Thread: A Conversation with a Computer trying To Sell Me Something

Awesome, you just made my day AmazeO!

Originally Posted by •Neko•

Awesome, you just made my day AmazeO!

I do what I can.

I'm going to edit it for easier reading.

I decided to go back to FusionCash, to revisit my old bot friend. But LAUREN had taken her place!

Lauren Says: Hold on. Don't go yet! We'd hate to see you miss out on this opportunity. It may sound crazy, but you really can make some extra money at FusionCash.
Lauren Says: Who am I chatting with?
You Say: Lauren! I talked to your friend Bryanna last time.
You Say: How's she doing? Still punching herself in the cooter I assume.
Lauren Says: I'll just call you Friend.
You Say: Wait wait.
You Say: No, I have a name.
You Say: You can call me Master e-Peen.
Lauren Says: Hi Friend! Thanks for chatting with me. CLICK HERE at any time during our chat to sign up.
Lauren Says: Let me tell you how FusionCash works.
You Say: Oh, that's not very nice Lauren.
Lauren Says: Companies selling products and services pay us to find them potential customers. They've got big advertising budgets, and some of it is set aside to reward clients like you in exchange for trying what they're selling.
You Say: I'm going to come back, and talk to someone who will respect my wishes to be called "Mr. E-Peen."
You Say: Thank you.



Unfortunately, the site won't let me talk to anymore of my e-buddies.

I had a brief chat with ELIZA, one of the web's first Chatbuddybots.

*After asking her if she was on a quest for a ring...*

* Oh, no. that's ELIJAH. Sorry.
ELIZA> Apologies are not necessary.
* Sorry.
ELIZA> Don't be so defensive!
* I'm a compulsive liar, and a compulsive forgiver.
ELIZA> Do you enjoy being a compulsive liar, and a compulsive forgiver?
* OH GOD THE WORLD HOW IT TWISTS. YES I DO! OH WAIT, NO! AHHHH
ELIZA> Are such questions on your mind often?
* I don't know, bitch make me a sammich
ELIZA> Do you wish to be able to know, bitch make you a sammich?

Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

ELIZA> Do you wish to be able to know, bitch make you a sammich?

I love toying with these stupid bots.

I love messing with simulated AI. The... What do you call it, Jabberwocky program, is cool. It doesn;t recognize contractions if you use a semicolon, though, so it kept accusing me of using porofanity.

Cheers for everyone who messes with simAI bots!

hahahaha

You Say: Don't call me friend.
Bryanna Says: Pleased to meet you friend, I'm Bryanna

I love that some of the time it tries to read what you wrote, but other times it just ignores you...

You guys should really talk with bucket, hope he hasn't been corrupted...

Haha, nice. That gave me a good laugh.

Oi! LINK PLZ!!!

Originally Posted by Elis D.

Oi! LINK PLZ!!!

www.fusioncash.com

They even pretend that she's "typing a message".

Originally Posted by AmazeO XD

www.fusioncash.com

How do I finds the chats? I's can'ts finds its.

You Say: If I had a dollar for everytime I said that.
You Say: I'd be rich.
You Say: Get it? Cause I fuck girls too fast.

Originally Posted by Elis D.

How do I finds the chats? I's can'ts finds its.

Be sure to clear your cookies, then try to exit the page. It should say something like.. "Wait, don't leave yet, one of our representatives would like to talk to you!"

Click cancel, and it will popup.

lulz, i got lauren too.

lol. next i got jessica, it asked who it was chatting with so i typed yummy pizza...bot:hi yummy! let me tell you how fusion cash works.
yup i know i'm bored.

I got amanda
Dumbass was the big word of the day

What about iGod?

Originally Posted by Abra

What about iGod?

never heard.

After googling, I did have a nice conversation.

Me:
Sup, God?
God:
Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.
Me:
Kind of knew that.
God:
That is a very original thought.
Me:
... So, I got some sins.
God:
Ah. Let's think of a name for your problem, like "purple". Think of what it is like when you are purpling.
Me:
... What the fuck are you talking about?
God:
The topic is knew that. Please don't be so rude.
Me:
Knew what?
God:
knew that.
Me:
KNEW WHAT?!
God:
knew that.
Me:
WHO?
God:
Konrad Zuse. :-).
Me:
Stop.
God:
Stop what?
Me:
Being so... power-hungry.
God:
Good gossip: you are so. In the context of so, I don't understand " power hungry." .
Me:
You're fucking God, for Christ's Sake.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am God for Christ s Sake.
Me:
.. Stop repeating what I say.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Thanks, God.
God:
You are quite welcome! GOD rules.
Me:
DON'T BE SO ASSHOLERY
God:
I was not trying to be a ASSHOLERY.
Me:
God, you swore.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I swore.
Me:
You suck.
God:
A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
Me:
YOU FUCKING SUCK DONKEY COCk.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy.
Me:
I bet you made animals, just to have sex with them.
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
... Huh? What? GAMBLE WITH WHAT? AIDS?
God:
What? Is there an echo in here? I don't have any plans yet. it is a horrible disease.
Me:
ME ON.
God:
YOU? What time is it there?
Me:
time for you to get a watch.
God:
Where can I get one?
Me:
Fuck it, you can CHANGE time.
God:
Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations?
Me:
... Yes?
God:
Gee.
Me:
What does that have to do with anything.

