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Hello guys, I am in a committed relationship. But my girlfriend said she was in a dream she could control but she chose to have sex with another guy is it considered cheating?
She confirms me she will never cheat in real life but I am afraid if she said yes in a dream she will do so in real life.
Do you lucid dreamers have such good sex in dreams that you wake up craving for real satisfaction?
Just realize that lucid dreaming is at times more real than waking life. I think you'll find your answer in that. Is it really all that bad? I think that's for the dreamer to decide. All in all dreaming is all in your head, and most would say that none of it is really real. Then that moves us to the question, how do you define real?
To give you an idea of the realness of dreams, all of my lucid dreams and non-lucid dreams tend to be hyper realistic for the most part. This means that they feel more real than real life. All my senses are heightened to a great extent during so.
So more specifically, will a person whose having amazing lucid dream sex wake up and crave the real thing? Maybe, or maybe not. For some, Lucid dream sex can definitely satisfy some dreamers to the point where it might get the job done completely and they don't need real sex. But I'd say for the most part, everyone wants the real thing; its our nature. Does that mean your girl will cheat on you? Think about it. You know her better than any of us do.
As an 18 year old dude I'd have to say that I still always crave the real thing. I could go on and on about this for a while and talk about how some lucid dreamers say they've had the best sex ever in their dreams that waking life sex couldn't compare too. In the end I think its safe to say that everyone has a special experience regarding lucid sex.
I don't know much man, but I think from your position a good move would be to make your girl crave you more than she craves dream sex. Put all the focus on her next time you guys have sex and really blow her mind to the point where she then becomes addicted to you and ends up wanting you 3 times everyday(that might take some practice). Obviously that number depends on you guys' sex drive, so it's just an example.
Hope this helped a lil
OneUp
It's no use worrying about things you can't control. Your girlfriends dreams and her choice of sexual partners are some of those things. Trying to control those things would make you look like a control freak which I'm sure she wouldn't appreciate.
What you can control is figuring out if you can do anything better to make her happier to be with you.
My girl tells me that its just a dream and she has like no intention or even anything feeling to do it with someone else in the real life.Quote:
Originally Posted by OneUp
She really loves me I can see that.
Yeah I guess i'll work on myself more to make our sex life better.
Actually its kind of the same, I see hot girls I have weird thinkings but at the end of the day I only want the one I love. Is that kinda the same?
Alright thanks for the tip, I am just afraid that if she agrees on sex in dreams, she will slowly bring that habit into real life? but whats the likelihood? (Cheating)Quote:
Originally Posted by dolphin
If she loves you the same way you love her then there's nothing to be worried about concerning cheating. And yes it's totally normal to have sexual thoughts about hot girls; its completely natural. So really, Considering the fact that she even told you about the dream where she had sex with some dude, it seems fairly clear that she has no intentions of really cheating on you otherwise she wouldn't have told you and kept it a secret.Quote:
My girl tells me that its just a dream and she has like no intention or even anything feeling to do it with someone else in the real life.
She really loves me I can see that.
Yeah I guess i'll work on myself more to make our sex life better.
Actually its kind of the same, I see hot girls I have weird thinkings but at the end of the day I only want the one I love. Is that kinda the same?
The only reason someone cheats is when they are neglected in some sort of ways right? :/Quote:
Originally Posted by OneUp
I would not worry about it at all.
Yes, you can sometimes control lucid dreams. But you don't always have waking life awareness. So "chosing" to have sex or anything else may not be such a clear choice of the dreamer.
When I have a low awareness lucid dream, I have 2 urges. Urge is something you can't fight, you just do it. One is to fly and the other one is to grab first person on the street and have sex. So I either jump out of the first window or grab somebody and "do it". It feels like I chose to do that, but I really have no control over it, I just have to do it.
Also, lucid dreams are fun because we get to do things we would not do in waking life. Like being a fighter and killing bunch of "enemy". Or robbing a bank with a banana for a weapon.
Our thoughts don't defy us. Our actions do.
So for example, she had sex with another guy in a lucid dream but in real life she won't do it? It's just like a ugreQuote:
Originally Posted by gab
While that is true, there are many reasons as to why a person would cheat. It could be from being neglected or simply being bored in the relationship which can be caused by a variety of things. It's too much to list.Quote:
The only reason someone cheats is when they are neglected in some sort of ways right? :/
Don't worry about it man. Your girl dreaming about having sex should be the least of your worries. It's when she locks her phone and never lets you see it or answer it for her when she gets a call or she starts "going out with the girls" 4 to 5 days a week that you should start worrying lol.
To be honest I really don't see a problem here. Even if it's not just an urge and she does it fully consciously, just think of it as a sort of masturbation.
In my experience with relationships, granted not overly huge, I never had an issue with masturbation with my partner at the time (for both of us). So if your case is the same and in your relationship masturbation isn't considered a form of cheating, neither should be lucid dream sex. You might argue that lucid dream sex is much more realistic than masturbation - well, yes, sometimes. But other times it can be too short, or too foggy or whatever. Even if it's one of these times that feels better than real life sex, some people are remarkably good in visualization and imagination and can visualize nearly as much details in waking life (while masturbating).
