Sailing the Noosphere

1. I go to see Swan Lake at Cincinnati's Music Hall with C.W. We pass a White Castle on the way there, and I remark how it's practically an outpost of my college with the clientele it gets. We arrive at the hall, and as we ascend the escalator we see Dr. L. and give him a salute. We get to the lobby and see a glorious buffet laid out before us; the ballet is already starting, and we hear a flautist fail her solo. I start eating and scarf down hashbrowns, vegetables, and a roll before a frumpy attendant starts asking me questions. I act suspicious and evade her questions, and she starts chasing me down. I run into the auditorium, where I find my family and sit by them. I don't escape the woman, though, and am kicked out.

2. I view a montage of Call of Duty matches, all taking place in some sort of museum. It's a hardcore assault on an elevator, and teams trade places between attack and defense. The terrorists almost win a match, letting only two of the good guys escape before time runs out. Once, when the elevator is nearing the attack stage, a string quartet forms and plays Metallica in the space.

1. I'm in a dorm at college, playing the newest Grand Theft Auto game. Eventually I get bored and return to my own room, which is full of frat boys from my study abroad trip. They're rifling through my stuff, and understandably I ask them to leave. When they don't I start to yell, then threaten to call campus police. They do leave, but slowly, and I threaten the last one out with a baseball bat. After a bit of peace, one of them calls me, but I ignore the ring. Suddenly, I realize that I'm late to class.

2. I'm watching some sort of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure / Crossroads crossover movie. The main character, a guitar playing youngster, has a book of scales that he carries like a hymnal. He engages in a guitar duel with the Devil; as they play, the Devil's hands expand unrealistically to make jaw-dropping gaps, but the kid's hands do as well. After a bit of this, the kid breaks out a soulful ballad, saying he's "already used the Paganinni."

3. I'm in a swamp at my grad school, which is adorned with placards showing hunting spots for deer. It's a little before dusk, and I can't see any colors. As the sun sets, I realize that my feet are plagued with green tree frogs! I get out of there and call my parents, who say they've been in a concert the whole time.

4. I'm at the grad school rec center, watching some documentary about NCAA basketball. The players are described as "pistons in a well-oiled machine," not as people. Inspired by their fitness, I borrow a ball and start shooting (poorly). After a bit, a bunch of big guys gather around my court. It was reserved by them, and embarrassed I slink off to the elliptical room. My mom wanders into the room, saying she's been looking for me.

5. I'm at a concert with my brother and a random girl from college (A.H). The band is a rather classical one, with instruments of cello, recorder, and violin, but the players are dressed in odd anime-inspired costumes. After their set, one of the players jumps down and starts to mingle with us at a large table. He gives us snarky logic/math puzzles to solve, and I find I can't beat them. I'm embarrassed, but after the table has dissolved he comes up and apologizes to me. I say that I actually enjoyed the challenge.

1. I'm watching a documentary about Star Wars. The show talks about drafts of the script and plot, as well as special effects. In one deleted scene, R2D2 uses his electric hookup to stun Darth Vader. Another part of the show demonstrates how Count Dooku's lighting encodes subliminal messages one letter at a time if viewed frame to frame.

2. I'm playing soccer in my Grandma's backyard. I'm in drag, and I seem to be playing with a couple of cartoon women, including Marge from the Simpsons. The other team is conversely girls dressed in boy's clothing. The game itself is entertaining, with ridiculous combination shots.

3. I'm hanging out with my friends C.W. and K.G., playing video games and being bored. K. goes to his room and fetches a sci-fi series on DVD. The discs are wrapped in foil, and are advertised as seen on an anime.

4. I'm being babysat by Sideshow Bob from the Simpsons. He microwaves a plate of food, pressing a button with a stylized atom symbol to "nuke" it.

1. I'm at the movies with my friends K.G. and C.W. My brother and his friends are there as well, and we start talking about a new sport called "sniper golf." It's pretty much self-explanatory; one team plays scramble golf as the other tries to pick them off with sniper paintball guns, then the teams switch.

2. I'm playing a Survivor challenge game that the host introduces as "capture the bag." The arena is set up in a cross shape, with four sloped paths leading to a high plateau in the center. Two teams of three try to throw bags at a dinosaur statue in the first round, with the most hits winning the round. In the second round, the goal is to get all six bags by any means necessary, and a fracas ensues.

