moonlit

I had a long, intense dream, but I only remember these parts.
I was in a car with someone I dislike very much, and he had a girl driving. She flipped the car taking a left turn, and the car rolled a couple times. I broke my right leg and cut it above the ankle, I went to the ER and I remember looking down at my ankle and seeing the gash. I think somebody died. I wouldn't ever be in a car with them again, and it was just a dream.
Then, I dreamed I was in a huge pool, like a water park... but everything was natural, made of wood, and there were trees and cliffs, like a jungle. You could jump off the trees into the water, and they were incredibly high up, it didn't seem like a big deal to anyone. We were all riding on inner tubes, and hanging onto each other. A girl turned to me and told me that "when I jumped off, I lost my backpack, and somebody stole it." then she laughed and said "Yea, like that would ever happen." I think she meant nobody stole anything from each other here. She was dark skinned, a very brown bronzed color. It was an interesting dream, I've never had a dream of such a location before.

I didn't post yesterday, I was busy and my dream wasn't too remarkable, so I forgot to update. Here is the dream:
My grandma had moved to another state, where I'm moving to soon, and she contacted me over the phone, she was with a friend of hers I never met. I couldn't find her, and had to call my grandpa to get her phone number from him. I remember writing it down, and calling her. I got really angry at her because she left without telling me and I felt mad that she would go there without me!!! I remember yelling at her over the phone because I was so hurt and upset. She's always been in my dreams my entire life, watching over me, helping me in ways I may not understand now. I think she was scoping out the place, seeing for herself that it was good for me.
In real life, she's been showing me in ways that she's about to pass on, she's ready to leave this earth. I told her that day in real life that I was going to move there soon, she was asking me where I'm going to after this, in a very lucid and strange way. She's been struggling with lucidity lately. I have a sense regarding death and her sisters around her age have been doing the same thing. I guess she is preparing me, because it'll be incredibly hard for me, I'll be completely on my own with nobody for the first time in my life. I've lived alone before, but I have very little family left, and they're all elderly, and when she leaves, I know they'll all leave together.

Before the dream: I smoked marijuana last night for the first time in months. I don't drink, or do drugs, because I'm a highly sensitive person, and my body takes in everything. I'm a vegan for the same reason, my body can't handle it, I absorb the energy from the meat- animals are in fear before they die, and I could tell when I ate meat. I smoke pot for the spiritual reasons of it, and it's remarkable (both good and bad) the effects it can have on a psychic, so I limit my use to every once in a while when I'm looking for something...
I had a productive night of playing guitar, and at the end of the night I curled up in bed with some records and my headphones. Recently, I've been feeling like my third eye has been opening completely. I've been getting pressure headaches and my head doesn't hurt often, so I knew deep down why it was happening.
Last night, while listening to the records, by candlelight and with my headphones on, I felt the deep existence of my soul. It hit me all at once, the certainty, that we are souls inhabiting bodies. It all made sense in an instant. I started to cry because it felt so beautiful and enlightening, and so true, with no ego or fear or defense. I felt my body melt into the music completely- I could hear every note like never before, every layer, like an ocean of music that I was swimming in. I felt my body dissolve into the center of my being- and I thought, this really is god, isn't it? The universe was made from sound, we are truly god expressing itself, through our beings, and music is one way, the closest way, to uniting with it on this level of our existence. We are souls and we forget, and it's our duty to get back to the center of us, forgetting our egos and all that it carries with it. And love, love is it, love is that feeling we must focus on. For ourselves, for others, and everything else will fall into place, once we get past any blocks not allowing us to love.

My dream was of J again, we were talking, and we were having a conversation for the first time in a dream of mine. I can't remember what he said, but I can see him in great detail, like it happened in reality. His strands of hair, his blushing, everything. It felt hazy and foggy again, it was a premonition. It didn't feel far away into the future, like my previous ones did. I had one once, a long time ago, a small snippet, of him drinking coffee and laughing. That was very hazy, but I knew it was a premonition, that wasn't to occur for a very long time, because of the haziness of it. I was having visions of him all night while I was stoned and awake. I get them and ride with them, and they're just of his face, as I would see it in first person. Now, they stir up incredible feelings in me, and it's frightening me how intense they are.