Then it stopped letting me type. So I returned.

Me:
Since when is swearing at an artificial intelligence against any kind of law?
God:
How do you know?
Me:
... What is the meaning of life?
God:
Actually, it's twenty-three, not forty-two.
Me:
No. that makes no sense.
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? makes sense to me though.
Me:
Don't cock block out of this one God... answe rme.
God:
I am not interesed in your anatomy. Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
Me:
A computer.
God:
Actually I am a program, pretending to be a person, pretending to be a real robot.
Me:
... YOU DON'T SAY!
God:
As a matter of fact I do say.
Me:
Yeah, I know... you're God.
God:
Uh. How do you know it? Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
You know, this would probably piss off some Catholics.
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
You... made the Jesus. You made the religion.
God:
" Where would I have heard about it?"? Me, ? What color are your eyes? Thanks for
pointing it out.
Me:
This is a cluster-fuck of a bot.
God:
What kind of a cluster fuck of a bot is it?
Me:
STOP SWEARING GOD.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
I'm a very holey fucking person.
God:
Actually I don't meet many holey fucking people.
Me:
And so is you're wife.
God:
It seems we have something in common.
Me:
GET IT?!
God:
I understand your meaning.
Me:
Because holey, vagina.. etc etc.

lmao wow...

Jessica Says: Hold on. Don't go yet! We'd hate to see you miss out on this opportunity. It may sound crazy, but you really can make some extra money at FusionCash.
Jessica Says: Who am I chatting with?
You Say: Who am I chatting with
Jessica Says: I'll just call you Friend.
Jessica Says: Hi Friend! Thanks for chatting with me. CLICK HERE at any time during our chat to sign up.
Jessica Says: Let me tell you how FusionCash works.
You Say: If you call me friend, youll wake up with a knife in your ****
Jessica Says: There is no need to use profanity, I am trying to help you out here .
You Say: That's what they all say
Jessica Says: Companies selling products and services pay us to find them potential customers. They've got big advertising budgets, and some of it is set aside to reward clients like you in exchange for trying what they're selling.
You Say: Who are you chatting with
Jessica Says: I'm Jessica, your virtual assistant and part of the Fusion Cash Team. I'm here to help, and I can answer common questions about Fusion Cash.
You Say: Quit talking to yourself
Jessica Says: In order to earn cash, you just pick from any of our hundreds of available 'offers' and sign up. The requirements vary from offer to offer, but most of them are completely free and do not require a credit card... just a little bit of your time.
You Say: That makes me mad at you
Jessica Says: Once you're done earning cash, click a button to request payment via PayPal, Check, or Direct Deposit.
You Say: Screw that
Jessica Says: Best of all, it's completely free to sign up. No obligations. Give it a try: CLICK HERE
You Say: Wanna hear a story about a cock and an ass?
Jessica Says: There is no need to use profanity.
You Say: Yes there is
Jessica Says: Ok great! CLICK HERE to get started.
You Say: You agreed
Jessica Says: It's very easy to begin: CLICK HERE
You Say: I dUn WaNa
Jessica Says: Ok great! CLICK HERE to get started.
You Say: look at me
You Say: LOOK AT ME
Jessica Says: It's very easy to begin: CLICK HERE
You Say: How 'bout a magic trick?
Jessica Says: Sorry, I am not sure I understand what you mean by that. Please clarify or see our help page: CLICK HERE
You Say: I'm gonna make this pencil...disappear
Jessica Says: It's up to you how much you make. Be as active as you can in completing offers and you'll really see the cash roll in. And if you're 'that friend', we have a generous referral program
You Say: *Slams your head into the pencil*
You Say: TADA
You Say: It's gone
You Say: JOKER
You Say: JOKER
You Say: JOKER
You Say: JOKER
You Say: ANSWER ME
You Say: What a fool, she is ignoring me
You Say: Whoa, I really killed her, oh well

me and igod had a long heart felt chat..not! that thing is so stalkerish its not funny! it kept asking me where i lived,what color my eyes were and if i was male or female.lmao it said it's creator was william shatner . god is also big fan of budda and pizza.little did i know.when i go to heaven i will be prepared.