3. I'm at my old grade school when I'm called to the principal's office to see government agents. I'm a little scared, but when I arrive they just want to say hi and give me some candy. I start walking back through the halls, boasting to everyone I meet, when a teacher rolls her eyes and tells me to go home.

4. I'm playing Drummania in an arcade, a game like Rock Band. Towards the end of the song I'm playing, the standard notes turn into a series of walls, which my sticks break down.

1. I forget under what circumstances it happens, but I do the nose pinch reality check and realize that I'm dreaming. I do the standard hand rub to stabilize, then see a window to the side of me. I have nothing better in mind, so I jump through it with ease and emerge on the other side into a winter scene. I start to fly and surge upwards through a cloud of snow. I realize that it's really rather cold, so I focus and summon a pair of gray wool pants. They appear in my hands with proper texture, and when I put them on they feel very soft and warm. I think about going into space, and as I look around I see a balloon ship. I fly over to it and fire up its engines, continuing to rise all the time. I try to change my clothes into a spacesuit, but I feel myself losing control...

I false awaken, and emerge into a scene where my mom and I are baking, with flour strewn everywhere. I ask nonchalantly if she was in the previous dream, and she responds that she's skilled enough to manage her own control. I talk excitedly about the concept of shared dreaming, admitting that it's probably "metaphysical bullshit."

2. I'm with some girl in a room that seems almost like a temple. Around a central altar, where we both are laying, are twelve pillars that correspond to the signs of the zodiac. She is initially very aggressive and defiant, but I calm her down and it seems like we go through a relationship in superfast motion with stages informed by zodiac signs.

3. I'm playing a game of hide and seek (using parkour to maneuver) on the Havana map of Call of Duty. My team has my brother and a couple of professional wrestlers, while my mom's team has her old friends. I eventually manage to track their last team member down and deliver the tag in a room from my own house.

1. I'm in a store that sells an odd combination of hardware tools and traditional games. I go to the basement, where there seem to be mostly tools. There's a door in the basement room, though, which leads to another room with wizard robes and hats lining the shelves. Yet another door opens into the store's main office, in which the employees have set up an Xbox. There's a DDR setup on the console and I indulge myself.

2. I'm playing an MMORPG with a strange blend of fantasy and sailing set on the East Coast of the USA. There are five races, including a species of intelligent giraffe people called the E'loi who can only speak under specific conditions. They can talk either to members of the warrior class, or they can talk to anyone while their heads are submerged in a tank of water with fish in it. My brother and I spend some time messing around with the boating mechanics, and I manage to strand my E'loi character's boat on a street.

1. I'm cripplingly depressed, but I'm riding my bike anyway to meet my brother behind an old Blockbuster in my hometown. The store has been repurposed into a porn store, and I go in and buy something. I see my mom exit from the nearby Walgreens, so naturally I drop the porn and meet her. Rest of DJ is unintelligible.

2. I'm hanging out/jamming with my friend Scott A. in the basement of my house. Q and S.T. come over. I go to greet them, but in my clumsiness I start a chain reaction that breaks a bunch of lamps. None of my friends seem to particularly care, but I grab a vacuum cleaner anyway. As I go for it, I realize I'm hungry. I take the vacuum with me and grab my bicycle, heading to my college cafeteria. Along the way, I am insulted about my age by Nathan S. and other jackasses from college. I ignore them and head into the cafeteria, where I first enter the bathroom.

3. I'm playing a Star Trek version of the TIE Fighter video game. I successfully pilot a starfighter against impossible odds, several capital ships at a time. There's then a "trench run" sequence as in Star Wars, where I follow a freighter into a massive building. It's decorated as a nightclub for giants, and there's a critical spot on the floor that I need to shoot. I can't keep my craft steady enough to shoot and use the tractor beam at the same time and fail the mission.

1. I'm called by the police after a concert to report on some crime; the process takes forever and I miss getting to my job.

2. Setting of dream is the same as the webcomic "Erfworld." A "good" character has called a massive flood to save her sister, but in doing so wipes out countless other lives. There's a view of a prisoner in an open-air dungeon with a terrified look on his face as the water sweeps in to overwhelm him.

3. I'm playing some sort of turn based strategy version of Super Smash Brothers; the opposing team is Mario and Luigi, and Luigi is kicking away my ranged attacks with his taunt move.

