I'm in college and I noticed this girl in one of my classes that always looks at me. Well I took that as a cue to go over and talk to her. Well, I sat next to her and she started the conversation, but it ended pretty fast. So i said something else and kept the conversation going, but I don't think I kept her interested. (Her arms were crossed as we spoke and I don't think I gave a good impression.) What do you guys think?
One sentence can ruin your chances of a girl liking you.
It certainly can, but I think you may have been too quick too assume that you lost this particular girl's interest (unless you said something really outrageous). Some people are just not big talkers.
*Resists making sexist joke*
Yes, the first impression is crucial. Say something funny.
Some girls like to give guys a run for their money, reguardless if they like you or not. We have a thing to try to figure out what we like about a guy and can he pull us in more. Just casual conversation is good, find out what she likes then ask her out. Worrying about if she has a boyfriend is out of the question, because some girls will be single and tell you yes. Just get comfortable talking to her then ask her out.
What did you say? You should build rapport!
Na, I think that you are still okay- having her arms crossed is a defensive body language but not like looking at her watch every few seconds or stepping away from you. I cross my arms all the time, even around people I know, it just may be that she doesn't know you well enough to completely let her guard down. Crossing of the arms is typical and not a way of showing that you have lost your chance. I you really like her tell her that you were sorry if you came off as a weirdo or something but you have a hard time talking to her because she is so damn cute. I would be floored and then all of sudden very curious about you, I wouldn't be able to get that out of my mind!
Yes. Answer is yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloisalb
Obviously we can't tell from this brief description, but considering you're using the internet to ask the quesion, I think probably.
:/
We talked about our majors and and what kind of jobs we would want as we graduated. I got her to laugh a couple times and then I told her that I'd rather not even go to school and just start a band. I don't know if I ruined my chances, but if she sits next to me next class then I'll know if I can still build some rapport.
"i like your boobs"
This doesn't sound too bad, good man.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiloisalb
(Actually it sounds positive; but that's dependent on how you said it, right.)
Things will be cool.
Oh its spelled rapport?
I dint know that.
I build rapport by doing things almost just like the person, Like breath at the same rate.
sit like them, ect (Dont become a freak, just act natrual about it).
I would have crossed my arms, and anchroed the felling of laughter to crossing the arms, you get it? That why, when shes around you, and she crosses her arms... ect.
Yeah, that came up in one of my classes.Quote:
Originally Posted by magical mike
'Manipulation' through body language...
...but it does work. Makes you seem more
sympathetic to her. You might also just
quickly want to check, if you are - mostly
with arms and legs - sitting openly towards
her, not away.
But - people usually do that anyway. If there
is a positive chemistry going on you will be
starting to copy your actions from each other.
(That's how a third person can easily tell :D).
I wouldn't worry about that too much, I think.
But we do all kind of crazy body-movements
when we are in certain situations. Might not
be a too bad thing, to be aware of them :-)
Or... just try:
Can one conversation with any person ruin your chances of being liked as a person? Yes.
The same can easily be applied to talking to girls for reasons other than friendship.
I was a little nervous when talking to her and I think she noticed. That's the main reason why I think I ruined my chances.Quote:
Originally Posted by Carôusoul
Being nervous isn't anything serious. Personally the only person who will really remember that you were nervous is you. Don't dwell on it, and just be less nervous next time. Find ways to feel comfortable when talking to her, and it will change the way you act drastically.
I don't think you've ruined it...
You're probably reading too much into this. Was it cold when she did it? Did she have a face that said 'whoa, who's this freak?'? No? Then don't worry about it.
However!
About that 'building rapport'-thing: seriously... Don't. Just don't... Don't try to manipulate. 'match my breathing with her and anchoring laughter to her crossing her arms'. Don't try to play out your interaction like a chess game. It doesn't work that way. Please don't treat people like programmable machines.
The best way to attract people is NOT to do tricks and techniques and routines, and programming them to feel a certain way. It's manipulating. And moreover: when you do that it's not "you" that is attractive. It will be the routines and tricks that are attractive. And they will see that. If you're just an empty shell, relying on cheap magic tricks, then sure, you might attract them now. But it won't last.
The best thing you can do, is to become attractive yourself. Cultivate your own attractive personality, and everybody (without some sort of serious personality disorder, that is) WILL like you.
One final note: it seems like you're trying very, VERY hard to get her to like you. You have an air of desperation about you. Just relax. Don't actively try to get into a girl's pants. Just. Let. Things. Happen.
Become your own best self. Cultivate an attractive personality, and just let things happen. Don't start living a chess game. It's not fun, and you'll be spending your entire life strategizing.
Just be. And just do, alright? And for goodness' sakes! STOP WORRYING!!!
dude. don't be sneaky with rapport. She will only have rapport someone that she is attracted to. Building rapport is just like getting to know someone. get her to tell about herself to you. what her passions are, what she's looking for in a guy etc. don't offer advice and just listen to her - you keep eye contact when she's talking. she'll feel closer to you, she'll feel safe that she can talk to you. Be warm and genuine. That's how you build rapport. If you sneakily try to force rapport through trying to hyptnotise her, you will come off as a creep.
as for our friend with the convo problem. what did the convo between you and her go like? next time you talk to her. ask a question. something broad like "what's your story". then wait for her answer. if it's a small answer. Wait! there's an ackward gap right there, and force her to fill it. in a few seconds she'll give a more detailed answer and you'll be able to use what she said to continue talking.
I've seen lots of guys try to interview their prospects. they'll keep asking questions even if they don't get an answer. "so, are you single? what's your name, do you like todays weather? wanna go out?" Don't do that. ask your question and wait, force her to fill the ackward gap. and when she puts more effort into the convo. reward her for her commitment to the conversation.
Besides... Isn't it better to, in stead of going into rapport with her, you get her to go into rapport with you? :wink:
exactly CryoDragon.Quote:
Originally Posted by CryoDragoon