How many 5 year olds could you take out at once?

No you kid touchers, I mean fight.

Rules:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.

- You are not allowed to touch a wall.

- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."

- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.

- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.

- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.

- The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


This is something I found on another forum so I can't take credit for the funny idea, well I thought it was funny anyway.

Umm, why do they have to be healthy Americans?

Now everyone surely knows that Americans are the most egocentric people in the whole world. And that's only some evidence about it. Whatever they say, it's always about Americans just forgetting the rest of the world. :roll:

I think I could probably take out a bunch as long as they didn't all swarm me and take me down. 5 year olds are really easy to kick in the face so one good foot right into the face would definitely take on out. Or if I had the chance I guess I could pick one up by the feet and just swing his little bitchass around until his head falls off. Yea I think I'll go with about 30 or so until I get tired.

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Originally posted by hate
Umm, why do they have to be healthy Americans?

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Well I suppose its to make sure that they aren't like Ethiopian kids because Ethiopians wouldn't be much of a match at all.

Either that or because the evil corporations made me do it.

I have decent stamina...but I don't know if I would try to strike the toddlers (with strategic punches and kicks) or simply break there narrow necks with a "quick grab n' twist" technique...hmm...maybe a combination of both.

My estimate would be around 30 as well...maybe higher depending on how easily I could break there necks. :-P

Hate wrote:

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Now everyone surely knows that Americans are the most egocentric people in the whole world. And that's only some evidence about it. Whatever they say, it's always about Americans just forgetting the rest of the world. [/b]

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Just like when my grandfather went overseas to China...the first thing he said upon entering Hong Kong international airport was "Damn! there sure are a lot of foreigners around here."

What a heartwarming thread. I have no idea how many I could take down, I've never tried.

Oh my shit... LOL

I have NO IDEA how many kids I could take out. Um... I've got a few years of a few different styles of martial arts under my belt... but then again, I'm a bit out of practice, so... hrm... Toss me in there with, say, forty and I might be able to hold my own. Then again, they've got that goddamn cute thing going for them. On second thought, I wouldn't stand a snowball's chance in a fiery hell.

It would be a lot harder if the kids were retarded or had ADD. Then you would just be fucked to hell.

Kev wrote:

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It would be a lot harder if the kids were retarded or had ADD. Then you would just be fucked to hell.[/b]

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I'm already going to hell...when I was young lad, me and my cohorts used to trick this retarded kid into eating/swallowing pennies for our amusement. :P

I would grab one and swing it around at the other kids as a club

im like 6ft and 200 pounds i think i could take on 50 little kids with punches ......damn now i really want to kick some little kids ass

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Originally posted by CT
I would grab one and swing it around at the other kids as a club

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Holy shit, this is the funniest thread I've seen for a couple of months
:rolllaugh:

I bet I could get 50 or more, as long as they didn't pinch or anything (like come up to my legs and start pinching me). I'd definately get like one kid's leg in each hand and swing them around.

On one hand, this thread is really funny. On the other, (being a bus moniter on my bus) I just keep imagining little kids like my bus children and my little cousins and me hurting them....then it's kind of creepy. I don't know....I'm too tender hearted...

What's wrong with you people. :shock:

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Originally posted by Gwendolyn
On one hand, this thread is really funny. On the other...I don't know....I'm too tender hearted...

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Same here.

Part of me says, "Gosh, I couldn't bring myself to "take out" any five-year olds, even if they were really annoying and/or bit me or something..."

Part of me says, "Even at 5'2" and 120lbs. I can hold a door shut against my 6'6", 254lb. father trying to push it open -- so I could probably floor a hundred of the little bastards easy!"

:P

Yeah, bring on the little twirps! If you could just get ahold of one or even two of the little buggers (one in each hand) and swing them around in a top like fashion... they'd all be screwed! Gimme 80-100 of em and let em try! I can keep my feet under me no matter how dizzy!! They deserve it anyway... cause they're kids!!

When I was about 13 years old, I used to attend an after-care center, that doubled as a creche.
There I had the pleasure of tackling wave upon wave of 5 year old.
The problem here is that the buggers don't stay down - they have more energy than a lightning bolt!

