NEWBIE Having new and unusual dreams...

I am new to this site, thought I knew everything about dreams and dreaming up until a little over a week ago! Now, I am so very confused and I need answers that I am unable to find elsewhere...any answers or suggestions will be deeply appreciated!

On May 1st @ 12:30 a.m., my middle child, Rebekah Abigail, 27, was instantly killed in an odd, freakish type auto accident. Becky and I were estranged at the time, though I continued to make many attempts to reach out to her, she never replied, sadly. By the time the "Jaws of Life" cut my daughter out of her vehicle & life-lined her to the nearest Trauma Hospital, I got the first call a little after 3am. We woke my 19 year old son up to provide him the news and have him pack up quickly, so we could fly him out on the first direct flight to Indy...my daughter would be on life support for several days so they could find matches, as she was an organ donor & had everything to give, as she only had head/brain trauma. I was unable to fly out with my son, as my ex-husband was "forbidding" it and I also have Leukemia & am unable to currently travel due to low Platelet counts.

Since May 1st, I have been unable to sleep more than a couple hours at a time, even with the aid of sleeping pills, but ALWAYS dream of her during my most short sleeping cycle & awake in a sweat. I do have a couple of burning questions only my daughter could have answered and sadly, took them with her! I wake up abruptly, seemingly having more answers to other things about her, but never the couple of questions I frequently mull over during waking hours...they are almost like nightmares, but very real and true to life and no symbols, nothing I would ever consider a "normal" type dream, and I never sleep long enough to get into the REM phase of dreaming.

My Question:
Has anyone else had this happen to them, and does anyone know what this may mean, or even how this can be possible? I now dread going to sleep, as I awake each time, continuing to go through the same event...I am unable to function. I need answers and that is why I am posting this!

Respectfully,
Pamala

I don't know the answer but it must be terrable to have your daughter died. You're probably sad to have her go and I think your dreams show that.

BTW, first you said she was killed instantly and then said she's on life support. If she hasn't died from the crash, I hope she gets better soon.

I am so sorry that your daughter got in a auto accident and I understand that you are unable to sleep. I have a suggestion that may or may not be helpful. You should, during your very short dream, try your hardest to stay calm. If you stay calm you will be able to stay in you dream longer and try to change it. This may mean that you are feeling guilt. This is totally understandable concidering the situation and how you couldn't get to her. Something that I suggest is telling yourself repetedly that it wasn't your fault and that this happens to alot of people. I am deeply sorry about what happened and I will pray for you and your daughter.

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Originally Posted by hgld1234

I don't know the answer but it must be terrable to have your daughter died. You're probably sad to have her go and I think your dreams show that.

BTW, first you said she was killed instantly and then said she's on life support. If she hasn't died from the crash, I hope she gets better soon.

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Here is what happened; Rebekah was on a Country Road & a Corn Plow was hitched to a tractor, going back into the field, but the corn plow was in her lane, on a dark road, with no reflector, so she did not see it till it was too late. The two prongs from the corn plow went through her windshield, through her frontal lobe & she was killed instantly (totally brain dead), help arrived within minutes, she had a weak pulse (I guess your heart still beats for a short while after you are brain-dead), since she was not injured anywhere except her frontal lobe & was an organ donor, they manually kept her heart going until the "Jaws of Life" could cut her from the vehicle, which went under the corn plow...they life-lined her to a trauma hospital & the attending Doctor removed her frontal lobe,( which was ripped from her head & then very swollen), stitched her up from above one eyebrow to the other (she had 4 siblings there, waiting to see her), cleaned her up to make her presentable & kept her organs vital until they could find the proper HLA Tissue matches for all of her organs...as I understand it, they can only keep organs going via life-support for only so many hrs before they must harvest them, but think they put her liver on ice, as they only need small sections to go to many other people.
Through my daughter death, she has saved / prolonged the life of 28 others so far, that I am aware of. I also think they donated her skin to some burn victims...the accident happened around 12;30 am on Friday night / early Saturday morning & they took her body into surgery to harvest her organs, one patient, after the other starting @ 7pm on Sunday, May 2nd & finished the final donor harvest on Tuesday, May 4th, when they released her remains to her father, who resides in another State, and forbid me to see her when she was deceased but her body still warm to the touch from being on life support...I am also unable to travel (tho would have gone anyway), due to my Leukemia & low platelet counts. Hope this clears up my miss-wording for you:) Her 24 yr old sister & 19 yr old brother each sat by her side, holding her hand, until they removed her body for the organ donation...two older sisters both came & went as they had little ones at home to tend to...Thank you for your kind response:)

