The Great Escape

**The** · 12-31-2010 04:31 AM

The Great Escape - Associated Content from Yahoo! - associatedcontent.com

Short Story I wrote and published at the above address on Associated Content which is run by Yahoo. Please if it interests you read it and tell me what you think. I would benefit more from negative responses because it would help my writing get better but positive feedback is always more than welcome. Thank you for the taking the time to read and I hope you enjoy the story.

**The** · 12-31-2010 03:57 PM

Anyone have feedback

**Aristaeus** · 12-31-2010 06:56 PM

Interesting... I liked the idea of a Lucid Dream-involved story in the particular setting you chose; it makes for a unique sad story. The events are very tragic and haunting, especially towards the bittersweet ending.

Although, there could have been a little more detail, in terms of scenery and character background. And, the sheer lack of poetry, in my opinion, does make the story less emotion-eliciting and captivating than it could have been. Then again, that is merely my personal analysis, so I could just be talking out of my backside.

That aside, the article itself is fairly well written and organized, despite a few grammatical errors and slightly awkward phrases.

...But, anyhow, good job. Keep reading and writing, and I am sure you will become much better.

**The** · 12-31-2010 07:50 PM

Thankyou very much for your response. I definetly need to work on my description and creating a better more believable world. I also have to work on how awkward some of my phrases are. By grammatical errors were you referring to especially commas because I know I have problems with putting too many of them in? Thankyou again for bringing those to my attention.

**Aristaeus** · 01-01-2011 12:57 AM

Well, truth be told, it is not exactly that the sentences themselves are awkward, but rather they simply lack proper punctuation. And yes, I was mainly referring to the comma use--it is not that there were too many of them; there were just some places where a comma or semicolon could or should have appeared, but did not. If you reread your story carefully, I am sure you will find the particular places.