1. I'm talking about traffic density with one of my brother's classmates, Sam S. We have a nice visual aid as we discuss, a projected map of Earth with different traffic patterns as different colors. There are black/white and red/blue modes that show routes of transit quite clearly. Sam gives the example of dogsled races as an unforseen variable that brings lots of traffic to untraveled areas, and illustrates this with the map. The display changes to a 3-D view, showing the swath of tree destruction caused by tourists to the races. Obviously I'm disturbed by this, so I get my family to travel to Alaska to check it out.

Transition to outside the home of one of Alaska's most prominent breeders. We talk about the science of breeding; for whatever reason my parents call heritable traits "actions." Conveniently, the breeder has a poster that's basically an illustrated Punnet square for nose shape, with each genotype's phenotype shown and discussed. My dad talks about technique, and speaks of backcrossing by "taking the best female dog and getting offspring with her son."

We continue to walk to the breeder's backyard; I feel a cool breeze quite vividly. Finally we see the breeder, who is on a deck high above us. He pays us no notice, as he's managing an owl on his shoulder with an unusually big head. He releases the bird, and as it flies down to earth it seems to grow larger. It's practically human sized as it hits the ground in the neighboring yard. This belongs to an apartment complex, and two pretty girls clad only in towels giggle (and maybe flash us) as we look up at them. I comment to myself that it must be cold up there, but the owl has my attention. I marvel at the breeder and say "I want to be the guy!" My dad smirks and says, "You probably already are." Dream ends, but that's probably the best dialogue recall I've had in a long time.

2. I'm playing a Terminator 3 arcade game. It's quite high-tech, with Kinect type technology, but it keeps glitching and showing the body recognition data instead of the game proper.

1. I place a mail order for two large grey discs of "questionable literary material." They arrive in my backyard at a bad time, as I'm playing something with my brother and my mom is on the patio talking. I keep my cool and wait until night to bring them in, but both parents are still puttering around. My dad goes outside to get a radio; I perceive him like guard from Metal Gear Solid. I make a mad dash past him with the discs under my arm, then run up the stairs, stash them under my bed and get ready to go back out. My brother then enters, dressed in a little green man alien costume.

2. I'm playing some sort of Disney/Halo crossover game. Its first level is a straightforward run and gun with an HMG, but the second is sniper mission that my dad and I can't beat. I scan a crowd of faces with my scope, but don't see the character I'm supposed to kill. I shrug and give up, and the sniper nest turns into a hotel room.

3. I'm biking at a local college, where I see my friend C.W. I invite him to have lunch with me.

1. I'm in a bar, relaxing somewhat awkwardly at a table with my frenemy H.B. and his girlfriend J.J. The interior reminds me of a bar in my old college town, but the view out the windows is that of a bustling supermarket in my hometown. H. asks for a pitcher of water as I start texting with my own girlfriend. I turn around and notice that the bar proper is taken up by a line of sorority girls, dressed in black Playboy bunny costumes for a frat party.

2. I decide to go to my old grade school, touring it in a suit, but while doing so I run into people from all levels of schooling. John M. from high school I see in the bathroom, the high school art teacher I see in the hall (interviewing for a position here), and C.W. and S.A. from college I see on the stairs as I'm leaving.

3. I stay up very late watching some football game... then go to sleep. I FA into my own bed at 9 o'clock at night, and my brother is sitting on the chair beside me playing Nintendo DS. My mom walks into the room and starts to berate me for my lateness and asks me how I expect to eat.

1. Playing D&D, which transitions from a traditional fantasy universe to a Western, and then into a LARP Western. I walk into a bar, where I meet a girl named Alice Smith, who's crying over some form that requires the sheriff's signature. I take up her case, and as I converse with her I read through a book of frontier law (failed RC). I eventually go get the sheriff's signature, but as I'm coming back to give her the form, I see a wanted poster for Alice as a Canadian spy. Disgusted, I leave, and meet up with the rest of my party in a nearby arcade. I notice a bunch of college friends at a restaurant table close to the arcade, but I don't go to meet them.

2. I come across two very attractive women on the porch swing at the front of my old house. They are disdainful of me, but after a bit James Bond falls from the roof onto the porch in front of them, completely naked. They start cooing over his manliness, and this is so ridiculous I sort of wake up. I almost manage a semi-lucidity and insert myself into James Bond's body, but this is more of vivid daydream level of reality instead of true lucid sensation. I can't honestly count it as lucid, especially with poor recall as to subsequent events.