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Originally Posted by dreamgirl23

I am so sorry that your daughter got in a auto accident and I understand that you are unable to sleep. I have a suggestion that may or may not be helpful. You should, during your very short dream, try your hardest to stay calm. If you stay calm you will be able to stay in you dream longer and try to change it. This may mean that you are feeling guilt. This is totally understandable concidering the situation and how you couldn't get to her. Something that I suggest is telling yourself repetedly that it wasn't your fault and that this happens to alot of people. I am deeply sorry about what happened and I will pray for you and your daughter.

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Thank you so very much for your kind & hopefully helpful suggestions...I did try this the last time I fell asleep, but I will continue to work on staying in the dream, regardless of how shocking and how painful it is. I did NOT think it even POSSIBLE to "dream" within a two or even three hour time period, but seems as if I go into the dream shortly after falling asleep. I first took sleeping pills to help me sleep through, but they did not work & then I thought perhaps were causing me to sleep & quickly go into dream state, so I quit using them. I always wake up at the point I see her trapped in her car, with the corn plow prongs in her forehead & also see her beautiful face, as I recall seeing her, then return quickly to the accident site (which I have seen no pictures from)...it is not like a usual dream at all, but as if I am right there, with her, watching on...as if I leave my body (I realize this sounds crazy) & am instantly @ the accident site...she was driving a newer Jetta, but looked like a tin-can to me, the way it was crushed, and then awake in quite a fright and sweat. It is exactly the same event over & over again & although I have tried, seem to have no control over staying in the dream, moving on in the dream, etc. I seem to be there, watching it after the impact has taken place. She did blame me for something that happened to her when she was a teenager & never was able to forgive me for it, which is why we were estranged at the time of her death and why, YES, I feel so much guilt! My ex-husband prevented me from seeing her while she was on life-support, awaiting to donate her organs & also forbid me to attend her funeral, saying it was what "she" would have wanted, honoring her requests...she must have known she was going to die, as she had just made out a will a week or two prior to her death & requested I not be near her-( 3rd hand information)...which very well be a source of my guilt. I wonder if it is possible her spirit is not @ peace & she is coming to me in my sleep, to have me relive it over & over-not certain if this is even possible, all I know is when I sleep, I seem to have no control & continue to repeat it over & over again. Thank you so very much for your suggestions and most wise insight...I really appreciate it!

Your welcome. It is not your fault in any way that she died. She couldn't have known that she was going to die and that was probably your ex-husband telling you something so that you wouldn't gp there. I know that he didn't want you to see her because of her telling him, but mabey he wanted you not to see her so that you don't feel as much guilt. His actions were probably taken out of compashion. As for her will, she might have thought that where she was might not be very safe. I do not believe that her spirit is not at peace, she is probably very happy that you didn't go to see her with your leukemia as it could be a problem to your health. You do have control of your dreams and all you have to believe that you do. Something that you can try when you wake in the middle of the night is you could try and go into FILD. This is when you almost move your index and middle finger and then you will either go into a lucid dream or asleep. If you go into a lucid dream, close your eyes and imagine a happy scene instead of the spot where your daughter passed away. I hope my sugestions are helpful and I would very much like to hear if you are sucsessful tonight.

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Originally Posted by dreamgirl23

Your welcome. It is not your fault in any way that she died. She couldn't have known that she was going to die and that was probably your ex-husband telling you something so that you wouldn't gp there. I know that he didn't want you to see her because of her telling him, but mabey he wanted you not to see her so that you don't feel as much guilt. His actions were probably taken out of compashion. As for her will, she might have thought that where she was might not be very safe. I do not believe that her spirit is not at peace, she is probably very happy that you didn't go to see her with your leukemia as it could be a problem to your health. You do have control of your dreams and all you have to believe that you do. Something that you can try when you wake in the middle of the night is you could try and go into FILD. This is when you almost move your index and middle finger and then you will either go into a lucid dream or asleep. If you go into a lucid dream, close your eyes and imagine a happy scene instead of the spot where your daughter passed away. I hope my sugestions are helpful and I would very much like to hear if you are sucsessful tonight.