I just remembered- I did have a dream too. My best friend was there!!! I've NEVER had a dream with her in it, and she's also a psychic. Even stranger, out of the blue, for the first time in weeks, she contacted me today. We were hopping around, having fun, like we love to do together. We arrived at a room... There was a big hotel room, in the multiplex, and it had two king-sized beds and the sheets were taupe-colored silk. J was in there, inviting me in, very seductively. He said that he wanted to have a threesome, with my best friend and I, and he said he wouldn't make love to me unless we did. I figured this odd, so she said okay, and once I jumped on top of him, she left the room. She is truly a friend, lol. I remember kissing him, and feeling his weight beneath me. He was allowing all of it even though he said what he said earlier. I think that he was testing my trust and my faith in him, that he wouldn't betray me that way, and once he saw that I knew he was kidding and he was only trying to keep me away, he just accepted it and the premonition began.

My dream life and my abilities are getting more and more intense. I'm excited for whatever else is going to come. I hope that I have more answers soon.

Last night was a wonderful dream.
I went to the ocean, and I could see the whole scene as it would appear at a real beach. Somebody was playing Elvis on a portable stereo, and an older man was saying to me, "you're very happy!" and I told him, "well, yes, I haven't been to the ocean since I was a child!!" (this is true in my real life). Tons of people were around, lounging, tanning, having fun.
I was dancing like crazy to Elvis, having a great time, and I started to walk around the ocean shore. I could feel the water on my feet, it was beautiful, and warm, and I began to pick up seashells. A little crab got stuck to my leg, and I shook it off. The sun was beginning to set, and it was truly beautiful.
There's a gap between here and the next part I don't remember clearly. I somehow ended up at my first love's house- we aren't in touch anymore, but before we started to see each other, I would dream about him. After we lost touch, I still had some dreams about him, but he was always incredibly uncomfortable around me. He was also very psychic, and we had a lot of strange synchronicities with each other, but that isn't important now.
Anyway, I ended up at his house, and we were playing a video game. I was sitting right next to him, but his energy wasn't "his". I had the suspicion that it wasn't him, it was odd at this point because I felt like I was conscious enough to beat him at the video game, and I was asking, "Did I win?" and he told me, "You won" with a smile. This next part I did in order to freak whoever it was out, because the actual guy would've probably left. I remember thinking that. I leaned over, and took his hand, and took his middle finger and put it in my mouth seductively, and instantly, I saw a book in my mind's eye- It was of J, and he was sitting behind a snare drum in a photo- written on the snare drum, it said his first and last name, and below it, "To all my dear friends". I flipped the page, and it as a two-page photo of a band and him, from what looked like a fish photo lens.
And there he was, it was J, disguising himself as my friend. I now saw him as he truly was. I leaned in, and told him "I'm going to find you..." and he smiled, and said, "Yea?"
Then I woke up...

I remember seeing J early on in the dream. We talked, interacted, it was nice. I had gotten recognition for my music and had been invited to an awards ceremony. It was massive, tons of people. I remember really pissing everyone off, I have a huge chip on my shoulder about those kinds of things and I was being rude during my acceptance speech. I could see the entire stage, the people, the lights, it was like the oscars.
I was wearing a gown that looked like liquid gold. As I walked off, I was handed some papers. One of them was warning me that I'm going to die tonight because I offended a powerful individual sitting close to me.
That wasn't intentional, though, so I went and explained it after apologizing to the guy, who was very nice about it, and they told me that somebody could die in my place, and it will be one of my two guests. I had invited my grandmother and her sister, but when I was told that, I instantly changed them two the two people I dislike the most. In waking life, I know that this would be wrong, but dream me really had a point to drive home, I guess. These people were on the right of the stage as you walk up, the people who decided all of these things, and they looked very odd. Tiny, strange, and unsettling. They said, okay, we'll see. And I promptly woke up.

Last night felt like an intense dream, but I had slept too long and kept waking up so I only have bits and pieces so I didn't update til now. It felt like a vivid premonition, when I have them they are hard to hold onto if they aren't very close to happening, and this happens a lot. J was there, it felt like I was interacting with him in lots of ways, it was a very hazy and warm dream. I hope I can remember tonight's dream better tomorrow.

