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If you're honest about anything be it politics, religion, sexuality or meaningless conversation, is honesty really the best policy? I think it is and even though honesty may bring more negativity in the short term it certainly will be more beneficial in the long run. Right?
Yes, but it also depends on the other person. If you want to confess to someone a mistake you did, but he is ,lets say, violent person, and he will effect you negatively(I mean more than it should be), then lie. Also it depends on the issue itself. So, honesty might not be the best policy in some situations. Just my opinion
Answer: It depends.
if i were honest all the time i would probably be a beaten up bum. i lie to avoid conflict or get what i want, or sometimes to even get my point across. i work at a bank, can you imagine if i were totally honest with all the customers and my fellow employees? lol
I will never trust bankers again:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by tropicalbreeze
Yes, but it needs to be combined with good framing.
It can get tricky.Quote:
Originally Posted by Replicon
If being honest puts you or someone else in an extremely dangerous/unsafe situation, lie. Otherwise, yes, honesty is the best policy.
Doesn't have to be "extremely" dangerous..
Only a living flower will open to receive the sunlight
Sometimes it is best to cloak the truth in metaphor..
Or better yet, remain silent
Lies are a rope with which one hangs oneself
I feel it's best to be honest as long as it doesn't hurt anybody.
I think honesty is a decision one makes within themselves, and that decision does pay off in the long run because existing with an honest self is much simpler than with a dishonest self. That simplicity feels much more liberating and limitless because you can trust yourself/life more, and because the inner state of honesty is open to possibility...in my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rums03
Most of the time, yes. However, sometimes you have to lie. If a psycho comes up to me in a rage and asks me where my brother is because he wants to kick his ass, I'm lying to him. If a cop asks me if I have any weed in my car when I do, I'm lying about it. If somebody asks me a really nosy question about something I don't want him knowing about, the invasiveness of the question justifies my lie. Those are all justifiable lies. Some people are too evil to know the truth, and some people are too nosy to deserve to hear the truth. Lying just to play a joke is okay too. I also think lying to kids about the existence of Santa Claus is justifiable. However, ordinarily, I believe in being honest. People who lie unjustifiablly seem ridiculous to me, and I don't trust them. If somebody has lied to me out of shadiness, I think about it every time I talk to him.
I feel it is honest to remain silent in the situation with the psycho.
In the cop situation I believe you have the right to remain silent.
In the nosy person situation it's pretty easy to say that you don't want to answer the question.
If you remain honest in that way it feels simpler; you can be real with the situation.
To lie, even if there is a persuasive reason to do so, leads to a distinct feeling of unease.
I feel that unease is because there is more power in truth than there is in deception.
So by lying one subtly doubts one's own inner power that is connected to truth and honesty.
Action is powerful in that sense. And to act from that place because fear compels it...it doesn't feel beneficial long-term.
I am going to deliberately deceive the psycho and the cop because more good will result from it. I will tell the psycho my brother is in some far away place so he will think he has gotten something out of me and then leave. Cops are necessary and do a lot of good, but I think the war on drugs is a crime against humanity. If I am asked if I have pot in my car when I do, I am not going to say I refuse to answer the question. That will result in my car getting searched. The Fourth Amendment doesn't really apply to automobiles any more. Deceiving the unjust is justifiable.
This. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by StephL
I think honesty correlates with intimacy. The more you want to be close with someone, the more you have to be honest and the lies you make will just drive you away from them, however white the lies are.
Also, I think that as a community we must live honest life (meaning, follow the law) just to keep the order intact.
Yes.Quote:
Originally Posted by Occipitalred
But, what if the partner wouldn't understand something, and being honest about it will only bring negative results?(Assuming you didn't do anything wrong)
Often, people underestimate what the other person is able to understand. If you don't tell them, they will never understand. If you tell them, they might and if they do, your relationship will become so much tighter. If they don't, there is two possible reasons.Quote:
Originally Posted by LouaiB
1. They are not worth it. They don't have the necessary compassion/empathy/understanding. You two don't fit together on that level of intimacy and that is why you could of not told them in the first place. You're not close enough.
2. You're negative for them. For example, you cheated on your partner. They make the reasonable decision that you are a negative person and that they don't want to be with you anymore. It was a good thing of you to give them the ability to make an informed choice of whether to stay with you or not. If in this case, you don't want them to resent you and you know it's not gonna be their fault, it's your fault, then you should consider becoming the person that you want them to believe you are.
When we say white lies, we just take the easy way out. By doing this, you are taking away a moment for the two parties to live, a perhaps awkward, but deepening moment. If the two people are ready to try to sit down and understand the other person, then the relationship will become better.
