non-lucid

I was visiting some city and was in maybe a bad part of town when I was mugged if not killed. It was a terrible experience, and some sigs came across me and could tell that I was in really bad shape. I could feel the intense bruising that was all over my face. I think the scariest part was just knowing that there was a human out there that could do that to me, inflict so much pain for self-gain.

Then, in a later dream, my mom had scheduled a very nice birthday party for me which involved a boat. My friends sang me happy birthday, but I was still reflecting on the nightmare I had experienced earlier. The party seemed all wrong, and I just wanted to cry and be alone. I cried my ass off and made everyone feel uncomfortable. I felt like it was meant to be tho. I would start talking about the dream and instantly be overwhelmed with fear and begin sobbing. My mom tried to console me, but it wasn't very helpful. I felt that everyone simply wanted me to get over it, but I couldn't. I crouched under a table and cried away.

I was in some sort of house that was being infiltrated and David from city roots was strategically constructing reinforcements. I attempted to help out but ended up causing more harm than good and apologized. This morphed into this lived experience/movie being watched where I leapt over a wall and encountered some high quality explosive that my "boss" wanted me to collect. I realized through 3rd person perspective his motives in asking us to gather them. He had a partner he wanted to betray. He took the huge stack of cash they had amassed and rigged it with these explosives. When his partner handled the money, kablam. I saw this happen while watching a movie with the parents and my mom remarked that this was the best part, the very end, when the partner makes some exclamation in british as he's blown up.

I'll start with the strongest dream fragment. It was a combination of anxiety related to being late for my first class/not having finished the homework on time or not having the appropriate prerequisites. I was moving around Mexico City trying to pay close attention to the time. Kevin was accompanying the family. There was a small section where people in the street were putting on a show for us at least partially trying to impress Kevin. The people were doing strange things like run into a wall repeatedly. Kevin thought the whole thing was too predictable. I asked him to think of the way it made him feel as part of a different art than he's used to. Out of no where, Vanessa showed up with her hair tied back. I hugged her onto the ground paying attention to minor physical tension between us. My mom finally recognized her. I asked if she was putting down roots in Mexico specifically Mexico City. She said that she was indeed, but the phrasing she used convinced my mom that she was pregnant. My mom alluded to this by asking if they needed to contact her parents about the good news.

Strange fragment trying to extract oil from some plants with ben. The idea was to put drops of stevia on our penises and stir the contents haha. Ben noted that the alcohol i had was not actually suitable for our attempt. I was ready to go for sure and sort of waiting on ben. I paid attention to how easily I overcame the shame of having my penis out and about haha.

Hanging out at a foster home with a bunch of young kids. They wanted to leave the custody of their parents, and I helped them. We ran along this river trail for some time to an open-air lake. Part of the experience was to dangle yourself on a wire high above and let go. I definitely had my reservations. The scenery was fantastic and I had been taking pictures earlier. I was also worried that I had left my camera in a bad place. I talked about my reservations while dangling with Amy from camp. She had a boyfriend who was making snide remarks on how cowardly I was being, but it was clear that she was into me. I went back out over the lake in a shallower section and let go.

In a group including Eric from city roots and that blonde person from cian franis. Eric was charged with hunting me and was justified for one reason or another. I took off my shirt, grasped a large floating rock, and remained stationary in the water. I guess I succeeded because he later came over and asked if I had been there the whole time. I dismounted from my rock and noticed how much it resembled a Jawa sandcrawler from star wars. There were some kids there, one of whom asked if we could watch over his sister long-term. The dad apologized for the kid's remarks. We returned to the area where Eric had received his charge to hunt me. The person who wished it hd asked that he take off my hand at the wrist. When he saw that he hadn't he became angry and insisted. I seized the "person" and wanted to punish him for such aggressive hatred. He was some sort of tin-man thing haha. This is pretty fucked up but I took him apart and poured coffee into his mouth continuously and back again from his stomach. That's how I remember it ending haha.

Fragment which contained more but I lost the details. Becky and Papa related to some celebration. The only real detail I have is helping my sister dress up with some elaborate clothing, but she laughed since her entire breast was bare. I slipped or something and grabbed it on accident. She laughed it off, and I paid close attention to the color (purple) and texture (rubbery) of her nipple and wondered if that was all genetics.

Final fragment where I saw Eric Swenson driving a car then exit the vehicle while it was still in drive. I screamed at him, but he was too slow and chill about it. I ran over and eventually pulled it to a screeching hault with park and emergency break.

I was a small child in an urban sector who someone sent to strangle in the night, but they failed due to my excellent hiding skills. I shared this information with my mom who was astonished and put me in hiding. There was something about me attending catholic service.

