Sailing the Noosphere

1. I find myself scuba diving with two attractive female archaeologists. As we explore a ruined site, I find a pot that appears to be made of intricately woven rattlesnake tails. I take out a green underwater Sharpie and label the artifact, adding the poetic tag "Here be dragons, the children of the gods." After I take the pot back up above water, my companions chide me for my extra writing.

2. I go back to my high school over the summer to take a refresher course in Latin. My senior lounge has been moved to the basement and vastly upgraded, with plush seating and large flatscreen TVs. As I go to fetch my belongings from a locker, I find that they have been moved from where I left them; there's not enough locker capacity to go around, and I inadvertently took one from a freshman girl.

100th DJ entry! Woot!

1. I have bought a bag of pot from my brother's friend D.H. I smoke it, and sure enough I get a very high/drunk feeling in dream. I approach a mirror, and see that the pupils of my eyes are rapidly dilating in and out to an unnatural degree.

2. I'm on a rafting trip with my graduate adviser. My raft tips over, and I fall into the filthy water of the river. I find myself almost trapped beneath another raft commanded by a fat kid, but do manage to escape.

3. I'm driving my brother's car around town. I notice that many of the billboards and street signs are covered in graffiti. I also notice that my brakes are unresponsive, so I'm forced to drive dangerously, rolling through stop signs and barely avoiding many collisions.

1. I'm playing Unknown Armies with the usual suspects in a bedroom at my old college. As the session draws to a close, people are getting ready for bed. I unfortunately have to share a bed with K.R., who is quite a large fellow, while everyone else has separate sleeping arrangements. He has a scar on his back, and when I touch it in curiosity he screams out from sleep. M.G. and V.W. walk in to say goodnight; V. looks particularly attractive in a one-piece nightie. I can't sleep, so I go out into the night. I end up in a dorm that seems to be having a Homecoming party.

However, everything is in 19tth century military style, almost Napoleonic. H.B. is dressed in epaulets, playing odd military boardgames with people I don't recognize. The bathrooms are also odd, and I really need to use them. I end up avoiding the matter entirely and pissing on an inconspicuous wall looking out into a courtyard. Of course, a group of other friends, (Q., N.H., M.T.) take this opportunity to walk by (dressed in regular clothing). They look and laugh at me, and I turn away in shame.

I start to almost float, bouncing off the walls as I move down a different hallway (everyone is back to normal). There's a bunch of rowdy old alums making too much noise, and I get past them to a proper bathroom at the end of the hall. There are posters hanging across from the sinks for odd metal bands, including the real-life band "Bigelf." The venue, however, is the fictional "Redneck Mountain." As I look in the mirror, I realize that I look like another student, a Jacob E. I do a double take, and recognize that it's a reality check to go lucid. I start washing my hands, expecting the activity to stabilize me, and I do feel the sensations of running water and friction. However, at this point I've been dreaming for over 10 minutes and I can't hold on any longer.

2. Fragment of a dinner with my future grad school mentor and family. He stays quiet throughout the meal until we ask about his work. When he talks about genes that manage magnetic particles, I stand up in amazement.

1. I'm in a store that sells an odd combination of hardware tools and traditional games. I go to the basement, where there seem to be mostly tools. There's a door in the basement room, though, which leads to another room with wizard robes and hats lining the shelves. Yet another door opens into the store's main office, in which the employees have set up an Xbox. There's a DDR setup on the console and I indulge myself.

2. I'm playing an MMORPG with a strange blend of fantasy and sailing set on the East Coast of the USA. There are five races, including a species of intelligent giraffe people called the E'loi who can only speak under specific conditions. They can talk either to members of the warrior class, or they can talk to anyone while their heads are submerged in a tank of water with fish in it. My brother and I spend some time messing around with the boating mechanics, and I manage to strand my E'loi character's boat on a street.

1. I'm called by the police after a concert to report on some crime; the process takes forever and I miss getting to my job.

2. Setting of dream is the same as the webcomic "Erfworld." A "good" character has called a massive flood to save her sister, but in doing so wipes out countless other lives. There's a view of a prisoner in an open-air dungeon with a terrified look on his face as the water sweeps in to overwhelm him.

3. I'm playing some sort of turn based strategy version of Super Smash Brothers; the opposing team is Mario and Luigi, and Luigi is kicking away my ranged attacks with his taunt move.

1. I'm in a bar, relaxing somewhat awkwardly at a table with my frenemy H.B. and his girlfriend J.J. The interior reminds me of a bar in my old college town, but the view out the windows is that of a bustling supermarket in my hometown. H. asks for a pitcher of water as I start texting with my own girlfriend. I turn around and notice that the bar proper is taken up by a line of sorority girls, dressed in black Playboy bunny costumes for a frat party.

