Chopping People Up...

Hi, I'm Monster. I'm new, and I really need some help.

I have had the same dream, at least once a month, for the past 7 years. Recently I've begun to get concerned because I don't think it's normal, and I feel like my subconcious is trying to tell me something. I've even been considering going to a therapist about it, but for now I'm hoping one of you lovely people will have some ideas as to what the hell it could mean.

The dream is this, with only very slight variation each time...

I am a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, and I am living in a big victorian style house with my family. My sister, who is about 11 or 12 in the dream, is the only one of my family members I interact with during the dream. We are always in whitish dresses, looking about early 1900's style. Me and my sister Sarah are always in the attic of this house, looking down at children playing in a yard below. And then the scenery abruptly changes. It is suddenly night time, and I am killing people with a sharp tool. Sometimes it is an axe, sometimes it is a large knife, but I am always stabbing and slashing them to death. I am still a small child, but somehow I am able to kill both adults and children, and sometimes it also includes animals. After I am done killing them, I take them back to the attic, where Sarah is waiting for me. It changes to daylight again, and Sarah and I begin to dismember and skin everyone that I brought. We then take big needles and thick black thread and sew all of the dismembered parts back together, creating what looks like huge zombie dolls. Once we are done, we feel bad and are afraid someone is going to catch us, so we hide these "dolls" in cardboard boxes that appear in the corner of the attic. The dream always ends with the "dolls" starting to rot, and I become very afraid and anxious about my other family members downstairs smelling the rotting flesh.

I always awake feeling very anxious and strange...I don't really know how to describe it, except that it really bothers me and the feeling often lingers for hours after. I would really like to understand what my brain is trying to tell me, because I feel like it's some kind of message that I'm not getting. I know this is a really long post, but I'm begging someone to help me. I'm beginning to feel like I'm crazy...

-Monster

you arent crazy. think about the dream during the day and at night before bed. Intend to find answers and the dream will probably develop. If the dream starts getting worse that means its coming to the surface so its gonna be making more disruptions. Be patient with yourself, your mind is trying to work through something.

Thank you for responding, I was beginning to think no one was going to. I have tried in the past to think and focus on the dream at night before I go to bed in hopes of having it again and maybe being able to remember more details or something important that I'm forgetting, but it has yet to work. I will definitely try again though, because I really want to understand what is going on. Like I said, I've been having the dream for 7 years consistently, and what I forgot to mention in the original post is that my sister also has had almost the exact same dream as long as I have, only slight details are different in hers. I asked a therapist (one I was seeing for a seperate issue) about the dream once a few years ago, and she told me that she suspected it was a sign that I had done something that my mind considered "evil" with my sister when we were young and I had supressed the memory. I don't know what to think about that. :undecided:

This may not be very helpful to you but this was just so creepy I had to mention this. Two aspects of your dreams have been in mine. One is from my own single re-occurring nightmare, I have had it since the third grade (use to be once a month, now only about twice a year) a young girl in a long white nightgown style dress in a large old style house:

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I'm always myself as a young girl in this ancient mansion, the walls are covered in heavy red velvet curtains so thick I can barely pull back the weight. These curtains cover all the windows and doors and I can't find my way out. I'm searching desperately for the front door. I turn a corner and stop dead. At the end of the hall is a young girl, long dark hair, white nightgown, bare feet and a stare that turned my blood ice cold. I could just feel evil and hate coming off of her. I turn and run. I know my soul would be taken and horrible things would happen to it. I start to cry, I keep running through my sobs, I know she is right behind me. I hide behind one of the curtains hanging down from a staircase in a little nook. I can barely breath underneath the heavy material. I hold as still as I can. I hear her padded footsteps as she starts to walk down the stairs towards me. I peak out from behind the stifling velvet and see the curtain across the room shift in a breeze. It is the front doors! I bolt from the curtain towards the doors even though I know she will see me running. I make it through. As far as I can see are low rolling grassy hills. It looks like it just rained, the grass is wet the sky is gray. I run as fast as I can. I go and go barely able to breath because I am crying, I finally fall down giving up in the grass is an old cow skull. I crawl inside of it, somehow managing to fit completely in the dead animals bleached skull and looking out through dry hollow eye sockets. I hide, begging god that she wont find me. I see her bare feet and the bottom of her nightgown as she walks over the hill and down towards me. I keep thinking "please, please, please walk by me, please don't see me" but she doesn't. I lose all feeling in my body as her feet come to a stop directly in front of the skull. I feel myself floating, soul leaving the body as I give up and sink to blackness thinking. "Im dead. I'm in hell. She took my soul" before waking up.