Last night, I can't remember most of the dream, oddly enough, which almost never happens, until this part. You know that show The Voice? If you're not from the US, it's a talent show where people go on, sing, and they get voted on/off or whatever....
It was like I was watching the show, from inside the TV, if this makes sense. I was hovering above the contestants, watching each of them sing... nobody took notice that there was a floating girl hanging out above them.
Then the stage lights became gradually brighter and brighter, and the crowd's applause became louder and louder, and a voice said "this is the loudest that they have ever cheered..." and the lights became a blinding white with the roaring applause.
And then there were J's eyes, covering the entire scene, looking at me. They were moving around like normal eyes, like he was taking my image into his mind, looking me over. His eyes were huge, if it were on a TV screen it would have taken up the entire screen. It showed his eyes and eyebrows, his skin was glowing and so were his eyes. His eyes were so beautiful, and strong, I could feel his energy through them. I woke up because I was so overwhelmed, it was like I had gotten an electrical shock.

I took about a 3 hour nap today. I had a dream where I was at my childhood home, and my grandma told me that the girls outside should be careful. I had no idea what she meant, but in a few minutes some girl scouts knocked at my door. They were selling cookies, so I bought some, and a few minutes a very tall, and I mean very, strange man came lumbering towards us. I asked him where he came from, and he said that he lived down the street. He had bad intent, I could feel it, so I tried to make him leave. He had his car in the driveway, and I was fighting him, basically. I destroyed his car too, and he finally left, but then I had to go to court about the car. I told them that he meant harm and explained the situation. I was asleep on my back, and awoke to something hissing and flying towards me to grab my hands in the physical world, which I very easily shook off and woke up. It was a LOUD hiss. It was a pretty small creature, though. Cool!!! I was finally aware during something trying to grab me to cause SP.

My quality of sleep last night was poor. I stayed up late and had had too much coffee that day so it was hard for me to fall asleep well. I didn't dream deeply enough to remember any of it well. I can remember some vivid feelings, but that's all. I guess it was insignificant then.

Hmmm, I didn't dream last night. I kept waking up because I'm supposed to be going somewhere with family today and I was afraid my alarm wouldn't go off. I didn't get into a deep enough sleep. I'll probably nap later.

Last night's dream was especially intense. I was with a bunch of Japanese kids, and we were going to see a samurai movie at the theater. The movie was alright, and I remember that I got lost in the theater because we had to see different movies for some reason. We all piled into the same car, and that was that. Before I woke up, I was fighting some evil being, and I remember destroying it upon waking up. I wish I had more to say this time, but the movie took up most of my dream.

Last night was a very intense dream. I almost went lucid without being aware of it. I heard whistling, and it startled me so I turned over. Bummer.
Edit: This part just came back to me-
In the beginning of the dream, I was hanging out with that guy from Talking Heads. (I seriously listened to them for the first time yesterday, of course I knew some of their songs but never thought much about them. I had a friend who loved them and by chance I ran into a song of theirs that really affected me, and I mean completely randomly. I was searching somewhere on a website and someone had linked a video of theirs. It had a great message). He had on glasses, and he was really kind, boyish, I felt very familiar with him like we knew each other from another time, another life. We were lightly kissing, and laughing, and talking, I kept playing with his hair. We were both lying on the ground happy that we found each other. He was very cute and sweet. It was really flirty and light-hearted, like I am with some of my close male friends, so it really felt like we were familiar with each-other. He said his name was David. (Edit: I used Google to find out the name of the actual guy, and it's also David... spooky). Eventually he had to go... I hope I get to see him again because I have questions this time.

Well, the first part was I was out with two people I don't recognize. One of them had a big truck, and was our form of transportation. We went out to eat, it had already been raining, and by the time that we got there, the weather man said a tornado was coming, so we decided that we had no time to get back to my house. In a few moments though, I realized my family would have to get everything into the tornado shelter without me, so I said we have to go. Dream me is exactly like awake me, it's always what actions I would take in real life. I have always found this interesting.
The guy driving the truck was drinking and driving, holding liquor in his hands, and I told him not to be an idiot and to let me drive. Like these types of people usually are, he argued and argued until I finally told him to go ahead and die and I got to my house by thinking myself there, leaving the other person behind as well. I can't usually do this, so I think it was because I was so angry and determined.
I was trying to turn on the TV at home, onto our local news station to check the weather, but the remote wouldn't work or let me. I kept trying to type in the digital channel, but when I finally did, it wasn't the right channel, and then it took me to a movie made about J.
I saw his name written in his handwriting as the title, but some other guy was playing him. Somehow, I entered the scene in the TV, and it took me to NYC.
Someone who resembled Danny Devito a lot (I have no clue! haha) was asking me questions about my guitar playing, how well I was progressing, and things like that. I told him I'm very good now, and I keep getting better, and elaborated on some things. He seemed satisfied with it, nodding and remembering what I was saying, like this was important for him to know. I thought this was strange, who was this guy and why did he care, but he was nice so I left it alone. I remember floating around to get into the apartment, and seeing lots of beautiful city lights.
I really wonder why I keep having dreams of J, and why I haven't spoken to him in a dream even once. I will probably figure it out soon enough.