1. I arrive at my college for a new year, but as I'm unsure where to go I end up meandering through random hallways. In one of them I find my friend Mary T, who directs me up to her room. She's very happy to see me, and we hang out by playing a music theory game using a piano controller against another friend via Skype. Soon we start to cuddle, but as we do we're rudely intruded by an orientation activity. The RAs are leading a "Parade of Geeks," dressed in suspenders and huge glasses. They take my friend CW from the room after asking "Is anyone weird?" and Mary and I join him in support. I get lost on the way and stumble into a succession of other rooms on the floor. One contains freshmen girls from my old high school, another is an office space, and another is an apartment housing my roommate from the research station and his father.

2. CA and I are the only survivors of a pandemic that is changing all of my college into gibbering lunatics. I commend her as she singlehandedly diagnoses the disease and develops a cure.

3. I'm present in the final level of a Paper Mario game that takes place in the bar level from Guitar Hero. I am playing bass in the background, but when the final boss shows up I start to interact in the Paper Mario world. My dialogue is extremely cocky as I fight rather poorly, but as people criticize me I say I'm roleplaying. Another band leaves in fear and I insult them, leading to one of their members and I exchanging insults. He ends up kicking me in the face, which loosens the glasses I'm wearing.

4. I am watching a dinner show at the Dollywood theme park. Each guest is given a light gun to interact with the show as it goes on. As the show starts, the main character boasts how presidents (Bush father and son) and other dignitaries love it. The seats then move backwards to proper viewing distance for a massive screen, where a trippy music video appears. In the video, a redneck pharmacist has placed the world in a stupor by distributing colorful pills in colored Solo cups. The audience seems to enter the music video, and there's a crowd marching single-file through a large mansion.

At this point, I remember the main character declaring that the whole thing is a dream, and I feel a mild awareness for the rest of the scene. However, I don't feel any control and the faintest of physical sensations, so I'm not counting it as a true lucid. For some reason, I know my name is Vincent in the dream, and my body has split into several selves. One looks like the waking me, but several are burly black men and one is a golden robot. I feel pulled away from the march through the mansion, and my other selves go exploring with me. The robot leads the way to a golden cabinet, where I see a camera and a cell phone. Out of the corner of my eye I develop an X-ray vision and see the two objects go down a shelf in the cabinet. I know that to go further into the mansion, I have to move the objects myself, as the vision was an illusion.

1. I'm sitting in my college dorm room, wasting time on my computer. On Youtube, I find a claymation music video for "Master of Puppets." Cliff Burton is playing the guitar lines on a bass harp, which I think is incredible. I watch and call some friends over, but they don't seem to get that the video is claymation! I notice that one of the professors from the research station whom I dislike greatly, Dr. McK, is hovering over one of their shoulders. I wake up and try to record this dream, but am too tired to do so (false awakening).

2. I'm browsing TV channels in a hotel room with my mom and brother. Soon I come across a black and white film that appears interesting. It's about a very attractive MILF who tries to seduce two young boys. One of them falls deeply for her, but the other retains his honor with great difficulty. During the film I have to leave to go to the bathroom, but I try to hold it too long and end up shitting down my jeans leg. Mom is embarrassed to watch the film with us but doesn't ask to change the channel.

3. I am inside a fighting video game set in Wisconsin. An evil mastermind has stolen a McGuffin and is holding the entire state hostage. To defeat him, I lead a three-person squad in hand to hand combat from a third-person perspective. An avatar of me is the head of the squad, and I hold back no punches in the fighting. One of my foes, a huge strongman, seems to wait until he's badly hurt before he starts fighting hard; he says this is the only way to be "fair." After I beat him, I find two magic blocks of wood. They seem to work like magnets that I can turn on and off, and they grant me the power of flight. I reach a huge elevation and see the mastermind's lair in a green tower at the edge of the horizon.

1. My brother and I, both living at my research station, have started a band called "Acid Warning." We're preparing for a big concert and are trying to recruit as many audience members as we can before the show. We take a break from practice to go watch TV with our dad. The first show is Jeopardy, and after we finish, Alex Trebek himself comes by the room and just laughs at us. We are nonplussed and continue watching, this time seeing Dr. Who.

Afterwards, Mom joins us, along with a professor from the station and his wife. Subtle, barbed insults are exchanged between the adults, making my brother and I feel very uncomfortable. We exit, but soon the parents follow us. Dad orders us to leave, saying that he can't stand to spend another day here.

2. My brother and I discover a website with every N64 game ever made. We hook up the computer to the TV and start to play; I start off with Pokemon Snap, but he soon changes the game to Star Wars Battlefront.