Rant and Rave, Cry and Complain

I'm feeling fucking trapped again. That fucking prick I called about an apartment last week said it was gone, yet it's still in the paper this week I feel like calling him back and tearing a strip off him. I gotta go back to go get my toenail removed at some point which I don't wanna to do because I'm so damn scare of needles, and everything at work is going to
hell in a hand basket. I'm seriously on verge of freaking the fuck out. Nothing is getting better at home, I'm still snapping back at everyone after work, which means my mom gets most of that, and she in turn gets mad at me. She tries to talk to me afterwards which gets me even more irritated to the point f my being pissed off again, and the cycle restarts again. Its like, leave me the fuck alone, I don't care about what I should do. All my friends are going to Winnipeg this weekend, and I couldn't really be bothered to go.

essential the only thing keeping me here is my job. As much as I bitch about it, I really do like it. The people piss me off, but the job itself is fine. But I just wanna leave. So somewhere's far way. Maybe I'll go to Alberta or BC at some point.

I don't even know anymore, I should go get some anti-depressants and say fuck it.

PS: sorry for the swearing.

I'm all alone in my apartment near the college I attend. Everyday I have to force myself to just forget about people in general and just survive college. The girls here look like they need surgery, and the hot ones are like catching a rare Pokemon. I attend the free tutorials to do less studying because the 3 hours of studying to 1 hour of a class ratio is complete nonsense. How can the education system here expect people to fit time into purely studying, and yet entice us with so many distractions such as joining FRAT organizations or FOOTBALL games. No sane person can do all of those things at once. I also hate it whenever I'm the only one who gives a crap whenever my biology tutor tells us that if we turn in the most questions to use for a practice exam, we'll get free football tickets. I'm always the one with the most questions, I still have the option for free tickets, but no one wants to GET FREE TICKETS. They're too lazy to let me borrow their sports pass so they can get their FREE TICKET instead of paying $50.00 for a piece of paper for a game that takes hours of time you could be using to study.

College has double standards, no QUADRUPLE standards. Football games, parties, studying, having a social life, and DECLARING that the average student should get 9 hours of sleep. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?

Solution: Attempt to induce lucid dream.

Problem is, I've been getting a lot of lucids than I did before, but they're too freaking short. I keep forgetting to do RCs to make sure I'm not compelled with the awesomeness of LDing. Been trying to contact my Dream Guide for a while now, most of my dreams had some blonde figure or the voice of blondes I know from waking life. I think it's just playing mind games with me and doesn't want me to experience unconditional love. It wants me to continue living this lonely life in college of trying to study hard to gain some modicum of competence as I will inevitably be screwed over with the other people waiting to get a career in this economy. I find myself searching to split my whole personality to cope with these petty ordeals we have to go through when life can be so much easier if I can just have longer lucid dreams and use it as an advantage to obtain more knowledge and reconcile with memories of the days so that I can learn more efficiently.

But noooooooo KEEP BEING A FEMALE DOG DREAM GUIDE. I KNOW YOU'RE A FEMALE, STOP HIDING FROM ME. ANIMA/SPIRIT GUIDE/DREAM GUIDE, WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE.

I NEED YOU....I FREAKING NEED YOU!!! IF YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE HERE TO HELP ME, WHY LIVE ALONE WHEN YOU CAN MEET ME EVERY NIGHT TO GIVE ME GUIDANCE?

Is it some thrill for you to make it so hard for me to lucid dream? Or am I going off in a wild tangent because I can't find the times I experience REM? Or maybe I'm just some chickencrap nerd who has no friends in college?

What are you to me Anima/DG/SG? Am I worth anything to you? I think you are the world to me, you're suppose to be a part of me, you're suppose to be the missing component that will give me so much motivation to excel in life. All I've done in life was work hard to get to where I am now, and now I just feel that it was just false hopes. DANG IT ANIMA/DG/SG...I'm GOING TO FIND YOU!

Just stop hiding in the shadows and manifest your beauty to me...you keep making yourself apparent as female blondes, you might as well show yourself now. It's not as if I'm going to live forever in this mortal reality. If you "supposedly" guided me throughout my life, WOW, you must be doing a GREAT JOB!

Oh, but I'm suppose to RESPECT YOU!??! I'm TRYING TO, but YOU JUST KEEP HIDING FROM ME.

I'm tired of this, I want to experience unconditional love, someone that is honest, and hopefully isn't some lying and persuasive demon trying to alter my already abstract mind into a deeper abyss. For once I want to meet someone that will guide me to the right path, someone I can hold on to, someone I can hug, love, kiss, everything.

Everyday I try to talk to a girl, she freaking stutters. What is it with young women and their shy attitude, and when no one is looking, they expect someone to just SWEEP them off their feet. WAHH WAHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! -.- Maybe it's my visage, I don't think I look that ugly. I think most of the girls are ugly, not in looks, just in confidence. It sickens me...I can't wait to find a woman who is strong and confident, I've had enough with this princess facade these young ones are using as a manifestation of their inferiority complex AND superiority complex. Damn it, life is too short for these petty concerns.