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Like you there are many different variations in the re-occurrances, but this is the record of the very first dream. In the later ones I might not make it out of the house at all, or she kills me in different ways but I am always trying to run and hide, and she is always right behind me. if I ever do make it out i always go to the cow skull and hide within it. For some reason it always makes me feel safe, like by camouflaging myself in death will protect me from dying.

The other aspect is not from a re-occuring dream but has black dolls. This was a very long non-lucid dream so I will just put in the relevant excerpts:

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...Around the edge of the room is a thin life size doll, it seems to be made completely out of tightly wrapped black cloth but no one gives it any attention....

....She see's across the road to the next dark alley, and stops dead in her tracks. I see the dark outline of one of those same black cloth dolls in a seated position at the entrance of the other alley. Its cross armed and cross legged. It obviously terrifies her and she turns and runs.....

.....jumps in to help our friend, but I am looking the doll. A shadow comes out of it. What I remember most is the hands, they kept clicking, twitching and jerking they seemed sharp and long. It pulled out of the doll and shot towards us. The people on the street couldn't see it. Just us.... When the Shadow got to us. I fought with it..... I never hit it, it was so fast, I could hit at it, and it would be behind me before I knew I missed it. It darted around the alley as my friends ran for the light of the street. The shadow suddenly flew after them, leaving me. I screamed but I was too late. It got the girl, her skin and eyes turned black and she fell. I was there just a second later, I brought the stick down on her, and the blackness dissipated like a fog. At the same time the doll across the street suddenly unraveled falling in a heap, a cloud of dust flying up......She was gasping and coughing. I was trying to help her, but Paul grabbed my arm. Its already too late, leave her. I fought off his arm and tried to stay. She stopped breathing, she was twitching and her limbs went stiff as her arms crossed across her chest and her legs bent twisting into unnatural positions. I could tell she was dead.

....we were going back to get the girls body, to give her a proper burial..... We turned the corner into the alley, and stopped in our tracks. There were two creatures over the girl. They looked like tall stringy humans but with bird heads. They're arms were very lengthy, and their hands had three fingers that looked more like claws, they were all black. One stopped and looked towards us, but I could see it had no eyes, just the beak. it was bloody. And then I saw what they were doing. One of the birds was messily eating the meat off our friend, the other was tightly wrapping her bones in black cloth, making her into one of the black dolls. This shocked me so badly I woke up.

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I realize for you it was only black thread and the flesh was still on the bodies but maybe just hearing something similar will help you see your not insane.

Those dreams sound terrifying! I got goosebumps reading it, thanks for sharing that with me. I've heard of other people who have dreamed of dolls, it seems to be a slightly common theme, especially in nightmares. In my dream, I don't know why I am making these dolls or what I intend to do with them. My dream self also knows that I am doing something bad, something that needs to be hidden, and that is the feeling that I get once I wake up...like I have been doing something horrible and grotesque and I need to keep it hidden, and that feeling sometimes does not go away for the rest of the day. It really, really bothers me.

question: Did you have a religious upbringing?

Yes, I had a very strict religious upbringing. Why do you ask?

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Originally Posted by buriedmonsters

I have had the same dream, at least once a month, for the past 7 years. Recently I've begun to get concerned because I don't think it's normal, and I feel like my subconcious is trying to tell me something. I've even been considering going to a therapist about it, but for now I'm hoping one of you lovely people will have some ideas as to what the hell it could mean.

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My advice is not to judge whether or not it is "normal". Accept it. Often when the subconscious is trying to get a message across it uses drastic measures. It is as if you are speaking to someone and they ignore you, you start yelling. Judging it won't help. Accepting it will.

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I am a little girl, maybe 7 or 8, and I am living in a big victorian style house with my family. My sister, who is about 11 or 12 in the dream, is the only one of my family members I interact with during the dream.