Honestly, if you ask me, dream sex should be considered "less of a cheating" than masturbation to porn. Doing it without porn means that you essentially get all of the fantasy from your own creative mind. I mean, you do understand that the person she had sex with in the dream wasn't real - it's just a simulation completely originating in her brain. So by this logic watching porn is more of a cheating since it involves other people - not just the ones that the brain simulates.
To sum up my 2 cents, if masturbation is something that is "allowed" in your relationship, I see no reason for lucid dream sex to be an issue. If it's not something that is allowed, then you can make an argument to your partner to out-law lucid dream sex too (though to me people that insist on banning masturbation or lucid dream sex in a relationship are plain illogical. But fine, to each his own, I'm not gonna force my logic on anyone).
For one thing, she admitted it to you. That alone tells you a lot about the level of trust. It is just a dream, remember. No matter how real it feels, it's wish fulfillment inside our own heads... essentially mental masturbation. I don't think it's cause for alarm yet.
While I understand that one can get jealous over that, I would never consider leaving someone because of lucid 'cheating' and here is why:
How can you cheat with someone who doesn't exist. It's like going to jail for stealing something that only exists in your head.
If this is considered cheating then no one should be in a relationship because we all fantasize, which is pretty much the same, doing it in your head.
But this can be upsetting so it's best not to think about it. What you don't know won't hurt you. Tell your girlfriend that there's a lot more satisfying things to do in lucid dreaming and then convince yourself that she switched to that ;)
This may sound a little harsh while really I understand and feel for you, but this is how I see this situation in reality, emotions aside,
We live once. Only once. Would you want even your partner's very thoughts to be ONLY allowed to think of you until the end of time? How cruel. Perhaps you should go ahead and dump your girlfriend so that she will be free and happy.Quote:
Originally Posted by chokchiachuan
Sorry for being so blunt.
Learn to lucid dream and have your own sexual fantasies. Then you will understand better. See what she thinks about that.....does the door swing both ways?
Look it this way. Do you never think another girl is attractive?
Does that mean you will cheat?
If your girlfriend is a warm-blooded living being she will most likely be attracted to many examples of the opposite gender. That's not abnormal, and it isn't something she can control.
I'll tell you what..
Tell her that you think it's cheating and that you're unhappy with her. It won't stop her from being attracted to other guys, but it will force her to be dishonest and start lying to you about it. Will this make you feel better?
I'm sorry. I have strong emotions tied to this, and I can't stand the status quo manner of thinking in this matter. We are not cavemen.
Immaturity?Quote:
Originally Posted by salsashark
This thread makes me so damn angry.
Oh wow, you literally took half of my sentence out of context and now are calling me immature? A person can get jealous over anything, they have a right to. You have a right to be jealous over a fact that someone had more pancakes for breakfast, it will just make your life more miserable.Quote:
Originally Posted by sloth
All you stated was that you understand that one can get jealous over that, not that you would. I was stating that getting jealous over something like that is a sign of immaturity. I don't know if you are the type to get jealous over something like that or not. If you are then you now know my opinion on the matter, but that does not mean that I was directly calling you immature.Quote:
Originally Posted by salsashark
And yes. You are correct. One has the right to get jealous over immature things if they want to. However, I also have the right to point out that getting jealous over immature things is a sign of immaturity.
The way I see it is that not being able to control your emotions is not necessarily a sign of immaturity, but the actions you take may be. Even mature people with good deal of self-awareness experience unwanted feelings sometimes. You cannot always control being jealous but you can decide what to do about your jealousy. If you use it as a tool for self reflection I wouldn't say that there's anything wrong with it. Everyone gets angry at this guy but he never said that he had a fight with his girlfriend or even told her that he doesn't like what she's doing. If we want to respect her freedom to do what she wants in lucid dreams then I think we should respect his freedom to feel jealous about it. I'd call trying to control her immature, but feeling certain way seems human to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by sloth
One may be unable to control the emotions that one feels regarding a particular issue once that person has made a determination regarding how he feels about that issue. However, that emotion is based upon the thoughts and moral opinions regarding similar events or ideas leading up to that point. The person does have control over whether or not he objects to something or not, at least in the days and years leading up to it. One may choose whether or not he agrees with getting vaccinations, for example, years before he is confronted with a situation when that opinion comes into play. He then might become upset if he is confronted with someone getting vaccinated, and may not have control over his emotion, however he did have control over whether or not he agreed with vaccinations in the first place. That is, if we have free will at all. Feeling an unwanted emotion and taking appropriate, or no action IS mature. However the original emotion is a result of immature mental planning and mental preparation. If the person had prepared himself for all contingencies then they wouldn't feel any unwanted emotion to begin with.
I'll put it this way. If I decided right from birth that everything I experience is a good thing and that nothing could ever bother me, then I would be very happy for the short time that I lived.
In this particular case a person is wrestling with jealousy that has occurred because he decided before now that this is the appropriate reaction for him. I respect his freedom to feel jealous about this as long as he respects my freedom to see that as a sign of immaturity. That doesn't mean that it is. It just means that this is the way I see it. It holds no logic. There is no good argument to support it, and it holds NO consideration for others. Not just ANY others, but those he holds close. I see it as selfish, and that is my fault. I accept responsibility for that because my opinion is based upon the moral decisions I have made leading up to this point.