Sailing the Noosphere

1. I'm part of Ganondorf's wedding party. The ceremony is to take place in a skyscraper, which we enter through a doorway labeled "Weddings for Demons." As we ride up the fully mirrored elevator, I take note of my dress. I'm in all black with a long coat, and pull out a magnum from a side pocket. Others on the elevator roll their eyes and tell me to put the damn gun away.

2. A bunch of college friends and I are in a zombie apocalypse theme park, almost like laser tag. We're gearing up for the first round, and the only improvised weapons we can find to use are musical instruments.

3. I'm racing RC cars with my friend Q. We're on a farm so there's plenty of space, and my RC motorcycle rips along the paths to take a strong lead. I soon miss a turn, however, and the vehicle ends up falling into a lake. A bunch of rednecks are swimming, and they start to throw the motorcycle deeper into the water and fry its electronics. I drop my controller in the water too and start to cry.

4. Someone has time-traveled back to make the Confederacy beat the Union, and I'm watching the ripple effects as they take place in the present day. Surprisingly, not much changes, but all the advertising signs become much more blatant and stereotypically Southern.

1. I'm playing D&D with my girlfriend, and we are in a fight with a zombie dragon. There are lots of laughs during the fight as we exchange stock quotes and in-jokes.

2. I'm in a Space Station 13 style futuristic lab, where there's been an outbreak of several weird diseases. I have one where rats constantly burst from under my skin. Looking for a cure, I stumble into a field of zombies. A zombified CZ (junior when I graduated high school) attacks me, and I punch her in the face. I then proceed to wrestle her to the floor and do a chokehold, snapping her neck. I remember the experience as strangely erotic...

3. I'm winning huge on a Japanese slot machine in an arcade.

4. I'm watching a dirty soccer match between some African country and the Tamil Tigers terrorist organization.

1. I've taken the day off to go shopping with the parents. We go to a Wal-Mart, and as usual I start goofing off. However, I soon find myself in a section of the store I've never visited before. It's a "premium" section, one for the extremely rich, even though the prices are still advertised as rollback (Fuck me, another failed text RC). They're selling things like ultralight airplanes and antique cars, but in the back I find a couple of Tour de France level bicycles. The first one I try has the wheels attached backwards, making it impossible to use, but the second is allright. I take it and start riding around the store with the wind in my hair, and feel silly but happy.
As I ride back to return the bike, my cell phone goes off (with the RL ringtone). I pull it out of my shorts, but with only one hand on the wheel I have no way to control what happens next. I crash through two panes of heavy glass in the back of the store, and stumbling from the wreckage fall over a plane! The manager comes up, angrily demanding that we pay, but my Dad only has $400 on him. I start to freak out.

2. I'm answering questions on Twocansandstring.com (an awesome website), when someone asks about spinach and Popeye. I start to answer, but wander outside to underneath a tree at my research station. V and one of the grad students wander over to me. V makes awkward small talk as the grad student strokes her, and I feel extreme jealousy.

3. Las Vegas has become a post-apocalyptic wasteland ruled by pop-punk style overlords. The streets, however, are filled with legions of metalhead zombies. Something happens to one of the rulers, and I see the teeming throngs rise up to take back control of the city.