It's happening right now, I can tell. I want to drink so badly right now and am trying to make excuses to myself to justify it. I never realized how strong of an addiction it was before. I used to just tell myself I didn't need to drink, I just enjoyed it so I chose to do it, but I could stop.
Fuck. Should I just drink now since I'm quitting smoking? Just let myself? That's the kind of justification I'm making up. But is that an excuse to drink or is that reasonable? Should I really have to battle two addictions at once? I crave alcohol so much right now. Tonight promises to be so boring without it. My boyfriend's at work all night, I have no other friends to talk to.... I don't know what to do. It's like I need someone to talk me about of it. I mainly don't want to drink because I want to lose weight. I don't want to gain weight like usually happens to people quitting smoking, but that seems to be what's happening so far. Especially if I'm getting a job soon in which people will see me all day, I want to be thin for that. Plus I have no money, which won't matter if I actually do get a job very soon... And of course I'm trying to justify the calories by saying I'll just eat barely anything tomorrow, to make up for it, so it will be fine. And with all the money I'm saving on cigarettes this alcohol will be like nothing. Fuck I"m not even sure what I'd do if I got drunk... probably start talking to people I haven't talked to in ages and making an idiot of myself and regretting it in the morning while I'm hungover. So why do I want to get drunk so badly? I have no fucking idea but the desire is soo strong right now, it's like worse than smoking. Or am I just exaggerating the desire as another excuse, so I pity myself so much I'll actually do it?
EDIT: Just been sitting here for the last hour, already concluded I'm not drinking so now I'm just depressed. Literally been doing nothing but sitting here for like an hour and a half, and trying to talk to people and thinking. There's no one I can talk to, everyone has their own problems and when I try to talk about this they just make a joke about masturbating and go on to talk about their own problems. Or they're so stressed today they can't deal with talking to me right now. I'm fucking crying and don't know what to do. I could smoke some other substance but then I'll probably be bored as well, but at least it may calm me down.
EDIT: (30 mins later) [Dianeva sits at screen entrance in My Little Pony - Friendship is Magic - Season 2, with a big brownie earthquake sundae from Dairy Queen in front of her] lol, this was a great solution I think and worked out quite well. =)