Always contradicting themselves, wanting to find a "man," yet they go for the shit for brains (excuse my language). They expect solace for these incompetents, and when there are guys who are trying to work hard, they tell them that they need to get laid. So you want this "man" you're so desperately looking for to be an idiot? Or do you want one that is willing to make some sacrifices to have the chance to survive in this world that tries to value your life, but all you really are is a liability, a number, just another manifestation that contributes to the invariable augmentation of entropy in the universe? What a pathetic show of incompetence women, and I'm not saying ALL women are like this, it's just those who have such a narrow-minded mentality that leads them into emotional wrecks seeking consolidation with their friends to verify the ALREADY OBVIOUS FACT THAT EVERYONE IS SEXUAL AT SOME LEVEL. Just because you think guys "think with their private parts" doesn't mean that our mental capacity only goes THAT FAR. That's INSULTING, and making jokes about how you BELONG IN THE KITCHEN is NOTHING COMPARED TO THAT INSULT YOU MADE for us. AT LEAST it's portraying you have COMPETENCE IN SOMETHING.

How the hell can we think with our private parts? Do you know how fucking hard that would be? You think we can be so aware of regulating how we get so horny and be able to maintain it? What the fuck do you think we are? OOOH NOOO MEN CAN'T SATISFY WOMAN, THEY'RE ALWAYS ASKING US HOW TO PLEASE US!

Well no shit? Communication is key in ALL aspects of a relationship...emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually, etc. We're not some "Instant-Sex-God" that you can use, that's even worse than you thinking that we're just using you like meat. Sure we have our double standards, but you women make yours lead towards NOTHING! NOTHING DAMN IT! WE'RE HUMANS, we have to learn how to SELF-CORRECT OURSELVES. No point being perfect anyway, it'll get boring and you'll constantly being speculating on whether or not you could do better.

And I hate when woman try to pull that "Maybe you should turn gay" card on guys who focus on work first to build a future that will at least give us some assurance that a decent family can be made. You think we're the ones degrading your "equality"? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, if I was able to go for 4 times for 6 seconds while you go once for 24, THEN I'LL CONSIDER US BEING "EQUAL." Pathetic, but you know what, those types of women will eventually realize that they got themselves into self-conflicting bullcrap and actually start embracing both their flaws and ours. No point in making love so dramatic, it's a chemical reaction, at least in this reality.

I respect women, honestly I do, it's just SOME of them expect too much out of something so simple. I'm still waiting for a woman that accepts a male's tendency to be sexual, and to know that she is sexual at some level as well.

In the mean time, I will continue to practice lucid dreaming to find who I really am. When I find that woman, I will SHARE who I am to her. Isn't that one reason to live life? To share your passion with others? =(

I apologize for the apparent ignorance in this post, but you know what...we are all simple-minded in something.

And no, I'm not using my DG/SG/whatever for who I am, I'm not blaming this being for the crap EVERYONE has to go through. Ugh.

I actually want more of a social life now. This might be challenging.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by NrElAx

Shit, I lay in bed watching TV almost everyday all day. Well maybe not everyday, but during the week I tend to do that a lot.

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http://fb101.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Soup1.jpg

Soup 4 u 2!!! I'm the opposite of a Soup Nazi - I am the Soup Ghandi!! Soup 4 Evry1!! :D

There's a girl I care deeply about, and her place of work is becoming a hostile corporate environment. Between irresponsible coworkers and a misplaced blaming for a missing check, she's really stressed, which in turn makes me worry and stress. She says she's not worried or unhappy or anything besides just plain pissed, but I know there's more to it, or going to be more to it as time goes on.

I'm ranting here because I'm concerned for her well-being, and a bad workplace makes for a very bad daily life - which is a negative that I'm not sure I'll be able to help counteract effectively. Which, of course, she wouldn't expect me to or ever ask me to, but I care too much for her to simply sit and hope for the best.

Having three time zones between us has never felt more distant.

I just ate a hot slice of pizza and now I have a blister on the roof of my mouth >.<

haha that happens to me so often.
I never learn :lol:

I just tried to WILD in the afternoon today and yesterday and couldn't fucking fall asleep.
It seems every single fucking time I'm close, I wake up or someone makes some fucking loud noises. So god damned frustrating!!!!!!!! I literally cannot wait for Ev's app.

I know how your feels, man. I know how your feels.

I consider myself pretty good at WILDs and still regularly fail at them. It's gotten to the point where if I see that SP spider, I'm fucking ecstatic. To see a spider on my face.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

I just ate a hot slice of pizza and now I have a blister on the roof of my mouth >.<

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Slow down, the pizza isn't gonna run away! :D

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Omnis Dei

I know how your feels, man. I know how your feels.

I consider myself pretty good at WILDs and still regularly fail at them. It's gotten to the point where if I see that SP spider, I'm fucking ecstatic. To see a spider on my face.

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LMAO.

