joeseph

I haven't journalled my dreams in quite awhile, but this one was vivid enough that I thought it warranted logging. I'll try to list off some of my desires for the time being and then relate them to the events in my dream.

I went highlining yesterday, it was fantastic. I realized that you're ALWAYS "doing it"; it's false to think that, as soon as you get up on the line, "now's the time" to start doing what you need to do. There's no difference between walking, between falling, balancing or correcting; for that matter, there's no difference between rigging, waiting your turn, driving out, setting up, or meeting who you need to meet to do what you need to do. It's all part of the process. There's no real distinction between preparation and the act itself---it's all part of the process.

I slept rather poorly from being so beat up and exhausted, plus the outdoors triggered my allergies really badly so I couldn't breathe well during the night. I woke back up at 6am, took a sudafed, and fell back asleep until noon. After waking up and getting a burrito, I came back home and fell asleep again, for another two and a half hour nap. The nap was when I had this dream.

I was at Peet's, doing a bar close, and Robert was the shift lead. People came up to the line, ordering drink after drink, and although I was able to entertain them, the grinder wasn't working, so it was impossible for me to get them what they wanted. First it ran out of beans, then I tried to refill them but I put the hoppers on backwards, and it was just a huge mess. I had an idea of how to make them, but it just never came together. I was able enough to talk to the people waiting in the bench, but eventually they left in impatience. I was distracted, although I can't really remember by what at this point. (Should've written this down earlier!) Vivid images: people waiting in the back of house, (william?) I think Sonny was there, and I was at Franklin park at some point in the dream. I found it really hard to focus. Maybe this is indicative of knowing the things I "should" do, but I prefer a life of distraction. Or I haven't reached a level of lucidity where I'm able to fully discern the important things, and keep focus.

My surroundings are places where I do not especially want to be, but they are adequate. I recall feeling a level of timorousness at Peet's, and I was afraid of the consequences of being inadequate at my job. Eventually I asked Robert for help, but it was too late, and he was mad. He is definitely more accommodating in real life, but I was afraid of him in the dream. The strangest part is that I know I'm good at my job, yet I still have this fear.

I slept SO LONG, and I have so much energy right now. I can't help but feel like I should have done better in some way. I just keep having the image of the line, right below the sun, and taking one step at a time, one at a time. You're always doing it. So applying this lesson to a bigger context: I'm not in "downtime" right now, I'm doing it. I'm doing it.