2. I decide to go to my old grade school, touring it in a suit, but while doing so I run into people from all levels of schooling. John M. from high school I see in the bathroom, the high school art teacher I see in the hall (interviewing for a position here), and C.W. and S.A. from college I see on the stairs as I'm leaving.

3. I stay up very late watching some football game... then go to sleep. I FA into my own bed at 9 o'clock at night, and my brother is sitting on the chair beside me playing Nintendo DS. My mom walks into the room and starts to berate me for my lateness and asks me how I expect to eat.

I'm watching a TV ad for a new day care center, showing itself as "fun" for the kids. The babies enter the building by a catapult launcher, which throws them headfirst into tubes that then slow them down before depositing them in a central play room. All fine and good, but then the dream shifts into something more sinister. Babies keep on coming, row upon row of identical babies with blank stares. This continues until someone decides the only way to deal with it is to flood the world, and water pours over the packed babies to suffocate them all.

1. I'm part of Ganondorf's wedding party. The ceremony is to take place in a skyscraper, which we enter through a doorway labeled "Weddings for Demons." As we ride up the fully mirrored elevator, I take note of my dress. I'm in all black with a long coat, and pull out a magnum from a side pocket. Others on the elevator roll their eyes and tell me to put the damn gun away.

2. A bunch of college friends and I are in a zombie apocalypse theme park, almost like laser tag. We're gearing up for the first round, and the only improvised weapons we can find to use are musical instruments.

3. I'm racing RC cars with my friend Q. We're on a farm so there's plenty of space, and my RC motorcycle rips along the paths to take a strong lead. I soon miss a turn, however, and the vehicle ends up falling into a lake. A bunch of rednecks are swimming, and they start to throw the motorcycle deeper into the water and fry its electronics. I drop my controller in the water too and start to cry.

4. Someone has time-traveled back to make the Confederacy beat the Union, and I'm watching the ripple effects as they take place in the present day. Surprisingly, not much changes, but all the advertising signs become much more blatant and stereotypically Southern.

1. I'm shoplifting several sticks of deodorant from Walgreens. An employee confronts me in the parking lot.

2. I'm poisoning a well in Africa. I seem to be spraying a toxic chemical onto the ground, which seeps down and makes the water unpotable. A young black girl catches me in the act, but all she does is compliment me on my hair and skip back into her village.

1. My brother and I are at a theme park that seems to be based on world War II. As we walk along, our eyes are caught by what looks like an indoor mini golf course. When we enter, however, the attraction is a kind of real-life platformer. Fiendish puzzles of moving boxes are suspended above pits of water or water colored to look like "lava." It takes a lot of time and creative thinking, but we clear a bunch of levels together. Eventually, however, we reach the final stage, presided over by a cigar-smoking wax statue of General George Patton. In this stage, we have to carry a box of supplies over a very unstable path of floating and sinking boxes. I empty my pockets, knowing that I'll probably fall. They have my real-life every day carry in them, including my wallet, cell phone, keys, and Swiss Army knife. My brother and I then start to carry the boxy, but soon we simply give up.

2. I'm exploring the University of Tennessee in a kind of Space Station 13 style setup. The dream is set during a Latin convention, so the place is crowded, and I get up to a variety of hijinks. Highlights include leading a round of spiritual songs on the dance floor, climbing up recently painted ladders, tracking my friend H's little sister, and causing sonic annoyance on the football field. Lots of activity, but little in my notes.

3. A suit clad woman is driving a car of research station students back from a movie. The scenery isn't rural at all, but instead a kind of cyberpunk corporate hellhole. She convinces us to make an unnecessary fast food stop at a White Castle, and we enter the drive through. As we do so, however, she nonchalantly says "By the way, you're dreaming." I realize that yes, I am, but having a DC tell me straight up is enough to snap me out.

1. My brother, dad, and I are at the animal shelter adopting a new cat. For some reason my brother empties his pockets, but all he has in them is a large and unwieldy knife-wallet hybrid with a combination lock. An Asian man grabs the lock and starts cracking it. He soon solves it and tries to leave, but I hook my finger in the lock and pull to make him stay. We struggle for a while and he calls me racist names, then pulls out a pistol. I then proceed to knock him out with my other hand and escape with the family.

2. I'm playing DDR in an arcade with some of my college friends. It only costs two tokens, but the machine has been modified to float and is very unstable on a pool of water. My friend Q starts to bash arrows on the machine, and I try to stop him from messing me up. I lose my balance, however, and fall into what turns out to be putrid water.