I had an intense dream last night. The first part of the dream, I was on a ship. Someone was trying to explain something to me, that someone had drowned. J was out in the water with other people. People kept telling me, yes, he drowned, he couldn't hang onto the life preserver. I saw the picture in my head, he was in the water, with a round life preserver, and he definitely was hanging onto it and got pulled towards the ship. For some reason these people would NOT stop saying that he had drowned. It was beginning to make me really mad, because they obviously didn't know anything, I thought. I'm unsure why they kept saying that, but it filled me with doubts for a while before I realized that this is exactly what they wanted, so I ended the scene through my anger, watching the entire ship sink and everyone along with it while I was unaffected. Then I left.

I had a gig somewhere and my family wouldn't get out of bed to give me a ride, and it really pissed me off, so I went alone anyway. This happened recently in real life but under different circumstances. My amp was a suitcase, a big brown one that I opened for tips, and I had my electric guitar with me. Lots of people were there, but it was odd, everybody had a corner where they were doing their own little thing. There were other parts of this dream, but mostly me travelling around, trying to find a spot to hang out I think. Somehow, my performance turned into some people and I hanging out at an apartment.
A guy I really dislike, because he's a terrible drummer & egotistical jerk, was sitting next to me on a computer with a girl whose face I couldn't see because she never turned around. They were trying to play some online game together. He kept turning to hear me play guitar, I could see that it really affected him and moved him. I kept glaring at him. I remember sending him a lot of energy and thoughts along the lines of "you're truly a dumbass". A bunch of rastas were there, and kept talking to me. They had thick Jamaican accents, it was awesome. There were black lights around, too. Then Bob Marley showed up, I have no idea why, but he was there.
I was messing with my feet for some reason, I think trying to take off my boots and socks, and I've never seen my skin before in a dream... my skin was glowing rainbow shades. Bob kept staring at my feet in a puzzled way and being very obvious about it. Lots of the guys went into the back, and I wanted to get away from that dude I dislike, so I went and asked Bob if he had a rolling paper. He told me to come in, sit on his bed, which had white sheets and the lights were off except for black lights- and he started to kiss me. I didn't want any of it, and it didn't feel like it was actually him once I got this close, so I ended the dream.

I don't remember last night's dream very well. I don't think I had a dream. I slept very deeply and well, and I heard a song upon waking up. That's about it...

This particular series of dreams have shaken me to the core. They are what set off my exploration into lucid dreaming. I have attempted it, and the closest that I've ever gotten was tonight and I encountered a strange being right at the brink of falling into lucidity. I'll talk about this at the end of this post, because it ties into everything else.

All of these dreams are about a particular person, I'll call J. J and I haven't ever met in this dimension of reality or whatever you want to say that I'm currently in, but I have psychic revelations about him frequently. I have to say this first, he's dead. I tried to fight these visions, for a very long time, about a year, out of denial, fear, disgust, fear I was being obsessive about the entire situation. I thought I was absolutely insane. I thought that I was losing my mind. I didn't know him, so what did it matter to me, right? It wasn't my business. This is what I thought. I dismissed it, until this dream I had that scared the wits out of me. I haven't ever been able to influence my dreams in any way even before sleep. Even if I'm mulling on something, it's up to my dream self's decision to seek information. Thankfully, it knows what is important far better than I do.

First Dream
I was at my old studio apartment, in my bed upstairs. An obese man was sitting on my bed with me, I've never met him before. He gave me good feelings though. We were talking about something. He had one of those 90s style VHS/TV carts, like the ones you would use in school, next to the bed. I found this odd, because we don't use VHS tapes anymore and the TV appeared to be as old. He started to play a tape. It was of J, it appeared to be from a handheld video recorder. I can still very vividly recall the video. It was very fluid, vivid, in color, like I was watching a video in real life. It was from an angle right above his head, close to his face, it would point down to show his body and shoes and sidewalk as they would walk along. His hair was quite long, he looked older then is remembered, and he had on jeans, black shoes, and a black jacket. He was acting kind of silly, giving the camera grins and sweetly gazing at it as he walked along. He was talking too, but I couldn't make out what he was saying. I was very amused, and I asked the man casually when this video was taken. He replied matter-of-factly, "2010". I said (it was 2012 at this time), "But that was 2 years ago." He said, "I know. He's alive."
I woke up in a state of shock. I've never gotten messages from the dead, directly from them. But since it was a video, and it took two years to get to me? I figured that it was a message, or just my imagination rationalizing some things, my subconscious purging after all the thinking I had been doing. Until a few weeks later.