I wanted to play soccer in some abandoned house. There were street dogs living there who accommodated my presence. I’m not sure if I challenged or was challenged by two ruffians who I swiftly defeated. This sort of showed my strength. They had respect for my fighting skills and decided to help me with strategy. This was an obvious influx from the Chinese documentary since they talked about shifting strategy from the old traditional methods and used kids to help be my opponents in training.

Early dream fragment with being on a sailboat with mama and others. when I was given the helm, I kept overcompensating and almost toppled the ship.

The revolution had a football team and because of some fluke wins, we were going to the superbowl. I thought, even though we're probably going to lose, at least we'll get some recognition and memorobilia. That being said, I wasn't too concerned with not playing in the game itself.

I entered a store with Anita and left with mama n papa. I wanted to call Anita so as to let her know I had gone with my parents. Joe looked all quizzical about me being on the phone. I told him to calm down and he got a really bad look on his face because of the poor attitude I used with him.

Last and most powerful fragment started with me being an airbender and having some companion (a?) who was a waterbender, exactly like aang and katara. Essentially, we were going around using our bending abilities when we stumbled upon a stray pokemon. We planned on breaking into a factory with the pokemon when my perspective changed to that of the pokemon. It was doing a poor job hiding. Their workers seemed to not notice us, but it was a set-up. I grabbed the main official and the police drew their weapons. I knew they wouldn't shoot to risk the life of the person i was holding. I got into a tussle with one and sprayed mace in her eyes. That's bout it.

I was in Clemson although a large part of my study abroad group was accompanying me. I made a mental note that the school had 10 times as many students as Southwestern. I was trying to use the public transit system to get to the north side of town maybe for a used shoe store. Someone helped me on board, and I only rode the bus one stop. I did not have to pay anything which I thought was awesome. A girl was flirting with me, and I thought this was a good sign of things to come. I guess I went to class or at least received my assignment which required me to go to a certain part of town. I then hopped on another form of transit, sort of trainlike. I rode it quite a ways and then up an escalator. We were nearing the coast, and I was noticing the incredible waves that were crashing on the shore. Quite scary actually. I touched some girl's hand on the railing, and she gave me a very welcoming look. All these ego boosts. I ran into some of my study abroad folks which was nice. I came to the spot where I thought the used shoe store was but they were closed. A lady then said that they were open in fact, so we helped her open the doors and turn on the lights. The selection was underwhelming for most of the people, and everyone filed out. I started walking down the commercial avenues noticing all of the school memorabilia when my bookbag just disappeared. I thought it was strange and could tell that I almost became lucid, but no. Then, in an instant, it reappeared on my back and I resumed my stroll.

I was in Costa Rics/Georgetown. Beautiful scenery on the coast. I was part of a small group who had survived a zombie apocalypse, and we were working on an escape plan. We wanted to stick to the high ground and work our way north. IO was leading the group alongside Tom I believe. We were on a cliff when we saw a huge number of kayaks entering the sea. We knew them to be the town survivors taking all of the viable kayaks and making their way to safety. It was a sad moment since we felt stranded. We weaved into building being as quiet as possible. Tom opened a door, passed through, and we were all apprehended by the law enforcement personnel.

It was the first day of classes and I was already late or got confused about the lab period for landscape genetics. I was rushing off to class when I ran into Nasir. I had a fleeting glimpse of lucidity. I tried to help me cope with the stress of being late to class by describing a technique where he opens his chakras by bending his fingers in certain directions. This was represented pictographically in my mind. He then said that he had taken it too far, bending too many fingers in too many directions which also appeared in an image.

I was in the garden when I saw my cacti. they definitely survived. One of them morphed into a saguaro which was uber giant. This made me very happy. I also saw the tiny cacti sprouting in the greenhouse pots.

A was having a sort of spend-the-night party in her house. All was going fine. I noticed that she had a fridge magnet which mentioned that the house hosted my 21st birthday party. This made me feel bad in the moment. Fun was being had when A sort of sprained her wrist. She cries out and begins to freak out on us. She first called for an ambulance. I tried to dissuade her mainly because it's so expensive. She then wanted to be driven to northern georgia where she could rendezvous with her dad. Essentially, her parents found out about the party. Her mom was very disappointed in us and said that she was sending individual text messages to some of us (not me) so that they may apolgozie for lying about their plans. Chelsea noticeably felt very bad. The whole dream made me annoyed for the the very childish way of dealing with the situation by A and sort of hurt for being outside of the whole situation.

