Lucid - One

[M.Kirk]

(I copied and pasted the first chapter of my novel in progress from a writing forum I go to, I thought I would share the idea with you guys, the experts of the craft, and see if you have any comments or critiques that could help me out.) Synopsis:*spoilers* The plot for the novel I'm currently working on is loosely based around the concept of "Astral Projection", otherwise known as "Lucid Dreaming". A quick review on lucid dreaming would be that when you dream, you are walking through a door to a parallel universe that is unbound by the laws of reality. Some people have claimed to contact lost loved ones through this intriguing experience, which brought on my question: If you open the door to the afterlife, can it ever be closed? The curves of the mountain road made Natalie uneasy. They always had, nighttime especially. Sinking into the passenger seat, she tried to relax, knowing that her husband was an excellent driver, even in the worst of conditions. Unfortunately, the rain thrashing against the windows of the Nissan kept her from doing so, instead filling her head with thoughts of anxiety and concern. Natalie’s gaze wandered around the interior of the car before falling on the forest outside, it’s passing image distorted through the water-stained glass. “How much longer ‘till we get there?” she said, not sure how much more of the excessive twisting and turning she would be able to take. “Sorry to report that we‘ve still got about and hour or so of driving left” Kyle replied, semi-hunched over the steering wheel. It was their anniversary, five years and running. Kyle had surprised Natalie with a romantic trip to a getaway cabin. Right on the lake, it was secluded for miles. A solemn stare remained locked on the trees that seemed to melt as they shot by Natalie’s window. A bolt of lighting struck outside her window, and remembering what her grandma had taught her as a little girl, she began to count the seconds that went by to see how close it was. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. Fou-- Mother Nature's gunshot ricocheted across the cloudy night sky with an explosive bang, shaking the car on its wheels as it rocketed across the slick pavement like a runaway cart of a speeding rollercoaster. “It’s really starting to come down out there” “I’m not stopping.” Kyle said, a sly grin spreading across his face. “The roads are wet, you could lose control of the car and--” Kyle quickly cut her off with, “Didn’t you take Driver’s Ed? Roads are more dangerous at the beginning of a rainfall than afterwards. The water mixes with the oil on the roads, causing a slick surface. So really, if we were going to crash and possibly die, it probably would have happened back at that old trucker stop that we passed when it first started raining.” Natalie didn’t bother to retort, for she knew it was an impossible battle to win. She instead sunk even deeper into the passenger seat, rested her head on the cold, hard, glass window and eventually drifted off into a restless sleep, hoping that the next forty-five minutes would pass during it. The ground cracked underneath her feat as Natalie stepped out onto the desiccated wasteland that stretched to the horizon and back without a trace of civilization, or an elevation of land for that matter. Not stopping to think where exactly her husband had gone, she looked down the desolate highway that, with the always bizarre elegance that comes with dreams, appeared out of nowhere. She squinted her eyes in an attempt to block out the rays of the blazing sun, finding a solitary building sitting on the side of the road, big black letters painted across the sign spelled “SALOON” Awaking to the sound of a blaring car horn, Natalie lurched forward in her seat, opening her eyes to the sight of the beaming headlights of an oncoming vehicle. Throughout the insanity, she couldn’t tell exactly who was on the wrong side of the road, but what she could tell was that they were about to go head-on with the other car at about fifty miles per hour. Taken over by impulses, Kyle smashed on the brakes, sending the car into a deadly spin. Headlights. Mountainside. Nothing. Headlights. Mountainside. Nothing. Headlights. Mountainside. Smash. The left-rear of the four door Altima smashed violently into the midsection of what Natalie could now tell to be a Dodge Ram, sending Kyle’s head bashing into the driver’s side window. The car then bolted off to the side, scraping the thin guardrail, and sending a shower of golden sparks racing behind it. Up ahead was another sharp turn. The car had slowed down, but not nearly enough; with brutal force the automobile savaged its way through the iron railing, and plummeted off the rough crag. It then continued to drop sadistically down the sharp face of the mountain. Natalie’s body thrashed in her seat as the car rolled multiple times against the dense mountainside. With a sudden jolt, the car hit a large boulder protruding from the side of the mountain, stopping it on it’s side. Natalie’s limp body pressed against the window she had fallen asleep against not two minutes ago; the pain radiating through her body so immense that she couldn’t place an exact location of it’s origin. She looked around the car, and with her limited view she could see Kyle dangling directly above her by his safety belt, he was unconscious, and she could see through the darkness blood dripping from his short brown hair, his head was badly wounded. Natalie’s mind struggled to help him, but her body remained motionless the pain was just too much for her to bear. She struggled to remain awake, but as the minutes went by, she could feel the energy draining from her body, and it became more and more difficult to hold on to her consciousness. Finally, the lethargy took Natalie over; enveloping her in darkness, she drifted off into a deep, restless slumber.

[Jess]

I like it. This bit is good: <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE("M.Kirk")</div> Headlights. Mountainside. Nothing. Headlights. Mountainside. Nothing. Headlights. Mountainside. Smash.[/b] It took me a second read to realise it was the car spinning...cool. I think the dream sequence is a little bit cliche maybe. It&#39;s a good read though and I want to read the next chapter. A couple of grammatical errors I spotted: <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE("M.Kirk")</div> They always had, night especially.[/b] Should it be: at night especially? <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE("M.Kirk")</div> know that her husband was an excellent driver[/b] knowing that her husband...? <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE("M.Kirk")</div> It then continued to smash into drop sadistically down the sharp face of the mountain.[/b] That doesn&#39;t make complete sense.

[M.Kirk]

Yeah, sometimes when I proofread I just miss a lot of my mistakes, seeing as I know what I was trying to write. Thanks for your comment.