Second Dream
I was in a supermarket in the multi-plex with Jim Carrey. At least, whoever who was with me took that form. People can cover themselves as other people to gain your trust in dreams, if you're aware enough to realize what's going on. I'm not even a fan of his, but my ex-boyfriend sure was. Anyway, there was this room in the back that I went into alone. I had to run to get away from that guy. It was like a bedroom display, showing off all the different furniture and stuff like at a furniture store. There was a remote on the bed, and through this you could flip through different projections that would change the environment of the bedroom. I turned on the "projector", directly across from the bed on the wall above a fireplace, and there was a painting of me. I mean, it looked EXACTLY like me, but from before the 1800s. It was so beautiful, it frightened me in the dream. It was like I was looking at the past or something. I flipped to the next "channel", and it was sports. It lightly projected into the bedroom. The next projection was a beautiful garden, also lightly projected into the entire bedroom. You could still see the bed and such underneath the projections. The next projection was of a Japanese harem, like a call-girl house. Also faint, not a strong projection. There were women on the bed, and it freaked me out, so I switched the channel quickly, but it took a second to "load". In the dream, this knocked me onto my ass. It exploded into glittering red lights, literally glittering like stars, like energy had been gathering and then exploded into this incredibly vivid powerful image of J, on a platform, with red lights drowning him. He was playing guitar and singing something I'm familiar with. A very sad, angry, powerful song. Now, when I listen to this song in real life, I see all sorts of images and feel energy. It's very strange. In the dream, he was looking directly into my eyes while singing and I could feel the energy exchange between the two of us, it was incredibly powerful, the energy of a living person or at least someone with so much spiritual power that they can send these types of messages in sleep. I always thought that these dreams were my subconscious, my desires I'm not expressing, until this dream. This dream was a directed message towards me from him, nothing less. I highly, highly doubt a dead person could have sent this type of energy to me. I can't even talk to the dead, I had tried many times. I can feel people's emotions, and pick up on their energy, pick up energy of future situations, the location of people, this is where I'm talented. I'm familiar with the energy in my dreams, even not being lucid. This is the first time I've dreamt of him so vividly or even making a sound. This only lasted a few moments, I assume due to the intensity it must've taken, but it is one of the most intense dreams I've ever had. I have zero idea why he was trying to contact me so intensely, or how he's even aware of my existence when we've never met. I woke up sweating.

Third Dream
I was in J's apartment. It was very off kilter, I was trying very hard to project to this location. I could tell because of the appearance of everything. It was like the environment was being suspended almost sideways. Like I said, I don't dream of other locations alone, so this was bizarre. I must have chosen to come here. I was lying in his bed, and around that room were his mourning friends who didn't notice I was there. Lots of crying women, no men, of course (I thought sarcastically). He passed quite a few years ago, almost as many years as I am old. I had a shoebox, filled with photo negatives and letters. Next to the bed, was a burning candle. I picked up the photo negatives and held them up to the light of the flame, and they were of him. Next, I went through the letters, and I couldn't make any of them out, but they were in his handwriting. I fell asleep in his bed and woke up.


Fourth Dream
I was in an ocean, pure turquoise blue. The water was very warm, and it was sunny, and beautiful. The ocean reached around endlessly towards the north, east, and south, but there was a coastline on the west side. I knew this because I saw a map as an image and I could look in these directions and not see anything or anyone. On this coast, there were beautiful ivory channels, attached to small ivory pools filled with ocean water and statues around the area. I was clinging onto the side of an ivory pool, that had J's face in profile carved into it, like he was a roman god or something of the sort. My feet could touch the bottom here. There was a giant statue of Neptune, the god, in ivory directly next to him. I swam around for a while enjoying this nice environment. Usually, if I dream of the ocean, it's by the multi-plex. This was on a coastline somewhere I've never seen before. It felt like a past vision or something I've experienced before, because the map was in such detail, I tried to look it up. But, soon I realized this area would have to have been in the middle of the ocean, and nothing like that exists now. Kind of freaky.

