dream fragment

Fragment:

I am in England, but the people I’m with are looking over a wall down at a structure. Everything we’re standing on is suspended in the air / space. Behind us is the building we’re supposed to be in. Every time I look beyond the wall, I feel terrible vertigo. Eventually we walk across to the building.

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Dream:

I was sitting on a couch with my friend (from real life), who is also a lesbian in RL, and we end up flirting or something. I can’t quite remember what happened, although it was all along the lines of weird physically tangled-up flirtation, but we both wake up. She has to go, so she goes downstairs, and I see her being driven away in a car, but she left her mini-PC laptop.

A little boy comes to the door (who my dream-self believes is her son.) I don’t realize it at first, but he’s suffering from various birth defects. For one thing, the shape of his head is abnormally lumpy, and for a second thing, his posture is slumped. For some reason, I think it necessary to explain what lesbianism is. So I start by telling him on the floor, and then I lift him onto the bed and finish telling him there. I finish and attempt three times to kiss him on the forehead, but I can’t bring myself to touch my lips to the lumpy head. Eventually I do, and he leaves. So I walk out into the hall and turn to my left, where I find several rooms filled with kids of various ages, although mostly pre-teens and teens. It’s a party. For some reason, I realize that I have an older girl and a younger boy. I think that it’s my daughter’s birthday party.

My dream-self knows that this is not “when” I’m supposed to be in my life. It’s as if I’ve gone forward in time. I look around, trying to see who my daughter might be. I decide it might be the brunette sitting between some other kids, on the wall against the left side of the room. I talk to her, but now that I look back at it, I can’t recall whether she actually is my daughter. My daughter does turn out to be a seventeen-eighteen year old brunette who actually knows nothing about me. I learn that I am not a good parent, that I hardly know my children. (I’m not sure whether this is because my dream-self of this time is actually a bad parent or because my dream-self, coming to that time, is so ignorant of it all. It could be both.) I feel guilty about this. I also try to find out if I’ve done anything worthwhile in my life. There is a brief time in the dream, when the dream feeds me information about my work life, and it shows that I’ve done things. This part is very fuzzy. In any case, I have the fear that I haven’t accomplished anything in my lifetime.

The next part I remember is when my daughter and I are walking down the street. A man and a woman pursue us down an alleyway to a larger square. The man is Will Smith. My daughter jumps from the ground to the top of the building. I can’t quite make it. It turns out that Will Smith and the woman are trying to get a job in media or some sort of commercial, and I promise to help them if they let up. For some reason, I know that Will Smith is going to be some super hero after we work with him. I know that there is something amazing in store for him.

Dream:

It is night. There are three men I have romantic connections with sleeping in separate rooms surrounding an apex, possibly a fountain. I enter the room of one, the best looking of the three, who is beautiful.

I know that he has somehow betrayed me. Not with another person, but in some act or intent. I also know that the less attractive man is the better one for me, but for some reason I am in the room of the one I cannot trust. He is sleeping in the position that my own bed is in, pressed into the right corner of my room and against the wall. A desk is right next to it, just like a desk is right next to my own bed in my room.

I kiss him briefly. It occurs to me just then that I now understand how people can just give each other a peck on the lips before separating. I never before understood the purpose of such a short kiss when saying goodbye.

Notes:

I’m not sure whether that last thought was a moment of lucidity, but I think it was my thought and not the thought of my “dream self.” I know that there was more to the dream, but I can’t remember any of it. I have vague feelings of certain settings and actions being correct, but it’s always just beyond my memory / consciousness.

That this one scene is so clear makes me think that it was a moment as lucidity.