Help me solve all the problems in the world.

Alright, I am attempting to solve the following problems:

- World poverty
- Child labor
- Global warming
- Racism
- Drunk driving
- Cancer

At my disposal I have:

A paperclip
A solar powered calculator
5 chocolate bars
An immigrant child that will work for $0.1 an hour
$6.73 in pocket change
An extra sock
30 used bullets
A rock
A blank CD
A bazooka with no Ammo
An AK47
A "lucid dream" dildo
A turban
A pile of books
A sack I stole from Santa
1,336 previous posts
I may need to pull a Macgyver on this one. Any ideas?

Congrats on 1337 posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by arby

Alright, I am attempting to solve the following problems:

- World poverty
- Child labor
- Global warming
- Racism
- Drunk driving
- Cancer

At my disposal I have:
A paperclip
A solar powered calculator
5 chocolate bars
An immigrant child that will work for $0.1 an hour
$6.73 in pocket change
An extra sock
30 used bullets
A rock
A blank CD
A bazooka with no Ammo
An AK47
A "lucid dream" dildo
A turban
A pile of books
A sack I stole from Santa
1,336 previous posts
I may need to pull a Macgyver on this one. Any ideas?

Okay, here's what you need to do:

First, put your calculator out in the sun to charge. This will be important later, for figuring out what percentage of difference you've made. Next, open the sack you stole from the fictional character known as Santa. Inside should be:

One ammunition can of full metal jacketed 7.62x39mm ammunition for your AK-47
A bottle of Gatorade
A radio-controlled helicopter
Three sticks of Wrigley's Juicy Fruit chewing gum
Four pounds of coal
A bucket of ice
An elf
Now then, first you load your AK-47. You might need it in case of hippo attack. Then take the bucket of ice, and throw it in the nearest ocean. There, you've done what you can to slow global warming. Give the immigrant child $6.32 in pocket change, three chocolate bars, the extra sock, and a stick of chewing gum and send him home to his family. That'll help a bit with the subjects of world poverty and child labor. Next, hand out books from your pile, which just happen to be on the subject of racism. This probably won't do anything, but it'll make you feel better regarding racism.

Then don your turban, take your AK-47 and your blank CD, and head to Area 51, where they've already discovered the cure for cancer. Fly yourself in over security using the radio-controlled helicopter, which won't show up on radar, and write the data onto your blank CD, then using the remaining $0.41, buy a stamp and send the disc to a world-renowned radiologist. There, you've solved the cancer problem.

There's nothing you can do about drunk driving, so take your paperclip, your other two chocolate bars, 30 used bullets, rocks, bazooka, bottle of Gatorade, other two sticks of chewing gum, and that other thing, and go figure up what percentage of a difference you made on your solar-powered calculator. Give the coal to the elf, and send him home to his undersized family.

"What would MacGyver do?"

Quote:

Originally Posted by arby

A paperclip
A solar powered calculator
5 chocolate bars
An immigrant child that will work for $0.1 an hour
$6.73 in pocket change
An extra sock
30 used bullets
A rock
A blank CD
A bazooka with no Ammo
An AK47
A "lucid dream" dildo
A turban
A pile of books
A sack I stole from Santa
1,336 previous posts

Will it blend?

It blends!

Quote:

Originally Posted by arby

- World poverty

Feed the homeless to the hungry. :P

Quote:

Originally Posted by Merlock

Feed the homeless to the hungry. :P

Kill two birds with one stone! No more homeless and no more hungry! *Cheers at Merlock* :P