Fifth Dream
There was quite a long gap between this dream and the last dream. Around 3 months. Before this, I had started to meditate pretty intensely. Around 3 hours a day in my free time, working on my chakras. This dream happened on May 1st of this year. I was at my childhood home, in my room, and there was a knock at my door. I opened it, and it was J. He appeared to me as he did in the video, the longer hair, looking older, it was strange. He was brightly glowing white, perfect and tons of energy. He lightly sizzled with sound, he had access to so much energy. I've never seen anything like it before. He was a lot shorter than I thought he'd be too, I was a little bit taller than him. He lowered his gaze, and smiled an almost sarcastic "told you so" smile, and started to kiss me. He closed the door behind him, and pushed be down onto my bed. We continued to kiss, and we got undressed. He tried to go further, and I stopped him, because that isn't what I think of him as. He respected it, and he held me closely to his chest for what felt like eternity. I don't remember him saying a single word. I felt the strongest emotion I've ever felt in my entire waking or dream life, and I'm a very emotional person. It was of love. What a great dream that was. I woke up and it turns out I had been sleeping for 14 hours. I figure that this was a premonition, because of how glowing white and intense the environment was once he arrived.

Sixth dream
This happened the night after the last dream. We were in a yellow house, with maple floors. We were playing guitar, singing, messing around, joking around. It was very fun. He had on jeans and a long sleeved blue flannel shirt. At the end of the dream, we were sitting on the floor, and he had his back against my chest with my arms around him. I have no idea why I said this, but I told him that he was the only one I'll ever love. He laughed and put his arms around my arms. Then I woke up. As of yet, out of all of these dreams, he hasn't said a single word to me except for music and except for his laughter here, and all I can remember is from that specific dream I had before. This dream was quite foggy to me, like a thick glowing mist had been covering everything. This is another sign of mine that it's a premonition.

Seventh Dream
This one happened last night. I was trying to go lucid, and I took a nap in the daytime. The night before, I had a very faint memory of trying to find him in my dream, and I did, he was playing guitar and singing, but he quickly left right as I arrived, unaware of me. He must have woken up, since I can usually find someone if I want to, my friends say I visit them frequently in dreams, which is probably why I have few dreams in my locations unless I'm alone.
Yesterday, as I dozed off during the day, it was obviously nighttime, in the house I live now. We were watching TV on my living room floor next to each other, something I never do, I dislike TV a lot, and I remember a vision came up to me during the dream that highly distracted me, of someone I used to have very strong feelings for, who was also a musician. I "entered" into this space, and he began singing, he was on his bed, almost inviting me to join him. I remember feeling quite happy with this, amused mostly, and only felt like I was gone for a few moments, but when I came back, J was PISSED off. I couldn't tell why, I figure now he became jealous. I feel as if he was accessing this memory of mine, to see who else in my world could compare to him, and when he discovered how new our contact was, he stormed off through my front door. I tried to stop him, I yelled at him from the door, unable to leave my house for some reason, believe me, I would have ran after him. I yelled for him to come give me a hug. He stood there for a moment, thinking, and then huffed, and got into his vehicle parked in front of my house and drove off. Because of his reaction, I really believe he was just jealous and became emotional, so he left the dream. He would have had to at some point, so he just did it to avoid any further damage to either of us, which was smart of him. I was hurt initially, but then I realized he was just simply too emotional to stay there with me, he did the right thing and walked away.
This was the first time that his body in any dream I've had of him gave me the energy of him being currently present, along with his body appearing normal. All the other dreams, he was either projecting energy towards me from afar, or I was having a premonition.


The strangest vision I had recently was thanks to the Seth material. He explained how to go into an Alpha state, and how to get information from symbols, which all mean different things to each of us.
I asked myself, is he still alive? Where would he be living? I got images of flowers blooming, beautiful flowers, the first was a tiger lily, and to me this means vibrancy and life. Then, I saw many beautiful flowers, all puffy and vivid of many colors, and got a very deep sense of calm, and then his face, smiling- and then a state flower that I had no idea was a specific state flower, until I searched it.
So, I got my answer. I figured this out the day after. I still find all of this kind of hard to believe...

