I'm all alone in my apartment near the college I attend. Everyday I have to force myself to just forget about people in general and just survive college. The girls here look like they need surgery, and the hot ones are like catching a rare Pokemon. I attend the free tutorials to do less studying because the 3 hours of studying to 1 hour of a class ratio is complete nonsense. How can the education system here expect people to fit time into purely studying, and yet entice us with so many distractions such as joining FRAT organizations or FOOTBALL games. No sane person can do all of those things at once. I also hate it whenever I'm the only one who gives a crap whenever my biology tutor tells us that if we turn in the most questions to use for a practice exam, we'll get free football tickets. I'm always the one with the most questions, I still have the option for free tickets, but no one wants to GET FREE TICKETS. They're too lazy to let me borrow their sports pass so they can get their FREE TICKET instead of paying $50.00 for a piece of paper for a game that takes hours of time you could be using to study.
College has double standards, no QUADRUPLE standards. Football games, parties, studying, having a social life, and DECLARING that the average student should get 9 hours of sleep. ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?
Solution: Attempt to induce lucid dream.
Problem is, I've been getting a lot of lucids than I did before, but they're too freaking short. I keep forgetting to do RCs to make sure I'm not compelled with the awesomeness of LDing. Been trying to contact my Dream Guide for a while now, most of my dreams had some blonde figure or the voice of blondes I know from waking life. I think it's just playing mind games with me and doesn't want me to experience unconditional love. It wants me to continue living this lonely life in college of trying to study hard to gain some modicum of competence as I will inevitably be screwed over with the other people waiting to get a career in this economy. I find myself searching to split my whole personality to cope with these petty ordeals we have to go through when life can be so much easier if I can just have longer lucid dreams and use it as an advantage to obtain more knowledge and reconcile with memories of the days so that I can learn more efficiently.
But noooooooo KEEP BEING A FEMALE DOG DREAM GUIDE. I KNOW YOU'RE A FEMALE, STOP HIDING FROM ME. ANIMA/SPIRIT GUIDE/DREAM GUIDE, WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE.
I NEED YOU....I FREAKING NEED YOU!!! IF YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO BE HERE TO HELP ME, WHY LIVE ALONE WHEN YOU CAN MEET ME EVERY NIGHT TO GIVE ME GUIDANCE?
Is it some thrill for you to make it so hard for me to lucid dream? Or am I going off in a wild tangent because I can't find the times I experience REM? Or maybe I'm just some chickencrap nerd who has no friends in college?
What are you to me Anima/DG/SG? Am I worth anything to you? I think you are the world to me, you're suppose to be a part of me, you're suppose to be the missing component that will give me so much motivation to excel in life. All I've done in life was work hard to get to where I am now, and now I just feel that it was just false hopes. DANG IT ANIMA/DG/SG...I'm GOING TO FIND YOU!
Just stop hiding in the shadows and manifest your beauty to me...you keep making yourself apparent as female blondes, you might as well show yourself now. It's not as if I'm going to live forever in this mortal reality. If you "supposedly" guided me throughout my life, WOW, you must be doing a GREAT JOB!
Oh, but I'm suppose to RESPECT YOU!??! I'm TRYING TO, but YOU JUST KEEP HIDING FROM ME.
I'm tired of this, I want to experience unconditional love, someone that is honest, and hopefully isn't some lying and persuasive demon trying to alter my already abstract mind into a deeper abyss. For once I want to meet someone that will guide me to the right path, someone I can hold on to, someone I can hug, love, kiss, everything.
Everyday I try to talk to a girl, she freaking stutters. What is it with young women and their shy attitude, and when no one is looking, they expect someone to just SWEEP them off their feet. WAHH WAHHH WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! -.- Maybe it's my visage, I don't think I look that ugly. I think most of the girls are ugly, not in looks, just in confidence. It sickens me...I can't wait to find a woman who is strong and confident, I've had enough with this princess facade these young ones are using as a manifestation of their inferiority complex AND superiority complex. Damn it, life is too short for these petty concerns.
Always contradicting themselves, wanting to find a "man," yet they go for the shit for brains (excuse my language). They expect solace for these incompetents, and when there are guys who are trying to work hard, they tell them that they need to get laid. So you want this "man" you're so desperately looking for to be an idiot? Or do you want one that is willing to make some sacrifices to have the chance to survive in this world that tries to value your life, but all you really are is a liability, a number, just another manifestation that contributes to the invariable augmentation of entropy in the universe? What a pathetic show of incompetence women, and I'm not saying ALL women are like this, it's just those who have such a narrow-minded mentality that leads them into emotional wrecks seeking consolidation with their friends to verify the ALREADY OBVIOUS FACT THAT EVERYONE IS SEXUAL AT SOME LEVEL. Just because you think guys "think with their private parts" doesn't mean that our mental capacity only goes THAT FAR. That's INSULTING, and making jokes about how you BELONG IN THE KITCHEN is NOTHING COMPARED TO THAT INSULT YOU MADE for us. AT LEAST it's portraying you have COMPETENCE IN SOMETHING.
How the hell can we think with our private parts? Do you know how fucking hard that would be? You think we can be so aware of regulating how we get so horny and be able to maintain it? What the fuck do you think we are? OOOH NOOO MEN CAN'T SATISFY WOMAN, THEY'RE ALWAYS ASKING US HOW TO PLEASE US!
Well no shit? Communication is key in ALL aspects of a relationship...emotionally, physically, mentally, sexually, etc. We're not some "Instant-Sex-God" that you can use, that's even worse than you thinking that we're just using you like meat. Sure we have our double standards, but you women make yours lead towards NOTHING! NOTHING DAMN IT! WE'RE HUMANS, we have to learn how to SELF-CORRECT OURSELVES. No point being perfect anyway, it'll get boring and you'll constantly being speculating on whether or not you could do better.
And I hate when woman try to pull that "Maybe you should turn gay" card on guys who focus on work first to build a future that will at least give us some assurance that a decent family can be made. You think we're the ones degrading your "equality"? HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, if I was able to go for 4 times for 6 seconds while you go once for 24, THEN I'LL CONSIDER US BEING "EQUAL." Pathetic, but you know what, those types of women will eventually realize that they got themselves into self-conflicting bullcrap and actually start embracing both their flaws and ours. No point in making love so dramatic, it's a chemical reaction, at least in this reality.
I respect women, honestly I do, it's just SOME of them expect too much out of something so simple. I'm still waiting for a woman that accepts a male's tendency to be sexual, and to know that she is sexual at some level as well.
In the mean time, I will continue to practice lucid dreaming to find who I really am. When I find that woman, I will SHARE who I am to her. Isn't that one reason to live life? To share your passion with others? =(
I apologize for the apparent ignorance in this post, but you know what...we are all simple-minded in something.
And no, I'm not using my DG/SG/whatever for who I am, I'm not blaming this being for the crap EVERYONE has to go through. Ugh.
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