Originally Posted by
Suena
So I've been talking to my mom all morning and she's more than willing to help me out of this situation. Good. Take advantage of this. Likewise, if you know anyone who has a garage apartment or extra room and doesn't mind a child, ask for a temporary place to hide out.She also keeps suggesting that I try talking to him. You have tried, again and again. It hasn't worked. I made the mistake last night of telling him that I wasn't sure if I loved him anymore. I mean, he just walked in the door four hours later and was like... "heyy." I'm in tears and he just pretends not to see them? I don't know. We fought for a little, well, I did most of the talking because he basically had nothing to say for himself. [COLOR="RED] This right there shows he isn't concerned about your feelings any longer. [/color] He doesn't believe he did or ever does anything wrong. He said I'm just full of drama and he kicked me out at one in the morning finally. I stayed out in the car and called my mom and told her what was going on. I didn't leave. He came back out and said, "I don't care about your drama, but you need to leave. Or better yet, come inside and sleep on the fucking couch." Again, he displays his true nature.
Ha, me? Yup, I slept on the couch last night, not him. And my back is really aching for it. While I was talking to him last night, trying to communicate, he was like, "uhhh, do you terribly mind if I turn the music up loud enough to drown you out?"
I broke down then, I said that I hated him, which I don't, but I was angry and hurt that he never listens to how he makes me feel. I shouldn't have went off on him like that, but leaving someone hanging alone for four hours at night will do that to a person. He should understand. Yet he doesn't understand, and never will. He's already past the age where personality changes. I told him I was going to leave. Now I just need to figure out where to go.
Around nine this morning he brought my son out to me in the living room, said my name real loud, put my son down to play and went back to bed. This is not the act of a parent. It shows how little he feels for you or your son. His concerns are for himself and his desire to rest, and it shows what the future will be like also. I also asked him last night, before I told him that I wasn't sure I loved him anymore, if he loved me. He didn't answer. He told me I use love as an insult. I don't understand, I wanted to know if he wanted me around or not. I understand he was angry and probably didn't want to say it, but that hurts. You should be able to see love even through anger, and I can, but he doesn't, so I question my own feelings. I really don't know if I do anymore, I really don't.
Part of me feels like I'm just hanging on because I need him You don't need him. and things are easier when I keep my mouth shut. But I can't do that anymore, I can't. I want to change things with myself, which I do admit, I've got my own issues. But I own up to them and I recognize when I'm doing something wrong, but he doesn't. It's all me. Guess I'll be hanging out at my parents later. This sucks because I've got so much homework and finals coming up.