Well one time I was at this kids house who had like... a 9 year old brother and a 9 year old friend there too. They tried to tackle me but I threw them like five feet... it was AWESOME

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Originally posted by Placebo
When I was about 13 years old, I used to attend an after-care center, that doubled as a creche.
There I had the pleasure of tackling wave upon wave of 5 year old.
The problem here is that the buggers don't stay down - they have more energy than a lightning bolt!

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Yea I think a lot of you are underestimating what a shitload of motivated 5 year olds can do. Hey maybe we could have this be a lucid task of the month.

Kev wrote:

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Yea I think a lot of you are underestimating what a shitload of motivated 5 year olds can do.[/b]

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I agree...I mean conservatively speaking, knocking out a 5 year old is equivalent to doing a single pushup (this is a presumed but IMO a close estimate) and I highly doubt that most people on this forum could do over 50-60 continual pushups.

Also, doing pushups doesn't inflict any immediate pain...much like the gnashing teeth and clawing fingernails of a horde of toddlers.

It depends on how desperate I was. I've got power, but my endurance isn't very high. Also, I wouldn't attack unless I knew that they wouldn't quit and my life/sanity were on the line. Kids half my size and 1/4th my weight... you guess for me.

Pack the kids wall to wall... to wall to wall so they can't move, then I can walk on their heads with my cleats.

They could always rush you at the same time and kick your ass...

Not if they can't move.

This is an interesting premise. I don't think I would ever really do this, but I'd feel like neo in the matrix with all the smith's attacking.

However I think we are all underestimating the wave of force all of them would have. Think if 30 5 year old circled around you and a couple were able to jump on to your back and bring you down. Then it's like total dogpile once your down.

Considering that I'm in soccer and weight train. I'm thinking I could at least take on 30-50.

If that five yearl old was me, I wouldn't definetly jump on and try to bring the big guy down.

Five year olds can have lots of passion! Also think that they will be trained for an entire day on how to take a big guy out. They can all gang up and latch on.

ahh :shakehead2:

I wouldnt just go rampaging around... first I would get a slippery cylindrical podium that they cant jump on/knock down. then I would then just start talking about computer nerd junk until they all fell asleep... i would then then jump off the soapy podium... then I would take the fat one and use him as a blunt object and then just go crazy...

I think the trick would be to use them against eachother. Once you take one down, pick him up and start swinging him at the others. Once you get one in each hand you can starting spinning around like Neo in The matrix reloaded. :wink:

Hrm... MrGone you just gave me an idea.

Spread rumours that someone said the other was a poopoohead... then they'll like attack each other.... then when you have one left you can just gouge his eyes in and kick him until he...

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Originally posted by MrGone
I think the trick would be to use them against eachother. Once you take one down, pick him up and start swinging him at the others. Once you get one in each hand you can starting spinning around like Neo in The matrix reloaded. :wink:

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Crappy movie by the way... compared to The Matrix.
Anyway, how long could you do that spinning and swinging? It would propably alone take you out in couple of minutes

I think that this activity should be an Olympic event. Each country would have a stable of toddlers and an adult representative on their team (of course back ups would be necessary and allowed).

I'm already training for qualifications....

http://img32.exs.cx/img32/2348/nephewtoss4dn.jpg

http://img16.exs.cx/img16/9342/poolwrestle4hh.jpg

[/quote]I agree...I mean conservatively speaking, knocking out a 5 year old is equivalent to doing a single pushup [quote]

Yeah right! I can do 30 push-ups!
Now, back on topic: Im a belt under black in Lima Lama (a Poliesian/Hawaiian martial art that is really brutal but it was famous in the 60s so i wouldnt expect you to know about it). So i would knock em to the ground and put my foot on their back, then grab both arms, and SNAP THEM OFF! :evil: And do some kali on them. But, if that doesnt work then i would gouge as many eyes out as possible then kick them out of the way then get back to the blind ones later.I kick so frickin HARD so i would break a lot of bones with each kick So i guess mabye i could take out about 50 to 70. (and if they bite, i will just rip their lil jaws off. :evil:

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Originally posted by Amethyst Star
It depends on how drunk I was. *I've got power, but my endurance isn't very high... *...Kids half my size and 1/4th my weight... you guess for me.

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You'd have at least 120-150. Im sure! Immediately you would win them over... than after that you would morph their minds to work for you! It would be kid on kid WWF in the raw! So much blood and gore! You're sick!!!