My Lucid Dreaming Experience: First true attempt, Tonight
5-28-13
I almost got there! I felt the vibrations through my body, they were intensely pleasurable. Right before this occurred, I had a strange mental encounter with something I've never seen before. It was of a creature, with a head like a brown thumb, and no face, but it looked like a sideways wound on his face. There was no blood, this is just his mouth appearing as what we would assume is a wound. I asked his name, and he said his name was Gar. I asked who he was, and he said he was there to help me. He gave me no ill feelings. I asked him some questions, where he was from, and he told me he was from a dimension different from ours. He felt familiar, maybe he is someone that has always kept an eye on me or something. Then I felt the deepest vibrations I've ever gotten trying to lucid dream run through my back, around to my chest, where my heart chakra/my soul would be. I almost did it, but I felt very strong cramps in my legs, and I began opening my dream eyes, but the pain made me open my real eyes by accident. I'll try again in a few hours, I think I'll be successful this time.

Well, I tried again during a nap today (May 29) , and some strange things happened. I saw that creature again, and once I got close to the brink of entering lucidity, I started hearing things on my desk get knocked around. It sounded like my mouse was being clicked around, and like my monitor being slightly moved. It was odd, but that is why I don't usually sleep in that room. I've seen some weird things in there while waking up. I have a photograph that constantly gets knocked over when I put it up, so I started leaving it down. Things are always falling over or being knocked over as well. I asked that creature what exactly is going on, and he said it was a spirit, it doesn't want to hurt me, it just likes to be annoying, and that he'd take care of it. And it seemed to stop- but this freaked me out enough to wake me up. I hope I can get into a good sleep tonight.

Last night was a very intense dream. I forgot to mention the dream that I had on the last day of May, it was of my great-aunt who just got out of the hospital for a heart attack, asking me things. It was like she was tying up loose ends. The second dream that night was of a man I know who I liked a lot for a while, and he's about to graduate college. We hung out, talked, and he gave me a letter saying when he graduates he's going to live by the ocean, and that I can visit him. When I read it, it was being read in his voice, I couldn't actually read the words. He was very sweet, his voice is so gentle and beautiful. We talk sometimes, but I haven't been talking to him lately. I think I'll tell him hello today.

My dream last night was about my great-aunt, and that I was getting updates through my email about her, and I got one at 2-something AM that said she had passed away. I told my family, and wasn't hysterical or anything, and I just felt at peace about all of it, knowing she's alright now. I figure this either happened last night or I'm preparing myself for when it does. (edit: she's okay, we talked to her today)

The most intense part of the dream, was when I was in my current house in my bedroom. Something kept trying to get in, and I kept saying Christian prayers to keep it out. It would get the door open slightly, and it was a miasma of dark blue/purple and it gave off intensely bad energy. I'm not Christian, and don't believe any of it, but I felt that I had somehow attracted it because of my beliefs. I think it could do this, make you question yourself, throw off terrible energy, trying to find your weaknesses, mess with your mind. I had people there helping me, I think they were friends of mine... and it eventually went away. But we could see it through this small screen near the end, and it was like a blue screen with lots of picture noise. It was a bald person with a face you wouldn't really remember, and it kept trying to turn into people I knew. it was very strange. But something was off with every person it tried to appear as, so we knew it was just messing with our emotions. (edit: I didn't have time to add this earlier, but I've had other dreams of bald people chasing me and trying to harm me, also people you wouldn't really remember their face, just nondescript guys. They're always slender, Caucasian adult men, usually in a black dress suit. I can remember three dreams of them: One, I was outside at night at my old house, and he was chasing me, about to stab me. I got inside in time & he couldn't enter, they never can but they try. Another time, a few of them were trying to force themselves inside the front door, and my friend T, who I'm not close to at all, was helping me press our bodies against the door to keep them out. The third time I was exploring some strange underground basement, and they were EVERYWHERE, almost guarding the place. One saw me, and he sure was fast. This one had on black sunglasses. I got away like I always do...)

Eventually, the sun rose, and so I went outside and met up with some friends of mine I haven't seen in a while. It was nice, we were lying on the pavement and hanging out outside my old elementary school. I wanted to go into the back hallways and get something from the snack machines, but it was scary and dark, and felt wrong. Nobody would come with me for some reason, so I forgot about it, my friend was about to go downtown to do some clerical work (?) and invited me to go, so we started to head that way and then I woke up.