Hi

I don't expect you to make sense out of this, because its a very messy written text because I am pretty stressed, but please try to read it and help me somehow

Just a couple of days ago, when I was at my grandma's (I'm 16) on some occasion we were talking about fear of things, and I said that I usually have no fear thing from the movies, being alone in a big house or in the dark, however it does make me feel a little discomfortable. That was the truth, for the last 2-3 years I might have thinked about some scary things, but never been really affected by it. Today was very different.

I opened the computer today and was bored so I visited a forum and read about lucid dreaming. This was the first time that I have heard dreams where you are lucid really are different from normal dreams and that you could contorl dreams. I read alot of articles and I guess I learned some stuff, but also was a little discomfortable reading about false awakenings, etc. since nightmares were bothering me a lot when I was small. Over the day this discomfort has turned into real fear. I seriously had problems walking home and I walked straight up to my room. Its hard to look at an empty room without just being scared with no apparent reason. That's how I felt, sorry for switching between tenses. This was earlier. I was going to sleep at my grandma's house today so I packed some things and literality ran out of the house. At first I wasn't as scared outside as I was in the house, but after walking for some minutes it got worse, luckily though it wasn't a long distance. This fear tends to go away very quickly when I'm with others and a little when I'm with my dog.

Anyway when I then went to bed I had all of theese throughs in my head and combined I feel like I just made a mess for myself. Here where some of my thoughts sorted somewhat chronologically, I was pretty excited about this phenomenon at first, but got scared later on:
I have read about lucid dreaming for my first time today so after what I've gotten to know the chance is pretty high that I might have one tonight is pretty high from what others have said. Sounds fun.
Hmm, since I am new it says that my chances of controlling the dream 100% aren't really big, I hate nightmares, having that inside my lucid dream wouldn't be nice?
I then started googling this and the thought of false awakenings or loosing control, etc. got me pretty scared and I decided to drop it all together,but then later my thoughs just got to me. Because you all say that its possible to block off the fear, how ever it feels like the fear is still there even though I try to laugh at it etc. somewhere in my mind I know I'm saying, but it is a little scary isn't it...

Anyway I then went to sleep and started reading about something else in the news, from what I remember at the time when I fell asleep I wasn't thinking of lucid dreaming or nightmare at all. However earlier that day I had been thinking of reality checks, etc. looking at my hands to see 5 fingers even though I decided to drop it.

I guess my mind started wandering off, obviously because this has been bothering me all day. I just woke up 1 and a half hour later with the worst feeling ever when grandma opened the fridge ( shouldn't have made a loud enough noise to wake me up)
I talked to her and she said don't be afraid its just nonsense before going to sleep, I am not sure if this was a false awakening or not because from what I remember i felt trapped to my bed when she said it and there where still crazy things happening in the room.

Then I know that I fully woke up a bit later, the light in her room was lit and she had just been up so in some way its true, I remember flashy lights in the room when I had the false awakening though and its gone now.

I have been saying alot of random stuff now, what my point is that I am now VERY afraid of falling asleep again since when I woke up for real I was very sweaty, my heart was beating at an emmense rate and the things I had read earlier today started getting to me.

I don't know if I'm really getting somewhere with this poorly-written somewhat incomplete thread (my english grade is at the top and I know how to write a good text, however I feel I wasn't able too now), all I know is that I am in a very fucked, messsed up place right now and I need to tell it to some one who understands a and might have some wise words.


Please help,
-Anton