I was traveling to some school-sponsored guitar circle. I sat next to some sort-of acquaintances who welcomed me warmly. I tinkered a little bit on guitar and then was acting quite silly around Puffer, A, and Anne. It turned into some sort of game. I was quite conscious of my body language towards A. Anne had some special ability where she essentially banished me temporarily from the game. I climbed a hill covered in young trees and began to walk around campus. I noticed this one patch of exposed earth. I received some commentary talking about the area where the govt. purposely exploded the spot to make it look like another group had done it (Avatar reference). I continued into a more populated area of campus. I was walking backwards to seem stylish and many first years paid a lot of attention to me (some obviously into me). I see Tom at this point who makes some comment about how Twin Galaxies, the company from King of Kong, was the ideal job for him at this point and that this was the ultimate pun of his existence.

I was studying abroad in Athens, Greece. I felt ashamed that I had spent virtually no time learning spoken Greek before my trip. My group ran into some barrista dude who spoke some english, some french, and some spanish. I asked for some vanilla italian soda deal, and I was content for having expressed myself in Spanish. The dream then merges into complaining about how the study abroad provided had unnecessarily booked lodging at some hostel. My companions and I were carrying wooden stools at this point. It became clear to me that this man was going to attempt to mug us. He reached for a drill that my friend had in front of us. I take my stool and run in the opposite direction. The man draws a weapon and fires a series of shots at my back. I strangely felt zero pain and realized that I needed to turn around. I confronted the assailant and their partner, grabbing their hands, crying, and dancing in circles. It was a beautiful moment of accepting the destiny of the moment and staring into their souls. Incredible. Imma toss in this fragment where I was avoiding detection from some pursuers and sought asylum in a parking garage full of people who were motionless. I crouched down and waited until they left.

I was having a conversation with some exchange students who were planning on driving to Bogota, Colombia. I told them that they had to drive through all of Mexico and Central America and was X hundred miles. They maybe should consider flying. We looked at some chart showing the path. I was hanging out with Ben n A when maybe the same exchange students a Chinese girl and her boyfriend came in and we started making random conversation. Once again, I was hyperconscious of my behavior towards A and not letting her inside my head.

I had the final exam for Mel John/Dr. Long's class, but the structure of the test was a little disconcerting. It was essay style, but you could only use words and phrases from a given list. It felt so awkward to try and answer the two questions which were incredibly complex by nature. I cut out the words from the answer sheet, and formed interesting sentences that I hoped would satisfy my teacher(s). I didn't glue them down or anything and turned it in after 2 hours. After the test, I went to Dr. Long's office to make sure that my exam wasn't complete garbage. I saw A from afar and nervously tapped my leg as we made eye contact. I couldn't stand it, made quick aggressive banter, and tried to leave her presence. I was hyperconscious of my words and hated the way the interaction made me feel.

I also have a bizarre fragment in which I was home and wanted to please myself using those bad sorts of websites, so I went to another room and used the internet explorer browser. I also, in an earlier dream, noticed that a friend of Austin's had made a porn career for herself after seeing a pop-up ad.

Dream from 12/21

Ben was giving me a tour of a jungle farm where they were cultivating bees for honey. The bees were high up in the tree and had entirely exposed hives. Ben drew attention to some nearby ants which had the special capability to extract water from the trees. These swollen ants were hot commodities in the bird world. A bird which I called a manakin in the dream (actually much closer to a particular flycatcher whose name evades me) was eating some of these ants. It had parts of its feathers which change colors in a fluid fashion in the light. Then, a keel-billed toucan contests the bird, they have a tussle, and then they separate.

Dreams from 12/22

I was operating an electrically-assisted pedicab for the day. I wanted to have a beautiful entrance while being filmed, so I made several attempts to pick up my first passenger in one motion with them dropping 5 dollars in my tip jar as they boarded the moving pedicab. I then continued onward through town (I'm not sure where). I remember being aware of pot holes that need to be avoided and the traffic that zoomed by paying me little to no heed. I then had the thought that the city could benefit a lot socio-culturally from having a much slower stream of traffic.

I left school after my final exam in a course I think I added at the last moment. I am returning home when I see Chris Harvey who mentions his desire to toke. He apologizes for mentioning it since he wasn't sure how I felt about the act. I asked him if he was more of a liberal conservative. (Not sure how I phrased it, but it turned into a political discussion). I then began to flap my wings as I usually do in dreams and floated slowly above the trees. Then, I'm connecting this with a fragment where I toke with my parents and briefly discuss the merits of pipe-smoking.

-dr. long handball Dr. Long and some other SU faculty were excellent handball players, and they were making connections between handball and environmental studies. They could tell that I was some hot-shot who needed to be taught a lesson. There was a lot of talking, and it ended with a face-off between Dr. Long and I.

