Disillusioned Beauty
There will be a moment one day,
When Beauty looks into its soul,
And for that one moment,
Shakes its head and turns away.
On Cancer
Cancer, I think,
Is the kindest death.
At the very least
It lets you know that you need to say goodbye.
And everyone wishes they'd said goodbye.
On Procrastination
I played sloth
For years and years
And now it has taught me
To play a pretty mean game of catch-up.
On Distance
Dear God,
I hate the vacuum of a stare
That occurs between two people
Who used to know each other
But don't anymore.
On Doctors
"October the Seventh, 3:54 PM, In a Doctor's Office"
I
Hate
Doctors
"Fifteen Minutes and Two Inoculations Later"
I
Really
Really
Really
Fucking
Hate
Doctors
On Hatred
Hatred
Is when you place your love
In an awkward position.
On Reading
I don't read anymore,
As much as hide behind a book.
There Is Nothing
There is nothing
Until someone has a dream.
Someone had a dream
And in that dream,
There was a field,
With a river along its edge.
Across that river,
There was a castle,
Where a hundred million people worked for their ruler.
A boy was running through the field,
Unaware of what waited for him on the other side of the river.
He jumped over the river,
Slipped on the far bank,
And fell in.
His head was stuck in the mud.
He drowned to death
Quickly and painlessly.
Then, he looked up
And saw his guardian angel.
“You weren’t there!” he said sadly,
Wiping the mud from his face.
“I never was,” the angel said.
Then, he left,
And never came back.
On Hope
Get too hopeful and you're bound to jump off of something.
On Birth and Death
I don't get the connection
That people like to draw
Between abortion and childbearing.
They're complete opposites:
Childbearing is giving birth,
Abortion is giving death.
The Grammar of Life
Some people confuse
Their, they're, and there.
I confuse love, hate,
Life, death,
Cat and mouse,
Black and white
And you and me.
To My Critics
If I don't make sense,
Then I will surely make dollars.
An Argument Between a Theist and an Atheist
One takes the offensive
And the other is offended.
He surrounds himself
With an army of straw men.
The first begins
Ripping
Them apart,
But the other rebuilds them,
Holding them together with his shit.
The first gets passionate
And things become heated.
The straw army ignites,
Incinerating their master.
Karma vs. Pascal's Wager
If there is no God
And you don't believe in Him,
Nothing happens.
If there is no God
And you believe in Him,
Nothing happens.
If there is a God,
That gambling bastard Pascal
Is burning quietly in Hell.
Praying
Years of praying
Adequately convinced me to stop.
Nowadays
Nowadays,
You can call your "fine china" pretty much anything
And people will get the picture.
You know,
Your "microwave oven";
Ole "Sherlock Holmes, Jr.";
Your "fwoom-pow",
If you pick up what I'm putting down over here.
I just find it funny that
"The Gunslinger"
"My spicy Chihuahua"
"The Inconcievables"
"Old Ironsides"
And "Mahatma Gandhi"
All mean the same thing
Nowadays.
The Rule
The only rule is life is that there is always an exception to the rule.
The exception to that rule is that in German,
Words ending in -chen or -lein are neuter.
An Exercise in Caesura
An. English,
Teacher reading. This
Poem, must.
Sound, like. A
Real, Ass.
Hole.
Failed Cartoon 4
Uncle Sam
Holding a nuke over Japan
And apologizing for Hiroshima.
Failed Cartoon 2
Justinian looks over his empire. He sends word to the Arab Nations proclaiming to be the new Rome.
Word back from the Arabs:
"That is so last millennium."
Failed Cartoon 1
"Alright, Mr. Biggs. I'm glad to have helped you get this capital for your new business. I'm sure this will be very profitable for both of our companies."
"Certainly, Mr. Dockton. It was nice doing business with such an esteemed bank."
Suddenly, the door burst open and a boy came in.
"OMG!!!!11 lol u r just got lwnd!!!!1111"
Psychiatrists
Psychiatrists need to treat less
And help more.
Witty
I would say I have a fairly rare wit.