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I see some very common themes in this dream. When interpreting dreams it is important to realize that usually every character represents a part of yourself, whether or not it is somebody else you know or not. Also, usually a mansion or a big building represents your psyche, or your inner feeling of who you are. The attic or the top floor often represents what people call the soul, or the superconscious. The basement often represents the subconscious.

And another important point: nobody can tell you what it means, you have to figure it out for yourself by finding out which interpretation feels right. That being said, other people can give you ideas and bring insight into meanings that you may not have thought of.

So here are my ideas:
What were you like as a child, 7 or 8? How did you feel then? Can you still feel that part of you in yourself now that you were back then? Get in touch with your inner child. How did/do you feel about your sister? Is she older than you in waking life? Remember that she may represent a part of you, a part that is more mature or older. A part of you that you look up to perhaps, IDK.Can you feel that part of yourself within you? Think about this.

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We are always in whitish dresses, looking about early 1900's style.

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White dresses and victorian mansions and early 1900's all speaks to me of imagery of purity yet naivete, innocence that needs to be lost and grown through, maybe slightly stifling and restrictive. Maybe being raised in a restrictive religious household?

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Me and my sister Sarah are always in the attic of this house, looking down at children playing in a yard below. And then the scenery abruptly changes. It is suddenly night time, and I am killing people with a sharp tool. Sometimes it is an axe, sometimes it is a large knife, but I am always stabbing and slashing them to death. I am still a small child, but somehow I am able to kill both adults and children, and sometimes it also includes animals. After I am done killing them, I take them back to the attic, where Sarah is waiting for me.

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Suddenly you are not so innocent and the scene is dark and you are doing horrible things. These people you are killing also represent yourself, and animals also, represent your vital energy. You may be trying to empower yourself instead of being a innocent little child, you may be trying to grow or demanding to be recognized as an equal to adults. Perhaps people think that you are more childish than you feel inside yourself and they dismiss you. Maybe trying to assert yourself against some 'pure' pollyana religious household. I don't know.

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It changes to daylight again, and Sarah and I begin to dismember and skin everyone that I brought. We then take big needles and thick black thread and sew all of the dismembered parts back together, creating what looks like huge zombie dolls.

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After destroying you are trying to create again. After finding out what you are not and what you don't agree with from your upbringing you need to put together the energy you have liberated and integrate it again within you. This is a common theme of nightmares. Many times when someone has recurring dreams of killing they end when the person understands the message and turns the dead back to life, for example if one kills a tiger then one can eat it and take back the energy, or burn it and sprinkle the ashes on a garden and eat the vegetables. In this case you are putting together the pieces you have destroyed. You are rearranging who you are.

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Once we are done, we feel bad and are afraid someone is going to catch us, so we hide these "dolls" in cardboard boxes that appear in the corner of the attic. The dream always ends with the "dolls" starting to rot, and I become very afraid and anxious about my other family members downstairs smelling the rotting flesh.

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Maybe you don't feel like your family will accept who you really are and feel they may be ashamed of the new you. So you don't let them know you truly, you are not yourself around them. You hide who you really are in your private attic. But you cannot hide who you really are because then who you really are will start rotting. The rotting is a symptom that you are hiding who you really are. The dolls are trying to get your attention. The dream is trying to get your attention. The rotting and the dream are both the same thing. Be yourself around your family. Or else leave your family so you can be yourself.

This is all just my ideas, if it were my dream what it would mean to me. Think about it, at the very least I hope it brings insight. You know who was a master lucid dreamer? Edgar Allen Poe. Have you read any of his stories? They were all inspired by dreams he had. This dream reminds me of an Edgar Allen Poe story.

You are not crazy. People call crazy what they are unwilling to accept. Don't be afraid to be crazy. It is just a message, it is not a sign of insanity. If you try to be sane and are afraid of being crazy then you are locking yourself in a box labeled "sanity" in the attic. Be outside the box! Be yourself.

Is any of this relevant? Am I close? I love to interpret dreams, I find all the symbolism fascinating. It is the language of the subconscious. This is how tarot cards work.