Another point worth considering are unequal relationships like that of a parent and a kid. Parents are often unwilling to empathize with a kid's misconduct and will get incredibly mad for thing that aren't that bad according to the kid or society. In those situations, the parents' stance is understandable. They want their kids to make the best decisions and they don't know how to motivate them to make the best choices. Kid's should take responsibility for their actions and confess what they have done, and accept the consequences. If a kid doesn't not do that, they drive themselves away from their family creating superficial relationships. If the child, however, confesses, sure the parent will be disappointed and will get really mad, but in the long run, they will gain trust in their child, knowing that whatever they do, they will tell them. This way a strong relationship is built and once the kid becomes an adult and leaves, the relationship becomes an equal relationship that resembles that of friends. If you have a strong relationship, saying the truth, even if it creates negative results, will only build trust and intimacy.
If you must use white lies to allow a relationship to continue, then go for it. It's just a relationship that lacks intimacy and is not as strong as a relationship where there is only honesty.
Also, the people (such as parents) which might get the most affected by your hidden truth are often people who love you and will continue to love you regardless of if they have a tantrum when the figure it out.
EDIT
I want to add: people don't lie with the intention of diminishing the relationship's value. They do so by fear. But this fear of not being accepted by the other person has the consequence to separate the two parties (by this fear and lack of understanding of what the other person's life is really like)
I agree 100%
I would like to add a point too:
If the partner is the type that doesn't sit and listen to what you need to say, even if it is your fault a problem occured, then you still should tell them, even if it causes the end of the relationship. A relationship with a person that doesn't try to look at problems from your point of view is a doomed one.
So, it is good to always be honest(unless with a phyco)
I want to press the like button, but the RAM on my phone is giving me a hard time
Aha, did it! Sweet victory!
There was quite a long time where I just couldn't find the like button at all. It was a sad time. :P
lol. Maybe from the browser. Or those advertisemnt problems, or maybe not
I think it's more important to be earnest than honest. Honest supposes words contain accuracy and should be mutually understood all the time. Earnesty denotes that one is merely doing their best to be honest with the realization that communication is a struggle for understanding.
And tact is important as well. Life is too complicated to act out of obtuse principle in every situation. One can speak diplomatically, for example. Also, humanity's natural disposition to hypocrisy can interfere.
All the more reason to be honest Vs. earnest, cut down on the unnecessary struggle between one another to figure out what exactly the other is trying to say.Quote:
Originally Posted by Original Poster
Honest
- GF: Does my ass look fat in this?
- BF: Yes it does, maybe you should work out more or stop eating such fatty foods.
- GF: Breaks up with BF because she doesn't really want to hear the truth.
Earnest
- GF: Does my ass look fat in this?
- BF: I love you just the way you are, but if you want to drop a few pounds I'll go with to the gym. I could probably use a little more exercise myself.
Question is will this man be happier in the long run with a woman he has to coax into the truth, or a woman who can make up her own mind. There are +/- with each type of relationship, I just think the one where each partner is honest will succeed longer. It may take longer to find a partner who feels the same way, but once you do chances are it's the real deal.
You know, self-awareness helps that(predicting upcoming parts of the discussion).Quote:
Originally Posted by Rums03
That's not earnesty, that's just diplomacy. Earnesty is emotional honesty. Earnesty is reporting something as you saw it, rather than as it happened (because you don't know how it happened, you only know what you saw)Quote:
Originally Posted by Rums03
Example:
GF: Does this make me look fat?
Honesty: Yes/No
Earnesty: It makes you look dead sexy/It doesn't flatter you
The difference? The girl isn't asking if she looks fat, she's asking if she looks attractive. But she's not being dishonest, she's just being self-conscious about her weight even if you like her weight level.
Note that the BF's answer would be different if the guy likes big butts and cannot not lie...
Honestly though, if you love your GF, and you're accustomed to being honest and caring, then what comes out will work out, in my opinion.
I feel the thing with true honesty is the sense of openness and being real. Saying someone is fat or not fat doesn't seem to come from that sense of openness.
For the most part I'd say the BF honestly doesn't want to be put into that position of 'judger'. Can honest dialogue flow from that realization, and can we trust it? Or do we succumb to the terror of possibly saying the wrong thing from the wrong position, and try to say the right thing from the wrong position?
Rephrasing this: Dishonesty involves hiding something, which involves mental/emotional isolation, which precludes intimacy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Occipitalred
Also, dishonestly means not being trustworthy in the sense of representing something as it actually is. And the betrayal of trust makes relationship more than a little problematic.
Sometimes it is necessary to be dishonest, but it comes with a high price. Higher than the overwhelming majority of people realize, in my opinion.
I agree with those who emphasize sincerity over honesty, insofar as honesty is sometimes thought of in a literal, legalistic way, divorced from emotion, intent and what is actually communicated.
Those are a few of my thoughts anyway. I agree with Occipitalred.