It's certainly not well done.
01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100
01001110 01101111 00101101 01101111 01101110 01100101 01100101 01110110 01100101 01110010 01110011 01100001 01101001 01100100 01100001 01101110 01111001 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01100111 01101001 01101110 01110100 01100101 01101001 01101001 01101001 01100111 01100101 01101110 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00101110
Square Quatrain
This is a square quatrain.
It has no verse or refrain.
I'd write another quatrain,
But I think, instead, I'll refrain.
A Blonde Moment
Let them eat cake.
The Day of the Lyric of the Man Who Said the Day of the Spoken Lyric Is Past Is Past
3
3
(1_1lvl
lvl1lv65
41lv"
7
607
lv071-1
1lv6
0lv
lvl3
An Exercise in Brevity: A Novel
There once was a character,
Who did a few things,
In a short period of time,
Or maybe a long period of time.
They probably died eventually,
But they might have displayed
Some important lesson in their life,
Or maybe not.
Everything I Want To Tell You Now
In Summary
You make me want to puke
Or some shit like that.
Lies
The only time you ever lied to me
Was every time you said
You'd love me forever.
But a little white lie never hurt anyone.
Either A Scratched Record or a Person
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Whenever You Get Mad
Whenever you get mad,
It’s like a papercut
From a buzzsaw.
Romeo
Ay me! sad hours seem long.
Welcome to my life, Romeo,
You melodramatic Nancy-boy.
On Rejection
Am I too good for the world?
Or is the world to good for me?
On Unrequited Love
Unrequited love
Is just Cupid's version
Of a drive-by shooting.
Definitely Not a Love Poem
You claim that God gives you happiness and strength.
But why are you the saddest girl I've ever met?
The Mathematics of Love
Let b=me.
Let c=you.
bΛc=F
Why Love Ain't All It's Cracked Up To Be
I love you, Richard Brautigan!
Please don't die.
I love you, Keith Moon!
Please don't die.
I love you, Roger Barrett!
Please don't die.
I love you, Farrokh Bulsara!
Please don't die.
I love you, John Lennon!
Please don't die.
I love you, Rick Wright!
Andre Roussimoff!
Paul Newman!
John Entwhistle!
George Harrison!
Kurt Cobain!
Herbert Khaury!
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't die.
(They always do.)
On Love (Loving vs. Crushing)
Having a crush makes you feel stupid.
Being in love makes you stupid.
On Marriage
Marital law
Is the law of marriage.
Martial law
Is the law of war
And they don't seem too different to me.
Why Is It?
Why is it
That no matter
How many times
You tell someone
I love you
They never remember?
On Falling In Love
Why
Is it called
Falling
In love
When no-one ever
Flies
Out?
An Unwelcome Guest
I let love in one day.
Then, it left very abruptly.
So, I decided that I would not allow it back.
It is no longer allowed to crash on my couch,
Or drink all my beer,
Or piss on the carpet,
Or break my windows,
Or blow out my speakers.
It is no longer allowed to invite over people that I don't know,
And sleep with them,
Or invite over people that I do know,
And sleep with them,
Or throw up in my shoes,
Or burn things that I spent a lot of money on,
Or hurt my cat.
It is no longer allowed to make me cry,
Or make me scream,
Or make me beg,
Or make my blood curdle.
Or ruin my life again.
Love Is a Lie
"Isn't Love Wonderful?"
I look at you,
And you at me.
I love you,
And you love me.
And I wonder,
What would I do without you?
You hug me,
And hold me,
And call me Muffin.
If am Muffin,
You must be Mrs. Muffin.
But I suppose we already knew that.
If I loved you,
Anymore than I already do,
My heart would stop,
Every time you left the room.
(Even for a second.)
As I watch you,
Look at you...
Your beautiful hair,
Your little lips,
Your button nose,
I realize that you are
Simply normal.
Ordinary.
And I decide that ordinary,
Is certainly the most beautiful of all.
"A Letter to the Author"
To whom it may concern:
Perhaps a slap
Or bucket of water
Will get your head out of Disneyland.
