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This post may be in the wrong place, but I didn't know where else to put it. If I had lucid sex with a girl, does that make me a lesbian or bisexual? I have only had relationships with men in real life. It sort of disturbs me because this has happened to me on a number of occasions.
well since it was lucid, so you had control, so you must have wanted to do this, then i guess it makes you a lesbian. infact, even if it was a normal dream, then the message that dream would have is that you are a lesbian.
conclusion: you are a lesbian/bisexual
Unless it was free will.
Gay men have wet dreams about women.
Straight men can have wet dreams about men.
Just think about it.
What makes you think that having a sexual experience with or without free will with a girl makes you a lesbian/bisexual anyway?
If I wanted to, I could have sex with just about anyone or anything in my dreams.
Nah, JK.
No, but it perhaps makes you bi/curious. Nobody can really answer that off of the single situation alone. What do you think about females? Would you be curious to find out what it's like to have sex with one (as evidenced by your choosing to do it in a lucid dream), or do you find absolutely no sense of attraction to them at all?
Not that it's anything you should be afraid of but, if you find yourself attracted enough to the opposite sex to choose to have sex with them in your lucids, there is a very good chance you are bisexual.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneironaut
I'm not sure what to think, to be completely honest with you. Like I said, all of my relationships have been with men. I think women can be very attractive. I've even had women hit on me before but I always shrugged them off because it seemed like it should be inappropriate. I suppose that I have been curious before but I've never had any real intent to have a relationship with a girl. Oh and by the way, every time I have had dream sex with a girl, it was before I became lucid. In fact, I have used it as a dream sign to become lucid before. I have continued to have sex with my dream girl while lucid before. And sometimes I move on and try to do other dream activities like flying, searching for my dreamguide, etc.
Short answer, no.
Long answer, dreams are the randomly firing of neurons while you're asleep. Dreaming strange things in no way reflects upon you as a person.
However, thats not to say that you personally aren't bicurious... and that's something that we can't really help you with. The only real way to know is through some good ol' fashioned introspection.
Edit: .. and also at least you're lucid dreaming X)
That, to me, sounds like you might be bisexual. If you feel an attraction to women, and don't act on it simply because you feel it might be "inappropriate" (which is usually do to pressure that you feel from society imposing its view of what is 'normal and accepted'), then - at the core - you're probably bisexual by nature.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Naturally
Think about it this way: If waking life was more like the dream world (and you didn't have to face any of the adversity you might face if you acted on your attraction to woman - having sex with one here and there, for whatever reason) would you stick to only men? Even if it didn't have to go so far as a 'relationship,' and it was purely being 'friends with benefits,' would you have any problem messing around with a girl?
If not, then that's pretty straight-forward bisexuality.
I wouldn't necessarily say that. Though the interpretations are widely speculative, there is often a lot of truth in dream material. It may not be overt, or literal, but there is often some degree in 'truth by association' that comes along with our dream content.Quote:
Originally Posted by metcalfracing
some people say that dreams convey a message to you (normal dreams), and seeing as you actually had the sex in the normal dream, then the message could be that you are bi. but i dont know much about interpreting dreams, so you should puta thread in the dream interpretations section. you will get a good answer there.
but if you dont really believe in that stuff, then i can tell you that you are at least bi curious, as these guys above me have said.
[QUOTE=Oneironaut;986974]
Think about it this way: If waking life was more like the dream world (and you didn't have to face any of the adversity you might face if you acted on your attraction to woman - having sex with one here and there, for whatever reason) would you stick to only men? Even if it didn't have to go so far as a 'relationship,' and it was purely being 'friends with benefits,' would you have any problem messing around with a girl?
If not, then that's pretty straight-forward bisexuality.
That is an interesting way of putting it. I've never thought about it like that before. If I didn't have to "face the adversity" I would feel more comfortable with the idea of being intimate with a girl.
