Duality

Hello there.

I'm a bit new to this site, but not particularly new to the concept of lucid dreaming. I have been attempting lucid dreaming on and off for the past couple years, with some success. I'm not sure how often I will update this journal, as I do tend to get busy/lazy from time to time. I think that now, it is time to organize my lucid and non-lucid experiences into a consolidated journal.

I hope to create a unique journal here, and as I can have up to nine dreams (which I can recall) per night, I will limit my records to the ones I find interesting, so that I might save myself a bit of typing. My sleeping schedule is extremely erratic, and as of recently I have been sleeping substantially less. Over the past couple weeks, the tendency has been this: I will sleep for about one or two hours at a time, and spent equally as much time awake, giving myself no more than five hours of sleep per night, typically. I'm more used to eight. Part of my new-found interest in lucid dreaming comes from an effort to achieve a deep sleep for shorter intervals, to feel somewhat restful after a restless night. This has proved largely successful, as I tend to dream even if I take a half-hour nap, and feel fairly refreshed afterward.

The uniqueness of my journal stems from that fact that I seem to suffer some mild symptoms of schizophrenia, though I have never officially been diagnosed, and nor do I care to. My mind, in itself, is dual in nature. It often seems that when I attempt to achieve lucidity, some part of my mind tries to prevent me from becoming lucid, or from doing what I want if I do become lucid. This point will become more clear if you care to read some of my entries.

To me, lucidity can become both thrilling and disturbing. It is thrilling in the sense that my mind always seems to be playing games with me, as if I'm playing chess with a clone of myself. The disturbing part, I suppose, is thinking of what might happen if someone ever actually won this game of chess.

As a side note, I am an electrical engineer (involved in research, currently) by profession, which may put some of my dreams into context for you, if you happen to be following along. I've kept everything truthful, as I find the truth is usually more interesting than a lie.