Love is a lie,
Happiness a mask,
And childhood dreams a protection from reality.
Happily ever after does not exist,
And I was a fool for thinking anything else.
Infinity
It does not scare me
To love you infinitely.
What scares me
Is that I used to love you
Infinitely more.
In Retrospect
It wouldn't be true love if I gave up
Just because you're a crazy bitch
And I want you to shut the fuck up.
Cloud Nine
You sort of make me want
To hang myself
Off of Cloud Nine.
Kill Me
I could bleed myself out to you
And it wouldn't help your thirst.
I could cut myself to pieces
And it wouldn't help your hunger.
I am of
No
Use
To you.
What If?
Your kisses are so.
Fucking.
Soft.
What if hers aren't?
Two Is Such an Ugly Number
There are books upon books
All about how to make people happy.
I can put it in two words:
Love me.
Infinite space, bounded in a nutshell,
But who is king?
Hopelessness
I'd burn every rose I could find
If it would make you being
The most beautiful thing in the world matter.
The Perfection of Love
Love is logical.
Lovers aren't.
Love Poem?
You are the sweetest girl I've ever known,
But, my God, how I hate you.
An Experimental Drama
(Enter rock, stage center.)
(The rock never moves. The rock thinks boring thoughts. The rock waits to die.)
(Enter Girl, stage left. She is blindingly dazzling, a slippered foot on a pillow, everything that isn't too much.)
(With three words, she transforms the rock into a gently unfolding rainbow swan and he thinks the most beautiful things ever imagined.)
Picture
A picture's worth a thousand words
But written words are set in stone.
That is why I'm writing this,
To let you know, my final kiss,
So that when you start to doubt
Just because I start to shout,
So you can know what's false and true,
So you can know that I really love you.
My Dearest Hope
My dearest hope
Is that one day
The ever-so-slight softening of my gaze
In your direction
Will tell you I love you
A thousand times over
So that I don't need to humiliate myself anymore.
Sometimes
Sometimes I wish that I could cry
And sometimes I wish you were near.
Sometimes I wish that I could fly
And sometimes I wish you were here.
Sometimes I wish that I could sing
And sometimes I wish I could soar.
Sometimes I wish the phone would ring
And sometimes I wish there was more.
Sometimes I wish that wishes came true
And sometimes I'm careful to say
Sometimes I wish I'd wished for you
And sometimes I wish you'd go away.
Sometimes I wish I could write more songs
And sometimes I wish I didn't care.
Sometimes I wish we could get along
And sometimes I wish you weren't there.
Sometimes I'm glad that I'm not crying
And sometimes I'm glad you're away.
Sometimes I'm too afraid of falling for flying
And sometimes I'm glad you're not here today.
For N.S.
Remember when I kissed you,
And you told your sister
It was on the cheek,
Even though we all know it wasn’t?
And she thought,
Well, that’s a load of crap.
And you thought,
Well, it wasn’t a good one anyway.
And I thought,
Well, I wonder why she’s always making excuses.
And later, you told me what was wrong.
And even later, you told me what was really wrong.
And then, not much later,
I stopped giving a damn,
And did what we both needed,
And kissed you,
For real this time.
I know that it had no reason
And it had no rhyme,
Like this poem,
But it made you smile
And it made me stop dying inside,
Long enough to pretend to be happy,
Out the front door
And into the car
Where I pretended to be happy
To shut my mom up.
But she doesn’t notice things,
Like you do,
And she certainly doesn’t care,
Like you do.
I’m at a loss for words right now,
But you must know that,
Because only when I have nothing left to say,
Do I let kisses tell the truth for me.
A Still Hand and Thoughts of You
I thought about you last night.
I was trying to open a coconut
With a knife and a metal rod.
“Babe” was playing from the other room,
And I was opening a coconut.
I thought of you,
And “Babe”,
And me,
And I tried not to cry.
I tried to open the coconut.
I tried to keep you off my mind.
My eyes got wet,
And my hands started shaking,
And I almost cut myself
Opening that goddamn coconut.
