A'hoy hoy,
I felt this would be a good topic to bring up and see if anyone else shares my views on the worst movies ever released. Here goes:
Shadow Fury - An anime which has a very... intriguing dvd cover. After watching 30 minutes of this movie and becoming helplessly lost in the senseless battles resembling Dragonball Z's eight-teen long episodes over the preperation for one battle, I felt it more productive to self-induce diahrhea (which is funny because lot's of the groaning sounds they make in these movies makes me think they are constipated, so I feel I am making it up for them). I can't even remember what the plot is because I did not think there was one - oh, there is a guy, and he has a thing called "Shadow Fury" much like a deus ex machina or trump card in a movies plot line, once it comes forth, the rest of the movie is predictabel - they kick the bad guys ass hardcore. Terrible. The music is really monotonous and annoying. I hated it. I watched it all in hopes of not feeling completely ripped off from renting it and that I could have bought some candy bars or cheap drugs which would enterain about tenfolds better than this lousy movie, but it did not. The ending is good - by that I mean smashing the dvd with my elbow.
The Judas Project - I'm not sure what's worse; a pathetic anime movie full of senseless battles to try and make up for teens lack of better entertainment, or a Christian propoganda movie. This movie is a contemporary portrayal of Jesus and his crucifixion.. the cover displays a pretty cool pose of Jesus (or Jesse is his name in the movie.. for some reason.. his is the only one that is different) wearing the thorned crown with climactic lightning and cool apache helicopters - but the movie contained no helicopters, only helicopter sounds and blinding lights. I hated this movie; the feeling I had while watching this movie is like that of being constipated and spending an hour to try and alleviate the agony, and then realizing you are out of toilet paper. The acting is the worst - I would nominate porn actors for an oscar over any of these pathetic "thespians". In many scenes, if someone did not understand that the movie was a contemporary version of the original, they would become completel lost as to why Peter was beaten by the police for mourning over Jesse's (remember, Jesse is Jesus) coffin. Terrible, I hate it.
Deep Impact - Continuously in anticipation for events to come, it felt like being on death row except that you want to die because Bubba is getting a little too close for comfort - much like the plots sad attempt at suspense, although not so messy. It was so incredibly asinine that they could outrun/outbike a tsunami that I laughed.. I could not do anything else but laugh.. An asteroid the size of Texas hits Earth and causes an ominous tidal wave to ensorm the coasts, so in order to avoid this near apocolyptic event.. just run to a hill. *Sigh*
Epoch - This low budget, unpopular, piece of crap gets its just deserves. A movie full of mystery and questions ends with.. ambiguity, just like your mother in law winking at you at the dinner table while enjoying her fudge desert, you just feel violated. This movie is about a rock that erupts from the Earths deep crust and someone displays God-like powers by resurrecting the dead, curing diseases, etc. We then have political interferences within the movie, and yet again, the Japanese are made to look like finatic war mongers wanting to destory.. anything, for no reason. Which reminds me of Pearl Harbour, I hated that movie too.
Any Olson Twins Movie - No comment.
Signs - ........ I suggest reading Maddox's review... terrible.
I feel that is sufficient for now.
I look forward to seeing everyone elses thoughts, toodles.
Note: I thought I made this topic in the lounge - my apologies to the mod that has to do my dirty work. :(
