Jinn Mustaffa - Crime Fighting Pigeon

[dragonoverlord]

Hey this is a story i just made up in like 10-15 minutes it took me 4 tries to succesfully posted because every time it said i was logged out. anyway i hope i get (constructive) critizizm on how i could of written this story better. So i become a better writer So if you cna rate this from 1-10 and be brutally honest!!! In english we only got 1 chance to do any bit of story writing and even then it was severly limited topic. thanks... In the remenants of a Marakesh Bazaar, a pigeon looked on the venders packing their wares, seiling their food stuffs. Tourists haggling with people who've been doing it all their lives. A particular heavy set american was haggling with a merchant for a jar of Cos Cos, with family in tow. As the pigoen was watching this, something caught his eye. In the shadow of a building a merchant was being pummeled by a police officer. What need of more words? The police men took what he wanted. "please" gasped the old merchant "take what you want" "glad you would see it my way" replied the policeman in arabic. The Policemen turned mugger grabbed some jewerly and dinars and put it in a 6th century Berber pot. and made his way down the road he came. The orange and black pigoen curiously flew after the assalaant down the road. T'ill he got to a point where he was at a road where no one could hear him scream. Jinn Mustafa, perched on an awning twenty feet ahead of the police officer and began howling not unlike a coyot does. the policemen stopped in his tracks. How often do you see a orange and black pigoen howling like a coyote he thought? He became so mesmerized by this, he dropped the pot and it shattered. By the time he noticed the air and ground was filled with pigoens coming at him from behind, it was to late he was gone. The very next day the old merchants who had been robbed by the policemen was shocked to see the pot at his door! What more inside of it was the jewler and money that was stolen from him. He went inside and when he re-emerged he had the pot filled to the brim with seeds. He dumped its contents on the street floor. Before going inside, it seemed he muttered "thank you Jinn Mustafa" in his berber tongue.

[dodobird]

The very next day the old merchants who had been robbed by the policemen was shocked to see the pot at his door! What more inside of it was the jewler and money that was stolen from him. Well sorry I don't know what advice to give, but in any case these words In bold should be singular and not plural.