Have you ever attempted to become lucid in this nightmare?
I only say this because if it's a recurring theme it may be easier for you to think "hang on this isn't right" if you manage to become lucid in this dream, maybe you can explore it a little more, maybe ask some of the DC's WTF is going on!
I mean, in the end, it's your subconscious right? DEMAND SOME ANSWERS!

It might not work at all, but it may provide a little Insight, I suggest you at least try as it's clearly messing with your head, the last thing you want is to be worrying that your some kind of serial killer, as I'm very sure your not =].
Let me know how you get on.
Nito.

Dannon---I am very impressed by your ability to deconstruct dreams! I would agree with every interpretation of the imagery and the final conclusion.

Monster---It is very useful to know exactly what the dream is saying and that will help you move to the next step in the process. At first, your subconscious will reveal what is going on behind the scenes in essentially coded metaphors. Next, you will have to decide how this corresponds with who you are right now. It has been a recurring dream so the message probably applies to a large chunk of your life or is serving as a reminder. Then its time for the cold hard steel of action...

My feelings and opinion: I asked about the religious upbringing because the themes and feelings of the dream are very familiar to me. Reason being that I also had an extreme religious upbringing and have had many dreams with themes of guilt, destruction, betrayal and so on. Religious indoctrination is very powerful and places the recipient in a very subservient role. To tell you the truth, you will be isolated from your family and in most cases there is nothing you can do about that. If you choose to change your beliefs, family will view this as a betrayal of the most severe quality. The hard part is that you know how they think and feel without being able to change anything. What you can do is change how you understand and see them. Your feelings are natural and justified; just remember to be completely honest with yourself and others. You will create beauty through your eyes and no one can stop you.

Wow, thanks to everyone who responded! I thought this thread had died.

@ Dannon: When I was 7, almost 8, my entire life changed due to my parents divorcing. After that, life became a blur and I have barely any memories between the ages of 8-14, which bothers me. I think that trying to 'reconnect' with my younger self as you suggested will help me in a lot of ways that go beyond just understanding the dream, so thank you for the suggestion. I loved reading your interpretation, it made me think about things I have never considered. =)

@ Nito: I want very much to go lucid in this nightmare. It is a huge goal of mine. I am working on learning to LD, so I'm hopeful it will happen for me at some point. And you have no idea how many times I've actually considered that maybe I killed someone and have repressed the memory. =/

@ Chimp: I will explore the thought that maybe my unbringing is involved in this. It's an interesting idea. My ideas on God and religion are extremely different than what I was raised to believe, so maybe I do have some lingering guilt over deviating from what I was taught. I'm not sure, but it's good food for thought. =)

Im glad you find our feedback helpful, knowing other people have these kind of dreams is always comforting for me.

I was rereading the thread and had a thought about this...

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Originally Posted by buriedmonsters

I asked a therapist (one I was seeing for a seperate issue) about the dream once a few years ago, and she told me that she suspected it was a sign that I had done something that my mind considered "evil" with my sister when we were young and I had supressed the memory. I don't know what to think about that. :undecided:

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Firstly, I wouldnt say I know more than a trained therapist but in cases of personal material like dreams its your own interpretation that matters. Since the feelings and events in the dream are yours, only you can decide what exactly they mean. Getting advice(from dreamviews :) ) is always helpful, just remember this is yours. The events in the dream may seem 'evil' however they are metaphors for feelings and your state of mind. You seem like a smart person and it looks like the therapists explanation wasnt satisfying for you. That is encouraging to see you are already searching for yourself and im sure youve had plenty of experience with that moving away from previously held religious belief as well. Lastly, its been my experience that embracing your feelings, positive or negative will bring you answers sooner than later...

Wow, that is a freaky dream! Now I am gonna have nightmares of your dolls!!! I dunno, I also have dreams where I do horrible things, like killing. Like once I had a dream that I entered a mansion and there was a woman cutting up bodies. When she cut off the legs, they would hop down the hall and leave bloody foot prints. I picked up the knife and began to help her. It was dark and I could not see her face. Her faceless face began to freak me out so I turned, and used my knife to kill her too. There is something about the horror that makes you keep going. If I acknowledge the horribleness of it, or even pause to reflect, then I lose control and become terrified. Maybe that is why you keep sewing, if you stop to question it, then you will become terrified of what you have done.