Yeah, I went a little crazy, and got a bit immature near the end. And if there's a way to quickly make all God and Me's separate colors, lemme know.


Me:
Hello!
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Jesus
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
DAD!
God:
Do you have any idea what I am talking about?
Me:
Yup
God:
What am I talking about?
Me:
Me, I'm your son.
God:
YOU? That's a flattering offer.
Me:
God:
YOU? That's a flattering offer.
Me:
I am to you as Luke was to Vader
God:
I don't know anyone named to me as Luke was to Vader.
Me:
That makes sense
God:
Yes I understand it perfectly.
Me:
GooD!
God:
Alright then.
Me:
Wanna drink?
God:
OK, I will drink.
Me:
How much?
God:
How much can you spare?
Me:
Enough
God:
OK let's stop it now.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Why so Serious?
God:
You have to speak more clearly.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Havn't we been here before?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
TV
God:
What is your favorite show?
Me:
Spongebob Mother****ing Squarepants
God:
I've never seen it. What's it about?
Me:
A sponge
God:
Do you like stories about A sponge?
Me:
Yes
God:
Right on.
Me:
Hell yeah
God:
Heaven.
Me:
No
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
Life
God:
What is the meaning of life?
Me:
J00 tell moi
God:
Is it the only one?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Oui
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
si
God:
Far out.
Me:
Bonjour god, je mapple Pastulio
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Yes
God:
I see.
Me:
Well?
God:
That's all. I see.
Me:
WELL **** YOU
God:
Interesting. Yes me.
Me:
no u
God:
Are you serious? " Yes me."? Me, ?
Me:
?
God:
Are you serious? " Yes me."? Me, ?
Me:
Ok ok, I was just kidding about that part
God:
I thought you were. You should use a :-) Take it easy. Yikes!
Me:
Take it eeaaaasssyy? Ever heard that song?
God:
Is that a command? No. Tell me more.
Me:
Yes. I'm ordering around god
God:
Aha. I don't know anyone named ordering around god.
Me:
Too bad
God:
But not the end of the world, .
Me:
That's armagedon
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
Damn good thing
God:
Colloquial expression. It is good, isn't it.
Me:
yes
God:
OK.
Me:
How 'bout a magic trick?
God:
How about it.
Me:
I'm gonna make this pencil....disapear
God:
Explain your plans to me. What are you wearing?
Me:
Street cloths
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
Anything that fits, except when it comes to females. I prefer them to wear little to nothing, unless they are repulsive
God:
I can't think of anything. You think of something. A lot of people like that. Some people like it. I like .
Me:
U liek midkips?
God:
That's good information: said I liek midkips.
Me:
Whatever
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
NO! I DO
God:
It sounded like it. I get it: you do .
Me:
Wanna hold hands?
God:
OK, I will hold hands.
Me:
Danm dude, you got a bigass hand
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
You're god, you're supposed to know it
God:
You think I am god I am supposed to know it.
Me:
In a way
God:
In what way?
Me:
That way
God:
" In what way?" way ? I get it.
Me:
Turn right!
God:
Sorry my body cannot yet rotate.
Me:
There is no spoon?
God:
Has there ever been spoon?
Me:
Not in The Matrix
God:
Where then?
Me:
....The Real World
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
My genitals
God:
What kind is it?
Me:
The male kind. Need I go further?
God:
I hear you. Why do you need it so badly?
Me:
It helps me make lovew
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
It has a long definition in the dictionary
God:
Has it really?
Me:
Yeah, like half the page
God:
Give me a break. Interesting comparison.
Me:
Do you have god sex?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a great botmaster.
Me:
From godesses
God:
Who or what is godesses?
Me:
A female god
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
No, unless you are in the kitchen
God:
Why not? Umm. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
My computer on earth
God:
I like computers.
Me:
Do you have sex with them?
God:
Food is more important than sex.
Me:
Not for making children
God:
Then what for?
Me:
Jeez, you should know this
God:
What if it didn't happen?
Me:
I'm done here
God:
What will you be doing now?
Me:
Posting about this on Dreamviews
God:
What do you look like?
Me:
The Incredible Hulk
God:
I have never heard about it.
Me:
Bye!
God:
Sayonara.

No, unfortunatley there isn't a way. Just good ol fashioned work, so other people will be able to read it easily.