I have tried to figure out what I really am. I have even tried to ask my subconsious if I am bisexual while lucid. I have tried asking DC's and asking a mirror. Nobody ever gives me a straight answer. I probably shouldn't have said lesbian in my question because I know that I am attracted to men.
Yeah, it seems like your biggest problem is not really in finding out what you are, but in trying to label yourself when it seems like you might already have a "negative vibe" about being attracted to the same sex. If you find yourself sexually attracted to women (and I don't blame you :wink:) then it's nothing to be ashamed of. From the way it sounds, you are very open to the idea, and that is pretty much enough to classify you as bisexual. Your dreams have merely been a reflection of that openness.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Naturally
Hmm, the way I see it is that in the end, your dreams have much less to do with this. This is more of a waking question. I mean, everyone has had strange things happen to them in dreams. Hell, I've had dreams in which I turn into a girl, but that doesn't mean I'm trans-sexual. I think part of dreams, especially lucid dreams, is trying out things you haven't done or can't do in real life. And that is just one of those things.
Now that you are awake, you can look at this question by simply thinking. The reason no one in your dreams has told you the answer is because since you don't know yet, they don't know yet, because they are part of your mind. Now like Onei said, you seem to be at least bi-curious, but that doesn't really mean much. I'm sure it's very common. In your case, in the end, you are what you want to be.
No, this doesn't make you a lesbian. this makes you a sexual person, an experimental person - Basically a human being. In our dreams we are free from the chains of what society will lable us, we can do things we cannot in our physical body - such as fly and also have a sexual encounter with someone of our own sex. Our sex drives are driven by a rush of chemicals, endorphins and hormones you simply satisfied what your body was craving through your dream. I'm a completely strait female and occassionaly I have dreams of encounters with other wemon - it's not real, and I wouldn't do it in real life - but am I going to feel bad about a dream? No way, I dream lucidly everynight and even though i'm in control that doesn't make me a lesbian if I have an encounter with a woman - it makes me a human being. Your just fine.
How often do you dream about having sex with men, in comparison? While in the dream, how do you feel while having sex with the women?
Why would you question your sexuality? If you like men you are straight. If you like women you are lesbian!. It isn't that complicated. Don't let a dream make you question yourself, its nothing more than a dream. And no that doesnt mean your a lesbian. But good luck with the lucid dreaming.
Well you need to control that. People ask questions here to get answers - not to get ridiculed for not knowing the answer you think is correct. If you can't opine on the question, without being an ass about it, you don't need to speak.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwood
Do you even agree with me a little bit Oneironaut?
Not quite to the degree of certainty that you obviously have. People question their likes/dislikes all the time. Some people subconsciously like things that they aren't aware of consciously, and subconsciously dislike things that they are consciously questionable about. Just because a dream is "not real" doesn't mean it doesn't have any basis in truth. Does dreaming about being with the same sex make you gay? No. Does it open the possibility that you might be curious and might enjoy a sexual encounter with someone of the same sex. Yes. I think the meanings behind dreams are different from person to person and dream to dream. And, with people not quite being able to quantify exactly how much truth a dream might hold, it's not for anyone else, really, to say whether there was or wasn't any truth behind it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwood
I'm willing to bet you've probably had many dreams with content that was more real than you were willing to take into account, if you truly hold the belief that all dreams are "not real" (implying that the emotions portrayed and invoked by any specific dreams are invalid).
I like how some people actually believed that the question had a clear cut answer.
I don't think that this makes you lesbian/bisexual or even "curious". Trying to draw a conclusion about your sexuality based on any number of dreams really doesn't make any sense. If you like men, you like men. A dream might change your mind once you have the dream, and it might make you want to try new things, but think of it like this:
I've had many dreams in the past about beating the shit out of people. Does that mean I like doing it in real life? No, I don't. Nor would I, and I never have. I hope it never comes to that.
Don't let the randomness of a dream choose for you what you are. YOU know what you like and don't like.