3. I am watching a Tupperware container with a hot dog and a bunch of Cincinnati chili. Suddenly the hot dog grows a tiny mouth and starts to eat the chili, eventually leaving the container spotless!

4. I can see my own aura, and it is green. Someone else (unintelligible notes) also sees it and comments.

1. I finally have returned from my research station, and I meet up with my old friend W at his house. He's suitably curious, asking all about my experiences, if I got lonely or bored and what I did for fun. I show him some of the things my parents brought me to make the time more enjoyable. This triggers a question of advice for his own presents, as his girlfriend's birthday is coming up. She's a nerdy actress, and he shows me two things he's considering.
One is a portable stage light that casts a brilliant circle on demand. The other is a bath towel with a built-in calculator (numbers go crazy, so another failed RC). I laugh at both and suggest the light as better. We continue to discuss girls until my mom interrupts us. We adopt a stony silence and sit awkwardly until W breaks it with a cheesy one-liner. I laugh so hysterically I fall out of the dream!

2. I make a trip to the Louvre in Paris with the students from my research station. I wander aimlessly along the corridors of art until I find a computer lab, in which everyone is hanging out. I feel mildly annoyed that we came all this way for everyone to ignore the art. In any case we all go outside, where Paris is covered in snow. This doesn't stop me from renting a bicycle and barreling down a sick hill with epic jumps. Eventually I wipe out in a crazy fashion, landing somewhat on my neck, even though the snow cushions my fall.

3. I'm on an Amazon river canoe trip with my advisor, and tensions are running high.

The dream begins in an animated style, borrowing from the Arthur cartoons on PBS. Arthur has just moved to a new city and joined a swim team, but he just lost his swim shoes in the water filtration system. A maintenance man digs for them in the machinery, but he just can't find them. Arthur runs from the swim club in anger, exclaiming that "It's only been four days!" since he moved into the town.

As he leaves, the dream switches into live action and first-person, and I view a large and bustling cityscape. Streetcars full of people pass by; along their tops are emblazoned the names of famous authors (Marcel Proust, for example) and my friends (text, so YET ANOTHER failed RC). I excitedly hit the streets and head to a nearby cafe. When I stand in line, however, I realize that all the signs are in a foreign script and all the patrons speaking a foreign tongue. Unnerved, I head back onto the street, and in a daze wander to a market. A smog descends on the dream, and I recall exotic (but pleasant) smells from the stalls and headscarf-clad shoppers.

Luckily, I find my mom also in the market. She clarifies that I'm in the country of Turkey and reunites me with my brother and dad. She also seems to have an excellent grasp of Islamic law, for as we're about to enter a shop where we can see women, she holds us back and goes in first to make sure it's alright. She encourages the family to "act Canadian" and respect their customs (a behavior not at all like real life).

This seems to be a dream within a dream; I start playing Dungeons and Dragons at my research station, choosing the dwarf artificer as my character. Perspective quickly shifts to being the dwarf in a fantasy worldscape. I'm heading with my party into a mining town, which has as its access point an impressive tower that lowers into the mines. I enter and begin walking down the stairs to my assigned bunk. It seems to take ages, and as I pass the other adventurers who have already gotten bunks, I notice that their names are written on whiteboards in the style of a college dorm. All of them have names of people I know from my college, as well.
When I arrive at the bottom of the stairs, I find my real life name written on a board beside a bunk. The space is very spartan, and in the back of my head I wish there were a faucet to wash my hands. When I turn around, lo and behold, there is one! I remember the "turnaround summon" I've read about on the Dreamviews forums, and this reality check lets me realize that I'm dreaming. I get about a second or two of true lucidity as water pours over my hands, but after that I wake up. My eyes are still closed and I try fervently to get lucidity back, but the images I'm conjuring are just like those of a waking daydream and not the full-sense immersion of a lucid dream.

1. I'm washing dishes in the research station kitchen, when V comes in and says "I like your orange skirt!" I think she says "shirt," so I look down and see that I'm wearing my Star Wars band photo tee along with blue jeans. I respond that I'm confused, but she keeps repeating the phrase a couple of times until I realize that there's an orange ring around the bottom of my tee, presumably from a bad wash process.

2. A kindly and eccentric professor is taking my class outside to do some reading. We emerge into a wood that looks exactly like the backyard in my old house, except there is a huge cliff off to one side. Some people try to climb it and fall, but I ask him how to get to the plateau at the top. He shows me the easy rock stairs on the other side.