I wanted to cheer up and finish opening the sonofabitch coconut,
But I missed you,
And “Babe” was playing in the background,
And I was crying.
Soon, I wiped my eyes and stilled my hand,
But I didn’t stop crying.
At last, I opened that fucking coconut,
And “Babe” stopped playing from behind me.
I Hold These Truths to Be Self-Evident
I
America
America is like a flock of pigeons
With a few mourning doves
Hidden away on the inside.
No-one knows if there are too few
Or too many.
Life Is Absurd. Deal With It.
I am me.
I am something.
But something is nothing.
I am not you.
You are something.
I hate you.
But something is nothing is me.
You are me.
But you aren't me.
I hate you.
But you aren't me.
I love you.
I cannot find me in terms of me.
I must find me in terms of not you.
Whether you are something or nothing,
Me or you,
I must find me in terms of not you.
I am the set of values not contained within the set of values that is you.
Let b= me
Let x= you
b
∈B={∉X=[x]}
There could be a hundred of you.
Amongst those hundred yous,
There could be one me.
Though I outnumber you
1 to 100, 1 to 1,000,000,000,
I do not hold your grudges.
I am not you.
You are something.
Nothing.
You
Not me.
Not everything.
I hate you.
I love you.
All I am is not you.
Pacing
I pace
When I get into a rut.
Usually,
It only makes it deeper.
The Insignificance of Human Concepts
I wish that I didn’t think a good sunrise was beautiful.
Bad
Anguish
Emotional suicide
(Why?)
Catharsis
Sadness
Anger
(Why?)
Bad
Bad
Bad, bad, (why?) bad, bad
Bad, bad
(Why?)
Bad (WHY?)
BAD
(WHY?)
BAD
BAD (WHY?) BAD BAD BAD (WHY?) BAD
BAD (WHY?) BAD (WHY?)
Why not?
Child's Play
We swore as young children
That through our lives,
We would always keep
Friendship’s fire alive.
As teens we forgot
The friends that we’d known,
We forgot of our duties,
And left the flame alone.
We looked back in desperation
To find that we’d lied.
Not together forever,
Just some of the time.
We grew older and older
And things fell apart
But some friendships remained
And some unbroken hearts.
You can tell yourself
It’s different this time
Your love is different
Your love can survive.
But nothing lasts forever
Not even fairy tales.
Not even a child
Can smile when love fails.
We looked back to old friends
But found nothing to say
We told ourselves it was nothing
And ignored our parted ways.
And then one day,
We stopped fucking around.
The guardians of the flame
Lie dead on the ground.
So we shook our heads,
Denounced it as child’s play,
Put a photo of good times on the grave,
And walked away.
Fear
Fear is the sudden realization,
That you are going to die.
Fear is the horrible feeling,
That you get,
When nightmares come true.
Fear is the fact,
That despite anything,
You will still be very, very afraid to die.
Fear is that arcane knowledge,
That you are not going to make it out.
Fear is someone laughing,
While you are crying.
Fear is feeling,
That not all of you has gotten away.
Fear is tasting,
Your own blood on your tongue.
Fear is seeing a limb,
And realizing that it is too far away.
Fear, my dear, is the sudden realization,
That you are going to die.
Cancerous Thoughts
Lying in her bed, sort of red,
"I think I'm going dead
In my head," she said,
"I cannot help but feel like lead,
I never eat, I'm always fed,
Rusty water and white bread.
They've put me on some heavy meds
Until this tumor gets all shed.
If I heal and I am wed
To a man called Jed or Zed,
I'll wish I fled,
On a moped
With Mario Lopez
I'd do all that he says.
I'd listen to him and his friends
Until the day my sad life ends,
Because the chemo drains
All the pain and gains and bane,
Out and out and out my brain.
I'd be slain."
For S.G.
I sit on the hill,
Beside the grave.
I think of my life with him.
I search for the right words
To honor my last memory with him.
Finding them, I stand up,
Facing the grave.
I drop my pants and proceed to soak the area.
