd like to get down to my original intention of addressing the OP (warning - TMI could lie ahead): You shouldn't have to feel that just because you masturbate, you somehow "don't have control" over your actions. I masturbate because I like to do it. If I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it. Simple as that. It doesn't control me, but rather I control it. In the past, I would stay at my grandma's house for weeks at a time, where I couldn't masturbate safely, because someone was always around. What did I do? Stopped. Didn't even "just sneak one in" on the toilet, I just stopped. Of course, that always meant a very miserable couple of weeks, since I was always stressed out with no way to relieve the tension (I haven't yet heard a doctor who said that masturbation wasn't a good way to reduce stress). Needless to say, I would go to town on myself whenever I got back home.
The gist of what I'm trying to say is that masturbation isn't an addiction, in the true sense of the word, and thus doesn't control you as you may think. You're in control. But seeing as how masturbation's really nothing to be ashamed of - regardless of other people's irrelevant opinions that it's "wrong" - I don't really see why else you'd feel you the need to stop. Kind of sounds like an inferiority complex to me; like you feel that masturbation is for the weak, and yet because you do it, you feel you're somehow weak and inferior yourself. If this is the case, I feel sorry for you, and the only (quite unhelpful) thing I can tell you is...don't feel that way. Sorry if I'm not much help. :?
Oi oi, there, I'm sorry.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lëzen
Although I can't remember why I made that post, I'll try to explain what I meant.
Some monks have trained themselves to not react to pain at all, to the point of being able to burn themselves alive. They have mastered their brains completely, and I believe that if such a monk wanted to, he could probably enjoy the taste of mud or shit. But only because he has wicked control of his own brain like that.
If I really did believe that you could change your own sexuality, I believe I'd have done so by now, considering what my sexuality is :shadewink:
Indeed, and that never worked, did it? :pQuote:
In fact, if that philosophy were true, do you know whose favor that would work in? Overzealous Catholics who think they can send their gay children to "straight camps" to get straight. That could actually work, if what you're saying is true.
It only made those gays insecure and what-do-I-know about themselves. The difference is that while one of those lunatic monks could probably make a dramatic change like this, they do it for their own reasons, while the gays were simply being subject to someone elses opinion.
I think I was mostly saying that yes, it's probably possible.
But only if you're like one of those incredibly controlled monks.
And of course, you'd have to want to make the change yourself. However, why a monk wishes to be able to burn alive without wincing, I have absolutely no idea.
This is different. Trying to see if it changed by performing an experiment is a lot different than taking up the task to change the way your own brain works. And why would you want to do something as dramatic as that, just to like seafood? But I still think you could, assuming of course that you are an insanely focused monk.Quote:
...me, I personally hate seafood. The other day, I decided I'd "man-up" and see if my taste buds have "grown into it", so to speak, so I went to a seafood restaurant for lunch. Needless to say, I still find seafood as sickening as ever.
Again, I'm completely with you.Quote:
So what could possibly make you think that a person will necessarily change their sexual preference if they just "try something new"? Is there ever any such a thing as "knowing what you like and what you don't like, and that's that"? Why's there gotta be that "well, there's always a chance" mentality?
I've been in this boat for a long time, I've tried many things, but most things are just sickening like seafood is for you.
All in all, I think we agree completely. I guess I was just hovering around in the argument that changing these things isn't 100% impossible, just very very hard and near impossible.
Most of us are not monks with complete control over our own brains, so I don't know why I brought up that argument.
You don't have to be a monk. People just do it wrong. The mind works by associating things. In fact most of your preferences are deeply rooted in your childhood; the time in your life where your brain still has no idea what is what. The longer you've been around the harder it is the "change" what has been hard-wired into you previously in some way or another but people can still very easily anchor a certain feeling to a certain action and link it to a different action thus changing their perception of that action or thing or whatever. It's like with Pavlov's dog. I think if you try hard enough, you can teach yourself to like seafood. I remember hating cherry juice, but by mixing it with apple juice, in gradually increasing amounts, I actually like it now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeni
A friend of mine from high school took it upon himself to masturbate as much as possible in a single day, like a personal contest. I think his record was 10 times in one day. It was funny.
:cackle:Quote:
Originally Posted by Caprisun
Every time you feel like masturbating do a bunch of push-ups and a bunch of crunches and run a few laps then stretch like yoga. Then make some music or paint a picture or write something creative, be it poetry, a story, or just your thoughts. Inspire yourself. You don't have to have that urge. You can channel it into other things. It depends on how old you are, but don't give it up altogether, cut down on half, then half again, then a half of that, etc... until it is no longer a compulsive act.
You need to channel that restlessness and harness that creative energy.
I guarantee you guys he already failed his own challenge about a week ago. He probably failed it like 3 times in a row and then fell asleep.
LOL!!! I know! We just like to give advice that we try to keep!!!
But there are so many types of women! Or men. Since I am straight and I am a man, I will use the metaphor of women here. There are Japanese women, there are Latina women, there are Thai women, there are French women, there are Slovenian women, there are Brazilian women, there are women from the Canary Islands, there are French Canadian women, there are Californian women, etc.!!!! Personally, American women aren't that great comparatively. Just like American Food. I mean would you rather go out to eat at the McDonald's or Sushi? (Rhetorical question)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lëzen
So many different spices and distinct flavors!!!
Meat.Quote:
Originally Posted by Plorp
Plorp, I'm struggling with the same problem. It is an addiction. Every time i stop i give in like 3 or 4 days later. It's basically like a drug, it releases chemicals in your brain like a narcotic.Quote:
Originally Posted by Plorp
The only way I can think of stopping this urge is to stay busy, and to meditate. Or when i get the thoughts of sex/lust period just do some push-ups or something to take my mind off of it. Trust me, temptation is a beast. There are benefits to abstaining from masturbation also, e.b. increased energy, motivation and focus.