It doesn't mean that you like doing it in real life. But, it might imply that - if you wouldn't have the restraint of a logical, waking-world mind constantly feeding you with awareness of the consequences if you actually beat the shit out of people for what you believed is something they deserved to get beat down for - you would feel justified in doing it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Advantageous Noodle
To bring that to light is to merely acknowledge the possible implication - not to say that having the dream actually means it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneironaut
Do I believe that dreams hold meanings that are true? Yes, I do. And I also realize that dreams give us a hotline to who we are. But questioning your sexuality shouldn't be done from the dream world. And I wouldnt question my sexuality from the dream world.
This is actually a contradiction. At first you say that you believe dreams hold meanings that are true, and that they also give us a hotline into who we are, but, on the subject of sexuality, you choose to completely ignore them? That doesn't quite make sense to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwood
A dream is not going to tell you what your sexuality is. It will, however, offer you the opportunity to gauge what your emotions are to a particular event, and help you gain some perspective as to what might be implied about your feelings on something. Just as the OP stated, her aversion to sex with females has more to do with societal norms than anything else, meaning that the dreams are most likely implications of bisexuality than just "chance encounters in a dream." If she said she was completely unattracted to females in waking life, I would be less inclined to draw that conclusion, but she pretty much gave it credence, herself.
Thanks everyone so much for your posts! And thank you, Oneironaut for standing up for me. Elwood, I do sense some hostility towards me in some of your posts. One of your main concerns is that I am letting dreams change the way I view my sexuality. Looking back at my original post, I can see why you felt that way. However, that is not entirely the case. I will admit that I have had thought about women during my waking life before. Of course, I never had any intention of acting on these thoughts. I'm not even sure what came first... the thoughts or the dreams. But I digress. I will agree with you in that I should have elaborated more in my original post. If I had known how popular this topic was going to be, I would have been more specific. My original intent with this post was to gather different opinions about a situation that was confusing to me. Most of the replies that I have received were exactly what I was looking for and I appreciate them very much.
Elwood, I'm not sure how long I have to stick around to not be an "uber n00b" anymore. I did search this topic before posting but I couldn't find anything that was specific enough for me. I have been a member of this site for about 8 months. I've been having lucid dreams since I was 7. And I'm 27 now. It may have annoyed you, but I don't regret this post.
You're not a lesbian, don't worry.
My cousin had a dream about the guy that plays House, and he's so straight that every time he trips, he lands in a vagina.
No hostility, but honestly, either your gay or straight, clean and dry. Also im sorry for being an asshat. And to Oneironaut, there are somethings that are different, for instance sexuality.
why label yourself anyway? What's th significance? How does labeling your sexuality benefit you in any way?
You're attracted to who you're attracted to.
Your dream simply mean you like to have sex with women in dreams.
Don't feel the need to conform and label yourself just because society wants you to. fuck 'em.
You're welcome. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Naturally
I still disagree. You're either gay, straight, or bisexual. The state of being is absolute. The state of knowing is not as clean and dry. People question things until they are certain. Not everyone could answer, at the drop of a hat, whether they found a certain gender sexually attractive (as opposed to "just attractive"), especially when it's against the norm and they have indoctrinated biases confusing them from knowing exactly what they feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Elwood
In your perspective, it's an "all or nothing" thing, immediately. But that is your perspective, and may not be so easy an answer to other people.
Though I'm sure we can agree to disagree on it.
Well put Oneironaut, well put.
I have heard that when you dream of having sex with the same sex and you are not truely that way... that you feel a loss of relationship with a female or that you are being troubled from a lost feeling that your mother has not fufilled for you. You may want a female friendship and do not have a close bond with anyone that you truely can connect to. Not in a lesbian way at all, just a closeness that you need in your life right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Naturally
So then. I dream, and therefore I...may be?Quote:
Originally Posted by Oneironaut
Some psychologists claim deep down inside everyone is bisexual. After all, everyone does have a female and male side. And maybe you could have been a woman or a man in a past life, so yeah it all doesn't really matter that much which gender you have and which gender you go for because earth is overpopulated anyway.