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THANK YOU! It is such a long story about my ex-husband...he played a large part in my estranged relationship w/ our daughter & he sadly did not even include listing me as her "mother" in the poorly written obit he submitted! I just must trust he will have to answer someday for his wrong-doings & I do believe in Karma...as for your advice on my moving my index & middle finger, I sure will try this action tonight! I somehow feel my daughter is trying to tell me something, as I meditate & think upon good, other things prior to going to sleep each night...not even certain if this is possible, but it does bother me that in her accident scene, there is NO reflecting device ( as required by law when on the road at night) on the corn plow, on that dark country road & the accident is still under investigation...I am not sure what I believe about if / when someone close to your heart passes away if they are ever able to come to you in a dream or not, or perhaps it is natural to feel guilty for not being there, feeling as though you may have done something to prevent this, somehow. I do know that my 27 yr old daughter, Rebekah, oddly made out a will a week or so prior to her early demise, which leads me to believe she somehow felt that something may happen to her in the near future. All of the women on my mother's side of family (starting with my great-great grandmother), all had / have gifts of knowing things before they happened...quite often things and events that no one would ever seek out, or even actually want to know. I do find your words most kind and comforting and I will take your advice tonight & let you know if I am able to control this repeated dream in any way:) Thanks so much!

Pamela. As a therapist I certainly advise you to seek some sort of counseling. A good therapist will be able to help you work out many of the issuesyou are dealing with in your life right now. That will be a powerful aid in combating your troubling sleep issues, especially if you plan on using lucidity as a sort of sleep therapy (I'm actually working on some crude theory now) Remember that a holistic, that is to say complete, approach to working through your tragedy will ultimately be the most good.

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and always will be. I am sorry for your loss.

I am terribly sorry for your loss. We all grieve for your daughter. May she rest in peace.
To answer your question, it is natural that you were seriously affected by the incident, which left a mark on you psychology. I recommend seeking a professional therapist. Because without professional help, it will get harder for you to solve it on your own. One of my friends experienced a similar incident, and she was also affected for quite some time. She found a therapist to be quite helpful, though.
Good luck,
Max

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Originally Posted by monkeyking

Pamela. As a therapist I certainly advise you to seek some sort of counseling. A good therapist will be able to help you work out many of the issuesyou are dealing with in your life right now. That will be a powerful aid in combating your troubling sleep issues, especially if you plan on using lucidity as a sort of sleep therapy (I'm actually working on some crude theory now) Remember that a holistic, that is to say complete, approach to working through your tragedy will ultimately be the most good.

I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and always will be. I am sorry for your loss.

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Thank you kindly for your advice...since I am unable to move out of the first stage of grief, my husband pushed me into therapy...I was amazed when she laughed out loud @ me when I told her I was not included in the obit my ex-husband put in paper, refusing to list me as her mother, saying it was an "error"..."typo", that I was being paranoid! I told my husband about the shocking response I got & he suggested I stop going there...do you know of anyone good in the Hollywood, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale or Pembroke Pines, FL area? I do need help getting through all the stages of grief and being able to resume a somewhat normal routine! Thank you so much:)

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Originally Posted by lucidmax15895

I am terribly sorry for your loss. We all grieve for your daughter. May she rest in peace.
To answer your question, it is natural that you were seriously affected by the incident, which left a mark on you psychology. I recommend seeking a professional therapist. Because without professional help, it will get harder for you to solve it on your own. One of my friends experienced a similar incident, and she was also affected for quite some time. She found a therapist to be quite helpful, though.
Good luck,
Max

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Max, thanks for the great advice...I did go to see a shrink, who did not actually believe some of the details of my trauma & actually laughed out loud in disbelief! No "help" for me there, but there has to be someone who can help me, so I am still looking...not really ready for a group of grieving people who have also lost their children...I feel I need a one-on-one first, to get my legs and obtain some stability first. The more I learn about my daughters very sad life (she was molested by a family member as a young teen), how she was unable to move on and find true happiness and security in her adult life...the very sad life she lead does haunt me on an unspeakable / deep level. I am fully aware I can never begin to resolve these issues on my own & sharing the story of your friend not only helped me, but gave me hope that I can get ample help & resume to being a productive person again...I still have four living children who need me! Thanks so very much:) Pamala