Yeah, I am very good at them too. It's one of the easiest ways I can LD. I just fail recently. Haven't had a good lucid in probably a year now. Although a lot of it is just laziness and shit sleep patterns.
Need to find that sweet spot in the morning again I think.

Just had a lucid.. normally i wouldn't complain, but it's 3am and i can't get back to sleep. I also have extra class in the morning, so class started at 8 o_o looks like i'll just stay up..

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fOrceez

I also have extra class in the morning

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I wish I had extra class in the morning. Come to think of it, these days I have no class at all. I remember when I had class... sucked getting up so early though. :cheeky:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clyde Machine

....

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That was kinda sad.

My mom bought a house.

Without telling me she was looking for a house.

It's only 10 minutes away from my dad's.

And my parents are divorced.

And this is incredibly awkward.

WHAT DA FACK.

I fucking miss DV.
and lucidity.

</3

My phone's screwing up for the 3rd time in 1 year.. and my warranty ran out last month. Stupid Sony Ericsson and their shitty manufacturer problems.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fOrceez

My phone's screwing up for the 3rd time in 1 year.. and my warranty ran out last month. Stupid Sony Ericsson and their shitty manufacturer problems.

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Well.... I see your problem right of the bat. Its a Sony.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by OldSparta

Well.... I see your problem right of the bat. Its a Sony.

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Yeah.. i'm gonna stay away from them for a while.. Hopefully they'll decide to get their shiz together.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by fOrceez

Just had a lucid.. normally i wouldn't complain, but it's 3am and i can't get back to sleep. I also have extra class in the morning, so class started at 8 o_o looks like i'll just stay up..

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Hey man, at least you got a lucid. I just woke up after 4 and a half hours sleep. 5:30 I tried to WILD and now it's 9:30 and I only just gave up at 9:00. I could NOT fall back a fucking sleep! Ridiculous....
Anyway, my plan is to take an afternoon nap and try to get lucid as a mother fucker with this sleep debt. :lol:
And raise hell on some DC's for not reminding me that I'm dreaming :mad::evil:

I was going to go to Blockbuster and pick up some blu-rays to watch tonight.

Oh, wait - there's no more Blockbusters, just Shaw VOD and Netflix. Complete with inferior-quality video and poor audio. I've watched enough blu-rays to know the difference in video quality, and I cannot stand streamed movies. So I can't really do anything but watch one of my own blu-rays tonight.

It's laziness to actually go out and rent a movie, and the lack of care over quality that closed down all the Blockbusters in our city. I honestly can't believe so many people won't take twenty minutes or so to grab a full-quality film from the rental place, instead of settling for a less-than-perfect version through streaming.

This is shit. I have like no access to blu-ray movies unless I buy them now.

/rant

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Puffin

I was going to go to Blockbuster and pick up some blu-rays to watch tonight.

Oh, wait - there's no more Blockbusters, just Shaw VOD and Netflix. Complete with inferior-quality video and poor audio. I've watched enough blu-rays to know the difference in video quality, and I cannot stand streamed movies. So I can't really do anything but watch one of my own blu-rays tonight.

It's laziness to actually go out and rent a movie, and the lack of care over quality that closed down all the Blockbusters in our city. I honestly can't believe so many people won't take twenty minutes or so to grab a full-quality film from the rental place, instead of settling for a less-than-perfect version through streaming.

This is shit. I have like no access to blu-ray movies unless I buy them now.

/rant

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Awh. :( :hug:

If you're looking for high quality movies I know Netflix actually does mail rentals of its blu-ray movies. Sort of a pain, I know. But at least there is an alternative. Or you can just pirate them if you feel like getting them for free off the internet.

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Originally Posted by greenhavoc

That was kinda sad.

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Then you understand the tone of the rant. :)

Tonight: Same girl, more or less the same problems. Poor thing. Also, got a good deal of backed-up homework I need to finish before tomorrow morning, without staying up too late since I can't miss another Friday morning class or I get dropped. This is probably the first semester I've ever had where I had attendance problems in college. Total bullshit, but at least I am now aware that I'm not an 8:30AM person.

I hate not being able to wake up in the morning without being dead tired T_T

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Erii

I hate not being able to wake up in the morning without being dead tired T_T

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http://cdn1.knowyourmeme.com/i/000/1...png?1300595876

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Puffin

I was going to go to Blockbuster and pick up some blu-rays to watch tonight.

Oh, wait - there's no more Blockbusters, just Shaw VOD and Netflix. Complete with inferior-quality video and poor audio. I've watched enough blu-rays to know the difference in video quality, and I cannot stand streamed movies. So I can't really do anything but watch one of my own blu-rays tonight.

It's laziness to actually go out and rent a movie, and the lack of care over quality that closed down all the Blockbusters in our city. I honestly can't believe so many people won't take twenty minutes or so to grab a full-quality film from the rental place, instead of settling for a less-than-perfect version through streaming.

This is shit. I have like no access to blu-ray movies unless I buy them now.

/rant

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Did they close down the sixteen roger plus stores they had there? I know there was one close to Headingley.

Also yeah you... borrow some of the internet. Just look for 720p or 1080 movies.