Indeed, you could even dream about having sex with a rock. Doesn't mean you are attracted to rocks. It just means you had a wierd dream.Quote:
Originally Posted by neika
I think it could mean ,there theres a female you feel a significan attraction to, remeber, your dreams can be symbols for your mind, you wouldnt use a ship as a symbol of a ship right? It could mean that your mind is telling you something, just not exactly what you think it is.
I would say that no it does not make you a lesbian, bisexual... it makes you no different than you were before the dream. I am a lesbian and have had man dreams where I had sex with men, and few where I have sex with women. I find it very annoying... but it doesn't change my sexuality in any way.
Ure neither but it Kinda depends if ure a teen then i guess ure just bi-curious :)
You sexuality is defined by who you are attracted to and who you sleep with in the waking world. Nothing more, nothing less.
I dreamt i was talking to a Cat about astrophysics the other night.
I am pretty sure it dosnt mean i wish to do the same thing in real life.
I think it does have a clear-cut answer. The question was does having such a dream mean she is a lesbian or bisexual. The answer is no. Of course she may be one, but simply having this dream doesn't MEAN that (even a lucid dream).Quote:
Originally Posted by Advantageous Noodle
The question that doesn't have a clear-cut answer is "WHY did I have that dream?" And I think there were plenty of good answers here already. :)
lol, well i only have one thing to say to you, and you don't have to respond.
If you liked having sex with the females in your dreams. Well guess what, you could be bi. Now if you just happened to have sex with a female in your dreams, and you didn't enjoy it, it could just be some random brain impulses in your head, and completely ignore it.
Don't not be bi because you might have some get ups about it. Be your self. Don't fight who you are and all that :)
Lie to other people, not your self heh
So anyways, if you enjoyed the sex with the female in your dream, then yes that makes you bi. However if you just happened to have sex with a female in your dream, and you didn't enjoy it. Then maybe thats just your SC trying to learn about you or something simple like that :)
Just having sex with another female doesn't make you BI in my opinion, you have to enjoy the sex, if you dont enjoy the sex, your not really bi or lesbian.
Bravo!Quote:
Originally Posted by xypowerpop
Labels have their uses. They do help in understanding yourself, but problems come when one gets bogged down by them and tries to put everything in neat little boxes I guess.Quote:
Originally Posted by xypowerpop
Not in the least bit! I once had a dream I was having sex with a man (a co-worker of all things). I am DEFINITELY heterosexual! So much so, that I would have LOVED to watch your dream!!! Seriously! Anyway, my dream wasn't lucid, whereas you said yours was. Remember that lucidity does NOT mean control! A person can have a LD and have absolutely no control whatsoever. Control is simply the next step (although I wonder if control can be achieved without lucidity...probably not).Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreaming Naturally
One more thing to remember...our DC's are almost 100% of the time not representatives of the actual person they depict. Having sex with this woman probably means your mind was equating some characteristic of woman to a man you love. Just guessing.
Oh, one last thing....dreams of high emotions (e.g. death, hate, excitement, and love (sex)) can leave us very confused and sometime frightened. What you experienced is normal!
P.S. The next time you dream of having sex with another woman, dream me there, okay!:D
Lol, thank you paradox.
Hey, I had sex with a bookshelf in a dream ON PURPOSE.
Does this make me a bookshelf homo, because I was a bookshelf too?
WAIT THOUGH, does this mean I'm really a bookshelf? Maybe this is something like transsexualism, except I'm really a bookshelf inside a man, or in the literal case of my dream, a bookshelf stacked onto a bookshelf orgasming?!?
You either were lucid and in control, meaning your disturbance by homosexuality is some hypocritical guilty pleasure, OR you weren't really lucid at all, in which some subliminal urge to fuck a woman is so disturbing because part of you says yes and part of you says no, and you love to arm wrestle the right hand with the left.
