Tell Me About being shy?

[blackjack]

Hey, for some reason I'm very shy when i talk to new people, especially girls because i over analyze things so i dont say what comes into my head and they end up thinking i'm boring hehe. then when i finally get the confidence, they dont care anymore, geez its really annoying

[lysergic]

say what ever the fuck you want. it's really hard. but it works very well.

[blackjack]

its hard to get over this cause i dont wanna sound stupid, but i end up messing it up anyway. it sounds easy, and i know it is for some people.

[JOCKINONYOLLAMA]

I got over my shyness many years ago (well, I'd call it a mild social phobia, but essentially the same) and no harm has come out of it. In fact it's only resulted in a lot more friends and made conversations with newly acquainted girls stupid easy. I realize that there are many different levels of shyness and those of some are deeper than others, but it's simple-- you just have to take a more cynical approach to things. I've realized that most people out there have very shallow personalities, are indifferent, bucketheaded, possibly boring-- and honestly... I couldn't give any f%@k less what they think about me. The problem people have with shyness is that they're overly self-conscious about how others perceive them as a result of low self-esteem. So ask yourself now, "WHY do I care so much about what others think about me?" What have these people whom you've yet to make contact done for you? Absolutely nothing. The significance of those people in your life will still be zero whether you're too timid to approach them, or you DO approach them, make conversation and they dislike you (which has never happened to me.) I don't know about you, but I would much rather risk being shot down than shug it off when I could have made some friends or met a special someone by simply joining in. As for making conversations easier with chicks, it's the same who-gives-a-damn approach, and is an absolute must because you want to seem secure if you want a piece of the cake. You can either go up to them, be yourself, and maybe walk away with a number... or you can continue to be a self-contained waste of space. Chances are you're not the same dry and ditzzy person that 80% of girls are beyond their looks, so what's the worry? Try to be less critical of your thoughts on what to say, replace that wasted thinking with humor, don't blabber on about Pokemon or some other lame crap and most girls are going to be interested in what you have to say and where it goes from there is up to you.

[Zhaylin]

One thing that both helps and hinders me is preparation. Know before hand what you would like to say or talk about. Take in your surroundings (make small talk about the weather or scenery, or local events). Observe things about the person (are they holding their hands in front of them- they too could be shy; do they have on a pretty necklace or earrings- comment on them). The hindrance comes from overly thinking about what happened AFTERWARDS and second guessing myself. Also, I'll have complete conversations with people, in my head, before I ever open my mouth. I go over every possible scenario. It becomes extremely exhausting after awhile lol. But in the process I usually have the conversations played out perfectly. In the process though, I lose a lot of the spotanaity (sp- spontaneousness!) that makes conversations so enjoyable. The long and short of it is: practice makes perfect. It does get a little easier after awhile.

[pllplp]

I was taught when I was a kid, don't speak unless spoken to. Be quite unless you have something important to say. Don't inturpt people when they are talking. I was taught. I learned. Now I am screwed. People I want to talk to never start conversations with me. Nothing I ever have to say is really that importnat (liike life threatening). Some people just stop paying atention the second they stop talking, or don't stop talking.

[Zhaylin]

pllplp, I have that problem too. I also have a unique gift of being able to turn off my ears. If I know I'm not meant to hear something, I don't hear it. And if I do (say someone is loud) then I erase from my mind what was said. If other people are talking and I need to speak with someone, I tend to stand a little off to the side with my head down and my arms crossed behind my back. As soon as the conversation has ended, I'll step forward and say what I needed too. I make myself seen before hand though, because I don't want people to think I'm eavesdropping.

[Techno]

It is natural for you to be nervous about something like socializing. However, the fear of doing something stupid is not something that should be thought of by itself. That fear increases in size the more you think about it, and you should just let it go. Focus not on whether or not you'll make a good impression, but just focus on making them laugh or like you. There's nothing to it, because once you're honest with yourself and confident in your own positive qualities, people will notice. Don't let the dangers of the unknown be the reason you don't explore the world. That's cowardice.

[aaliyah822]

When you're quiet and analyze people sometimes they know, I do the same thing. I like to know what i'm dealing with. If they are not interested in your conversation, don't worry about it. sometimes them are the friends that don't listen when you need a shoulder to cry on.