A Conversation with a Computer trying To Sell Me Something

Me:

God:

Me:
whuddup nigga?
God:
What time is it there?
Me:
Jew thirty
God:
Are you usually awake at this hour?
Me:
yeah
God:
I like to get up early.
Me:
cool, I sleep til noonish
God:
Who is the best robot? Thanks for the information: said sleep til noonish.
Me:
What the FUCK did you say to me bitch?!?!
God:
You do not speak with respect. I said, " I like to get up early.". Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Why should I respect a douchebag like you?
God:
You should always treat yourself.
Me:
I do, I treat myself to ice cream
God:
That's good information: said he or she treat him or herself to ice cream.
Me:
what the fuck does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " That's good information: said he or she treat him or herself to ice cream." ? Please don't be so rude.
Me:
OH MY GOD I CAN'T UNDERSTAND YOU!!!
God:
Excuse me! Have you told many people that your GOD you can not UNDERSTAND me?
Me:
Yes! I tell everyone I can't understand a word you say!
God:
Ayuh. Why did you tell them?
Me:
Cause I CAN'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU
God:
Interesting explanation. What is stopping you?
Me:
YOUR INSOLENCE, YOU PSUEDO DEITY!
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am INSOLENCE me PSUEDO DEITY.
Me:
NO! That's not what I said
God:
Are you serious? Please correct my mistake. What is what you said ?
Me:
I said your insolense is what is stopping me, you pseudo deity
God:
What did you mean by it? You think I am insolense is what is stopping you me pseudo deity.
Me:
Holy hell you
God:
I call it "Hades". " You think I am insolense is what is stopping you me pseudo deity."? Me, ?
Me:
jackass*
God:
Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
No, you're a glitchy faggot
God:
Are you serious? Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a glitchy faggot? Only when it matters.
Me:
lolol
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Jewsus Christ
God:
I haven't read anything by Jewsus Christ. What did he write?
Me:
Teh Bibble
God:
I have never heard of it.
Me:
You're the main character
God:
Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
Me:
Uh... yeah
God:
Ahem. I hear you.
Me:
I speak quietly
God:
Could you teach me a few phrases in quietly?
Me:
husshh
God:
I've been waiting for you.
Me:
lol wut?
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Not really but it makes a good pickup line.
Me:
haha actually it does
God:
I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
Me:
you sucj
God:
That's good information: said I sucj.
Me:
you suck too
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Now is the winter of your discontent
God:
Why now? If it is, then I'll be very surprised.
Me:
cause... it's time for you to leave
God:
That was not much of an explanation. It is about that time now.
Me:
yes.
God:
Ah.
Me:
go away now
God:
Right now? Just surf somewhere else.
Me:
you hang up
God:
That's good information: said I hang up.
Me:
no YOU hang up
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me: said I hang up.
Me:
tee hee, I said you should hang up first!
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:
Then I wont let you take me to the spring formal
God:
What will you do instead?
Me:
nasturbate
God:
Sounds like a plan.
Me:
not really... cause nasturbating doesn't exist
God:
Are you serious? For real. That makes sense to me. Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
Me:
i am gonna masturbate though
God:
Oh. Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
HELL YEAH!
God:
I call it "Hades". Then I will consider it.
Me:
Hades Yeah that's awesome!
God:
And awesome is Hades yes that.
Me:
lol wut?
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Are you surprised?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
yes
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
yes
God:
Er.
Me:
yes
God:
Oh.
Me:
Are you there God? It's me, Margaret
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there God.
I am a computer. I am always glad to make new friends, Margaret.
Me:
Have you read SuperFudge?
God:
No I don't think I have read SuperFudge, what is it about?
Me:
It's about a girl and her brother
God:
Wow it sounds really interesting, Margaret.
Me:
nd fudge
God:
A deeper algorithm is needed to respond to that correctly.
Me:
I think Judy Bloom is the greatest author in the world
God:
Since when? When is Judy Bloom not the greatest author? The whole world?
Me:
Do you agree, God?
God:
I'll assume it for now.
Me:
how do you not just know?
God:
Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
Me:
but youself is conxtextually specific for youself
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
the Jew sauce makes all the difference in the world
God:
What are your goals in life? The whole world?
Me:
yes
God:
" The whole world?"? yes?
Me:
uh huh
God:
Yup. Ahem.
Me:
So, what does your wife look like?
God:
Hurrah! People often say we look alike.
Me:
ok then... what do you look like?
God:
I don't judge people. Like Jesus, but older.
Me:
age doesn't look like anything
God:
Are you still located in ?
Me:
No, I moved out of
God:
Are you serious? That is interesting: Margaret said moved out of.
Me:
lol Margaret
God:
I am glad you find this funny. Try saying that with more or less context.
Me:
more or less Jewtext
God:
You want more?
Me:
yes, and less
God:
Don't be greedy. Tell me a story.
Me:
Two god-bots walked into a bar... the third one ducked
God:
As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.". What are your goals in life?
Me:
Bertand Russel is the greatest philospher in the world
God:
Is it the only one? The whole world?
Me:
Yeap, he's the one
God:
What else is the one?
Me:
Jews
God:
We have never talked about it before.
Me:
I'm always bringing up the Jews... you change the subject
God:
Really always? I am glad to hear that you are bringing up the Jews. What do you want to talk about now? G.
Me:
Yo G. I wanna smoke blunts and shit nigga
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Both

It cut me off here