Mama, Becky, and I were walking in a neighborhood in Oak Grove when we encountered a group of young kids that looked like they might try and mug us. Becky and Mama walked one direction while I kept near the kids. I asked them if they went to Oak Grove and if they knew that my mom over there used to be the nurse at Oak Grove. They didn't know her by name, but I think the connection helped. Then, from the direction that mama and Becky went, I heard a series of gunshots. I gasped at the thought of losing Becky in some random street shooting. It was some flashy red car shooting in every which direction. The kids were scared too, and everyone took cover in driveways. I had poor coverage and could see the car as it drove by. They clearly tried to shoot me, and I waited for death. Bullets came close enough to where I could feel the debris they generated, but I was unscathed. I woke up soon afterwards.

I very well may be connecting a few dreams with this, but it feels right. There was a large group of peers playing various recess sports in a green area. I joined a group of frisbee folks and had decent success at finding my target. I was throwing some fun noodle and it careened off of the porch and into the ocean. I went down below to talk to the owner of the property or maybe I didn't but thought about it. Anyways, here I connect to a conversation with a South African girl about Costa Rica. She had mentioned some elongated hiking trip that she had taken with a group. I asked about the birding opportunities and if she had the chance to take this one particular walk which was closeby and very gorgeous.

This is a bizarre fragment from earlier in the night. There was this property in Lexington where the patriarch of a household was in the business of home refurbishment and had stockpiled huge amounts of construction materials for homes like windows, beams, piping, etc. The materials were slowly withering either because he died or the business was dying out. There was a portly man in a suit that was advertising for his restaurant, the Chum Bucket. He had a whiny voice and was standing atop some of the construction materials and doing sort of slapstick prank humor on himself and falling over. This was a strange marketing campaign, and I think mama had to explain everything that was going on.

I've been getting a very healthy amount of sleep the last few nights. Perhaps too much. So, I have a few fragments from last night's dreams including one in which V was incorporated. We had rekindled something, but she obviously had a different vision for how things were going to play out. As I return to the bed to cuddle with her, she guides my face in a mild rejection. I feel deflated and realize that she's entirely in control of the situation. I was, myself, going through some strange emotions since I kept remembering how recently I had been dealing with feelings towards A. This is an on-going issue in my waking life, so I can hopefully use it as one of my major dream signs to look out for.

Current dream signs:
1. A
2. Birds, in pursuit of
3. Costa Rica, revisiting and perhaps living there
4. Derek, regaining communication and potential conversations

I woke up a good 3 hours before I needed to and summoned the energy to write down a dream fragment. Unfortunately, some of the writing is illegible, and I'm incapable of gaining any information from certain parts of it. Recall is becoming interesting. I need to use "awaken from the dream" more often throughout the day.

The last complete fragment I remember is of riding a motorcycle in a race attempting to prove myself against a few other slow-moving parades in the georgetown area. This fragment combined the recent viewing of motorcycle diaries with riding my bike with no hands. As I tried to go handless, I slid out of control. I thought this was at the expense of the entire race, but I managed to get back int the front and win the thing.

Before that, I know I was in a large house setting remarking upon a mild lucidity to the extent that I was calling myself a sill human for thinking so boldly that I could completely craft my dream environment. I tried to force move a mason jar to no avail. I also remember watching a few people walk incredibly close to a roller coaster which I anticipated them colliding with. I believe they gave the voyagers a high five though. The last decipherable comment is campaign balloons, and I vaguely recall the celebration of a democratic candidate winning. Nonetheless, I'm excited to go to sleep.

TB was telling me and a group of people about how he intended on taking acid in the next day or so while also expressing his concern of the fact that he has been exposed to a lot of military violence as of late, and he feared a bad trip. I think, from here, I walked as someone tried to explain to me the meaning of a "banished" style of governing which is a combination of republican and proletariat policies. I latched on to the Republican part and expressed that I enjoyed the existence of big government programs such as the Peace Corps. We continued walking until I came upon an underway soccer game. As the ball rolled towards me, I kicked it back and internally felt satisfied by not making a fool of myself.

The two other fragments which I can't connect to the main plot is that I did some sexual things with V, and it did not have any odd emotional overtones with it. Also, TB was driving an old luxury car at a pretty slow pace which caught a walking person off guard and complained wondering if the car was an automatic or not.

Tom, one of my friends who has recently been undergoing a lot of mental issues, keeps occurring in my dream realms. Two nights ago, he threw his cell phone out of the car (which he did in waking life as well). He continues to drive after consciously leaving our mutual friend, Thomas Beach, behind. I did not understand his motives, but I did nothing to stop him. Once we arrived at our destination, I weirdly put some fecal matter in an envelope and told Tom about it. I, personally, thought it was the funniest thing in the world and asked if he did as well. That's the only fragment I have from that night.

Last night, I dreamt of Tom being naked and sort of infiltrating my apartment. There was nothing sexual about the dream, but I did note the rather large size of his member. I was on a bunk bed and thought it appropriate to shout to my roommate, Thomas. I'm not sure if I was scared, but I was definitely concerned considering how late it was.