No but seriously... I bet if there were a tournament of sorts, she would win it! Hands down!

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Originally posted by Mickeys_Elbow+--><div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Mickeys_Elbow)</div>

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<!--QuoteBegin-Amethyst Star

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It depends on how drunk I was. *I've got power, but my endurance isn't very high... *...Kids half my size and 1/4th my weight... you guess for me.

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You'd have at least 120-150. Im sure! Immediately you would win them over... than after that you would morph their minds to work for you! It would be kid on kid WWF in the raw! So much blood and gore! You're sick!!!

No but seriously... I bet if there were a tournament of sorts, she would win it! Hands down![/b]

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When you quoted me I was like, "Huh? I don't remember saying.... Oh." It was funny, nonetheless :D And yes, I would probably win them over.... for my own vicious designs! Wait, that wasn't me talking... I... upgh... neh...

*explodes*

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Originally posted by hate
Umm, why do they have to be healthy Americans?

Now everyone surely knows that Americans are the most egocentric people in the whole world. And that's only some evidence about it. Whatever they say, it's always about Americans just forgetting the rest of the world. :roll:

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because he said so, now quit the bitching. :shakehead2:


this is really tough to estimate... in a purely hypothetical world i think i could take down as many as were thrown at me. again, this is purely hypothetical but i would take one out then use that one as a baseball bat of sorts. spinning and laughing manically as i mow down the columns of rabid toddlers nipping at my heals. just gotta out think the little buggers. and clearly because they're american they'll be egocentric and inept to the feelings and concerns of their comrades... i'll use this to my advantage and pit them against each other using psychological tactics like... "hey tommy, i hear suzy has been sleeping with jimmy and i heard that jimmy thinks your mom's hot..."

ahhh so simple once you take the provincial stance of labeling all americans as egocentric... isn't life funny? :P

:laughtillhurts: :laughtillhurts: :laughtillhurts:

Anyway, I wasn't really being serious when I wrote that. Just wanted to see how people would react to it :wink:

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Originally posted by MrGone
I think the trick would be to use them against eachother. Once you take one down, pick him up and start swinging him at the others. Once you get one in each hand you can starting spinning around like Neo in The matrix reloaded. :wink:

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Haha, actually this is similar to what I was doing at times.
But it was more like using the kids as shields against each other, or throwing them in front of the other.

I am addig these factors in

1) I cannot touch a wall which limits me. I may touch a wall on accident.
2) I have years of Kendo experience including the ability to snap necks and break wrists.
3) I use dirty tricks such as spitting in people eyes and biting hair. In a fight I lose all sense of compassion. Once during a fight with my stepbrother I took off my shirt and tied it over his face. He couldn't see me beat his face in. He started the fight so don't blame me.
4) It took 7 170-240 pound guys to dogpile me when I was playing football.
5) My hydrosephilis (sp?) really gives me a disadvantage.
6) I will insult them and take em down when they cry.
I'd say 70-80.

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Originally posted by Merckantium
Hey maybe we could have this be a lucid task of the month.

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LOL! That would be hilarious.... maybe something along the lines of

"Take out at least 30 healthy five year old kids. Your only weapons are your feet, hands, and the kids themselves. Throw 'em, shove 'em, kick 'em, but whatever you do, don't let them take you out. If by the time you are done fighting, there are at least 30 kids laying on the ground (or parts of them), then you are the lucky winner of the month."

Yeah, that would sound like an original task. I just watched Sin City the other day so I ended up being a little graphical on the description, just ignore the dark humor. :mrgreen:

It's funny how I found this thread. :D

Well, with my stamina I think I'd handle maybe half an hour-40 minutes of taking them out. Assuming I'd had to hit each one at least twice before they're knocked out, I'd say 60-80. :boogie:

However, I don't know how motivated the kids would be after I smashed one's skull open and spilled the brains over the floor/wall. :banana:

Way to necro a 5 year old thread...

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Originally Posted by tnemrot

Way to necro a 5 year old thread...

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Thanks!

Holy shit...way to go indeed Mysterious Dreamer.

I'm pretty sure that I could take out as many as would fit in the room.

Depends on my sobriety level. My "beer armor" would take care of all of the little bites, kicks, pinches, and suchlike. :wino:
And also, we need a necro smilie.