There's no need to label yourself or anyone else, it just leads to satisfied ignorance in that you pretend to think you know something.
Why not just let it be, instead of caring so much of what is and what isn't, because sexuality is not constant and neither is anything else you can define. You have an underlying desire or repulsion that's causing these homosexual dreams, beyond that no-one knows so no point in asking.
TL;DR - You seem to care because you're disturbed by homosexuality, which is likely also the underlying reason that you're having these dreams. If you fully accept then they don't matter (which they didn't in the first place), so no disturbance.
[insert smiley face]
im gonna say yes. simply cause of the fact that you were concious of your actions. not lesbian though, probly bi. that's my 2 cents.
A lot of people view sexuality on a continuum, with very few people being absolutely gay or straight. This idea has been popularized by Alfred Kinsey, of the famous Kinsey Report.
Sexuality is highly subjective and personal. Don't listen to these people; they're not you so what do they know? If you are a healthy person, your feelings and thoughts about your sexuality will probably change and evolve throughout your life.
Everyone has seen male dogs hump each other...are they gay? I just figure they're dogs who will hump anything. Humans have animal lust that is bridled by social mores. Gay, straight, bi - sex is sex and whatever rules/labels you place on your own sexual behavior are your business. IMO, it's your behavior, not attractions, that really counts. Girls who dream about sex with girls, but only ever have sex with guys are effectively straight. But don't live your life by my or anyone else's opinion.
Bottom line, what you do in your dreams doesn't have to have any bearing on your real life, unless you decide it has.
Like others have agreed.. I think consciously having sex with a woman in lucid dreams at least means that you are probably Bi-Curious or Bisexual. I guess I would fall under the Bisexual category.. But I myself, hate labels.
I'd listen to what Oneironaut has to say- He seems to be pretty on target with his answers.
But if you are Bisexual, I don't think you should be worried or scared at all! It's more widely accepted now than it was before.. Just, embrace it in which ever way is comfortable with you. Whether you choose to take dating a woman outside of the dream world is your choice, obviously.. But I really don't think there is as much as a social stigma on it as before.
You should watch The L Word. As lame as that sounds for me to suggest that, it's a good show as far as showing your normal, every day couples.. But all of the couples are lesbians. It's actually like watching any straight show on TV, except for the fact that they are lesbians. My straight friend actually watches it, and she was the one who told me about it.
Anyway, the reason I suggested that, is because it may help your insecurities, as you seem to be facing some. =]
I would say no, since what happens in dreams can be different and have different meaning from real life. You're never 100% lucid. It's certainly not an indicator of your sexual orientation.
sorry if this is a bit off topic but Slash112 I REALLY want the pic in your Sig, where can i get it??
Oh, yes. In retrospect, I don't really know where I was going with that. =\Quote:
Originally Posted by Jadestar
I think what I meant was "I think it is silly how every is saying that because she had the dream we can all safely assume she is one thing or another."
I am surprised no one considered this angle.
Maybe it is less a question of the object of the dream than the subject.
Most women who are bisexual enjoy having sex with other women because it is different. It can be more tender and gentle and women really know what women like. Most people can intuit that without ever having had sex with another woman. That said maybe you are just interested in a different type of sex and has nothing to do with who it is with. Maybe you wish the man in your life were more gentle and tender and in tune with what you really want (IE: more foreplay). So I say, if this rings a bell, then you gotta tell him you'd like it a little differently sometimes. :boogie:
I'm sorry, but has anyone here ever heard of the Kinsey scale? Sexuality is not as clean cut as labels like gay or straight, or even bisexual. Nothing about human beings is that black and white. There are many levels and shades of sexuality.
[QUOTE=EarthPixie;1006157]I am surprised no one considered this angle.
Maybe it is less a question of the object of the dream than the subject. /QUOTE]
I think I like your suggestion the best. It makes sense. I think the rest of us took the dream too literally.
Hell, maybe the dream didn't mean anything about sex, only that she wanted people in general to be more gentle. ;)