"Enjoy Hell, you fucking bastard," I say.
Then, I die happily.
Calm
Being finished with hating you,
I am now free to love you quietly.
The Broken Dreamer
The Broken Dreamer said to me,
"You must find me foul."
I told her, "That is so untrue,"
And then she asked me how.
Said I to the Broken Dreamer,
"I could not find you foul.
You are so much more beautiful
Than anyone around us now."
Cozy
Andrew?
Yes?
Did you fall asleep?
No.
Oh. I love you.
I know.
Motivation
I write poems
Because I am too poor
To write rock anthems.
Go figure.
A Drink, I Think
I think, I think,
That in the sink,
I left a drink,
A drink that stinks,
Of a lynx,
Or a sphinx, I think.
That drink is pink,
That drink, it stinks.
It's very pink,
And its stank,
Is very rank.
The pink drink
Stinks and stanks,
Of a lynx or a Manx.
And I think,
That the stank,
Could be a link,
Twixt lynx and Manx.
I think today,
I'll call this drink
That stinks and stanks,
A pink lynx-Manx drink, I think.
Encyclopaedia Julietica
You have the incredible ability
To turn the 27 volume publication
Called Encyclopaedia Julietica
Into 17 syllable poems
That you call haiku,
Even though some people would disagree.
Me?
They don't really have a name for what I do.
Like Some Weird, Rainy Block Party
As I walked through the rain,
A raindrop hit my head.
But it was not alone.
It joined the other raindrops in my hair,
Like some weird, rainy block party,
Where they play a
l
l
l
l
l
l the hits,
And the sun is perpetually obscured,
And children are not allowed to run,
Mouth open,
And tongue out,
Catching rain to wet their little throats.
What a wonderful,
Enchanted,
Little hole in the water cycle it must be.
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness
Emancipation and patricide
Are different means
To the same end.
Post-Script to “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness”
Scratch that:
Patricide is more fulfilling.
That Whole “Love” Thing
That whole "love" thing is so overrated.
You have to die eventually.
On Security
My heart has been broken so many times.
Have I stopped giving it away?
No!
...
But I do take a security deposit.
Adverbially
I once met a man
Who hated adverbs
Violently.
I Know You Care
Sometimes you leave me
And sometimes you're there.
Sometimes "I hate you"
Is how I know you care.
Six Months
For six months, you were my every night's dream.
For six months, you were my every nightmare.
Then you destroyed my dreams entirely.
The Chemical Composition of Life
F3AlSe
Long Distance
The reason long distance phone calls are so expensive
Is that you will one day get a call
Long distance, most likely,
Saying something terrible has happened.
And that’s the time, when,
For your own good,
You need to be able to pay the price.
No one can pick up the price of that kind of long distance call for you.
Long distance calls are for when it is time to throw off your crutches.
[sic]
"I dont [sic] understand punctuation [sic] so I often leave it out" [sic] said John, "Thats [sic] why I have an editor [sic] He inserts proofreading marks like [sick] [sic] and others" [sic]
Puddle-Jumping
Sometimes, my love for you is so great,
It pours from my heart
And gathers in a pool around my feet.
You always loved jumping in puddles.
The Dog
The girl who taught me
That love is a lie
Was holding hands in the hall today.
I walked up to her,
Slapped her in the face,
Spat on the ground she tread upon
And asked her,
"What became of the Cynic?"
Comrade, silence never lies.
Faith
Close your eyes;
Call it Neverland.
You can play Wendy
To my Peter any day.
Cat On Knee
Dedicated to J.M.
Suicide is not an untimely passing,
Cat on knee.
The dead one must’ve thought
That it was a lovely time to pass.
Death is Blue
Dedicated to J. M.
Death is a part of life
Like red is a part of blue.
J.M. #3
Does someone dying
Make having loved them
A bad investment,
Justin?
Antistrophe
I’m general in a specific kind of way,
You’re specific in a general kind of way
And I feel it is worth noting that the above device is called an antistrophe.
On Deadlines
If I jumped off of something very high,
At least I’d be forced
To figure life out before I hit the bottom.
Mr. O
Inevitably, there is a seam behind the tie.
Never forget that.
Stony
Ours is a stony friendship.
Please stop throwing rocks.
A Toast
In honor of a dozen hate poems,
I’d like to let it be known
That I
do love you.
Tommy Boy
The Declaration of Independence
Was just John Locke fanfic.
Gentleness? What A Bad Joke.
Her idea of gentleness is a bad joke:
One that is so bad,
It makes you cry instead of laugh.
Heartless
If you could see my face right now,
You’d cry, too,
You heartless bitch.
Undesirablucky
Am I just this undesirable
Or am I just this unlucky?
Reprise to “On Rejection”
Is the world too good for me,
Or am I too good for the world?
World
I hate the world
As I hate hell, all Montagues, and thee.
Time
Time itself remains the same.
Nothing changes but the name.
C.D. 1
I do this for no reason
Except to show
That I won’t wait around
For the world to give me one.
Poem About A Crack In The Sidewalk
I am
Golgotha,
Breaker
Of a thousand
Backs
Communist Propaganda or Girls I’ve Known
Good enough
Is not
Good enough.
Water Fountain
In high school, a friend of mine
Drowned himself in a water fountain.
He obviously thought way too far into it.
For K.V.
The world used to contain all the cheeses of the world,
But not anymore.
Sects
Sex is,
Unfortunately,
Nothing like a one-man band.
Necrophilia
I hate you so much
That I might kill you
Because I'm not sure if I'm a murderer.
I love you so much
That I won't kill you
Because I'm sure that I'm not a necrophiliac.
(Myself)---à
I'll take my world
And myself
As they are.
Radio
If you open your mind
Will you find that you know
The song on the radio?
Guilt
“What have I done?”
On the lips of a childless father.
Soul Foyer
If I hanged myself
In a perfect decoration
Of complete concession
Would I finally be beautiful enough
To grace the foyer of your soul?
The Girl With The Padlocked Heart
Here’s to the girl
With the padlocked heart:
You turn pretending
Into art.
Here’s to the girl
With the tongue of stone:
I didn’t want you
To be alone.
Here’s to the girl
With the failing words:
Can you never
Be assured?
Here’s to the girl
With the distant mind:
How many memories
Will you leave behind?
Here’s to the girl
With the love in her eyes:
I was reaching
When you died.
For C.D.L.
If you told me the sky was blue,
I’d assume it was sunset.
True Love
If true love were real,
They'd just call it "You".
Fruits Of Love
I’ve been softened by the mellow grasp of loneliness.
I’ve been haunted by the memory of your chest against mine.
I’ve been run off by the wild-eyed pursuit of desperation.
I’ve been battered by the blind hand of selfishness.
I’ve been pushed away by the sweet gall of spite.
These are the fruits of love,
The sons of broken trust,
The daughters of despicable agenda.
There is nothing more.
Right And Wrong
When it comes to right and wrong,
You are wrong,
Unless you think that you are wrong,
Then you are both.
Breakdown
Some say that a breakdown
Is like the end of the world.
I say it’s like the beginning.
Surrealism
Sometimes the stench of Surrealism
Creeps into my poetry.
I then beat it with it a fish wearing a top hat
Until it turns into a flaming blue sunset.
Mayonnaise
To whomever decided
That it would be funny
To invent mayonnaise
BEFORE
I was born:
Suck it.
Mr. A
I am not a typewriter.
Another Poem About Hope
Nothing in the world is hopeless.
Except hope.
Knight In Shining Armor
If you were a princess
Stolen away in a castle,
I’d just say “fuck it”
And go screw a village girl
And the dragon could keep you.
Thank God For Tryptophan
Maybe I won’t stop dreaming
Or maybe I’ll wake up.
Either one…
Mercy
For you, I’d jump off something very high,
And if you had a heart,
You’d ask me to, that I might die to please you.
Spargelzeit
DO NOT
Play water sports
In Germany
Between April
And June…
Bookmarks